ginger28

I am aware that the man must organize the dates and I usually do, but it was quite unfortunate, because in my country it was extremly cold for a long time, so no going on walks(its never this cold). And all possible indoor options were closed by the government. So we couldnt see each other unless she invited me to her place or we went to a few illegally opened bars that she knew. I did invite her to my place a few times, invited her to my friends board game night and to the park once it got a bit warmer. But 80% of the time she picked the place and invited other people. My close friends were mostly busy and out of town, so I couldnt invite anyone. So that 80% was just unfortunate. Now that everything is open and the wheather is warmer thats not gonna be a problem for me, but yea bad timing. Also should probably learn how to organize social gatherings with people that dont know each other

The last part really hit me, because recently I got my first real girlfriend(me 22, her 20) and although she was my dream girl and we had a great 2 months, at the end she said she couldnt be herself around me and she felt like my mother. I also felt that I couldnt give her containment in so many ways(organizing dates, ordering the drinks, calling the taxi, communicating confidently how I feel about her bad behaviour) and that actually she was giving me containment. She was the rational leader. I knew it wasn't natural and it would ruin the relationship. I knew I should parent myself, since I didnt get that as a child(absent father and other things). But I was pretty insecure around her, was even afraid to show my personality. I felt she was wiser than me and I couldnt do much but watch her lose interest and get frustrated. Now I'm researching anxious attachment style, self-love, masculinity and so forth, going regularly to therapy, reading books, I wanna learn everything I should have learned as a child. I wanna do everything in my power to grow. I dont wanna feel like a kid, but like a man.

Dude Im 22. Lost my virginity recently and I also went soft at first. Asked all my friends afterwards and they said its perfectly normal, because you are in your head. Later that night I gave her an orgasm(w/ my hand), even tho it was my first time and this got me in the mood again and I did get hard because I was more comfortable and I then had normal sex. One mistake I did was after I couldnt get it up, she was perfectly calm and reassuring but then I started rambling how Im addcited to porn and how I might have porn induced ED. That shit really got her worried and she got a bit offended. Turns out it wasnt even true at the end, so never do that

Hello friends, a while back I posted about being addicted to dating and having a meltdown everytime i get rejected which happens almost every first date. Lots of you told me I should practise self-love, turns out thats true. I watched a doctor k interview with a 20 year old guy who paid 8000 $ to different dating coaches, did 300 approaches and didnt get a single date. Dr K told him he misinterpreted his problem and that he should focus on self-love, rather than PUA, as the kid said he was an outsider in school and felt cringe when looking himself in the mirror. I am in a similar position because ive been thaught self-hatred by my parents and find it impossible to land a gf no matter how hard I try and I do see myself as unlovable. So my question is: Has anyone overcome self-hatred and the need for a compensating relationship and what exercises or material or meditations did you guys do that worked? Thank you

Thats actually the first thing I tried when I started researching the topic. A few days ago I was in a big self-hatred hole, feeling hopeless & insane and I did this guided meditation again and it shifted my mood 180 degrees. Stopped my suffering and made me happy.

I'd love to see Jesus throw these hands. @datamonster From a realistic view point - yes, you dont have gloves in real life, but I support the decision cuz striking is also very sophisticated and interesting. But I agree - massive Red/Orange vibes. I feel american while watching UFC especially all the snacks/frozen food ads. Cant imagine what american food tastes like.

I am a non-assertive, conscious of others people's feelings, green stage nice guy. But I love MMA, in particular the UFC. I like how there is a million strategies and ways of winning a fight, I like the fighters and their story, I like how they are showing the peak of martial arts - like they are saying "this is what man is capable of". I like how it empowers women of all sizes, they are no longer weaker than men who dont train nothing. And I like that you can train MMA to defend yourself and feel confident to walk alone late at night or just speak up and not fear confrontation as much. So when Leo gave the UFC as an example for red stage, I got a bit surprised because my inner red is very supressed. I hate red a lot. And I realised that all the parts of the UFC that I didnt like, that always bugged me, were exactly the red parts: I dont like the trash talking, it feels awkward and unnatural, I dont like the aggressively staring someone in the eyes at weigh-ins. I dont like Connor's trash talking, sure its successful and famous and sells a lot of tickets, but its like going backwards in your development(which red is exactly, its very primal). Also what I found interesting is that I cant watch most of the striking-only matches, Although I like fancy capoeira kicks, in general I dont like to watch people getting kicked and punched in the head and liver and getting KO'd. Because it hurts and because it leaves u with permanent brain damage, which is not worth the fame or money to a green stage person. What I do like a lot is the grappling. I am training Jiu-jitsu myself and I find that taking someone down(slowly, without smashing him with full force) and then controlling him and finding submissions is a much more enjoyable part of fighting. Its safe for both parties, it neutralizes the enemy, if its a streetfight, or wins u the fight if its an mma match. You dont actually break someones arm or knee, you just show them u can and the fight is over. Also in a life or death situation, putting someone to sleep is much more safe and nonpainful then just beating him up until he loses consciousness. In conclusion I believe that there is literally spiral dynamics inside of MMA, that some striking and ground and pound is red stage, but wrestling/Judo and Jiu-Jitsu escpecially is green stage. The philosophy of Jiu-Jitsu is to avoid the fight as much as you can and use ur years of practice only if there is no other option, which sounds green to me. Also I resonate a lot with the head teachers at Gracie Jiu-Jitsu, Rener & Ryron Gracie, I think they are green stage, at least Renner is. So sometimes when we delve deep into something we find sub-stages, even to the main thing we might say is red. Just wanted to share my sudden realizaiton. Thanks for reading.

Ive been adding "People you may know" girls on facebook for a few years and Ive met some cool & beautiful chicks, it helps if they are from your uni so they are more likely to go out with you. This has gotten me like 1 date per month on average. Its way better than 0 dates per month, but its not that much either and it feels hollow. Like at some point you think to yourself "Id prefer to talk to them in person, im tired of texting to get dates. I want to approach and get dates". Thanks to the quarantine I gave in and finaly tried tinder - I went out with 2 cool but average looking girls and 2 hot girls in a matter of a few months. Tinder is way more exhausting than facebook tho. I have to delete the app and cool off for a week from time to time, its that distracting. But I wouldnt invest all my time in online dating, its just gambling. Try cold approach man.

I did 21-14-18-74 days of nofap in this order and I never got flatlined. I was always horny at least I dont remember having more than a few days of low motivation.

@Chumbimba Congrats on your first approach! I think you should be careful not to jump to conclusions about pickup after one approach tho. its very natural to do so, but just like Leo said: when an intereaction goes wrong think of the girl's POV: A stranger approaches you, tells u ur cute, then immediately wants ur number. First off you might not want to talk to strangers right now - perfectly reasonable, happens sometimes. Second of all, its cool that he approached you and gave u a compliment, but immedietly puts pressure on u to decide wheter to give out ur number. he doesnt know one thing about you, and you dont know him. So the likelyhood of you agreeing is very low. Sure if the girl was expirienced in giving out numbers to strangers and/or is in a "party" mood or feels courageous she might agree and even meet you, but that sounds very unlikely. So next time get to know her a bit. Still - you approached, you were direct - said a compliment and you had the balls to ask for a number. Thats a great start

God I love Russel Brand. I am an ENFP as well and I resonate a lot with his style of talking and flirting and just absorbing the entire scene around him and spitting humor and love at a rapid pace. Im not nearly as confident or expirienced in talking as he is, but he is like a vision for me, shows me what is possible. He is also a BJJ blue belt, im a white belt, so he is an inspiration on many levels haha

Bit of a weird question. Im an ENFP and I met a cool ESFP chick online (both early 20s) and it was fun texting with her(I have known 3 ESFP girls and they all love texting more than average & blame me when I dont text more often lol), but when we went on a date, I felt really distant from her, like Im talking to an alien. There was no chemistry. She was a bit cold and careful, didnt show any attraction, I guess cuz shes has high standarts, she was beautiful. But she was respectful and she was interested in me. I couldn't really establish a man to woman conversation, I was even having a difficult time to establish a friend to friend conversation so I just started explaining my interests - self-actualization, happiness spectrum, meditation, viewing the world thru models, how math solves real world problems, how MMA works and why I like it. She was curious and tried to philosophize with me, which surprised me. But it was a cold intelectual talk. She liked fashion and travelling. And since it was such a cold interaction I couldnt really be that spontaneous or flirty and make jokes. I felt a bit under pressure. When we parted ways she said she never discussed such topics on a date(meaning they are not date topics) and that it was interesting nonetheless, I told her she shoudlnt discuss such things on a date and she agreed. My question is, if its true that ESFP and ENFP can't date, what is making us so distant? And whether it was actually not related to types, but rather she was shit testing me by being cold and I had to do some bold move? which I dont know how. I mean I dont know whats possible in this situation. Its not like im afraid of rejection, I dont know what can be done. Thanks.

yes, I agree, ENFPs maybe shouldnt date, cuz they're both crazy and there is no one to balance the other But what I meant is that I cant relate to Sensing people. I do have a few good _S__ friends, but generally I dont like travelling, hiking, beaches, outdoor sports, practical things. For example I like the sport of mma, because its like chess and it is very interesting from a psychological viewpoint, but I have no interest in surfing or mountain biking. I dont know my cognitive functions(do different enfps have different functions?) but Im obssessed with ideas and philosophy(thats why I resonate a lot with Leo's content) and with social harmony and meeting new people and having fun warm emotional conversations with them. So when I go out with S girls I feel disconnected. I feel a lack of depth. And I understand that they are just different. So my question was whether I can work around that or I should just search for iNtuitive girls? Maybe I havent met enough esfp girls to reach conclusions. Only 2 in person. But they have a lot in common.

Just for contrast: A few days ago I went out with an ENFP girl (like me). She studies acting and directing, I study Computer Science. We had no interests in common. But she was so warm and spontanous that we talked for 3 hours and we laughed a lot, had a great time. I wasnt enough physically attracted to her so we're just friends. But the contrast between the two interactions is huge.

Could you explain what would need to happen for girls to react that way? Seems very unlikely. James Marshal once said the worst thing that happened to him was a girl saying fuck you.

Thanks for the help everyone This changed my perspective.

Hello guys Ive been battling with this problem for a long time and I dont know what to read or to do to fix it. I am still a college student in my early 20s and I cannot afford psychotherapy yet. My problem is that when Im not actively searching for a gf, I feel like my time is running out and that I need to fix my relationship skills while im still young. So I get anxiety and I cannot rest for a week and be single in peace. The other problem is that when I do go out on dates and I meet a girl that I really like I get attached to her, even tho I try my best not to. And when she doesnt respond to my texts or delays our second date I get really sad. And when she eventually rejects me I get depressed for a few days and I feel lots of pain. Now I know logically that rejection is a good thing, means that im doing something and learning. But subconsciously I take it to heart. I dont know whats wrong with me and I cannot turn this pain cycle off. I just want to be free. My guess is I have an anxious attachment style? If anyone has any clue, I would appreciate it.

I like The Natural Lifestyles. James Marshal was my idol. I followed them for a long time, they are green-yellowish. I love the way they see life and women, cuz Im green. Travelbum is a bit more advanced, he left TNL and teaches non-dual pickup. He has a lot of turquiose elements. He has a very entertaining show where he goes around the world and does pickup in different cultures. His openers are so unique, they inspire you to be spontaneous. He even critiqued James Marshal, on still having resistance while approaching after 20 years, because he is not using non duality, which is interesting to me I cant watch orange puas like RSD, cuz they disgust me, so depends on the person I guess.

Yes, I realised its impossible for me to have a relationship, if Im so heavily attached to the outcome. But again - I cant stop chasing relationships. I have not found material on "how to not need a relationship" other from "reach enlightenment". My purpose right now is to finish my Computer Science degree and find a cool job, but the exams I have to pass arent really a passion, they are annоying and needlessly difficult. I do have hobbies like gamedev and jiu-jitsu, but I wouldnt call them life passions.

By awakening, do you mean a sudden realization or do you mean literally enlightement? Because I feel like its gonna take me a really long time to have a spiritual expirience. Ive been meditating for 3 years, but now I stopped for a few months and am trying to get back in. Im making really slow progress in that field.

Yea, this makes sense. I do get very excited when I score a date with a cute girl or a kiss or a compliment and I mentioned it to my friends, as if the story of me being accepted by a woman is as pleasurable as me spending time with her. If not more, sometimes. So how did you go about cultivating self-acceptance and self-love? Or is it too long of an answer? Did that stop you from needing a relationship?

Red stage mafia boss transistioning to blue stage

I am currently visiting a meditation course by former students of Sri Chinmoy. Turns out he was a famous spiritual teacher, who accomplished a million things in his lifetime and has students all around the world, including my hometown. His way of reaching enlightenment is through the heart chakra. Im not very well read on spirituality so I asked for a practical explanation and the teachers told me it is basically the practice of concentrating on your chest area, whether that be by focusing on your lungs while breathing or visualising stuff like a candle burning in the chest. I asked them about the Neti neti method and explained Leo's self-enquiry and they told me that that is the way of the mind and according to Sri Chinmoy the fastest way to enlightenment is through the heart chakra and that it takes ages through the way of the mind. They also told me that I should pick one route, because doing different things will get me nowhere. I am confused. Does anyone have expirience with focusing on their chest as a practice? How do I know which practice will work fastest for me? The students of Sri Chinmoy who I have met are spiritual and happy, but they are not enlightened even tho they have been following Sri Chinmoy's teachings for about 20 years.

That sounds pretty motivating. Thanks!