Iiris

Great version

Yoga ✅ 20min Meditation ✅ 5min Sleep ❌ 4.5h Yeah, went to sleep at 4. Meditation was a joke. Teeth removal wound has healed surprisingly well. I handled the childcare course thing yesterday. Today I will handle the earpuds and the other thing.

Yoga ✅ 25min Meditation ✅ 15min alone Sleep ✅ 9h I often end up meditating at about 23:45 when I'm supposed to go to sleep at midnight. Yesterday the first ten minutes I was just thinking so I was meditating for about 10 minutes minutes after the timer rang until it was like 00:10. But I'll still say I went to bed early enough though I'm lying a bit I'm stressed about how quickly these three days off from work went and tomorrow I have to go again Today I have to finally look for some good wireless earpuds and check out the unemployment benefit thing. Also, I left my shoes and backpack to the cobbler like two weeks ago and I still haven't heard anything of them, what the heck. Also, I have to check out the childcare course thing today. I'm planning on signing up for that so that I could maybe work as an au pair somewhere

Yoga ✅ 5min Meditation ✅ 15min alone Sleep ✅ 9h and took a nap Alright I finally feel like I have my stuff together. I've had this habit app Momentum but I haven't been using it lately. Now I started using it again and added a bunch of habits there like these and some others, like reading, sentence completions and watching these psychology videos for final exams. I feel less overwhelmed now. I'm going to still have only these three habits in this journal I think. The problem with this habit tracking thing is that it feels inauthentic to me. But if I don't do it I fall into this laziness and don't do anything. So I guess it's better to to just track them. Of course I could decide that I can do whatever I want. Maybe I would be lazy for a while but then I would start to do things that feel authentic to me. But that wouldn't really work now because I have many obligations right now. I kind of feel like moving to some cottage and isolating myself from everything. Not sure if I could handle that though I'm glad that I don't have to go to work for three days because of this teeth removal. But the woman and her husband they have these taxi cards and I forgot them in my wallet when I was giving them to the taxi driver. I hope that they aren't desperately looking for them right now. I always forget their cards in my wallet when I use them. I worry they think that I'm doing it intentionally. I have this problem too that I put their stuff to places and then I can't find it later because I forgot where I put it.

Yoga ✅ 5min Meditation ✅ 5min alone Seep ❌ 7h Went to sleep at 2. Got the another 2 of my wisdom teeth removed today. Not like I've been doing the Yoga with Adriene stuff that much but I can't do it for a few days now because my mouth is bleeding. I'll just lay on the floor and do some stretching Yesterday I was thinking about this movie that traumatized me as a kid

Yoga ✅ 5min Meditation ✅ 10min alone Sleep ❌ 3.5h I don't even know what to say. Tooo painful stuff. This is like a joke. I'm going to eat and then sleep.

Yoga ✅ 20min Meditation ✅ 15min alone Sleep ❌ 9h Went to sleep at 1 Back to If I loved mysef 5% more I would... I realized I've stopped feeling the sentences and I'm just writing them out mechanically. That doesn't work. Last night and this morning I tried writing them with feeling again. I can feel the effects now. It takes more time and effort to write them with feeling because I have to figure out somehting authentic. But it's way better. Also it's easiest to feel it in that If I loved myself 5% more form. It's more direct than If I added 5% more self-love to my day, I feel. I also like to just keep it with the themes of love and compassion because I feel like with those things I'm not forcing myself. I can write anything I feel like writing. I finally finished watching Better call Saul. I wonder why I even took a break from that series. At points it manages to give me almost the same amount of anxiety as Breraking Bad did. I guess I just found it boring because of that law stuff. And it's more slow-paced than BB. And there's just less tension. Breaking Bad manages to build enormous amounts of tension. If I stop worrying about everything else I start worrying about final exams. If I don't get the best grade this time I will die, I feel like. 1.5 months of full time studying wasted. Place at a university slips out of hands. I still haven't made a plan. Really I would have to start seriously studying at 15. august. But yeah. If I start worrying about that too much again, I will just breathe.

Yoga ❌ Meditation ❌ Sleep ❌ 4.5h and took a nap At least I went to work yesterday. Went to sleep at 4 Today has been better. Been trying to let go of the need of control. Embrace the negative emotion, it becomes positive.

Yoga ✅ 30min + 20min Meditation ✅ 15min alone Sleep ❌ 7.5h and took a nap Sometimes it's good to just dwell in self-hatred and cry. I think The perfectionism is coming back again as bad as it used to be. I find it difficult to share certain things even here? Well I won't force myself. I'm just feeling this MEANINGLESSNESS. Dunno what to do with it. Something positive? Well I hope I'm going through some kind of purification rn. I'm not feeling very positive. Totally feeling like a victim again. No gratitude. I hate being this selfish. Well at least I could accept that I am like this. I think I just need more sleep.

Yoga ✅ 5min Meditation ✅ 5min alone Sleep ❌ 8h Aah for fucks sake Fell asleep late but woke up late too It's raining and I sort of feel like going outside and just letting it pour over me. But I probably wont do that. Maybe if I was alone I would. Anyways, I feel like letting go.

Yoga ✅ 30min Meditation ✅ 15min alone Sleep ✅ 7.5h Tried to take a nap yesterday but ALLERGIES! I finally took an antihistamine.

I thought this song sounds a bit like Van Morrison's Astral Weeks album. Now I read that it was inspired by that album.

Yoga ✅ 20min Meditation ✅ 15min alone Sleep ✅ 8h and took a nap Disturbing thoughts while I was meditating about dumb/awkward things I've done in the past. And there's A LOT to choose from. An abundance. I managed to somehow let go of them. Had very vivid dreams.

Yoga ✅ 20min Meditation ✅ 5min alone Sleep ❌ 4.5h I went to visit a friend and it took longer than I planned, and then I gave up a bit with these habits because I had too little time anyways I need to find motivation and inspiration in something else than being perfect. It doesn't work because I'm just trying to escape something with it. I'm trying to deny something that is a part of me. Useless strategy. Not truthful, doesn't work. I need to find inspiration in creating.

Yoga ✅ 15min Meditation ✅ 15min alone Sleep ✅ 8.5h and took a nap Finally got to July with these

Yoga ✅ 20min Meditation ✅15min alone Sleep ❌ took a nap yesterday How much did I sleep last night? None, nada. Own fault 100% But the nap I took yesterday was lovely. Very intense nap. I'm not sure if I actually get sleep paralysis anymore or if I'm just dreaming about getting sleep paralysis. I think I'm actually getting them still. When I had my first ones I panicked and desperately tried to move. Now I'm just, alright here we go again, can't move, back to the dream. Never opened my eyes during one because I'd rather not see Satan himself standing in the corner of my room. I get them more when I'm napping, and when I'm sleep deprived. Also I don’t get them often, only occasionally

Yoga ❌ Meditation ✅ 6min Sleep ❌ 5h 6 minutes of meditation and half of my negative emotions are gone :DD It's that easy. Why was I waiting so long. I feel better now. Still tired as heck I'm going to take a nap. When I'm tired I get more emotional. Sometimes it's negative but sometimes it's very positive. Today it's been positive. I've been feeling inspired.

Yoga ❌ Meditation ❌ Sleep ❌ 4h Bingo! But seriously. Thinking about facing my emotions is much nicer than actually facing my emotions. The same old cycle came back really strong. I don't know what I'm going to do. At least I did something productive yesterday. Well I went to work, but also I learned to cover a song. Was learning and singing it at least 3 hours. My fingertips are the first thing that gets tired. But I just switch the fingers I use for the chords and it doesn't hurt so much. And the joy is too great for me to care about a little pain. I might sing today another 3 hours. I'm sort of feeling like it. Weird thing, I'm not even ashamed of singing in the house with everyone hearing it. Even weirder, I still am ashamed of playing music from the speakers. This fucking perfectionism. I just feel like I'm not in control of my life without it. Why would I want to feel like I'm in control of my life. Because I don't think I'm good enough as I am. I've gone through this thought process already. Selfloveselfloveselflove. I'm getting a bit emotional but I can't take it very seriously because I'm so tired.

This song gives me chills

Yoga ✅ 20min Meditation ✅ 15min alone Sleep ✅ 8h Hmmm. The intention with the meditation helped first time but now not so much AAH it's like this with everything