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@Mikael89 You are unique you are a special snowflake covered up with false beliefs and conditioning, the world is waiting for you

@Mikael89 Theres no way, it has to just be a group thing man maybe youre hanging with the wrong people or something! , trust me this world is so amazing, there are literally infinite options everywhere you can go get a camera and start filimng pranks and ut it on youtube or go study some physics or something, the burden is its hard to choose which thing an there is such limited time do do all the possible things!...I think what happens is people don't just DO WHAT THEY WANT.a nd then they forget what they want/like. has to be it. My entire life I never do anything I don't want to do unless I truly have to and even that is a stretch. Try doing this! Only what YOU want! Not what you think you should be! When I went off course was when i found this board and stopped listening to my internal guidance and started trying to live up to standards like "enlightenment (which i still do not get at all)" o r "spiral dynamics xyzzy stage turquoise" and then i started judging myself against those things and feeling bad that i "had an ego" or i wasn't "x stage". My internal voice has never lead me wrong, the only thing I feel ashamed about is that I gave my power away to try to follow the ideals on here essentially worshipping some other ideal than myself and what i like! Im telling you man, start doing what YOU want, even, the small things at first and your life will improve!

By the way this "life is suffering" thing, 'ive seen this a lot on here is this a common thing, like do a lot of people people actually feel this way in society?

if thats the case then why not just at least seek a part time job, it sounds like your best bet and then you can pretty much just go enlightenment full time if it works out

honestly id look into the brain addiction/neurochemisty thing, it could really just be your brain is maybe carrying trauma or addicted to a negative state, like i said im not a professional but it could help!

@Mikael89 idk man sorry i just can't relate, like i said i was unbelievably being a full fledged individual and there was no person id rather be and all my interests and stuff i just loved so much, its like they were tailor made for me, thats why i believe in natural resonance, maybe it is bullshit, but it feels real to me so whatever, i just feel so amazing with certain resonances and ways of being. but if you could somehow get more time to devote to your enlightenment practice maybe thats the thing for you? I

Wait a minute, maybe there are two kinds of people...one who think life sucks and is suffering and is boring and just want to BECOME infinite, and one who thinks enlightenment is suffering and boring and just want to EXPLORE infinity....

For example, by default just being there I feel amazing looking at architecture or something reality is so amazing dude its like a dream! Thats why I dont get all this enlightenment stuff, amazingness is right in front of you life is not suffering, its all amazing infinite possibilities everywhere!!! Also you sound over pessimistic about the job, getting a part time job is probably not that difficult for real and you'll have more time to really figure yourself out!

@Mikael89 Idk man, maybe you just have to find your things I guess, are you saying you have no interests. I could just look in the mirror and Im so happy to be alive and be me..all my amazing memories and all the things I could do, there are endless possibilities man. I'm not a professional Maybe your brain is just addicted to a negative state and it can easily be remedied, what were you like as a kid, are you saying theres nothing for you?

Im rereading the and very confused, you're saying that going to the bookstore and doing cool meet ups and the park will lead to a suffering life?

I'm not talking about enlightenment, as I said that avenue only led to stress, pain, and confusion for me. For me living as I said was what brought me extreme happiness to the point where I was feeling like I was going to leave my body with too much pleasure (high vibration)/ I'm just telling you how I was living. In terms of your job maybe find a remote one and outsource it instead of what you have. You can find people online in india to do the work. Or just get a part time job and work like 20 hr per week, spend the rest adventuring and meeting people and all that. how much money do you need really? And how would that lead to suffering? I was doing that and I literally felt amazing 24/7. I guess I just don't understand, I can just go out and look at all the amazing gadgets in Target or go to the mall and look at all the cool shoes, or go to the park, or just jam out to music thats exciting for me I don't get what you mean by no excitement or how that would lead to suffering, you can go do so many things right now?

Maybe this enlightenment kill your ego and force yourself to sit there in the now stuff till "youre" "dead" does work for some people, but its just too stressful for me. I'd much rather be that inner child with natural spontaneous flow full of wonder, that never changed until I got into this and its time to throw in the towel and go back for me. At least thats my comfort zone, maybe not for everyone.

When you see those kids running around at the playground and playing house and shit, thats what I would look like to you

@Mikael89 I'm not sure how old you are, but outsource any responsibility you have. if you're in school take only classes that have papers and no tests to the best of your ability and outsource your assignments on Fiverr (thats what I did in college which I just graduated). Any tests you have cheat to the best of your ability to get a passing grade. In high school we paid the janitor 20 bucks for a copy of the key and then stole the tests and had a nerdier guy do it in exchange for having it ahead of time and we got the answers. If youre no longer in school and have a job, find a way to outsource it there are really good people in India and such you can find who do a great job, not even kidding. You can get a remote job on indeed and outsource it as well which is best. It shouldn't be that hard honestly. Once your responsibilities for survival are handled, which is annoying up front but WORTH IT when the system is in place, you are free to do whatever you want. Then spend the day rby following you moment to moment excitement. I'd just get coffee and go hang out at the book store, talk to random people I inevitably became friends with all of the employees and such, and got all free stuff and read interesting parts of books, then the gym, etc. Then I'd go to laser tag and the nearby arcade. Later on I'd meet my friends and go to the bar. I'd see groups on meet up and go to them when I felt like it. I promise you will have a natural flow and feel a buzz all the time depending on your interests. But the key is just follow your natural momentum moment by moment and don't make any obligations in terms of a schedule. I never had any commitments ever just lived freely in the moment. Also when I'm alone I like to just play music from my favorite bands and dance around and pretend i am the rockstar or pretend I am the quarterback for the Super Bowl etc. as well or go to the park. I also play music with people when they are free.

@Mikael89 try living like a 5 year old, that is essentially what i was doing before this and plan to go back to and it is great!

@Mikael89 do you really feel this way? reality only consists of suffering? this has to be subjective.

@Mikael89 i'd substitute "for a reason" with "naturally occurring phenomenon" part of the chain reaction but fuck it why fight it unless that is what your into as long as you like it of course. or you could go where few have gone before too.

@Leo Gura You're right the ego is extremely frightened by the absolute warping of this reality that is occurring. I wouldn't;t even say meaningless I;d say WTFness as there is just this "field" where these used to be a world with things. Thats okay, I'm throwing in the towel on this, I don't have the balls to go any farther. Best of luck!

Also I think there are almost 2 "enlightenments" one is the non-duality or literal merging/"awakening" which leo focuses on, and the other is vibration and aligning with creative forces of the universe which is say is what Hawkins focuses on. They're probably related, but not necessarily together, if you recall Leo said he was feeling very bad doing his 30 day thing eventually, I think it mirrors the uncomfortability I feel.

@Arkandeus yes thanks, social pressure, even on the internet can make us do a lot of things we might not be comfortable with. No it certainly feels very bad lol, maybe for some but not for me. Best to trust my intuition and get back into life more as an individual. I think the problem with a lot of teachings is it attempts to point to "truth" using language and reason when reality is well beyond the use of these kinds of things.

@AleksM Thanks, I think another thing is I and anyone who has this issue has to really make a point to get in social settings again, because I live by myself and work from home so I think the more time I spend around people the more I will kind of get reprogrammed to be a person lol

@Mikael89 I'm not sure if I reached "absolute or what" not but I got far, wayyyy too far. If say leaving your body is the limit, I've been right there multiple times and had to stop what I was doing because I could feel like I was being lifted out of my crown area and could possibly die if I kept going. After a couple years of meditation for 2 hours per day (I was doing it for the high when I started). Then I started noticing weird stuff happening to me like I'd think something and it would happen, or I ran around all day living in the moment, and at certain points I felt overwhelming pleasure and that if I didn't stop I would leave my body. Life became very synchronistic and I'd be thinking something, then say a song with that exact phrase would play on my computer or someone would call me with free tickets to something I had been thinking about. Or even I would have say an imagination of something, and I'd literally see that thing in a move at the theatre later that day. I did my research and found out about high vibrations and such which I assume was at the cause. Then I wanted to see how far I could make things go in my favor so I did more research did Bentinho's courses for months and I was changing so fast that I couldn't keep track of reality and I actually made a couple objects change places by "intent" and even my phone a couple times would start typing things I was thinking (I swear to god i saved pictures) and some other weird "paranormal" things. I still had a sense of self at this point. I kept pushing too far though and then I stumbled upon Actualized, but Leo's take was very "no self". I kind of felt socially pressured because of all the memes on this site being so anti-self and kill your individuality (my fault of course, but I was so deep that i kind of didn't have a real barrier any more) and more merged with reality like he said in his "god mode" and physicality started changing into this like "field" as I say, but the joy and bliss from before where I was focusing on vibration and perceived myself more as a "spiritual being" instead of "everything" disappeared, because I felt bad for having a sense of self, like I wasn't;t supposed to at this level or something and I just kind of felt scared, confused took on a very cynical approach to reality because of how was all such an "illusion" as Leo says. I would say Leo actually had very good pointers to reach this kind of space and really see it more and more "purely" I guess, but for me the depression of trying to "kill myself" and "become infinite" when I enjoyed and appreciated life so much really made me in a weird spot and nihilistic, like I wasn't;t free to just be what i wanted to and do what i wanted to do, which is more how I lived before.ANd reality seems so groundless now, that iI am working to become more "human" again. I want to warn people that I don't believe it is natural for everyone, not for me at least. I was way happier as an individual for sure, and honestly in my experience, there are more than one "truth" I do feel that there is inherent metaphysical individuality that is ignored in many of spiritual teachings, ultimately we are one at the absolute level, but in my expernience there are layers of individuality in between avg joe and monk and my comfort level definitely lies in individuality. As for getting to this kind of place if you really want to merge with everything, Leos teaching is very harsh, but it will get you there, and he reallyy wanted to be there with no shortcut, I'll give him that. The part about "god-mode really changed it for me to reach greater depths (again in which I am very uncomfortable).

im sure ill be okay if i get used to it, but as i said im not conceptualizing, my direct experience is crumbling

@SgtPepper dude i am not conceptualizing anything here, i can't explain this enough. i care zero about enlightenment, i want regular old life back at this point, i can't handle what i am experiencing.

and what youre describing is how i felt BEFORE this. Now the objects are literally becoming less visible to me and its getting harder to function everything is blending into what i am PERCEIVING as this field.