11modal11
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Everything posted by 11modal11
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11modal11 replied to Gryner's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
yes i think the issue was i misunderstood your message, the communication style is hard for me to understand personally -
wow i really like teal swan i need to watch more of these videos
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i also spend a lot of the time dancing around or meditating in feeling into the imagination of fantastical scenarios or colors to the point where it feels like a full body orgasm lol
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@CreamCat music
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11modal11 replied to Gryner's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Gryner lol yes I had a similar experience, i was having constant spiritual experiences before i found actualized and the stuff on here just caused me psychosis, i didn't;t go to the hospital but i was going to see a therapist if i didn't get better. Except your feeling like god and fearless part, thats how I felt before but it felt amazing not like i was intentionally trying to kill myself for no reason lol, from this site i stated to believe i should commit suicide as soon as possible and that is enlightenment. which was 180 from the profound mystical experience life i was having before where every moment was like this profound dream i was having so idk, maybe he is just difficult to understand and is saying something in a way that we are having troublee understanding. but the way he says it makes it seem to me like he is saying that i should literally commit suicide right now and that is what everyone should do -
everyone is inferior to you, everyone else is weird, you are the god of your own universe and what you like is best
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in fact i have zero idea about any outside world other than my immediate moment to moment experience and boards like this, i literally live in my own fantasy world and just make art and go have fun all day with part time easy work on the computer! This is the way to live! COMPLETE DELUSION! EXACTLY HOW A CHILD LIVES! that is TRUE HAPPINESS!
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@CreamCat wow this video is exactly how i feel. and felt before i stumbled upon and then ditched enlightenment and spiral dynamics. I had zero self consciousness in comparison to others because i just only valued whatever resonated with me and cared about nothing else. anything else is just trying to live up to some ideal like "enlightenment" or "spiral dynamics" which actually causes suffering ironically...amazing video!
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11modal11 replied to Rilles's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
just saying that i was diagnosed as orange by someone who worked with the author based on my value system, it wasn't a long conversation but i think a lot of what i would say seems like purple, what i experience daily is completely transnational and mystical and also seems nothing like enlightenment -
11modal11 replied to Rilles's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Barry J lol the moment i let go of spiral dynamics and enlightenment i was in constant bliss and mystical experience once again! -
11modal11 replied to Rilles's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
in fact enlightenment seems anti-spiritual it sucks for me. i only care about spirituality aka my own individual energetic resonance at all costs, not some bullshit suicide. -
11modal11 replied to Rilles's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Rilles This is not true. You are basing this off of one person. I was diagnosed as orange by someone who works with Don Beck, and I am extremely happy in fact the happiest person i know. I just have mystical experiences all day. I am probably a narcissist/sociopath even to the extent that i only love myself and only care about my own unique energetic resonance at all times and following that. I have virtually zero self consciousness in terms of comparison to other people. I only do what naturally resonates with me personally at all time. I feel like I am leaving my body half of the time I have such a deep connection with reality almost every second and my vibration is so high. I meditate for 2 hrs a day and almost feel like I am leaving my body, it constantly feels like I am high with no drugs. The Real Spiral Dynamics as intended by the author and not Leo's version has virtually nothing to do with spirituality. In fact spiral dynamics and enlightenment were the only things that I tried that made me feel bad. instead i focus on profound metaphysical experience and energetic resonance at all times - uniquely mine. I am a selfish motherfucker and that includes only going for my own selfish spiritual experiences in deep metaphysical connection with reality but giving zero about anyone else wellbeing. -
Be very careful going down this road. use this as a tale of warning. before i came across actualized.org my life used to be so meaningful, and i was the happiest and most optimistic person i knew. i used to enjoy every moment of life in bliss appreciating the wonder of all of the variety. now i literally perceive reality as this vibrating field of oscillation where everything’s is the essentially same just the surface appearance is different and there is no separation and its just this same fucking field and im all of it and just fucking here always this vibrating field. this is literally what i perceive with my senses. it is miserable, all meaning i had and appreciation i had is gone because i see the sameness underlying all of this and my inseperation from it. not to mention in alll leos videos he says, kill yourself, die, kill your ego. so i did that, now at this point why even live? i feel like there is no point to existing anymore. this is enlightenment? this is torture, someone please help me here. I am trying to reprogram my mind to get back to when i perceived myself as an individual that was happy and had meaning in life and was unique and had things that i liked myself instead of this vibrating field that i now am with no real people just these perceptions that are an illusion as i can see "them" being materialized by this field by my very perception. theses nothing special or meaningfull anymore its all this same field just oscillating away everywhere "i" "go". this site is the worst thing to ever happen to me. Please if someone has some techniques to reprogram me to have a separate identity again please let me know. For anyone else going down this road be very wary. maybe this is for some who can't cope with life being a person, but if youre just "curious" like i was and then socially pressured by Leo and this board thinking this is something you have to do and that literally being a person is bad, which i had to struggle with until i was no longer one what i perceived as "my life" was over . this may not be for you. I really want to forwarn anyone following this path that the end may not be what you think it is. imagine reality disintegrating before you , everything you hold as important and meaningful or special to you gone, your own identity as a person gone. in order to even have a conversation with this field you are manifesting as perceptions you perceive as people you have to attempt to fake to the mind that there are other people even when you know its all clearly one thing going on and a persistent illusion. life is now a constant "fake out" to do anything when you know how everything is this generic field here moving around and can literally see this now more than anything. So again I truly warn you that this may not be for you. And if someone has any suggestions to regain an identity and somehow forget that this is an illusion it is much appreciated, any hypnosis or something would be excellent. be careful what path you take before understanding the consequences of your life literally being over to see this.
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11modal11 replied to 11modal11's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@cetus56 and as the car example ive never really been a keeping up with the jones' "one-upper" type, more of a follow your heart type, and that is difficult to do when you're actively trying to kill yourself hahah -
11modal11 replied to 11modal11's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@cetus56 When I say social pressure i mean compensation for not living up to a standard that i perceived, so yes i would definitely call that ego. -
11modal11 replied to 11modal11's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@cetus56 I would agree with you, depending on definition. I got into this field initially because I wanted to investigate the nature of the amazing mystical experiences I was having that could not be explained with (obviously) any of what i had learned from school/life. And, to your point, I wasn't "trying" to have these experiences, they were just happening to me naturally based on living life in resonance with what i felt. Then, right you are, I went too far thinking I could get something out of this by efforting and figuring out intricacies instead of just letting my natural flow happen as I always had, which lead me down a rabbit hole of confusion and self consciousness and inferiority feelings to ideologies that I had never had before. As long as we're not defining the ego as "sense of self and sense of resonance and following that flow and inspiration naturally" and more defining it as "lets investigate this and try to figure out all these intricacies so i can live up to or be this thing outside myself" and more importantly "self in comparison to someone or something" or "self consciousness" then I would completely agree with you. I've learned to don't need to be someone, or no one, or everything, or "god" I'd rather just be me, wherever that takes me naturally. -
11modal11 replied to 11modal11's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@ajasatya lol yes, i do appreciate Leo for helping people of course and I hope our friend Mikael figures it out! -
11modal11 replied to 11modal11's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
because if im already extremely happy and blissful all the time just hangin around enjoying the moment, why would i want/need enlightenment? -
11modal11 replied to 11modal11's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
i see things are starting to make more sense, i just really misunderstood things, but its all good. i really don't think this is for me at least now, im just gonna go have enjoy hanging out at the park and the book store and talking to random people like before lol -
11modal11 replied to 11modal11's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@ajasatya see this is where i get confused more... when i was studying Tolle and being present it was amazing just being in the moment and yees the best feelings do come from the moment right now circumstances dont matter, but Leo seems to have a different take, "God Mode" "turquoise" "years of self inquiry" and "psychedelics", i got all confused and stressed, and then try to figure out what he is actually saying... maybe he is just not the right teacher for me? He seems to have a totally different take than Tolle for example, and its making me feel like i'm missing something, where Tolle is just about the amazing moment being at the park bench and taking in all the amazingness. -
11modal11 replied to 11modal11's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@RabbitHole lol yes, i'm glad someone understands what i mean! I already feel better now lol! I just don't think this is for me, I was already extremely happy and didn't take anything seriously, I was just having fun all the time, i just got a little to curious and the social pressure obviously kicked in too. this stuff just feels so stressful so its not worth it right now. I guess its kind of cool that I perceive this field now, its like the matrix or something. time to go back to enjoying myself and such, good post! thanks -
11modal11 replied to 11modal11's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@DoubleYou Yes, and of course if anything seems overwhelming for a second I just throw on a Tolle video become present and boom its gone -
11modal11 replied to 11modal11's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Mikael89 Also check out this video, this is essentially what i was describing i was doing i never realized it until i saw the video -
11modal11 replied to 11modal11's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Mikael89 Read Power vs. Force Im telling you, your brain is just in just in low vibration and is used to that state -
11modal11 replied to 11modal11's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Mikael89 then i really just think its the brain addiction to a negative state, i dont believe anyones natural state is like that. i think you could get professional help to clear it