Talinn

That's all for today, maybe I'll post a bit more mundane ordinary l things later.

Inspired Yimpa and Emerald.. -- I created a word or name called Corlala, from Latin cor- heart, soul. And lalala, the gibberish of joy. I prefer the name Corlala to Talinn, unfortunately I'm addicted to names so give me one name change on this forum and I might not ever stop. This is an account of a type of gender apocalypse - from Greek ἀποκάλυψις - unveiling . Being misunderstood as a woman is a minor apocalypse, next to the apocalypse of arriving there . My mind is a moon of vines grabbing gold, but any moon worth talking about orbits over water. When I was six or seven years old, I became fascinated with the ocean. I seemed content, but all told the sun was shining bleakly into the chrysalis of my body. I wrote a story entitled "A Mariner's Sorrow" - a quaint foray into darkness; it had a warm lighthouse. Living at 5,300 feet and having never visited an ocean, I could not envision where this was. I had some notion that the directionality of the ocean somehow made a difference. Soon enough, north and east might be unveiled as the best direction for the setting, on the basis of the whimsical and personalized appeal of words. The story was about a depressed, learned man who had many books in his library but could not scavenge any life from them. He sat with a useless nose towards the sea and dreamed of death, but the lighthouse was his mind. There was no gray mist or occupancy of intellect on the top of the tower, therefore no good reason to die alone. There was the beauty of words and the synthesis of experience, but that was not seen right away. I turned 12 and my brother died. I'm watching Battlestar Galactica (2003) on account of it helping to soothe the effects of schizophrenia on my family. Lessons are taught in the show about the perseverance offered by social ties, but the only real comfort to me is in the syllables which spell out the spell. Kara Thrace plays the piano in the episode "Islanded in a Stream of Stars" , itself from a book from Beston's The Outermost House ...written near a lighthouse in 1928. The comfort is in the waterfall of sound. The man in my story sailed alone away from the lights; he vanished into obscurity. I could hypothesize he died to an infinite ocean - the natural edicts of the world, not of masculinity. I was wrong, however.

I loved the Jak and Daxter games so much as a kid, they were only the things that made me happy. Boys and men are still cool.

The scribblings of my path may have started in my admiration of my mother's body. I I noticed that the only love untainted by the parasitic mass of my male anatomy was suspended in amber within dreams. Only in moon dreams and music dreams could I suspend the unnamed . My gender transition began in many places , though many original tunnels, but perhaps this is the most innocent. My mother was Catholic through and through -- the Catholic nuns gave me the discipline to defy God and the sense to shut up about it...most of the time. My sister was always cold, a shiverer through and through. She wasn't very feminine, but she was always cold. I thought there was intrinsic virtue to being cold. Putting an extra blanket on even when I wasn't cold was a good way to feel feminine. Naturally I didn't do that because you can only chew on one vine at a time. My sister watched hockey and was always poking the half-functioning TV with a hockey stick to change the channel from bed. I took a liking to Estonia and Finland in particular. They had saunas that could keep a person warm, but they could see the merits of a snowstorm and I wanted to be able to see its merits, too. I read they were a frigid people slow to warm up to other people, I thought if I could just change ethnicity, I wouldn't mind having male genitals. I loved birds from an early age, I was studying ornithology and the history of birds since I was quite young. In Warcraft III you can play a custom little game where you can take a Druid of the Talon and shape shift it to pick up the Eye of Sargeras after they've transformed to moonkin. A series of transformations later, they have the Eye of Sargeras in their talons. I could pretend I was Estonian to other Warcraft III players..I was such a huge Blizzard fan back in the day.. The name Talinn is a fusion of this. 50 other names followed in its wake. Perhaps if I had a sense of smell the number would be much lower.

The most meaningful dream in my life was a poignant blend of heaven's honey and the self-inflicting pain of malice - fast-paced nascar racetracks mixed with hell's flowers and sinful brothels, exquisite mountain trails leading to soothing baths and the neon lights of the sleep-deprived agents of greed. In the one and hundred-ten levels of this infinite city, all of it was intoxicatingly enjoyable because I was a woman and not a person could think to debate it. I had sex reassignment surgery on September 12, 2017, following 6 years of treatment plans pertaining to Kallmann Syndrome - a failure in the brain to make sex hormones. The gold trimmed essences live and breathe in underarticulation and overarticulation. They live in the Catholic nuns of my youth who gave me the discipline to defy God and they live in the cartoon characters of Bubbles and Blossom who inspire us to laugh. They live in the smirky shadows of Raven's cloak from Teen Titans, they live in Lanfear's narcissistic theatrics. The gold trimmed essence live in my body and mind. I felt female after a matrix of experiences, some of them literary, some of them physical, some of them visual, and some of them auditory. I felt female when I articulated that my right to be a woman is protected under the auspices of my willpower and above the temple of femininity, a space clearly on land.

You can always let him do the finishing touches!

Get silk blankets, silk pillowcase, silk everything. Cotton or any other fabric kills your hair a little.

I don't understand the question really but if you draw a dragon with enough love and care you will be that dragon, for a few moments after you're finished.

Teeth aren't skin or skeleton, watch your dichotomies > : (

I took a complete autism-inventory in person and I was on the border for nearly all the markers..they told me they couldn't really tell anything conclusive It was obvious to me that if I went to a random health care provider off the street I might get a more positive or negative conclusion.

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I appreciate being able to read this, particularly in the dream elements and the patronage of your mother's femininity

The purpose of this forum is literally to raise individual and collective consciousness such that this neednt be the norm. I mean, what are we doing here, we can't aspire to any other notion of femininity? You're chewing on metal and telling us all it's the only way to eat

I got different results every time I went to a different website... iSFP INFP INFJ

Yep I'm sort of like this too! I can't smell from birth, auditory and visual stimuli have also had an extremely strong accent for me. Meditation is good enough for me.

Yeah I've wanted to live and die so badly my heart physically hurts from my non existence, the way reality blends together and the way everything drips beauty. The soul's a tense wire that's going to snap under the strain of pleasantness. I used to listen to music, now I have to create it to not be annoyed. I'm playing the harp. I don't even take psychedelics, if I did I'd be doubly screwed . You find a way to live in whatever the fuck universe we live in.

I'm not one to sit on a toxic rotary table forever , but claiming Emerald was upset that she couldn't be "king of the thread' is extra odd phrasing for a person who took explicit pride in being a woman ...

The moons of the planet Uranus - which were named after a poem called "The Rape of the Lock" in testament to women's supposed duties, all have less eccentricity than this thread.... I appreciate all the men here . We couldn't live without men. The problem is you can't explain away different methods of being in short blurbs of text, it's a fool's errand.

Good for a short spell of time after you've worked too hard for a while. Unsatisfying if you're balancing your life correctly.

True. I don't post much but when I do write, half the time it's for the beauty of language.

I think Emerald was defending her mind and you may be tethering assumptions to that. I daresay it's hard to feel crippled as a woman, as it's what's in the innate structure of the soul. You're either fighting for it in healthy ways or unhealthy ways. Someone would have to batter you for a long time to feel any real shame in it; even then you could synthesize new ideas for growth.. I believe that spiritual essences fall down under a different light when they're expressed by women in this space. It attracts scrutiny because it is so precise to what other members are lacking in their spiritual journeys. This could naturally breed tension and rivalry. I was attracted to Leo's videos because they are no-bullshit and little fluff. Yet, I am prone to criticizing him. The same thing is happening with men criticizing women, I'd wager. Critcizing their own blind spots. And the pickup subculture in this community is sterile of any spiritual distinctiveness, also marginally hostile to women at least on an intellectual basis.

Thank you for being a blessing to the world, Emerald. This website is based on a 90 degree plunge to the truth, with little relational probing to determine whether you're hitting a rock or hitting another person digging. And you get poor manners because your head is sore. If you trace the aesthetics of a place, you can often find the relational vibrancy and cohesion. Here is only black and white. Functional yes, artistic no. I never believed this place was a cult per se, but the presentation of the website could be improved such that masculinity is made less the imperative. Leo's portrait is still on the front page, can we not think of any other art that presents a relationship to Truth? It needn't be cliche. Leo's book list is that bed of feathers he rests his head on every night before the dawn comes and he'll tell you he's flying solo. Every time he says, "form your own opinions." , it is by necessity of being online - a cold stone going down into the Earth with no attempt at shared understanding. (This is a problem stemming from the nature of being online, but aesthetics will draw you to an idea, and most things draw towards masculinity).

Like I could be wrong, but from what I can tell from a few hours of research is this is just a mother being poisoned by psychiatric medications, hopefully this is a wake up call to psychiatric providers

They give you an overabundance of pills in each bottle, so you can easily have an adverse reaction to one of the psych medications after a very short period of time. Then when you look into her cabinet you see mostly full bottles and be like " oh she didn't take them", it's like...no, they just give you a lot per trip. The last psychiatric medications I took was Zoloft 20 years and in two days it made me extremely depressed extremely quickly, had to dump a full bottle

She was poisoned by neurotoxins, I think something like a fifth or so of doctors with the ability to prescribe psychiatric medications should lose their licenses. These drugs are no joke but many doctors don't understand them. The line between love and insanity is thinner than what people would like to believe. Post partum depression = love your kids too much, hence become depressed Post partum psychosis = love your kids too much, hence lose contact with reality