Bluebird

I've had this same thought. But what exactly is rock bottom? How deep you think you can go? Narcotics, Rape, Murder, Jail, Suicide? Where does it end, surely there is always a lower low you can get to and a higher high. Guess what, if from this moment onwards you commit to doing what you want then this moment will literally be rock bottom for you. But you don't need to turn everything around, nor can you. Just pick something to do and do it every day. Start by reading a book every day, commit to reading at least one word in a book every day just one word inside the book and commit 100% no exceptions for 60 days. Make it a book you're interested in as well (maybe one on procrastination or psychology or depression). Read Loving What Is by Byron Katie and then do The Work on the belief "I need to hit rock bottom". Good luck!

@cle103 Find 3 reasons why this COULD be true. Then go through a whole worksheet on this. Also, stay with the emotion of anger you feel for a while, maybe 2 - 10 minutes until it shifts and dissipates. Then you can see clearer.

You can also do The Work on dreams that cause negative emotions just as powerfully as "real" experiences.

"Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves." - Nisargadatta Maharaj

@Wisebaxter I do have a trip report yes. the 150ug is more of the trip report as I experienced memory loss until the integration trips.

@Tistepiste When you awaken, the entire world awakens with you.

@How to be wise Looking forward to it.

Has anyone taken one of Peter Ralston's eCourses? I'm interested and will likely end up investing in one but was wondering if anyone here has had experience wiht his eCourses. Of course they will be different to the in person retreats, but still seem valuable if you can maintain the discipline. http://chenghsin.com/ecourse-transcending-self.html http://chenghsin.com/ecourse-increasing-consciousness.html http://chenghsin.com/ecourse-powerofcontemplation.html

I'd say do one tab. Never know what might come up, it could be very profound, or maybe not. You might even see the infinite beauty of your own life and that you decided in advance to put yourself through all this out of love Who knows where it could go ?but you won't know if it's right until you do it. The more you can just relax into it, the better it goes. Be sure to write up a report if you do decide to go ahead!

@kieranperez I'll report on how I go with increasing baseline level of consciousness but of course I can't verify if the modafinil is playing a major role since I'll be doing many other consciousness activities on and off and also psychedelics every now and again. Happy to let you know how it goes though.

@kieranperez Too early to tell personally, but even after one session I feel my self-inquiry has improved slightly. It's a bit like psychedelics in that when you meditate on them you quickly understand what meditation is meant to be like. Then when sober you have an idea of what you're looking for, which is pretty helpful.

You sound like me. I was exactly the same, I wanted ego death and so upped my dosages each time to get it. When I took 600ug of LSD within 20 minutes I knew it was coming for me, but I was so ready for it. Yet I really didn't handle it well at all, although I thought I did at the time. Let's just say when you "die" shit can get weird as you are no longer in control and so "God" will give you whatever you need to get. But the ego won't necessarily like it. For me that was being handcuffed by police and working through one of my deepest fears of insanity/losing touch with reality/everything going to shit. Go for higher doses to get that breakthrough, or just find some 5-MeO ceremony or something. But if you do a new high dose, 300, 450, 600, etc I recommend using a trip sitter. I really did learn that the hard way and maybe you will too. Either way, even when your deepest fears LITERALLY start manifesting themselves in reality, just flow with it and stay present without projecting the fears onto the situation. Realise a handcuff is just a handcuff not the story you put on it. My 600ug trip was the most beautiful and profound trip of my life. That was 6 months ago and slowly my consciousness has been increasing as I integrate things from that trip.

@Barna Struggling with this question myself. Psychedelics make you ask this real seriously.

Definitely get that feeling. Twice a week seems good to me for dedicated consciousness work. Tolerance is supposedly a non-issue but it's not that simple and I also don't think it's true. Your brain needs rest, hydration, liver needs a break, etc. and that all contributes to the lack of effectiveness. Also you just get used to the state pretty quickly, so having a rest makes you appreciate it when you go back and actually be able to milk it for what it's worth. I barely noticed the effects at all today, so in my experience tolerance almost felt a bit like LSD tolerance. The next day it's maybe 10-20% effect for the same dose.

Took 200mg yesterday at 9am. Experienced much better results with self-inquiry, meditation, and some work I had to complete. Didn't sleep until 11:50pm, was hard to get to sleep and awoke many times during the night (6+). Took 200mg again today, results have been far less profound and can hardly notice it. Definitely will not be doing consecutive days again as I'm getting a headache today. Will be doing it at most once or twice per week and dedicating the entire day to consciousness work. I don't care about using this as a tool for doing traditional "work". Might try microdosing at some point, did it once and felt pretty good but I'll see if I end up doing this. Word of caution, don't recommend back to back modafinil days.

The map is not the territory. The subconscious mind runs deep, and the divide between subconscious and conscious is not so clear. Besides, how would you know the difference? When subconscious enters awareness you could say it "becomes" conscious. Beliefs/imagery/archetypes/impulses/thoughts/memories/perceptions all exist subconsciously and consciously. To me subconscious mind is everything that makes up "YOU" and "your" experience (ego) that you have not yet consciously identified. This includes perceptions.

Just had some Modafinil arrive today, will be testing it out next week.

Just had some Modafinil arrive today, will be testing it out next week.

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Hard to describe, I remember when "I was being God" for lack of a better way of putting it "I" realised that it was all so pointless, but that the "waking up" experience was so beautiful and that I wanted to do it again. And it happened about 2/3 times where I took on ego "little me" again and then slowly lost myself into formlessness again and the love and beauty deepened each time. I should point out this was on a large LSD trip so I'm not saying it maps to actual rebirth or a new ego (though it felt that way), just the closest I've gotten.

@ajasatya yes, i was speaking more poetically than anything. It is indeed a good facet to contemplate

from a certain perspective, that's all a deep enlightenment is about.

You were likely projecting your own attentiveness to her emotions, reactions, wellbeing, and micro-expressions that come with increased consicousness onto her as "her own perfection" when really it was your ideal of perfection. She may have very well been like that though, I'm purely just making assumptions here. I've also definitely had those mindfuck moments on LSD where I was in a park and a police officer pulled up to me in a car (was one of my fears based on "past trauma") and started talking to me asking me about a man who's come to the park to hang himself. I was only on 75ug but suddenly started tripping like 300ug-600ug (HARD!) when he pulled up as I started resisting and freaking out in my mind. Then when it was over I went back to my place and it occured to me how strange that was, I'm still not sure if it happened to this day. And if it did, that's even more of a mindfuck.

You know what would be a real mindfuck... Is if you projected all that and she was just being completely normal ahahaha

I think I'll join you in this endeavour. Might start doing cold approaches on Friday nights at a local bar, but since I'd be more inclined to a relationship at this stage will probably look at doing a similar thing but with day game instead. Just need to figure out locations since I'm a little far out of my city in Brisbane.