Adrian B

I've been studying spiral dynamics for the past year and a half. I go back to Leo's videos for reference every once and a while and I noticed his stage turquoise video is no longer up. Does anyone know why this is?

Do you think they are trying to deplatform because of his content? That would be lame.

Nvm found another thread about this

Ive experienced lucid dreams. I even remember having my first one at a very young age, maybe between 3 or 5. It was so weird in the first one I remember because my uncle actually told me in my dream that I was dreaming. Currently in the process of getting back into it seeing that fear blocked a lot of exploration into my subconscious in the past. Check out Giz Edwards on youtube, its his life.

@Colin Sorry for being so late. Thank you for your responses. Ive recently cut out Marijuana and have abstained for 54 days now. Also keeping up with meditating at least 20 minutes a day. Neurosis is still an issue but I'm optimistic.

This is going to be a very long post so I understand that most people will probably not want to read through it. I am 20 years old and live in America. I have been struggling with mental health problems for as long as I remember, but also consider myself more self conscious than most people my age. All arrogance aside I have dealt with some really rough shit. Ive been Inpatient for psychosis 2 times now. I have sooo many reasons as to why this could've happened but I have no desire to jump to conclusions. My diagnosis is looking like some strain of Bipolar disorder. I get manic and I get depressed. Some times I get depressed and don"t make the realization that I am depressed. Some times I get so manic that I go into a psychosis. This is really all I know about myself regarding Bipolar. I was almost diagnosed with ADHD as a kid and was prescribed medication for it. My parents noticed that the meds were giving me negative side affects and took me off of it. Apparently I was dealing with "ADHD" well with out the meds. My assumption is that my parents scolded me for being hyperactive because lets be honest, hyper active kids can be very annoying. I remember being very socially anxious growing up and have a good feeling it mostly stemmed from a 7th grade bully I had. She was always telling me that no one liked me and always would put me down for no reason. This defiantly had some sort of emotional scar on me and being someone who was never really taught emotions and how they affect you probably caused extra stress on me. I think I used marijuana as a scapegoat for these kind of problems. I started smoking regularly since sophomore year of high school and still to this day consider myself a stoner. I have stopped smoking in the past for a long period of time so I know my attachment to the plant is more of a psychological addiction. There is a possibility that I could have gotten into some laced shit and Im aware that marijuana is not something that should be used in a bad psychological place. Side affects I had to deal with growing up smoking weed were mostly paranoia related. Loose associations would come with that too but I consider that a neutral side affect after being through multiple episodes of psychosis. I can only remember having one true enlightenment experience but this experience also threw me into a psychosis. I was communicating with God in my head and was probably showing schizophrenic like behavior to other people around me. My realization to this whole psychosis experience was that everything is connected and everything has purpose, all people are good in my mind because I realized that good and bad don't actually exist on an absolute reality of nature. I still was clinically diagnosed psychotic when seen by mental health professionals. I have toyed around with lucid dreaming in the past but have neglected that activity due to my fear of how real it is and how unaware people are of it. I don't want to slip into a coma or some shit because I cant leave my dream state XD. Fear aside it was a very interesting journey of my life. Imma stop here, I apologize for any grammatical errors that I didn't catch reading through all of this.