Hi,
David 37 years old,
searching for enlightened for 20 years now. I had a few glimpse with self inquiry and some spychadealics (not the top one I don't where to find them).
But I'm TTTTTTTTTTTTTTiiiiiiiiiired, I need a master who will guide me, en enlightened master.
Were can I find one?
Thanks Leo.

How can we fully understand 'The observer is the observed'? | J. Krishnamurti
 

2016, oct 18th
healthy meals university career time investment happiness sharing reading yogasanas meditation dancing master classes are finally becoming easier. the professor will start demanding coding homework. coding sometime sis easier than doing complicated math.
lunch was DELICIOUS!
i read a bit more the tao of physics. this book is amazing me!
i wrote a zen koan and did a drawing to go with it. here it is! it says "if the leaf becomes the soil, when exactly is the leaf no more?"
the yoga class was cool, even though my muscles hurt a little right now, which is normal.
after that, my girlfriend came here and we danced kizomba. we're getting better! then we talked a little about her family. we also created new possibilities for the future and made ourselves friends with them. i find this a powerful exercise. training the mind to adapt easily to situations.

Two things...you did not experience this like you feel you did. You experienced a screen. Might sound like a subtle difference, but if you want to help people, you’ll need to realize the difference. Being on the falsity rollercoaster of sadness, etc, will not result in the high energy you will need to help people to the tune you desire. After you get yourself there, you’ll have all the energy in the universe to help. You are not feeling sadness because you are empathetic. It is because you have not mastered your own energy, and you’re being taken for a ride by the energy of others. If you’re going to uplift anyone, you’re first going to have to learn how to keep yourself “up”.  

I would highly recommend Acupuncture to release tension. Have an appointment with your local GP, and he may refer you to a acupuncturist for free treatment depending on where you live.
Also, hatha yoga is specifically designed to release the stress, knots and tension in the body to allow chi/prana to flow effortlessly through you. Something you could do right now while learning or instead of yoga would be to start doing stretching too. 
You are completely right, it is stress which caused your muscle tension, so I have just listed how to deal with the physical symptoms, but as you know the root cause is stress. The practice to remove stress is to start developing trust in the present moment, and that the universe has got your back. So whenever you start Worrying, Anticipating a undesirable future, or Regretting past actions (WAR) stop and focus on your breathe. Notice how nothing you are imagining is actually present in the room you are in. Breathe, take a break my friend.
Your mind is too wild to do proper meditation. So I recommend one of these practices instead until we can stop your mind from controlling you so much with these fear based thoughts  https://channelhigherself.com/blog/what-if-meditation-is-too-difficult/
I recommend this especially: https://channelhigherself.com/videos/satsang-with-the-self/10-minute-higher-self-meditation-ujjayi-victory-breath/. This breathe control practice will overpower the thoughts in your mind, and so will give each day a more and more silent, and peaceful mind. This I feel will be the most important practice for you because it deals with the root cause, it will purify your mind of stress, and replace it with peace and silence.  
You are the creator. Create more peace using the Ujjayi breath and watch your reality change. 
Namaste.

@Feel Good 
The whole fitness supplement market is just so unregulated and driven by profit / cost reduction that I don't know if I truly trust any products anymore. I used to be all for Vega until that heavy metal report came in and they along with Garden of Life ended at the tail... The one that still has good reputation (coming from my biased vegan agenda) is Vivo Life. These have (not yet) been proven to be contaminated and the brand is represented by a lot of very conscious promoters of plant based lifestyle. The downside of Vivo is that it is quite expensive as it gets very popular.  
Ideally get yourself of all these powders and pills and get all that from your food. Whether you are a lifter striving for maximal gains or long duration athlete, you can get all you need from wholefoods. You can thrive on 0.8g - 1g of protein per kg of bodyweight which is super easy to get on a plate
 

The mind holds on to physicality. It’s no joke...but if you let go of both, you’ll see it is a joke of unfathomable magnitude. Because the Truth is unbelievable & unthinkable, holding beliefs & thoughts is holding falsity, and facing too much falsity at once, the mind will create the experience of intense fear. Everything is given up for even a glimpse of Nothing. 
So take it a bit slower. Keep doing the meditation & self inquiry, but get away for a few days or so, when you can, alone. 
You must be at peace, alone, with nothing. 
And consider making a Start / Stop list, and implementing it. Meditate with this list. Allow what you deeply want to stop doing & start doing to arise from that vastness and write it down. Hang copies of this list on your walls. Look at it first thing in the morning and visualize the unification, the wholeness, the completeness of having the consciousness to abide in these deeper choices for your life. 
When you have created the life you want to wake up to, there is no fear anymore, and you awaken. 
 
 

Many great points already made.  
As a leader of a group, taking responsibility of things that aren't your fault is an opportunity for creating a positive culture in your work place.  This action is a statement that 'I am hear to stay', 'no more excuses', and 'I have all of your backs (employees)'.  This does not mean that you do not pull people aside and work on resolving past indiscretions, and make adjustments to prevent further breakdowns.  
Alternatively, if you do not take the responsibility, you will create a culture of 'finger pointing' from top to bottom. Ultimately, creating a toxic workplace environment. 
 

I was pretty heavily alcoholic (2-3 heavy drinking nights a week) when I watched Leo's video on "awaraness alone is curative" and derived my own version of the method descriped in the video to get rid of alcohol and my method went like this:
1 when at home, take a bottle of whisky and pour yourself a shot
2 everytime you get a feeling that you need to take a shot, or if you think about alcohol, or even if you look at the shot you have to pick it up
3 pull it under your nose and smell it, think how it tastes, how it makes you feel, the hangover, how it affects your social situations, future and basically tap into every negative emotion that you have with alcohol and dvelve in it
4 you should notice your hand shaking as it becomes impossible to drink that shot
5 dispose of the shot when you go to sleep
 
During my first 2 weeks i did this excersise countless times. The first day i did it over 15 freaking times. After those first 2 weeks i just dropped the method and in the past 2 months, i have gotten only once heavily drunk, and few nights i have gone with max 6 drinks. Changed my life
 
Edit: funny thing, at one point i tried to force myself into drinking the shot, but everytime i tried i just couldnt. Then my mind literally began to distract me from focusing on the shot with all kind of imaginations and thoughts
 
Edit2: if someone here tries out this technique, please PM me for your results. I have noticed that it works much better with hard addictions such as alcohol, tobacco and drug addictions but with minor addictions with less noticable side effects its less effective

@Butters Someone who gives you dogma is not enlightened and their focus on them, though they might not realize this. Someone who tells you to do the practices and adopt a healthy lifestyle of well being is interested in helping you. All spirituality is ultimately not it, but it helps get you practicing and living healthy, and it expands your mind so you can realize self.

My thought is that there must be an issue with how you're approaching. It might be the vibe you're giving off. Often times, men with low self-esteem who lack self-confidence, unconsciously put a lot of pressure onto women. This makes them very uncomfortable. 
For example, when I was 20, I went out to a jazz/cigar bar and I met this guy who was kind of nerdy looking and overweight. But he seemed cool at first. We were playing chess upstairs. I knew he was interested in me, and I wasn't completely not interested in him. Either way, I was enjoying his company.
But then he got really insecure about messing up the interaction with me. And I realized that he was putting too much emphasis on the interaction. Like I knew that he felt like I held his worth as a human being in my hands. 
So, this immediately scrubbed all potential for romance or even friendship from my mind, because I felt that pressure that he'd unintentionally put onto me by giving me that much power and significance over him even in just having met him. 
But he asked for my number, and I gave it to him. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. And I gave him my real number too.
Unfortunately, I was very poverty-stricken at the time. And I couldn't even afford to keep the lights on in my apartment. And so, I wasn't able to pay my phone bill, and I never used it anyway. 
But one night, a few months later, I was out playing my guitar on the street. That was how I made my money at the time. And he walks by and confronts me about giving him a fake number. And he was pretty confrontational and aggressive about it.
So, I told him that it wasn't a fake number. And that I was struggling financially. And I showed him my phone, which I still had (even though I couldn't use it). So, that he could see that I hadn't given him a fake one. So, the situation de-escalated.
Then, I get a text from him a few minutes later, and I ignored it. Too much baggage, too quick. 
If you've ever had a person try to be friends with you too quick, it's the same thing. You know that person desperately need a friend, because they don't have any. But you also know that if you agree to be their friend, they will put too much emphasis on the friendship too quick.
Edit: I guess I did have my phone back on at the time. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been able to text. Either way, my phone was unpaid very often. So, when I gave him the number, he got the message that the number had been disconnected.

@billiesimon I think beginning with seeing the label of "good" as fairly arbitrary can be a good start. Ultimately, it is one word and can't really describe a person who is multi-faceted and flawed.
But if you have any of those violent images come up, it can important to understand that they aren't coming from you. Nothing in the internal experience comes from you. There is no actual "you" inside the mind that's producing images and thoughts. They are just spontaneously springing into the internal landscape. They mean as much about you as the tree in your back yard. They are just there. They are happenings. But they aren't happenings that "you" caused. 
So, imagine that there is a thunderstorm that's happening, and it's destroying some things and making some trees fall down. Then, there's some crazy guy who's freaking out because he believes that he's somehow causing the thunderstorm to happen. So, he's panicking because he can't figure out how to stop the thunderstorm. He finds himself completely unable to control it.
Now, we see that this man is crazy to identify himself as the cause of the thunderstorm. We know that he has NOTHING to do with the thunderstorm at all. The thunderstorm is just happening, and he's perceiving it. But he makes the mistake to believe that because he's perceiving it, he's the one that's also causing it.
As crazy as it seems, this is the same mistake that people make about their internal landscape. And they make that mistake because they identify with the happenings in their internal landscape and they make it mean something about themselves.
So, if they perceive a thunderstorm in their external landscape, they don't make it mean anything about themselves. They just try to stay safe from it. But they don't think, "This thunderstorm means that I'm a bad person." They would recognize that as crazy.
But with the internal landscape, when they perceive of destructive drives, thoughts, and urges, they fall into that trap. They think, "These internal phenomena mean that I'm a bad person." And if they can't stop it, they do their best to ignore it and create all kinds of protection mechanisms to divert their attention from what is a threat to their ego.
But I would imagine that you can't necessarily see the depth of the resistance to the feminine. Most of it is probably unconscious because it would threaten your positive perception of yourself. 
So, look first to the most overt judgments you come across that relate back to women. Your judgments will show you what you're also judging in yourself. Then you can begin to deconstruct these beliefs by questioning their truth and validity. A lot of it will come from emptying your cup of falsehoods that you've learned from your family, your culture, and yourself. 

There are likely subtle and overt beliefs, thoughts, and mindsets that are designed to keep you in homeostasis. Ultimately, it comes down to identifying strongly with thoughts and believing the thoughts that come up because they are seemingly coming from you. Then, once those thoughts sweep you away, all kinds of emotions get triggered from past traumas.
So, it really becomes a snowball effect, where your thought patterns keep you stuck in homeostasis, which causes negative emotions, which cause more negative thoughts, which cause more negative emotions, which cause more negative thoughts... And this continues ad infinitum, unless you can become aware both intellectually and emotionally that those thoughts are not from you and are not to be regarded as true. They are just holding patterns of the mind.
So, my advice is to practice Vipassana meditation where you can gain skill with recognizing when you've become swept away by a thought and gain skill with detaching your awareness from the thought stream by resting it on a sensory experience. Eventually it will become second-nature and you won't get lost in the thought stream or tricked into believing that voice.
But while you develop that skill, it is very important to get in touch with your needs, feelings, and desires. It is really common for people to repress these things when they're seeking enlightenment. So, it's good that you've noticed that. 
But it's important to have faith that the process is working, even if it's working slowly.