Katy

Right now I feel like I offer him nothing, if anything I make his life a misery and this upsets me because I hate the person I am, I hate treating him badly and yet I do. I know he would be better of without me and he deserves someone who loves themself and is secure. He says he only stays as he knows one day I will change and he wants to be around when that happens but I am scared because these insecure feelings have controlled me since I was a child and I don't know how to stop feeling this way.

Thank you for your response Truth. I have never really looked at it like that but I guess you are right. I was abused by mum as a child very badly and growing up I always felt insecure and unhappy with myself. I did get a lot of unwanted attention from males in high school etc and I got told I was pretty a lot but despite this I have always felt insecure and never good enough somehow. I feel like my looks are the only thing my partner would like about me because I don't like myself and the way I think and behave and treat him. He is always telling me I am beautiful and that I am more than my looks, that I am a lovely, kind, caring woman and he loves everything about me. He is a great boyfriend and does nothing to make me feel insecure so I don't get why I feel so threatened and angry at the site of a pretty girl. It is really bad my anxiety with other women. I hate going out anywhere with him because I know there might be a pretty girl and this threatens me for some reason. I know I sound stupid, I know how I feel is wrong but I just don't get why I am so emotional and angry and upset. This has ruled my life since I was 16 and I have no idea how to control it. One minute I am fine and then a pretty girl walks past and before I know it I have lost my shit and I am saying stupid, insecure crap and ruining the relationship. I just want to stop these feelings as I hate feeling like this but I don't know why I do. I do believe that if a hot girl walked up to him he would turn her down because I know he loves me more than anything, I just don't love myself I guess. I know I look ugly to him as he says it's not attractive and I agree. He says he doesn't care about me as much as he used to because of all my insecurity and even though I don't blame him this hurts so much. The problem is not him because he has done everything and more to show me how much he loves me but I still get angry and upset and feel insecure. I know I need to work on myself but I don't know how to control my emotions and not let them get the better of me.

He has put up with my behaviour for a long time but the past year it has gotten much worse. Our relationship is on the rocks because he does not see a future with me and he says if I can't change then it is over and I don't blame him. I just don't know how to change as I don't know why I feel or act the way I do when I know I am in the wrong for how I treat him.

Hello, my name is Kate and I am new here. I was not sure what forum to put this is so I am sorry if it is in the incorrect one. I am 29 years old and I have been with my boyfriend since I was 16. Ever since I can remember I have always felt threatened by other women and the past two years it has gotten out of control and my relationship is on the rocks. He is a brilliant man and I don't want to lose him so I am looking for any advice please. I don't know why I feel this way but if I see a girl that is pretty I get mad at him because I think that he thinks she is pretty (I am aware it is normal to find others attractive, I just feel like they are better than me) If he looks at someone outside I feel anxious and I know he just glanced at her but my mind starts thinking he fancies her, he thinks she is prettier than me or just going in to over drive wondering what he thought of her and the scary thing is that I will think about this for hours after. It's not even like he was staring at her, he just glanced but if she is pretty I start feeling threatened and I get upset. If we see someone scantily clad I instantly get angry, I feel like he likes what he sees and that I am not good enough. If he answers the door and I hear a woman I panic, wondering if she was pretty and if he thought she was. We live in flats and all the women/girls when hot dress in skirts and hot pants and even though they are not that attractive (I am not being nasty, they look quite rough) I still feel threatened by them if he even looked at them. I have no idea what is wrong with me, I have had these feelings for as long as I can remember and I hate who I am. If he watches a film and I think an actress is pretty I start feeling like he has betrayed me and I sit wondering for hours if he liked her and then thinking I am not as pretty. I know how I treat him is wrong, I know I shouldn't get angry but I don't know why I do. I know it is normal to find other people attractive and I know that seeing half naked women is something I can't avoid and is normal but why do I feel so threatened by this if I know it is normal? I feel like I am having a break down because I hate myself and how I treat him but every time I see a woman the feelings arise and I lose it and then I feel like a failure. He does not see a future with me if I can't change and I want to but my mind is so used to feeling the way I do, I can't stop it when jealous/insecurity arises. I don't really know if anyone can help me or has experienced this before but I was just hoping someone could give me some advice on how I can change and stop this otherwise I will lose my partner and I don't want too. Thank you for reading this.