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That reminds me of a thing I'm struggling with: I really love music and composing and when I do it I'm extremely grateful for it, it's amazing and even ecstatic sometimes. But then there is a longer dry period, often triggered by a harsh critique or being ignored, or just seeing that I'm the only one excited about what I did. And then I get extremely perfectionistic and can't finish a thing, because nothing's ever finished. I finished tracks, don't get me wrong, but it took a lot of overcoming myself. Okay I think I answered my question myself kind of. It's my ego that blocks my creative flow. But it's really hard to break...

Being is different from understanding or experiencing. As long as you don't confuse one with the other it's all good. You can do both.

Possibly past trauma. You gotta work through it one way or the other if that's the case. Otherwise look at your current situation: Are there things you don't want to acknowledge? Are you on the right track? Do you life authentically from moment to moment? It also helps to just notice that it's not real. That doesn't solve it immediately, but it may shorten the time it takes to subside. You could also go into WHY it's not real. What are counterarguments against your depressive thoughts in the moment? What situations went differently than you tell yourself? Try finding good ways to distract yourself in between. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but it can really help to take your mind off that negative thought spiral for a moment. Sometimes it's just what happens and you gotta finish the slide until you can get back up again. But that point will definitely come, even when you don't see the possibility right now. Have you spoken to a therapist or a friend? Telling your situation to others can help to gain new perspectives that are sometimes difficult to come up alone.

It's just a matter of definition. If you say: Enlightenment (or awakening) is knowing that there's only you, then it can be reached. But it can also change again. Everything that has a beginning will have an end. I'm starting to get the feeling that everybody means something completely different when using that word. It's just such a buzzword. It's so overused and misused that we should think about abandoning that term entirely and instead classify all different states of consciousness and give them completely new names.

I think that's the true art of living: Going stark raving mad while at the same time remaining completely grounded internally.

You can't even measure it because you don't really know whose testimony you trust. But you can't measure it by any other means either. Who decides who is enlightened? Is there a symptoms catalog like the DSM for mental illness? Who defines a thing like that? Sure, you could at least rule some people out that clearly aren't.. but can you really know for sure?

You can learn a lot about the sun by using different devices, contemplation and experiments. But you can never just stare into it. Or let's see it this way: If Awakening was light you can crank it up gradually and also dim it until you can't even see it anymore. All those experiences contribute to your understanding of light. But there's a maximum capacity you're able to handle as a human. You'd have to die to go beyond that.

Enlightenment is not binary. So very very hard to say. What's your definition of enlightenment?

What are you doing the whole day? I'm pretty sure that you don't really "do nothing", right? For example gaming, masturbating, YouTube, Reddit, etc. is not doing nothing.

You can't look long enough into the sun to take it completely in. Same goes for LOVE as a human.

What do you mean exactly? I think hurting egos - your own or others - is not productive at all. That's precisely what gets an ego to defend itself and get even bigger. Confronting your ego on the other hand is another story. You don't have to hurt your ego for this, it will happen anyway. It will get triggered by life.

Dude, please stop kidding yourself. That's just an excuse to be an asshole. I've met people like that and it was just exhausting and not very productive.

Well, for one Leo is human and fallable. I (and I think most others) don't trust him blindly. Though I must admit that his words can exert a certain authority. I try to be as conscious as possible of it and remind myself that I must be my final authority. Regardless I see him more like a researcher on the frontier of consciousness that shares his insights with us. The interpretations could be wrong, but they are very powerful pointers when you use them as a basis for your own contemplation. As for religion: I think religions are great, and they don't need a leader! We just need way better religions. In my understanding the core of a religion is ceremonial spirituality done together. I think this world needs more of it.

I am what is.

But I have moments when I know

I know nothing. I explain to you my current understanding of life. That's all.

I think you're onto something But that are also a lot of beliefs. I don't say you're wrong, but there's a lot more to it still.

I said "what this is". I don't know either, but I know what it's not: Everything you think it is. Beyond that I got glimpses. That is enough to know that nobody here knows what's up. Except maybe very few. Can't really say much else about it because it's beyond words and it would sound like nonsense to you anyway. I'll say so much: The potential of Humanity is greater than is possible to imagine.

Last time it was about obsessions

Oh well, I'm not hard to bait. But I'm working on it

Both. With and without psychedelics. Other means are contemplation, inquiry and just dropping all concepts for a moment and just be. It‘s building up since over 10 years, getting deeper and deeper. It really started with an awakening to eternity after an LSA trip that lead to massive fear and panic attacks for many years. Then I adopted meditation, read eckhart tolle etc. until I managed to just witness my fear at some point during deep meditation. After that it didn’t affect me as much anymore Then later I had a deep awakening without any substances where I realized LOVE (as a glimpse) for the first time. After that it felt like downloading a lot of information from the universe and a lot of things were restructured over the course of many weeks. Another awakening into trans-rationality and infinity (or not-finiteness and unlimitedness), I don’t know the chronology exactly. And then a whole lot of trips with various other moments of awakening to various degrees. Most recently I had an awakening to Absolute Solipsism, where it was ABSOLUTELY clear that it’s all me. I even could decide how I want to continue. But yeah, to answer your question, I’m not bound by rationality and concepts since a long time ago. But I can and love to use my mind extensively as a tool for creation.

What do you mean? Everything I say is based on direct experience. Sometimes referring to past experiences of course.

Well that would defeat the purpose somewhat. That would be too unintelligent to fly. "But you said anything's possible!!" – you can't change everything from you current limited point of view, there are limitations set also by you, but you're not aware of that right now. Also you probably wouldn't be conscious of what you choose psychedelics to do, that's decided outside of your limited perspective, but it will be exactly what you need of them.

Nah.

I can make a video to explain it. Which is pretty convenient because I wanted to do some more videos anyway. That's the next best medium to transport it, really – to really get it you must have been there though I wouldn't believe it if I didn't experience it myself. Edit: If you're interested, this is the complete music of that event called VIBEVENT in its current state: https://soundcloud.com/vibevent