Nobody 191

Regarding you not feeling like you belong- don't be silly, of course you do! What do you have? Where are you? Who are you with? You have a life, that lasts 24/7, and ALL of that is something you belong to, for better or for worse. Ground yourself on reality, and then let how you FEEL about that reality guide you. Does something let you down? Look to replace it. Does something uplift you or make you smile, feel good? Let that thing impact your life more than it already does. Look for the good, recognize that because it is there for you, you deserve it, you belong with it. Let the bad, disipate into nothing. Replace the bad with more and/or new good!

No, this is not all that there is to life. Remember that! You may feel disappointed, but that doesn't mean what you think is true. Hear me, hear Feel Good, you do not have all that life has to offer! There is so so so so much more to life, so much beauty, start looking for that. Look for what you like, look for the minimal happiness and confidence and passion you DO feel, you DO have some of that - everyone does - look for it, and when you find it, try to build on it, try to explore it, try to keep it, write it down, try to figure out how to feel that authentic good feelings again, and over time you WILL grow and cultivate that into real happiness! It is the power of the consistency of our attention. I highly endorse the do-nothing meditation, active mindfulness, contemplation work, and walking meditation. These are what I used to rebuild EVERYTHING in my life - do-nothing and walking to open up my thoughts and let the bad of them slowly turn into good. Active mindfulness to practice being in mindfulness as much as I am able, and contemplation work to build my ability to focus on a task, to search for truth, to search for meaning. Active mindfulness - to be aware in any action, to return to this practice whenever you remember to, and to be in this practice whenever you remember to. It doesn't switch off or end - it isn't sitting down for thirty minutes. It's simply - oh, let me be aware - and then to be aware - and eventually you lapse out of that awareness - and inevitably you return. And over time, you return more often, and find new levels of awareness. Do nothing meditation - it is to sit (or lay or stand) and do nothing. To be still in body, and unengaged with your environment altogether. Let your mind flow, focus on your thoughts and observe them as you allow them to have freedom. If you feel a need to control your thoughts, do so, but observe yourself doing so. This helps you to have patience, self-control, and slowly builds your thoughts - for your mind is seeking to resolve chaos into sense. Let your mind try to do that as long as you can bear, and eventually with this practice you will find the mind finds good after awhile - and that good retains more than the bad does, once you start to find it. Walking - for me, this is to explore happiness in nature, for nature is very rewarding for me. I walk around the block where there are trees and flowers and birds and occasionally others walking, and I observe it all, and my mind - I'm always in a good mood on a walk. This is why I did it. Contemplation - what I mean by this, is to sit and think about something, to ask yourself a question over and over, to explore the answers and return to the question when you can. To write down the answers, and learn about it, I do this when I don't understand something and want to better understand it. It helps to focus, it helps to open my mind to alternatives, it helps to learn, it helps me to have patience, and dedication too.

(I cut out extra because these are what I want to respond too, what you said that stuck out to me to respond to especially) I want to challenge your belief that this is the life women are consigned to. Think about it, men must balance family and work too! It may be true that a woman literally carries the child, but we're in an age where that's begining to be recognized as an acceptable thing, that women are more able to keep their careers instead of sacrifice it. The whole stay at home mom is a thing of the past, unfortunaly out of necessity but fortunately also out of there being that option available. You can have the kids at day care, for someone who is feeling alone it is very hard. I know too, that feeling, I have only one friend right now and I've only known her four days, who knows I hope it will last but I am afraid to rely on that, friends have let me down betrayed me and left me in the dust so many times, and I've so many times pushed friends away. I don't trust that it'll be true, even tho we get along so well without obsessing about that! We are different in so many ways too! We both are in a stage of our life where we're starting over from absolute zero. It's hard and trying but we're pushing through it! The important thing I learned when I was in the hospital (for behavioral health, I wanted to kill myself) one of the most important things I learned that helps me to cope with my loneliness and anxiety and depression, is that Just because we feel a certain way doesn't mean it's real. we may feel like everything is on fire, but take it from someone who spent ten days in the hospital worrying if she'd have a job and a drivable car and a working phone once out - life doesn't go as fast as we think it does. Our necessity, our need for it, is what makes life fast - if you want life to be slow, slow down. Focus on what you need to focus on, and get it resolved. It is more important to be consistent and to finish your tasks and goals than it is to frantically try to do everything and get nothing done. Back to the woman's perspective - I don't know if I can relate, I am gay and plan on adopting, or artificial insemination, something planned. I don't know your perspective like you do - but, it seems like you are worrying a little too much. I am recovering from abuse and I wonder if you are? Because the kind of thinking you are in right now in this post of yours, it strikes home for me too I relate in many ways to your state of mind, the thoughts you deal with. Take it from me - they are incorrect thoughts. I think what @Feel Good is saying is definitely worth paying attention to - but I think they miss the reality of what it is we go through, because getting from where we are to where he's asking you to get to - it's no easy task, it's hard work. It takes time to build up that strength - I like to think of reality as if it is a sea of complex currents, and we need to navigate the strong forces. But to navigate, we must not be like the seed on the wind, which has no say in where it is carried, and we must not be like the sapling in the wind, which holds to an anchor but gets ripped away if the wind is too strong, and we must not be like the stone which sinks to the bottom and stays (mostly) put, nor the sand which is lost in the masses and shaped by the wind like herded sheep. No, we are the sailor, the tortoise, the row boat, we use the current to our advantage, we stear towards where we want to go. So, take where Feel Good is suggesting as the aim, this is where we want to go, and look to where you are now, and where you have been, and find strength to navigate - in some direction, keeping where you want to be in mind. That friend of mine said something that I've been thinking about all day today. She said, if I'm suffering, if I'm not going to where I want, if I don't feel passionate about it, it isn't my calling, it isn't my dream, to look again. I am not sure if I agree, but it is something I am thinking about, and I suggest you might too. When you speak of how awful you feel, and want to be a support to others? Girl, ask yourself what you want to do NOW and do it. Don't take the battering ram of what you lack in life, because in your situation, that life - supporting others - it will drag you down, deeper, and leave you emotionally tired, too tired to deal with your own self. You're studying psychology? So be your own psychologist. That is where THAT calling is calling you - you need to heal, go help yourself heal. Journal every day, and use a diary. Talk to friends, meet new people, find a counselor and/or a psychologist and talk with them. Go to group therapy meets, anything that will accept you and you can afford. YOU are the person you need to support, and you can do that! As for what you should do with your life? Explore right now. Take that time. Are you in school - so remember that that sort of thing is better completed than not. Find school advisors and ask what you can do still to complete - decide if you want to take the shortest route to complete it, and finish your psychology degree, or ask if you want to take it a little longer, and switch majors. Perhaps you can dual-major with psychology and something else that interests you. Don't think about the career right now - think about you, your now, and your school commitment. There is so much more you can do with a college degree than JUST one dream - so getting the degree is your priority, forget about careers for now. Get working! Get a job! Find a job with positive people - that's #1. Turn down any job offer where the people who interview don't make you smile! Meet new people, change what scenes you visit, get out of the home and explore the world around you. Nothing helps people with limited mindest better than getting out there and exploring what is real!