Aaron p

SO. A little background...I made a post on here a short while ago about how I was going through a craptonne of suffering for like a week solid. Turns out it was pure anxiety. I had been smoking marijuana basically every [other] day for like, at least a year and also I feel like there was a lot of repressed anxiety to. It was pretty severe during that week or two when it all came up out of me and while I meditated it got worse, but I kept pushing through it and I'm glad I did. Phyc's are a massive help for spiritual stuff...and that is something I don't want to miss out on. However, I'm worried for my anxiety. During my first trip it was amazing with no anxiety until the end, but my second trip was absolutely terrifying anxiety. I'm now on anti-anxiety meds, and I want to get my current dose doubled. Do you guys think this with counteract the effects of the anxiety during a phyc trip? I'm laying off the grass. I really really want to use phycs. What are you guys recommendations?

When I struggle to sleep I imagine a story happening. Like a visual story of a horse that escapes his field and runs and runs and bumps into things like lakes and other animals and maybe he falls and hurts his leg, then a kind farmer finds him and treats his wounds. Visualization really helps. That's where the stereotype of watching sheep jump over a fence to help to sleep, comes from.

God's lead me to kryia yoga, phychdelic's, self enquiry and I'm starting kundalini yoga soon. Be careful with phcy's, they can drastically amplify anxiety, can be overwhelming, and can be cut with shit. Mushrooms is safest, but let your heart lead you. Ultimately one foundational thing for me is the desire. I can only describe my desire for enli as something invisible, and yet incredibly strong...not tangible, but still leads me to meditate over 200 hours already. Also, if you can...do take phyc's. It's a big boost, but wait till you get some conceptual understand built up. Whatever it is that is "you" it cannot rise and fall away (like your thoughts for example, or a cold...these things fall away and yet you have not fallen away. Find the thing that cannot fall away. Is it your physical heart? No, it can be replaced whole you remain. Is it your happiness? You'll find it's also not you, because it can fall away...while you remain. Is it personality? Which personality atribute in particular? Your general behavioral patterns, how you act? If you no longer behaved that way would you still be here? Do not cross over into the realm of imagination. You are the one who sees the imagination. My words are true.

7:10 I thought he said "god is that which transcends FUCK." HAHA

@moon777light ok this is a good thing to consider...because it can happen. And that would be shit. I see my meditation practise like gym workouts, your form needs to be on point all the time or else you won't target the correct muscles and won't make any notifiable progress. In self enquiry it's about finding what it is that you mean when you say the word "me." Allow your imagination and direct experience to mix during this. One important rule, assume there is a "you" that is here...hold to that authentic feeling that there is a "you" and start to dig. Right now in the present moment would you still be here if you lost your memory? What about if your personality changed would you still be there? What doesn't come and go? Because logically that is you. What cannot leave? Your heart can be replaced, that's not you, your lungs can be replaced that's not you...where is this "you" exactly? Also, don't see self enquiry as something where you need to quiet your mind...not at all. If your mind is being busy, ask...who is the one who is having these thoughts? Is it a person? Ok, which aspect of the person is not removable? Where is the solid ground that cannot move? And don't leave it at so etching general like "my life" what *exactly* are you. Kryia yoga will get you into shape to. And phychdelic retreats every so often.

I'm pretty sure it's just more ideas and stuff. I don't know tho cuz there's a lot of weird spiritual stuff that happens when you start to really get into it. Heaven is real, god is real, the devil is real....so as far as "mystical" stuff goes I'd say it's at least possible that someone's energy could connect to something else. I dunno. The whole idea behind spirituality is the everything is an illusion except for god because God is everything.

@tecladocasio I've spent my entire life researching Christianity and god and god directly told me to listen to leo. Now, really...the only thing that matters to you are your own practises, infact in many ways I don't like Leo's teaching because it gives the seeker something to seek for, which is a trap. God isint something that can be found, anymore than your eyes are something you can see...the only thing you can't see are your eyes. Now, I'm still at a low level of consciousness...but I listen very closely to the heart of God and his messages to me. I know a little. I'm nearly sure Leo is absolutely legit. Leo likes looking at the "everything" side of the yin and yang...as opposed to the "nothing" side. When really they're meant to be the same thing. It would be different if he was trying to get you to believe him...after all, he blatently says in his videos *not to believe him at all and that all his teachings are useless when it comes to it. So in short, dont believe him. Don't believe me, don't believe anyone. Beliefs aren't what we are going for here. But from my own direct experience you can trust leo. Just be careful with phyc's, they can fuck up your anxiety and shit. But nah, Leo's legit...your just not seeing it. Remember, don't believe me...don't assume I'm wrong either, take what I say and use it for your own experience.

@mandyjwemm nah I just clicked the "my YouTube channel" link. Your defo at a high level of consciousness, I can tell straight away. Not often god tells me to listen to people, but he has told me to listen to you strongly. I feel it quite clearly

@mandyjw damn, your beautiful girl. Not even just saying that.

@Shaun if you ever become lucid while dreaming, becoming aware of the fact that you are dreaming doesn't remove you from the dream...you should enjoy the dream and use your new knowledge to your advantage

I second this

@thesmileyone sounds good to me. I had an insight that consciousness growth is exponential. Meaning, the larger it gets, the faster it gets larger. Which is very exciting...it gets easier and I can't wait to have my first awakening experience...like full blown awakening experience sounds good to me like

Anytime I do something to raise my consciousness I enter into tremendous suffering, so much suffering it's terrible. Ever since I started kryia yoga. But the thing is, I know kryia yoga is the way forward! I know it is, the universe has told me. But if I do anything to raise my consciousness, whether it be smoking cannabis or meditating, I feel myself move into a place of suffering. I'm quite confused because I don't want to give up meditation. I've already made a few posts about my new found suffering but my main question is, IS THIS MEANT TO BE HAPPENING?! When I stop meditating I go back to normal with no suffering then when I start meditating again the suffering comes back. I know enlightenment is worth every penny of it but Its quite bad

@thesmileyone @abrakamowse for me it was confusing trying to figure out the difference between awareness and thoughts. Now I can grasp that thoughts happen within awareness. I'm slowly getting there, I'm experiencing a lot of suffering to which I think is a good sign. I'm going to start ramping up the kryia yoga slowly, then start implementing retreats and then start doing phyc's again

@thesmileyone did you experience ego death just last night mate?

@Adam M I feel like my being is going through a shredder...and I'm just concerned that it's not the meditation and that I'm actually just plain old loosing my mind. I have a feeling it's both

@Nahm hmm I will try this, thank you ?

Thanks man I'm gonna do that today

Sit, do the preparatory exercises for kryia for 5-10 mins, then do focus on bindu for 5 minutes, stretch my legs for 2 minutes, self enquiry for 30 mins then vepaasana for 10

Yo everyone in this chat, know that God is using you guys mightily. I definitely think I would have quit by now if it weren't for your help and guidance. You guys are brill

So the degree to which I suffer will be the degree to which my consciousness is raised

Phycological. I stop being able to function. Paralysing thoughts, I feel like I'm mentally trapped and that I'm useless. It's not strong emotionally, just the thoughts. I had to phone sick into work last week because of it. You know how if someone were to die in your family, you would just feel so helpless and deflated and you just wander completely pointlessly and everything feels crap...yeah, it feels exactly like that

I'm conducting a little experiment regarding suffering...I want to study how the ego reacts to spiritual practises. I need to know what I should expect. Tell me about what kind of ego backlashes you have experienced and what spiritual practices you were doing that caused them (and for how long you had been practising). Because, my fear is that I'm not experienceing an ego backlash, and that I'm actually doing damage...but I feel like I need to research what kind of suffering happens so that I can better judge my own experiences. Talk about how you felt and if it felt real. Any suffering, especially suffering that led to a spiritual awakening. Thanks

@Viking I think this is exactly what is happening...however I have already anticipated what I should do... Today I didn't meditate, and absolutely went back to normal instantly. This likely means that the anxiety is only brought on by the meditation. This is an incredibly good sign because that means I can decide to not be anxious at any point in time, which means I can also use cannabis to settle the effects of the anxiety. I didn't want to use cannabis to calm my anxiety in case the anxiety was permanent (which means I would be developing a crutch for cannabis). However, now that I know that I can control the anxiety I can also control my cannabis use, which means I can continue meditating and using cannabis to subdue the side effects of the anxiety with no fear of developing a permanent crutch. This is a very very good thing. Also I'm going to rearrange my meditation times, I'm going to do it in waves. So instead of doing 1.25 hours a day I'm only going to do 1 hour every other day. Then I will pick a day and coming up to that day I will increase to 1.25 hours every day coming up, then I'll do a retreat on my set day and meditate constantly for a period of time then bring it back to 1 hour every other day. These burst patterns will be more effective and better organised for the likes of ego backlashes.

@Peo I didn't meditate today and I feel far better. I *think* what is happening is the meditation is exposing all of my anxiety and depression and it doesn't feel very nice coming out.