Christer

I love you, Leo <3

Hi! Well, can you lose progress in consciousness after you've gained it? For instance, there can be periods where the level of awareness is high, where you see so much at once. Insights are gained, you get a few ah ha, and then things go south. From being super self conscious, mindfulness is slowly degrading, you don't seem that interested anymore, you go back into playing many hours of computer, and kinda "forgetting". Suddenly you're all the way back into being sucked into thoughts and chasing stories, which you back then would not do. Back then you saw how you made and constructed very intimately, this flow through, and now.. Well. It's like for every insights gained, they want to be forgotten. Do they? Are they just new filters to be seen through? And presence, can it degrade? Cause I'm more "in here" being more hypnotized at all the shit emotions and thoughts arising, than I was a month ago, where I was so conscious I thought I was going to pop out into "outside"'. And of course there is sadness and doubt and these questions arise.

Yes, dear friend. Beautiful said, and good reminder. Thank you, Moment! Your story is beautiful. We've been reminded about this throughout this post, and I choose to see it as a whole. The wave has a top and bottom, but they are intimately connected. The pendulum swings. Winter and summer. Night and day. I do enjoy to get a bit lost and to get back, fast and go higher than before. It's easy to see now that the peak was only reachable by a lower point. This will not be forgotten. And when you are at the peak, you notice a higher peak beyond, which makes the peak you're standing on lower. So the low was high. It certainly eliminates both.

I can sense that too, seing that hes hole life is now built around a business. Whatever fits him fits him, but he can still be of use, and I mean this sincere. I have to say that hes wife clearly says in our sessions that LOC 1000 is the beginning, and then you will go infinite beyond that. My total extinction of perception is a radical consciousness level, the absolute biggest I`ve had, which was given by a shaktipat, which was "educated" from Ramaji personally. So, it`s mere a tool to create new ideas, higher ideas, to experience yourself as a better and greater version of yourself. And that road will definately make me happy, as I will constantly be involved in the works of consciousness. As you, you are dealing with a lot of lower states here with us, and I bet it does make you a better version of yourself daily to progress that :-) I want to admit that I am not sensing any bullshit, what so ever. It`s actually truly inspiring and exciting to hear that. The idea was present before, cause you just sink constantly into more and more of "that", so 1000 was just the beginning. And so much of your teaching has given me true experience of non-dual states. Cause I had no idea. All this "stuff" adds up, yes. There. But back Here, if you will, it`s remains itself as pure. Jumping back and forward between is beautiful. I love your stuff :-) Your "stuff" has helped collecting bits into one single piece, over and over again. Helping me see earth as one single cell, if you will. And then all other stuff fades, and my own luggage remains.

One could only wish for such a hammer to hammer on. Nothing more, just that hammer to hammer on.

Thank you for that great reminder. Now one is under Ramaji (LOC 1000 author) and he's wife to assist me further into deepening and to find shaktipat. As you said in your last video, going away for deepening and explore healing, this "letting" of consciousness is absolutely true. But I do wonder, if one could ever so possible evolve beyond shaktipat. The idea is there, so I would say so. I don`t want to stop, ever. I've noticed that absorption happening in experience the last few weeks. Now I literally have no irl friends, which is great. I know you're well evolved, so opening me up for absorption from "your" consciousness, doesn't seem such a bad idea for me :-) So trusting would imply surrendering and opening up for higher change. Words are words, yes utterly blabla, but are they not a projectile of your consciousness, coming and settling in me? There are fireballs, brother.

This time, I cried and I started to swet. You`ve given me everything I needed to move onward, my dear friend. Everything is within your posts. I have no words. Me and my 50 or so plants (I have a very green appartement, but lacking the dreamboard) are very happy. I`ve already started to let go. I want you to know you`ve truly given me a bonfire. My gratitude is so big and deep. I love you <3

I had to take a shower after reading your reply, Nahm. My head was pumping. I will re-read this over and over and over, cause it`s so much to get from this. You’re believing oil & water mix there, with the desire & fear. They won’t, which is exactly what you are experiencing & discovering. You’re creating fear, so you can’t possibly integrate it. I would contemplate what “integrate” actually means to you. What “second thing” do you figure you’re integrating? Where exactly are you believing fear is coming from? If you’re going to believe in believing, at least make it love, or empowerment. I’d let go so the real deal can fill ya up. Just an opinion though. You might find there is but one source, and it neither contains nor offers, fear. This is very important to me, as fear is waking up in me every evening. Faces of monsters appear from white "moist" when I close my eyes, or have them open in the dark. It keeps me away from building one of my big passions, my loving trips into nature with my tent. Cause I am shit scared of especially aliens to appear. It´s this sensation that something is there in the dark. I don`t know if "third eye" has something do do with it. I try not to go into that. But I see a dark blue tunnel and "eye of horus" appearing, many of them, and scary faces. Is this also just absolutely bullcrap? My second belief is that my unintegrated emotions will be integrated. That is, the dense areas in my body that gives faint echoes of really painful hurt and dispair. A feeling of not wanting to be alive, abandonment; in the abdomen and plexus, and choking sensations in my chest and throat. Integration for me means to put things back into it`s rightful place, and the only way out is through. All the rest is a huge stick punching me. I can`t thank you enough... This is Exactly what I wanted, black and white, concrete. I will print this out and have it with me. Really, thank you <3

Do you mean meditate on the concept focusing ? Because you can't focus on focusing itself, you need something to focus on and that already collapses in on itself. I mean, meditate on the sensation of focus. As of now, I meditate 15 minutes as the first thing after I wake up in the mornings. It tends to change, to be on the fullness of "feeling of me"(how good it feels to be without a limit), hardened places in my abdominal (emotional; not very good feeling of butterflies going from abdomen up to the chest, anxiety), and to notice all my worry. Actually, I have no fixed meditation point that I do every day. It tends to change daily. Its more like a stream. But it seems primordial.

So by focusing, we`re creating, cause we "add more". But we want to reverse this in meditation, right? So, you can get enough consciousness to get deeper and deeper awakenings, but getting more conscious is seeing more/adding more/creating more? While if you meditate on focus itself, it should reverse, strip and dissolve itself instead of adding, if I am seeing it correctly? Two sides, both gets you to deeper states? I`m a bit confused.

Haha, great. One truly wish for that dawn do be "final", and to come asap. So one could get a huge checkpoint, a huge fully-integrated realisation, to live it and from it, in total awareness and start doing my passion; to aid others. Then get new ideas of how to experience my self.

Can you deepen your explanation, mandyjw? In your ignore-ance you'd actually be focusing somewhat, aware of, the thing you aren't choosing to focus on. How then do one lazor in on one point, when all other points are to be excluded. The mind will flicker. Meditation is then a dual activity since, as you`re saying, one is included but the rest is excluded, yet the excluded remains in awareness. This is very interesting.

Yes, exactly! And then you wonder, with the schematics of the thoughts; "well, if there are just thoughts, which there clearly is, how come it still acts as a seperate entity, and how does it manage to solidify itself? Still, after all this seeing! The sense of "I am" is somewhat solid at center, more like a reference point, yet the edges of it has vanished. In the huge schematic of the thoughts, a pointer is moving like a nodule giving light to the momentarily thought, moving throught the structure in a fixed pattern. Some "lines" will lead to an exit/edge where more consciousness is recieved; but it is still inside the schematic itself. The entire feeling of "I am-ness" is seperate, kinda like a blurr in the back, yet this nodule/me is racing through the already existing patterns. And it knows what comes ahead. Of course it does, it made it. The sense of "I am" is the soil. Above that, a tree hoovers, where the trunk is not connected to the soil at all, and the branches and leaves, depending on its solid mass, acts as hardened thoughts. The nodule, "me" moves in the lines and veins of the structure, always "inside" something. I miss and wish to re-member, and live, from the soil. And somehow knowledge is overridden. What the fuck do one do.

We have yet to see such a wizard. That`s a great idea. No, I`ve never tried compunds to yield psychedelic effects. I`m scared. Nonetheless, I desire that fear to be integrated. That awakening was after a shaktipat. I contacted Ramaji, author of "LOC-1000, levels of concsiousness" after finding and reading it on your book list. I had several transmissions, several big awakenings. As I understand, you go up then you go down to integrate. I`m also currently under "education" from him to become a RASA giver, which is a part of my frustration; these long periods of frustrating exhales. I trust you entirely, not just as guidance, but as a pointer.

That Zen story made me burst out in laughter :-))) I get the point. As I`m loving to play Dark Souls at the moment, which by it self is a emotional ride of frustration and glory, I see the frustration of "not doing what I should" come. I see it, recognize it and continue to play. But it lingers! So I put love into awareness and hold it up in front to be looked at, which has a tendency to amplify it. Whatever you focus, you bring more of. It gravitate. So instead being the victim, coming from a place of "I have peace, I have mindfulness, I have total awareness" will alter immidiately, but the backpack has magnetic, heavy stones; you truly want and desire to love every up and down but the stones are heavy. And Leo, dear friend, please answer this following question. It would mean the world to get your lazor. It implies the same content. 1 year ago I entered total awareness, awareness not even aware of it self. Just this "space" and "I" was not there. "I" came up as the First idea, in that. Slowly one thought after another, I got constructed in awareness, as single individual ideas, one after another - My name, my body, eventually time, my job and life etc. "Total me" woke up and I could not move. It was like I woke up from 4 marathons. Few scattered thoughts flew around. It took me over one hour to stand up from a laying position, and many hours had passed inside total awareness, which was literally a blink of an eye, faster. Not there, really. The thing is, here I am asking the above questions. It makes me feel utterly disgusted. I will consider that a true realisation of No Self, a total extinction. I`ve trusted in the process knowing I had to go down into shit to integrate. In zen it`s said to take 7 years to integrate Awakening, cause your life has to be re-constructed, which is a part of the totality of The Process. I`ve had several "deaths" to come after, mostly in lucid. So, how the FUCK can I have such bitching problems and fuck around here, when I clearly saw I was not?

As we're emptying, does that mean forgetting is good? Cause I understand that being less is being more. This confuses me.

Hi :-) I want to go psychedelics. I've only done MDMA 4 times where 3 times was therapeutically and half a dose of mushrooms, which was like a mild MDMA. What is the best one to start with? And also, how do one get a hold of 5meo dmt if you're from Scandinavia, Denmark? If anyone has anything here, it would be of tremendous help. I think it's important to mention that I'm afraid of the dark, cause it's like I sense dark presence in it, from being absolutely terrified when I was a kid. Also when I close my eye lids there are shapes coming together from "white moist" forming monster looking faces. It started to show 3 years ago in my kunda awakening. So, as you probably can tell, I want to face this fear first cause getting a trip where this is instantaneous manifest parallel to thoughts would be quite an adventure. This white moist, or ki, been playable. In semi dark I see it everywhere, and I can harden it inside my arm, then move my arm, and see a white hand float in the air. But this monster creating stuff awakens a deep fear, really terrifying. It's also important to mention that my sense of self is everywhere, literally my skin has no contrast. I'm water and my mind is present all around, like a cloud where the edges faint into, well nothing really. I'm so tired of this fear and pain keep solidifying me and keeping me from going deeper. Well, it's going deeper but so slow. I'm sinking into the all-around, but keep being pulled back. The drastic idea was to take a psychedelic that strong, pushing me so fast out there that I have no capability to restrain my self in the defence of fear, but I want to be responsible and compassionate with the fear. Now we know my intention, where I am, and where I want to go. Tremendous thanks for reading my post, and thank you for your sincere answer. Love, Christer.

I am so happy and I shed tears from your answers. I just want you to know that your answers, all of them, was excactly what I needed. Thank you. It means so much to me <3 I did not like to hear that Barna, face the dark and let it eat me up, cause I`ve done it several times in waking dreams and its horrible, and there is just layers of layers. In one, fear was a shadow, looking like the classic "Death". It jumped at me, I grapped him and kissed hes mouth. He turned into a beautiful she, and I asked if this was it, if my fear was integrated. Am I done??? She nodded and I woke. But no... And again, nooo. Where is the root...? I am not ready for a true trip, and thank you for saying that. Mild dosage I`m feeling ok with. But being in a trip for 6-12 hours is not appealing, thats why the thought of 5meo is feeling good. "When nothing is pushing you to the fear you just keep procrastinating." This is good. Very good. I`m constantly being pushed to go on my tent trip, alone, into a deep forest. Jesus, just the thought is terrifying. Aliens too. I`ve heard a lot about darkweb "det mørke net". I was hoping I not had to use that, but as you are saying Meta-Man, it`s not a well known compund that people are familiar with. " "I’d recommend gradually upping the dose with something lighter such as psilocybin to begin with. Get ‘comfortable’ with it/master it." - Great. This is good. A peak of about 90 minutes is appealing. "The weird thing is, I don´t know yet why I had that fear. I would say it has gone away like 70% of it, but I had no idea what it was lol." - I feel the same way. It`s just there. And it comes when you`re ready to face it. I had so much emotional integrsation happen in wake dreams, or in dreams where I was not conscious I was dreaming. My heart is SCREAMING after my Fear just being burned away in one "swoop". I`ve even tried shaktipat to target it. Been thinking about Qigong healing session too. Aaron - It really sounds you`re having a beautiful blast with your pipe after a long sit, haha. Sounds very serene. 12 hours is definately a no-go. I also have a good friend that took it once, and as you`re saying, it was exhausting, crazy and just to long of a mental struggle. I`ll look into those "trip killers". That is super duper to get familiar with!! You`ve given me more than I hoped for. Thank you all for your love and support <3

The spiral is perfect for understanding the conventional, where it goes and where you are. But thats projecting even more. All this spiritual lectures is ADDING to whatever has been accummulated. Yes, spiritual data works like heroin in the beginning, but you have to forget all of it. It has to be forgotten. That feeling which drove all that text into this post, what was that? The cumpulsion, wtf was it? Where did it come from? You can`t take a King`s meal away and expect him to be satisfied. He needs to consume it, contain it, integrate it. And as hes eating, he shuts up and chews. Everything happens within consciousness, so drop all these surface questions and ask final end questions. What is awareness, what is consciousness, what is an emotion, what is a phenomenon, what is impermanence. Best regards, compulsion.

Hi, guys. Heads up. This is a post about sinking into the meaninglessness of everything, and I will include my own experience as well as many of us. I had problems sleeping most of my life. Most of us have been lying awake in a deep hole, thinking about the world. The meaning. Death. Will I be in an endless black void after my death, until the universe collapse? Infinite darkness. For us who have have these "haunted" (blessed) thoughts know how anxiety, depression and stress works and feels, and how much "muddy" water we have in our cup. How insanely intelligent you are. It`s "rude" to even try project any vocabular on it. My/Our thoughts have been fixated on these issues, for most of my life. Always there. Whenever I was still, I got into this. Twisting the beliefs of atoms as fundemental blocks, only to hear about newer and newer discoveries. String. Void. Now here is where the frustration really went big. What the fuck is this made out of? Who or what "wrote" the laws?! It simply can not be this. Science is explaining all of it, by theory (lol), and no matter how much the paradigm invent, they still was relaxed about the idea of Big Bang. This was just kinda waved over to the side, agreed upon and back to sleep. Cracks me up. We know all about the mechanics, but the blueprint was left murky. Late 2017 we had come this far in science, but scientists had only 5 possible theories to what consciousness is. This brings my palm to my forhead. One year ago I gave up my life. I guess most of us experienced this beautiful moment. I quit geology, quit bodybuilding, quit surfing, and gave up my image. I could not see any meaning anymore. I did my first open eyes meditation in a pool, where after about 2 mins my mind exploded in an instant. "I came back" to myself, looking around at everything in great fear and confusion. I saw the fundemental ego, just like that. Boom, there it was. Of course I got sick, and had to go home, where I did not recognize my appartement. Two weeks of insanity came, where I fell over Alan Watts and Leo. I can not describe how thankful I am for these two sources. Thank you, of all my heart. The words are pathetic to my authentic feeling of love and appreciation. Now, I did live about 6-7 months in pure bliss. "Realising" I am infinite and can`t die. Which funny enough makes so god damn sense, it´s amazing. Some months ago I contemplated on "What is meaning?" for 9 days, 45 minutes each session, and got results. But only a vast intellectual understanding. The feeling of it came one month ago. Now, whatever I want to do I can feel the meaninglessness of it and I give up. Even before I start. I can feel the meaninglessness in objects, thoughts, actually also in family and friends. In life. Whatever meaning there is I have to consciously create it, out of nothing. I am now in a state of smoking weed, playing computer, and not doing anything to get anywhere. Just little me, isolated in my apartement, looking out of the window in awe of it all, but can`t find any meaning. It is a full on helplessness state. And a week ago I honestly felt the bottom of it. I was starved, high as fuck, in my goodie chair and staring at the wall. "This is it". "The bottom". The knowledge of thoughts and ego told me in this moment, that whatever i was saying it was bullshit, but the feeling was very real. I also know "if I am observing it, by definition it is not me", so I also can see that my feelings are also a false "bip" on the radar. But I believe that the subtleness of my mind led me to listen to it anyway. And solidify the thoughts and feelings as "cause and effect", to increase the illusion of time. I have been throught the "Arising and passing away" 3 times before I even tried to meditate, only to discover the feelings of sensations arising moment to moment in Vipassana 1 hour over one month. This became clear, that I am made up of flickers. Which again is content, so this rests kindly back there. Why? Why am I even asking this. I am here cause I asked for it. Whatever happens to me, whatever situation that unfolds, I know it´s due to my subconscious mind, and it wants this. Same with you. I know that I am the creater of my life, and whatever comes it comes. Cause consciousness. It is the most beautiful intersubjective unity, like cells i a vain or networks of streams to combine the similarity to a vain, to create continuity out of singular instant thoughts (I have had the experience of "seing" my thoughts "in my mind" at a distance from me, and it was like a machine gun spitting out singular pictures from what looked like a solid black rock, to create a movie, which blew my mind). How am I to project meaning, if the fundemental projecting is by definition meaninglessness? By fundementally sink into the fact that things just last for an instant, it is not me and I will never ever get satisfied; tells me that whatever is going on I am literally full of shit. Whatever I say or do, I am full of it. How can I create meaning, when there is no fundemental meaning in the first place? Everything is just quiet. And yet everything happens. Where do I go if I already have arrived? This is a post only to be read and answered if you are in the same boat, have experienced it already and came through or if you can identify subjectively with the ongoing "mitote". How do I get on the wave, if the wave is not there. How do i calm the pond from ripples, if there is no pond. How do I clear the sky, when there is fundamentally no sky. If you don`t answer, this will be looked upon positively. Best regards, Christer <3

You, which is nothingness is definition a dual. So yes, I am. I am experiencing dual cause I am not enlightened. I can't grasp non dual, only in the conceptual state. If I am to experience it, I am sure it will be otherwise. I get conscious of the meaning/meaninglessness, then a story is created where I look at that and can't find a way. I, me, my ego, can't rationalize it. Only accept it by don't understanding it, and then let the empty cup be open for filling. There are little resistance with my thoughts when I am conscious, cause I can't do shit about them. But of course you fall asleep at moments during the day and in the vast network of subconscious thoughts, there are of course accumulated a ridiculous amount if resistance I am not aware of. It really feels like a not knowing a shit state, and I keep looking for a purpose, but can't see any. I can only see purpose in awakening.

Hi. Anyone who can recommend a book about language? It's origin and how language can exist at all. In a way where it is beneficial for understanding and awakening. Have a great day!

Guys, this is exactly what I am looking for! I checked the book and read about it, it`s content, and this is what I am looking for. This will remove words more from my mind, which is what I want. Less words means more "seing", and being there observing. Mohdanas, this is really exciting. This world of content is super facinating! What the hell was there first, and where did the human imagination really take over. Your insight and experiment is well valued. Do you have a book on your shelf you can reccommend? And thank you both :-)

I can not thank you enough for answers. I will get the book. Thank you <3

I have a question about access concentration, if I may. I am using a candle light, at an arms lenght. This is due to my huge facination of fire in general, and its seducing me naturally. I am using a lot of focused energy to keep all attention on it, and tossing myself back when thoughts arise or my awareness lingers. My questions are; Is it better to use a fixed point in your breath, as this is more "portable"? Or will the flame work just fine in lenght? And is 1 hour of practice enough each day? I can get "pumping sensations" around and in my skull after 1 hour of hard focus. I understand this is a very crucial point to gain. Thanks! :-)