Roman25

The title of this is dark, but I actually intend for this to help you not make the same mistakes I made. Let's rewind 4 months into the past. It's my first semester of college. I have 4 online classes and 1 face-to-face class. I basically spent almost all of my time at home, listening to music and doing college homework. I would listen to music for about 10 hours a day. I would always make sure the volume was low so that my hearing wouldn't get damaged. Then this happened... I was listening to a song one day and all of a sudden I started hearing strange noises in my left ear. I was very shocked and immediately took off my headphones. All of a sudden, I became super sensitive to sound. Anytime I would talk, eat, listen to others talk, or hear "normal noises" I would feel an uncomfortable pressure in my left and also hear a strange noise. I would gently put a cup down against the counter, boom! I hear the strange noise in my ear and feel the pressure from the cup touching the counter. The strange sound is hard to explain. If you're curious about what it sounds like then swipe your finger across your arm. That's a 95% match of the same sound. I went to my college class and this was a horrible mistake. The voice of the teacher felt super loud in my left ear. And I would constantly hear the strange sound in my ear almost every time the teacher spoke a word. Every time I would go to that class, I would have to be tortured for over an hour, listening to my teacher's voice. I frantically searched on the internet for hearing problems. It is obvious to me that headphones are the cause. I mean, what else could be the cause? I would listen to them every day, for about 10 hours. While doing research on hearing problems, I found out about a hearing problem called hyperacusis. It's where normal noises are uncomfortably loud. Apparently, only 1 in 50,000 people ever get hyperacusis. I'm the chosen one. After about 2 months, I decided to go to the doctor. I already knew that they wouldn't know what to do. There is close to 0 medical aid for hearing problems, and ears don't heal themselves. The doctor said that I most likely have hyperacusis, and it's probably permanent. The checked my left ear and apparently, there's nothing structurally wrong with it. The doctor said that it's most likely a problem with how my brain is perceiving sound. During the first couple of months, I felt extremely suicidal. I couldn't have conversations without feeling discomfort, eating, or really doing anything that makes too much sound. Even my own voice is too loud. I genuinely felt like I have to kill myself to escape this torture. But I saw this quote that really stuck with me. "worrying makes you suffer twice." This quote really inspired me to change my mindset about my hearing problem. I also learned that overindulging in something can have bad consequences. I overindulged in music. I listened to it way too much. And my hearing paid the price. Are headphones really the cause of my hearing problem? Yes, I am 99% sure they are. I hope that you can learn something from this and use it to prevent any future problems. I'll also include a video on the bottom of someone who has hyperacusis. Thanks for taking the time to read

Hey @eggopm3. The guy who you're describing sounds like a soldier. Being at a band stage is the very last place I'd ever be. I have no idea how he pulls that off, that's just insane.

Sorry to hear that you have tinnitus @Thought Art You seem to be making the best out of your situation. Continue pursuing your dream of music. It is nice to listen to after all lol.

It's very hard for me to understand what the brain does and doesn't do. For me personally, my brain doesn't compensate for anything or do me any favors for my hearing problem. There are days when I'm less sensitive to noise, but there are also days when I'm more sensitive to noise. It's very unpredictable and hard to understand. I have tried to avoid noise and purposefully expose myself to noise to see if it will go away. But these don't do anything.

I've carefully read all of your comments and I'm surprised how there are a couple of people who have hearing problems as well. I liked the comment from Yonkon when he said that he uses his Tinnitus for spiritual growth. I've never thought of this before, and it sounds like a great idea. Obviously, there will be times when we are depressed from our hearing problems. They are problems after all. But keep in mind that it has a lot to do with your mood and mindset and you're not alone in this battle. And thanks to all of you who are stopping by to give advice or to let me know that you care. You guys know who you are. This really means a lot to me and I hope you all the best.

Hey Hardkill. I really appreciate your care. The reason why it's so hard to cure healing problems is due to the fact that they usually have to do with the brain. The brain is the thing that sends the signals and stuff. It's hard to understand what's wrong and how to fix it. Enjoy your night

Thanks for the comment, Leo. If I could rewind time then I wouldn't wear any earplugs or headphones ever again. Even looking at a pair of headphones frustrates me. But I do think you can get away with listening to music for a couple of hours a day. Take a look at the things you do on a daily basis and ask yourself, "am I overindulging in this"? "Will this cause harm to me if I keep doing too much of it?" Anyways, I hope you and anyone reading got something useful from it

Thanks so much Swarnim. I really hope that your make the most out of life as well.

@thesmileyone Luckily for you, humans are very fickle creatures. So if you're depressed about something, it will pass as long as you don't purposefully cling to it. Have you ever had a profile picture and got bored of it after a while? That's your fickleness coming into play. This has a downside however. It can be frustrating when you no longer care for things that you once did but this greatly helps your survive since in the future, you won't care for what is currently depressing you. Depression is on and off but then you stop caring about whatever was causing it to begin with. I was suicidal for several months now since I was an extensional nihilist who had a very negative outlook on life. I am now bored thinking about it and am fairly happy currently with life. You will experience extremely negative emotions a lot in life. Keep in mind that it's impossible for you to always care for a problem or feel the same way about it. My advice is to suffer through whatever you are currently feeling until it passes. Repeat this cycle for the other problems you will encounter in life and you will live a long life as long as you don't get unlucky with a heart attack or dying randomly like so. Life is a bit of a dice roll but you mainly have control over how it will play out as long is you don't defy the odds of physics.

Just curious of what people do with their day to be content in life and how they think about life in the big picture. I just do school work, listen to music, read and sleep. I don't really have a desire to accomplish anything but I see others around me who do.

Sounds like a lot of hard-work. I'm impressed that you can keep up with doing some of those difficult activities. Producing music and drawing honestly interest me. I'll take a look into them. Thanks for your comment. Having a low bar shows that you are naturally more calm and collected than most. I understand what you mean by saying that you have been working to become less fearful and more loving. It's certainly a challenge to not fear what others will think of you. Your last sentence stands out to me since it's something that I completely agree with. You can do what you want with your life, as long as it doesn't defy the laws of physics. Which is a great freedom that we take for granted.

Glad to hear that you are enjoying your life. You show a positive and empathetic attitude throughout your comment. Means a lot to me.

Leo's whole purpose for this forum was for people to outgrow it. I have been provided all of the most valuable information I need to be capable of not dying to suicide or something like that in the future. I am capable of living a happy life at this point. Another reason of why I need to make plans to quit is because I don't want this forum to become an addiction. I have been substantially decreasing the amount I use this forum since I don't want to make it an ego only thing. My only intentions is to come on occasionally just to read certain comments and message some of the users who I know more personally than the others. I don't plan on posting on other threads than this one since there is no point since others already know more. Good luck with your time on this forum. Everyone's experience with it is completely different.

Below are some guidelines that I have to get you started with curing your depression. I don't know everything, so read and pick out the flaws and change the flaws to what you think is true or to what could be useful to you. Wanting to die. Sometimes in life we feel like it's easier not having to deal with existence anymore. Existing is very hard, you go to school for years, work, and deal with many problems. You think "why even bother living". You don't get to experience sadness when you die but you also don't get to experience happiness either. So while a possibility for happiness exists for you, why not take it? Let's say for example that your business fails. You think it's all over. You think suicide is logical. But over the course of years you have built an even greater one. Not thinking you're missing out on anything good anyway. It is true that there are a lot of immoral things that happen all across the world. There are people who have chronic pain all over their body, while you don't and you're still depressed. It makes you feel like shit to admit that there are people who are in worse conditions yet you want to kill yourself. It almost makes you feel like you should be one of these people instead of your current self or that you should stop living since you feel that reality itself is sadistic. Be the light for someone else. If you are one of these people who see no light then be the light for someone else. Instead of using suffering people as examples of why life isn't worth living, help these people. There are people around you right now who you are very capable of helping in some certain way.

@TheAvatarState I am checking this morning just in case someone asked something like that. There are dozens of reasons of why I am quitting the forum. The forum itself isn't a problem. The problem is that I am too young and I do not have enough life experience to use it. I cannot provide others with valuable insight or perspective since they are already older and smarter. And I haven't gotten over my negative outlook on life with nihilism yet. So that affects a lot. I had a feeling that it was a naive decision for me to join the forum when I first did. I just did it anyways by the off chance that my age would be a negligible problem. To sum it up: I am not yet developed enough for a forum that is capable of either giving someone a mind virus or enhancing their lives.

I'm done using this forum. I yield no positive results from it.

Well, sorry if I couldn't come up with a more logical way to describe it. I'm not a highly educated person. I hope you are enjoying your life man.

glad to hear that man

I honestly don't see what is positive about all of our lives being empty of value. When I was younger I thought that this was great since you can live your life however you want, but that isn't the case. You still have to go to school, work, abide by the laws of physics, and do other personal obligations. It's not a theory that nothing matters. The universe itself isn't a biological organism that has a mind that "assigns meaning" to things (most probably). Even a human assigning meaning to something doesn't really change anything about reality. You can think of a dragon in your mind and that dragon will never just pop into the sky. Just like if you think of meaning, nothing will change about reality. Some say that reality isn't real but I like to think that's false. I definitely do understand that our minds hallucinate reality but I wouldn't say that it's not real. My motivation for a lot of things went down when I understood this. Usually if I have a strong desire for something it usually gets turned down since there is no reward for me fulfilling my desires. If I or anyone else doesn't matter at all then what is the purpose of really doing anything?

Sorry that I was gone for most of the day. I had things to do. Thank you all a lot for providing help and giving useful tips. That means a lot to me. I really plan on not seeing things through a super negative filter anymore. I will work on accomplishing that.

Even if I want to enjoy life as a whole, I can't. There are much too many things in my life that I objectively feel negative towards. I despise my school and the people at my school, the people I'm around at home, and how I am me and not some other random person. Just to name a couple.

But I'm not going to be alive in around 70 years or less so I no longer have a life and I will be forgotten. I don't think anything "good" is stored for me after I die since good is just a concept that protects our survival. I doubt I've ever get to see my friends or family members again. It's a challenge to think positively about life as a whole when I think about reality for what it actually is.

I spend most of my time at home learning science, listening to audio books, and playing team fortress 2. There are no spirals imo since that's a subjective concept but if there are then I'd say I'm leaning towards orange.

Depends on what you mean by values really. If you mean morality then, I don't believe in good and evil. I tend to think that they are defense mechanisms and that they are highly subjective. But I wouldn't do something like murder or theft since I am a sane person for the most part.

Human beings are clearly naturally very deluded creatures. Everyday, I reflect on dozens of deluded thoughts that I had and it shocks me. I even hold delusion beliefs that I know for a fact are false, yet I still hold them since my emotions have that control on me. When you see religious people or people in cults they are clearly very deluded. It's safe to say that everyone is to many degrees. Makes sense since the human mind is their to aid your survival, not to help you understand the truth about topics that you perceive as "cool" and "interesting." My question is: how can you be sure that any beliefs you hold are true if there is strong evidence that humans are naturally deluded creatures?