Iiris

Yoga ✅ 35min Meditation ✅ 25min Sleep No electronics ❌ Bedtime ❌ I went to bed at about 00:15 and fell asleep probably at 1. I woke up too early again, at seven. I was rolling in bed and maybe sleeping a little more until 10:30. I managed to do my morning yoga at 2pm. Not very awesome. I think my blanket is too thick, it's a winter blanket I should change it. I'm gonna go take the dog out now and listen to the Advice for young people part 2 video. It has been raining a lot which means the air is fresh outside yay

That was kind of an unintentional enlightenment metaphor Yoga ✅ 10min Meditation ✅ 5min ? guided Sleep No electronics ✅ Bedtime ✅ But I was thinking too much again so I slept under 6 hours. I once read from a book that it's really healthy to just hang from a pull up bar for like 20 seconds every day. So I got myself a pull up bar, I'm going to start hanging from it, embrace my inner orangutan

I was just thinking when I was like 13 I didn't listen anything but Eminem

Yoga ✅ 35min Meditation ✅ 20min guided Sleep No electronics ❌ but I opened my phone for just 20 seconds doesn't really matter Bedtime ✅ I found Why I am I doing this to myself? Is a great question to ask. I don't even have to answer it just shuts off the bullshit and self-sabotage immediately. They come back as quicky as they left though. The Yoga Nidra book arrived and I'm going to read at least a chapter every day. Taking that back. I like reading books more. Especially when I'm just starting to read them. I should read more fiction books. I used to read a lot of them as a kid. I really enjoyed it. I used to read mostly fantasy. And some dystopia novels from Margaret Atwood that I really liked

Yoga ✅ 15min Meditation ✅ 15min guided Sleep No electronics ✅ Bedtime ✅ Didn't have time :(( I started feeling better yesterday evening. I straightened my spine, started breathing deeply and massaged my neck and shoulders. Helps a lot. And I didn't overthink last night! I slept about 7 hours The entrance exam was made so that I couldn't even be prepared for it. So it actually went well. But there's a second phase where you're supposed to actually know stuff, and that I wouldn't survive

? ?thanks I appreciate that, will try to remember! Yoga ✅ 30min Meditation ✅ guided 15min Sleep No electronics ✅ Bedtime ✅ Yeah... I was thinking about stuff intensely about 1,5 hours in my bed before I started the sentence completion thing. I tried to do all the thinking before it so I could fall asleep after so all the self-love would sink into my subconscious Darn it. I think I fell asleep at 2am. And I woke up too early. Slept about 6,5 hours. It's stress, but it's also the increased light that causes this I was laying in my bed about 3,5 hours this morning before I managed to get up. I could put another rule in the sleeping category. But as long as I hate myself I find a way to go around it. Fricken self-sabotage This is not a good day lol feeling lazy feeling like a victim I realized because of the increased light I'm able to see the time from my alarm clock from across the room. So I don't need to have my phone next to me at night. I'm going to put it in the other side of the room at night from now on. I have an entrance exam today. I haven't studied a minute so I won't get through. But the point is, I promise myself, after that I'm going to take a nap.

@Marc Schinkel Thank you!! Gonna look into those Yoga ✅ Meditation ✅ Sleep No electronics ✅ Bedtime ✅ I slept under 7 hours. I was laying in my bed thinking about stuff intensely about 45 minutes before I moved on to sleep. And I woke up too early. Fricking stress. I I probably should have mentioned this earlier but I nowadays I meditate about 10-20 minutes with a guided meditation. Don't yell at me. At least I fricken meditate. Been doing this Yoga with Adriene stuff. And some random meditations, yoga practices, and meditation and yoga challenges from Youtube that come up. Sometimes I meditate alone. I maybe should be a bit more intentional with this stuff. I used to be more neurotic about meditation. I'm taking it easier now. And I actually enjoy it. When my ego is not being super aggressive. A Rupert Spira meditation once gave me a mental breakdown and maybe a taste of enlightenment. It was RELIEVING. I still have it saved it was this one For some reason I haven't done more of his meditations. I think I'm going to try more of them soon

Did meditation before yoga yesterday Meditation ✅ Yoga ✅ Sleep No electronics ✅ Bedtime ✅ I slept under seven hours, I woke up too early, at 7. I would have to wake up about 8:30 for work. I had a shame attack yesterday evening. Tried to deal with it somewhat consciously. I've been having a weird lack of being ashamed of myself lately so I guess that was a backlash from that. Shame is a crushing emotion, and a selfish one, I totally hate it. Anger is a bit nicer even though I rarely feel it strongly. I feel it at work from time to time. My work is basically that I help this old woman in her house. She snaps at me for no reason sometimes. I feel like yelling back at her but I'm not doing that. Today was close but I managed to take a breath and then speak calmly. She's nice most of the time though and I'm grateful for this job

Yoga ✅ was short one but still yoga Meditation ✅ Sleep No electronics ✅ In my bed before midnight ✅ I slept almost 8 hours yay! I don't know if I'm misinterpreting syncronizities or if they are actually happening. I'm not even sure what's the difference between interpretation and actuality. But I love my dog! And I should give her more attention she looks so lonely sometimes it makes me sad. She needs a lot of attention, I think she is traumatized. Kinda like me. Or the attention seeking might be just a trait of her breed. She's goddamn crazy otherwise too, she starts screaming LOUDLY out of happiness when anyone comes home. She's smart though (doesn't really look like it)

Yeah I did the thing after, and the first sentence was something along those lines hehe Me too It really is! Yoga ✅ I did it after drinking two glasses of chapagne, it was a funny experience Meditation ✅ in the middle of the night, damnit Sleep No electronics after midnight ❌ but I only sent one text message and opened Onenote for a minute I think I slept 7,5 hours. Not enough. And the midnight meditation happened again. Drunken yoga was a new one. But I guess both are better than no meditation and yoga. I think I should put myself a goal here under the sleep category that I'm done with all necessary things of the day before midnight and in my bed ready to sleep. Here it comes: I'm going to be in my bed ready to sleep before midnight. It would be especially important before workdays (because I have to wake up pretty early). I can do the sentence completion thing after. And if I can't sleep I can journal about other things or grab a book or something. And after sending this post I'm going to jump into my bed and TAKE A NAP.

Another fricking amazing version, this makes me happyyy

Yoga ✅ Meditation ✅ Sleep No electronics ✅ though I used my phone timer for meditation after midnight but I don't think that counts I slept like 7 hours which is not enough. I sat on the side of my bed thinking about stuff intensely for about an hour, and I also meditated at night, which made me go to sleep at 01:15 or something. This sleep thing isn't going very fabulously. I can't keep meditating in the middle of the night. I don't really have a specific time I meditate I just do it whenever. It's kind of problematic. Today should be the day I'm having a graduation party but because of the virus it's cancelled. My parents had bought me flowers, and it made me genuinely happy, I guess I know I'm getting old when flowers make me happy I ordered the Yoga Nidra book. I really like buying books, more than I like reading them. The other sleep book I can get from the library, I reserved it. Her singing makes me cry: I've been trying to find my earpuds for 20 minutes and I can't find them anywhere. For god's sake where can one pair of earbuds be? Alright I found them now yay! Funny story: I once lost a pen when I was studying for final exams. I was looking for the pen for like 30 minutes until I gave up. Then some time later I looked into the mirror and THE PEN WAS IN MY HAIR. I had my hair up and I had put the pen there. Laughed my ass off

This song is super pretty

I'll change exercise to yoga because it's basically the only exercise I do ever, hatha yoga type stuff Yoga ✅ Meditation ✅ Sleep No electronics after midnight ✅ but I woke up too early again?? I fell asleep again though. But then my alarm rang. I think I slept under 7 hours. I'm pretty sleep deprived and everything makes me cry because of that Got a slightly passive aggressive email back. It was an asshole move to quit after the first day. But it's also an asshole move to pay someone 4e an hour for a physically challenging job. I grabbed my phone first thing in the morning instead of doing the sentence completion thing and I blamed myself so much for it. Which is ironic because the exercise enhances self-love. I have such a need to be in control of myself. Half the reason I'm into this self-help stuff is because I feel like I need to control myself. But probably the best self-help thing I could do is let go of that need for control. Which is ironic. Many things seem to be! I kind of want to get my phone out of my room for the night, but I need something with which I can check the time! It could be my alarm clock. But my alarm clock is already on the other side of the room so I have to run to it when it rings in the morning. If it's next to me I'll just fall asleep again immediately after it rings. I guess I need to find some little clock somewhere that I can put next to me

Yesterday and last night (let's just assume it's always like that unless I say otherwise) Exercise (yoga) ✅ Meditation ✅ Sleep No electronics after midnight ✅ but I woke up too early so I slept about 6 hours, I'm tired feeling like a zombie And kind of pissed off. Meh I did the sentence completion thing last night and this morning, I forgot I was supposed to do 10 so I did only one but anyways it made me feel very gentle, it was great. I was trying to do the self-love one, but I like to do this work in my own language when I can, and there is literally no equivalent in my language for the word self-love! It's so dumb. If you translate it directly it is a word, but that word means 'narcissism' or 'selfishness'. But yeah I just wrote it in the form of 'If I loved myself 5% more I would...' I did the mail/paper distribution thing yesterday for the first time and god damnit. I was already thinking how I'll politely say 'I quit.' Thing distribution about 2,5 hours + the sorting of the mail took over 1 hour. I just asked how much I get from that job and they answered ABOUT 12 EUROS. I was literally running around the town and people's staircases for 2,5 hours half-dead. I had a car but it didn't help very much. And I don't know how to park a car in practice. If I get one parking ticket that's worth four months of working at that place. Alright, I'm sending an email now where I say I can't do this anymore. Bye job

@Marc Schinkel Hello! Cute gif It's a relief to hear that someone else has this problem too, makes me feel less like a weirdo. And thanks for all the advice! I'm going to start doing the sentence completion thing. Imma write here how it goes. I'll look into those books also Here's yesterday and last night: Exercise ✅ did yoga Meditation ✅ Sleep No electronics ✅ plus I actually slept well Other stuff: I already have a part-time job, and I got a new one which I regret immensly. In the new one I have to sort mail and go bring it to people, and it has the shittiest pay ever. Plus no one tells me how to to it, I have to figure it out for myself. I feel like this dog: But it's okay, at least the part where I bring the mail to people is good exercise

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This is a funny one

Bo Burnham is great! I think this one is written about it

I’m going to be vely clear here so I don’t start lying in twisted ways This is how I did yesterday and last night. I saw someone use fancy signs in their journal and I’m going to steal that idea (I’m on my phone, I wonder if I can just copypaste them on computer from now on): ✅ means done, ❌ means not really done: Exercise ✅ I did yoga Meditation ✅ was a really short one but still meditation Sleep ❌ slept too little but I tried I had a really overactive mind last night. Ironically, all this journal hustle contributed to that. I slept about 5-6 hours. I couldn’t fall asleep and I woke up a lot earlier than I was supposed to. I had my possibly worst sleep deprivation ever during my final exams a few months ago. It was a really great time to have that don’t you think. It made me underachieve in some of my exams. Sometimes I tried to sleep, sometimes I didn’t. So it was partly self-induced If I try to sleep but can’t, I won’t blame myself. I’ve been trying to have this commitment that I’m not opening my phone or computer after midnight but I’ve been slacking off from it. Unless I’m at some special event. And I’m going to decide BEFOREHAND if it’s a special event. I already start to feel like I’m in a rule jungle. All I should really do is to love myself and act like it. But I don’t know if I’m there yet I’m not opening my phone or computer after midnight. If I can’t sleep I’ll doodle or write something in my private journal, or I’ll read. Or lay on my floor in a star position. Or whatever! I think I’ll make this my goal here instead of just ”sleep” Edit: the name of this journal is a bit dry. Kind of the same thing with my other journal. But I don’t know if I can figure out a better one. Coming up with good titles is difficult as heck

Fricking amazing version!