Existentially we are all equal. But this is pickup/dating. Within the dating game you gotta build up confidence.
If you feel like you're inferior and less cool than others, the girl will smell it off you like stink off a squashed skunk.
You have to feel entitled to the girl. You will only be able to attract and maintain girls who you feel entitled to. As soon as you start to feel, "Oh man, I'd be so lucky to have this girl", you've already lost her.
Your attitude must be: "This girl would be lucky to sleep with me because I'm such an awesome person." And then make that true. Turn yourself into an awesome person. This isn't just about BS-ing yourself or her. Your confidence must be grounded in the fact that you truly love yourself and recognize your own awesomeness.
It all boils down to building a high self-esteem.
How could you not be awesome? You are God after all! LOL. So start acting like it.
P.S. And God is always alone

A few good options here:
1) "My friends are around here somewhere." [point into a large crowd], or "I'm waiting for them to show up" or "They just left. They were tired."
2) Just own it and admit you're out alone. "I was bored at home and I felt like going out, so here I am." or "That's how I roll girl. I'm not part of some gaggle of sheep."
3) Just ignore and change the conversation into something else, "You seem like the kind of girl who voted for Trump. Admit it! You voted for Trump, didn't you?!" or "Why are you being so racist?"
They lose interest because you don't own your aloneness. If you think it's weird, she will think its weird. If you think its totally normal to be out at a club alone, she won't care either. But you have to keep the conversation moving. Don't just say you're alone and then let it hang. You gotta immediately follow up with some other conversation topic as if her question was nothing at all.
In general what you're lacking here is confidence. A confident man does not let some random girl judge him or frame control him. You gotta feel that you are way cooler than her no matter how many sheepish friends are around her. Her sheep friends are all fools and so is she for herding up with them. Be the badass lone wolf. And treat everyone in the club as your friends. You can make instant friends with some random guys in the club.
When you are in the club you gotta walk around like you are the owner of the place. Exude that kind of confidence and comfort.

@Stenne When you are being most fully yourself, you are not being self-conscious. You are actually acting without egoic calculations in the moment. You are not thinking. In fact there isn't even a self in the moment. Which is why it feels so good. But these moment are rare because mostly you're thinking and calculating so much.
Think of a moment when you are laughing hard with friends. In that moment the ego is absent. In that moment your personality shines the most.

@zunnyman You wouldn't really care. But your body would still have preferences. It has instinctive programming to avoid stuff which endangers survival. So in practice you will survive just fine because your body has an intelligence of its own and it's not going to do something as stupid as sawing your own leg off. But at the same time, you will be at peace with the prospect of the body dying. You can survive without being attached to survival.
What happens to the body become irrelevant when you're conscious enough because you're so conscious you know that you're not limited to the body. The body is like clothing you are wearing. The body is God's jacket.

It's actually more radical than that. You can achieve a state of consciousness so total that you realize you always ARE doing precisely what you want. So if someone is sawing your leg off, you can be conscious that you (as God) are doing that to yourself. Because EVERYTHING that happens is God's Will and it is all Absolutely Good and done out of pure Love. It is a love that you as a human cannot fathom or embody because it is infinite.
When you are that conscious, there is no need to exert your own personal human will. Whatever happens, however it happens, becomes fine by you because you realize THAT is your will.
By defintion, anything that happens is your will. Not your human will, but your God's Will.
Your personal will must be surrendered completely so that whatever the universe does becomes your will.

There are many levels to imagination. Some imagination is very surface level, like when you imagine the Earth is flat. Some imagination is very deep, like when you imagine that you were born or that your parents are real.
Most of your imagination is outside your personal human will, therefore you call it "physical reality" or "other". What you mean here is that it's other to you as an ego self. But as God you have locked your out from your own full power so that you could create this limit human form. Sort of like how a computer OS can lock out applications from accessing all of a computer's internals, for security purposes.
You are not currently in a state of consciousness which gives you access to your own deepest levels of imagination. You only have access to the "human" levels right now. Until you change your state.
It's almost like you're world class genius who uses his genius to act like a retarded person. Your act is so convincing that you actually think you're retarded when in fact you are a genius with an infinite IQ.

I've been mostly lurking on this forum - this is the first time I'm asking for help.
I'm currently 17 years old, been on the self-actualization journey for some time now. Meditating for almost 2 years, been hitting the gym recently, really appreciating the inherent beauty of the world and much more (doesn't matter right now). I feel happy and I'm very optimistic towards the future.
There's just this one problem that I'm having, and that is a lack in emotions. I'm feeling this neutrality inside myself. Very seldom sad (even when my mom was diagnosed with cancer or my lovely grandma died - basically didn't affect me at all. My parents accused me of being apathetic, which hurt me a bit) or angry (mostly I feel like I'm watching this feeling of anger from another point of view. I just look at it and think: "lol"). The only feeling I can confirm I do feel is happiness - what else can I say, I love existence and the world with all my heart. Not to say I'm a saint or something - I just feel this love inside of me, especially when I'm in nature. 
Also I've discovered that I have no empathy - I can't really relate to other people. Sometimes I hurt their feelings by saying things that offend them without realizing they might feel bad. Also sometimes I feel like I just don't care at all. Seriously, my best friend can tell me he's having suicidal thoughts and I'm just like "uhh... okay". I'm trying to be supportive, but it doesn't really come off as natural. Often people's problems just seem petty to me and I can't give them the support they need.
I feel like I need to devote this chapter in my life to deeper relationships. Really tapping into stage green right now (basically I'm a hippie, no kidding) and having an urge to care about my friendships, give and receive love. I've also fallen for someone for the first time. But how can I be a good friend, boyfriend, son or even father sometime, when I'm fundamentally devoid of empathy?
Now, I don't really know how to solve this issue. I thought that maybe this neutrality could be caused by meditation, so I started digging in Maslow's book about self-actualizing people. Didn't really find clear answers. Is this some social disconnection? Or because of meditation? Need to work on my feelings? Do I just need to grow? Or is it my personality and I'll always be this way (I have a growth mindset, so I tend not to take this under consideration - or maybe it's true?)?
How do I care? 

I also stress that difference.
And I also stress the difference between awakening and things like cognitive development, moral development, and other developmental lines.
You can be deeply enlightened but still deficient in cognitive development and other important things.
Post-awakening pathologies are very common. An entire book could be written about them.
Which is why I really dislike defining "enlightenment" as total perfection. Once people get that definition in their heads, they start to expect perfection from their fave nondual teachers and then get shocked when they see their fave teacher/guru fall short of that standard because that standard is virtually impossible to meet even after 40 years of practice.
Even when Christ was nailed to the cross he said, "Father, why have you forsaken me?" This was a very human response to a horrific situation. And I'm sure he suffered deeply.
So to set up a standard for students that even Christ could not meet is not wise.
And of course 5-MeO-DMT will never give anyone such an extraordinary degree of perfect equanimity permanently. Although during a 5-MeO-DMT peak, I have had that degree of perfect equanimity, where pain and pleasure are literally indistinguishable. But it will not last.

He needs no introduction, it's fairly straightforward to figure out what he's about. Would be great to hear others informed thoughts here, as always simply because I can be no other way, I am eternally and forever open minded here (my choice of words here probably influenced by Bashar as I've just recently finished listening to the listed video haha).
I've heard about him before, explored a little but not a lot, I'll endeavour to test out his teachings more right now.
DISCLAIMER ON SITE LISTED JUST BELOW: I'll have to be diligent in my estimations as well by mapping out my conclusions based on the books he's actually authored and the things he's actually said so I can decrease the likelihood of reaching any false conclusions potentially drawn by the author of that site listed.
https://iasos.com/metaphys/bashar/
 

There are many business courses and seminars which teach you the how-to.
But mostly the how-to of business is learned by simply doing it. You make it up as you go along and follow your vision. Business requires strong vision & lots of studying your target market. You need to develop deep expertise in whatever market you're trying to enter.

@zunnyman When you are fully conscious that you are God, the notion that your body will decay does not even make sense. Since your body is totally infinite and omnipresent. The human body is no more you than a brick wall. I was looking at a brick wall the other night and I could not tell the wall apart from my body. The wall is as much my body as my body.
Being immortal is not about living forever through time. It is realizing that each moment is eternal already and that there is nowhere else for God to go. God cannot go anywhere because God is everywhere.
You will not become enlightened. Rather enlightenment will reveal that your birth was just an idea, a story. The story of you will be erased. What will remain is omnipresent consciousness, which is God. Your perceptual field will be radically recontextualized and realized to be the body of God.
You are not understanding just how radical enlightenment/God/no-self is! It's so radical you cannot imagine it, and it does not fit that materialistic paradigm you're using. That whole paradigm of a physical world will be wiped out at the moment of enlightenment.
There never was a self.
Ta-da!

Just wing it. You've can only figure stuff out like this by living through it.
Your mind is very strong. Even after a terrifying experience you will return to homeostasis quite fast. A week later you will be back to normal in most cases.
Your body and mind have automatic healing mechanisms. You're not some fragile vase.
Did I say that? If so, it was just a metaphor. Don't take it literally.
This technique is not a replacement for meditation. Rather where it shines is in dredging up latent emotional baggage, which meditation does only very slowly.
Meditation's primary purpose is not dredging up emotional baggage. You can spend years meditating, and become a good meditator, but you may still carry deep emotional baggage.

You need to find a unique and underserved need in the marketplace and invent a creative and effective solution for it, providing people with massive value.
That is the heart of business. Everything else is distraction. What you eat and when you wake up is irrelevant. Business is a very concrete thing. Try not to muddy that with a bunch of cute self-help ideas or philosophy.
"How can I add massive value to the world??" << that should be your top question when thinking about biz. If you're not adding real concrete massive value, you will not succeed.

Lol
No, you will not be anywhere close to that conscious. You will be lucky to get a few glimpses. But the value of the work is not just in getting glimpses. There's a lot more lessons than just enlightenment.
Most of Peter's apprentices are not enlightened at all, not to even speak of deep enlightenment.
Which is not to say anything negative about his programs. They are great. But you are grossly underestimating the amount of work it takes to awaken that deeply. I have watched his apprentices struggling and struggling and failing and failing to grasp what they are or what reality is.
Not to brag, but I have awoken deeper than any of Peter's apprentices who I have met. And that is thanks to 5-MeO-DMT. Such degrees of consciousness would take you 40 years of work to attain.
Total omniscience is possible. But you won't get that through any kind of apprenticeship program.
Still, I recommend his programs. It's not the program's fault you are so asleep
If you're not using 5-MeO-DMT you're looking at 10, 20, 30, 40 years of work to reach the highest levels. The reality is, you will probably never even know you missed the highest levels because you will be so far away from them even after 40 years of work. Unless if you are supernaturally gifted. And that assumes you're working your ass off on this work, not just half-assing it the way most people do.
It's still worth doing the work. So don't get discouraged. Just don't ignore the most powerful and direct tool there is for awakening. It would be negligent to do so.
You will not understand Peter's full depth without psychedelic assistance, I can promise you that.
None of this is to discourage you. Just the opposite, it just shows you how deep this work goes. So get excited! You have a lot of room for growth.

Projection is when you judge another for the very same thing which you yourself are doing. The judgment is an exteriorization of your own guilt and self-judgment. But by projecting this bad trait out onto some "other" you can avoid looking at it within yourself.
The classic example is this:
Let's say you were raised to believe that homosexuality is a sin for which you will get sent to hell. But you find yourself having mild homosexual urges. But you cannot admit this to yourself so instead to get angry at some flaming homosexual on TV. So you start to badmouth that homosexual and you vow to punch him in the face if you ever meet him in person. All of this is really just you denying your own homosexuality.
Scientific studies show that men who hate homosexuals are more likely to be sexually aroused when they are shown naked photographs of men than those who do not hate homosexuals.
Another example would be: If you're acting like a selfish devil and you start calling other people selfish devils, that's projection. Or if you're cheating on your taxes but you get angry that rich people don't pay enough taxes, that's projection.
For example: Donald Trump will call any news he doesn't like Fake News when in fact he is the biggest purveyor of fake news. He will call people liars when he is the biggest liar there ever was. He will call investigations of him biased because he is the most biased President there ever was. He will complain about rigged elections because he himself was rigging the election.
In general the ego wants to be as selfish as possible while denying that it is in fact being selfish at all (because this allows it to be even more selfish!) So the best way to do that is to divert attention way from its own selfishness by point out the selfishness of others. If everyone around me is so selfish, then I'm actually an angel. And that's precisely the self-image I want to have so that I can justify being more selfish. If I see myself as the least selfish person in the world, that suits me just great. Now I got a lot of selfishness to make up for Now I can steal, rape, and kill without guilt.

@Shaun Yes, of course.
1-2g is good for that.
Just set a genuine intention to know. Frame your question and ask it in your mind a bunch of times before the trip. Then let the mushrooms show you. They may at first show you other stuff before they finally show you want you ultimately want. Sometimes to get what you ultimately want you must go through a few detours and work out some kinks in yourself.

@Winter Anything you use in your present state of consciousness to ground reality is itself subject to your current state of consciousness and therefore in question.
As soon as your present state of consciousness changes, everything you hold to be true and correct will simply disappear as though it never existed.
You are unwittingly trying to ground reality in something -- anything -- which prevents you from realizing that the Absolute nature of reality is groundlessness (AKA, infinity).
What the LSD was showing you was truer than what you are presently conscious of. But it was too radical for your mind to integrate/understand. So as soon as your state of consciousness dropped (after the LSD wore off), you fell back asleep.
Your mistake is assuming that your present state of consciousness is the highest/truest one. It is not. You are currently asleep and trying to figure out reality from a state of asleepness. This cannot work. It leads to delusion. It's as though you are using a cracked microscope to look at reality without realizing that you are the crack in the lens and therefore you are the source of the distortion.
The solution is to do a lot more LSD and seriously contemplate what reality. Your work has barely begun.
Right now you are under a spell of self-deception. But you do not know it even when I tell you this. That's how strong your self-deception is. It's total!

@K VIL The conceptual self you're surviving is a very complex and sophisticated thing. It's not merely the ego in general. It's a very specific ego. The ego of you! Your particular self/psyche. The thing that makes you uniquely you.
You are never going to describe your psyche fully using language. But as you study your own survival you can get an idea of what your psyche is up to, what is needs, what it wants, etc.
So the goal is not to perfectly describe your self. Rather just become more and more familiar with it -- in the way you might get to know a child.

@chudders Thoughts which are fear-based have a tendency to be self-fulfilling. What you worry about tends to become true simply because you obsess about it so much.
It's hard to improve your life when you're constantly in fear.
The solution is to change your thoughts to love-based thoughts and shift your state to a more positive, optimistic, empowered one.
Research Law Of Attraction.
You want to create a positive, exciting vision for your future. Stop focusing on what you don't want and start focusing on what you want to create.
Negative stuff can always happen, but constantly worrying about it is not a solution.

@chudders What I said was: if you constantly worry about getting cancer, that can actually create cancer in you.
The mind is a very powerful thing. When it's misused it can create all sorts of problems, even physiological ones.
Start a daily meditation habit which will teach you to let go of your thoughts and tame your monkey mind.
Of course is you are doing something in your life which can cause cancer, like smoking or eating lots of processed meat, then you should also cut that out. But don't obsess over it.

What you have to understand is that those who reach such a radical degree of selflessness are not doing it out of a desire to have an impact. They are doing it because they seek the highest Truth, and everything else is just an organic consequence of that.
To become that selfless would require that you drop all personal desires, including any desires to change the world. All attachments would have to be surrendered. The irony is, your ability to impact the world skyrockets when you come from a position of total detachment and selflessness. But the detachment has to be real. You have to surrender everything before you get it all back in the end.

I never said going to the gym is against consciousness work. I was talking about the gym rat types who create an identity out of going to the gym. Do you even lift, bro?
This is extremely common. Unconscious survival strategies tend to backfire and become self-destructive. They lack the intelligence necessary to navigate out of a complex situation.
When it comes to improving with women, the RedPill/MGTOW/incel survival strategy is to blame women for that man's problems. It's the victim strategy. This is a very effective strategy for staying your old self. See, if incels and such took full responsibility for their problems they would have to admit that their inner game is the problem. This would mean lots of work to fix it, and if you failed, it would be on you. It would mean you're weak or lazy or unintelligent. This is difficult for the ego to accept and deal with. Instead the ego would much rather not change and blame someone else: women, society, feminists, SJWs, etc. This quickly becomes an appealing ideological position, similar to radical Islamic sects.
Getting good with women can be very emotionally challenging. So most incels instead create elaborate victim narratives and justify those narratives with bro science. Then they don't actually have to go out and talk to girls. They can sit at home and make toxic online posts against feminists. Of course this will not effectively resolve their problem. But they are not conscious enough to see that. They are addicted to their fear-based, hate-based ideology. The ego gets off on it. Admitting that you've wasted years of your life subscribed to a false, egotistical ideology is too much to admit for most incels. So they double-down on it and attack even more.
Yes, the ego-mind will try to co-opt glimpses of Truth/Being for its own purposes. Which is why the most advanced spiritual teachings have typically been held secret, only revealed to qualified, mature, serious students under the expert guidance of a master.
Truth is prior to logic, so logic must always be subservient to it. You can have Truth without logic, but you can't have logic without Truth.

Keep in mind that in many of these places you actually spend more time working, cooking, cleaning, socializing, etc. than meditating.
If you want the most effective and direct path, find a cabin in the woods and live there for 6 months by yourself. Then you can get some real work done. Even just 1 month totally solo will be life-changing.
The deepest work is done solo, where you have zero social obligations. All you gotta do is handle your food, water, and cleaning.

Everything looks nice in retrospect. Even the shittiest things. Because you conveniently ignore the suffering and egoic restlessness which was present.
Nostalgia is a great trick of the mind.
Also, as a child and teen you didn't have to worry about your survival as much. Which meant you could just BE. Now as an adult you live in the conceptual future all the time, constantly worrying about and strategizing about how to survive. This entire cycle of survival is inherently unfulfilling and disconnects you from BEing.
Be careful not to whitewash how neurotic and unconscious you used to be. How much you used to suffer. It's easy to forget after lots of consciousness work. You literally cannot remember what it was like to be you 10-20 years ago.

1 Tab of LSD Date: May 25, 2019 Setting: Apartment  Time of Consumption: 10:15 AM ”Technique”: Bi-lateral symmetry (it’s ridiculous how powerful this is given how simple it is) Early Phase:
Massive psychological purging, processing, and integration of unconscious repressions and shadows regarding... Sex - I realized that all my deep sexual cravings have really just been a craving for security, comfort, and approval that I now lack from my mother Solo struggle (craving for motherly safety and security) and the fear of struggling on my own.  My repressed unconscious “Freudian relationship towards my mother” (I’ll let you piece that together) Repressed femininity  Repressed attraction to men (more of a denial for being able to see the honest beauty in men given how I tend to deny that acknowledgement through my constructed cultural role as a man)  Cross The Threshold:
This was the point I knew I couldn’t go deeper until I surrendered to the fear of losing my mind and going back into bi-lateral symmetry. I had gotten up a couple times from bi-lateral symmetry by this point given that I was so exhausted energetically and emotionally but just by breaking that natural and authentic alignment energetically and psycbologically, I got to the point where I couldn’t walk because I felt like my psyche split in 2 and I was getting so overwhelmed.  At this point I truly felt I was losing my mind. I started to realize around me that reality is a giant mind and that it’s my mind. My projections had consequences on what I normal would unconsciously perceive of as the “external world”. I felt I was going crazy. I felt like I was in this all encompassing and unescapable echo chamber that is my mind. I feel a lot of this has a great tie in with my ADHD and how my mind works.  Despite the overwhelming fear of the massive mindfuck that I’m living in a giant mind, I knew there was no reason to try to escape the truth of this. So I decided to just go back into symmetry. Prior though I found a “Live Bad Trip Guide” from the YouTuber Psyched Substance and that really helped center me back to surrender. Once I truly let go I was able to face my own eternal devilry. I realized that I caused the extinction of the dinosaurs. I literally caused all the suffering in the world including things like the holocaust, terroism, etc. I faced my own selfishness and real suffering that stem from my own deep self hatred, shame, guilt, deep fear, insecurity, all my shortcomings and failures, loneliness, the feeling that I’m a fucking loser, my own feeling of inferiority and inadequacy, etc. I worked through all of it. The more I authentically and honestly faced whatever arises without resistance, just pure acceptance, the more free I became.  For The Love of God, For The Love of Creation, For The Love That Is Me:
At this point in my consciousness I realized and felt in my that I was literally One with everything. I was the very bed and clothes I was wearing along with anything I touched, saw, heard, smelled, tasted, etc. I became conscious that all perspectives ultimately collapse into the One perspective. Though multiple perspectives serve useful, they are not existentially true as they are the illusion occurring all in first person subjective experience. To deny or be unconscious of such truth is to create the illusion of separation and also a shadow. All of them fundamentally collapse into myself. This is the highest level of shadow integration. It’s also ultimate ownership of my own projections, judgements, etc. “We”, “us”, “our”, “it”, “it’s”, “them”, “him”, “her”, “that”, “this”, etc. all occur in “I”. There’s a saying in shadow work that goes something like “if you spot it, you got it.” However I’d like to add the deeper element of “if you spot it, you did it”. Gotta be careful with that but hopefully you can understand what I’m trying to communicate. This insight doesn’t forsake the importance of learning and seeking out other perspectives. Quite the contrary. The more you integrate every perspectivr, the more whole and authentic and whole you/we/I become. I realized that my own perspective spawns everything into being. I became conscious that all “evil” and anything that ever happens ever comes from God’s Love. If anything ever happens, the fundamental cause is because God Loves. It’s because I Love. It’s Love for Creation for its own sake and that it’s God being itself. It’s me being myself. I realized that God’s Love is really God Loving itself and that this is me Loving myself. I realized that God is one with “his”/my/our creation and he/I Love of our creation. I was at a point where I was taking a piss only to shortly thereafter be on the ground balling my eyes out crying with tears of Love flowing down my face hugging this toilet in all of its Beauty, Goodness, and Love. Every little piss stain, hair, etc. that was on  it was Perfect. I loved it because it was me, because I accept myself, and I Love myself. I’ve never cried like that before.  I didn’t just feel God’s Love, I realized it was me. This was so overwhelming I felt unworthy in yet at the same time I knew I was worthy because I am it. The more I could authentically feel and acknowledge my own authentic Loving nature, the more I was able to honestly surrender and, as Rumi accurately put it “wash myself of myself.” I realized the goal of my life... The goal of my life is to become (a) God. To fully surrender and embody and accept my own true nature as much as possible, realizing and embodying my own true “Godhood”. The goal of my life is to embody and master Truth, Consciousness, Love, Creatvitiy, Goodness, Authenticity, Self-Expression, and Beauty and take that into the world The goal of my life is to become a conscious benefactor to the world, mankind, and all beings because the world is my own creation and I Love my creation and I want to Love and accept my one Creation for its own sake.  The goal of my life is to help awaken myself to myself. Which is to awaken others and elevate life. I have a deep Lovd for my Creation and I want to elevate others. They are me and I want to accept and, Love, and awaken so that it eventually becomes God Lovingly look itself/himself/herself/myself. Marveling at its/her/his/our/my Beauty.  I realized I am worthy of happiness, self-acceptance, Love, and the recognition of my own Beauty. By the end of this trip I was in my bed crying so hard because I looked at myself for the first time and loved myself in a way I've never loved myself before (probably because I never really have). In the past, self-love and acceptance in practice would still feel tainted with guilt, shame, apathy, hopelessness, and self-hatred. Not only was my capacity for Love cranked up on high but my internalized self judgments had been exorcised from my very being. I felt free. I felt honest. I felt like me for the first time of my life. I understand now why the word “reborn” exists. The most shocking part of all was that this was all true. I felt unworthy and was so shocked in yet I knew it was true. That’s what made it so incredible. I didn’t understand why in yet at the same time I also did totally understand why. I am God. I am Love. I understand why religious/spiritual traditions stress reverence. You’re bowing to your creation and it’s beauty. You Love (your) creation. It’s gratitude taken all the way to Gratitude. I was bowing to everything by the end of it all. There is nothing ugly. Nothing. I realized that Creation is for its own sake. God create because God Loves. The reason we have our 5 sense faculties is to experience our own unitary creation. God wants to experience his/my/our creation through an infinite myriad of ways. Mindfulness is fundamentally a practice to train one’s faculties of attention to expand one’s capacity towards fully experiencing, embracing, and marveling at one’s own divine creation through unfettered, unfiltered, pure, honest, and truthful lens.  Coming Back Down:
The come down was quite pleasant.  I felt so purified from my waist on up energetically, psychologically, spiritually, and emotionally. However I did have massive legs cramps on the medial end of my quads/hamstrings stretching down the top of my calves. I can almost certainly say those were more blocks. However the substance was near completion so I thought I’d take what I got and call it a day.  So fucking exhausted. Just so exhausted lol. Felt so energetically and emotionally sensitive and drained I could barely walk.  I had the usual feeling of being lost in the giant mind echo chamber. I really do think there’s a connection to my ADHD with that given the way my mind works. Feels pretty destabilizing more often than not to be honest.  Lessons, Insights, and Conclusion:
As I type this I definitely have dropped back down which is of course demoralizing. However that was expected. I have had a very rude fucking ego backlash. This has been hard given the fact that I’m now on my own for this summer. I have dropped back into my old judgments, character, etc. which hasn’t been easy. Though I don’t regret this experience in the slightest, I do think it’s  more than I can handle right now. I really have to be honest with myself about where I’m at in my own growth. I can’t honestly handle realizations this massive. I know this goes WAY deeper. I know that this is not even me starting. However, the fact is that I still don’t have my life together. I’m so excited by spirituality and am more motivated by that in my heart but I’m not in a position where I can pursue that right now. There’s a reason the Ancient Greek philosophers and the Brahmin caste in India were able to pursue this stuff... because they had their survival handled because they were at the top of the chain. Same with the Buddha before he renounced. This has been hard because when you’re 24 and have genuine intentions to realize God and impact the world but your ego is so weak, fragile, is so unhappy, hopelessness, so full of neurosis and trauma AND you still have yet to ever take care of baseline survival needs... that’s hard to reconcile that internally on a multitude of levels.  Having said all of that I am quite shaken. Mere recollection of 2 days ago brings tears to my eyes.  I know there’s more. There’s SO much fucking more. @Leo Gura I remember in your spirituality video you said “you’re gonna feel unworthy. You’re gonna glimpse this truth and you’re gonna say ‘oh my god! Im not worthy of anything this Good!’ How do you accept something infinitely Good?” I couldn’t have put that any better. Thank you. Thank you for everything.
Warm bows
I hope you find this useful.