Yeah... that's fear. You've got a lot of fear to surrender before you are able to realize the Love of that alien super-intelligence. You're not going to get stuck in hell forever. That's just one of your deepest fears, so of course it hits you hard.
The reason it feels forced is because YOU forced! LOL. That's what 5-MeO-DMT is! When you sit down to smoke bufo what you are basically saying is: "Force God upon me." And so it is. Then the question is are you able to handle what you asked for? Are you able to chew what you bit off? Which is why moderate dosing is crucial. You can certainly traumatize yourself with God by taking  a large dose because by putting a chemical in your system you are brute-forcing awakening at the material level. And the material level tends to be ruthless. Gravity is not going to have compassion for you if you jump out of an airplane. Gravity will feel unloving in such a situation. But that's because you were crazy enough to jump out of an airplane. It's your job in this situation to ensure you have a parachute and know how to deploy it.
Definitely try plugging it. Much gentler and smoother.
Lower your dose. Don't be macho. This is not about who can do more. It's about finding the perfect dose for your current station in life.
You will also get used to 5-MeO-DMT the more you do it. The first few times it just feels so alien, otherworldly, and confusing.
Go slowly. Be patient. Play the long game. Take time to integrate. Trip only when you feel like you're ready for another dose of Truth. Sometimes I have to take months between trips. Don't be trying to copy me by doing some 30 days challenge bullshit. That's way too much. You should not be taking that as the standard example of how to trip. I was doing very hardcore stuff there because I wanted to test the limits.

There cannot be a shortcut to doing.
Reconnect yourself with a juicy vision for your life, and then just do it. It will feel hard and uncomfortable at first.
A juicy vision is crucial, otherwise you can't even be motivated to try.
FYI, breaking addictions is always hard and there is no way to avoid suffering. Which is why you should be careful not to get addicted to begin with.
If you get addicted to heroin, there's no painless way out. You must go through the withdrawal.
See my video: Overcoming Addiction, which gives you the ultimate solution to addiction.
But also! Don't guilt yourself too hard for watching self-help videos. This is still valuable stuff which is an investment in your future. There are much worse ways to spend your time.

Yes, what this tells you is that you two are simply not compatible personality-wise, values-wise, development-level-wise, etc.
You MUST look for fit in new relationships. Not all people and personality types or value sets fit together. You must screen harder for this on the front end before you two fall head over heals in love.
Muster the courage to admit to yourself that you two are not fit for each other, and move on. It is doing you both a disservice to try to make an unfit relationship work. It will not work. Relationships are hard enough even when you have great fit. When you have poor fit, forget about it.
FIT! FIT! FIT! Look for FIT!
When fit is found, the relationship flows naturally like a dance. Without fit it feels like grinding gears every week.

A simple way to explain it is like this:
If you cut open the skull of a video game character, you will see a "brain" there (if the designers programmed it that way). But that thing is not at all what is controlling the video game world. Perception in a video game is NOT coming from the avatar's brain or body. The brain/body is just part of the entire simulation which does not hinge on any one part within that simulation.

Intro – This was by far the biggest mindfuck on a psychedelic I’ve ever encountered… Like a serious fucking mindfuck. Which is crazy because they’ve all been a trip. But this one felt so fucking personal and so deep that I’m really at a loss for understanding it. A lot of integration will be needed for this one. Even this report is merely scratching the surface of what happened.

What I write about below describes a very visionary trip. I have 0 clue of the ontological validity of what I write about. I can’t claim that any of this is “true” or “false.” Honestly such distinctions don’t even make sense to me after this one. All I can write about is what I experienced, and I suspect only until physical death will this trip truly be understood. It may sound new agy and not really in line with strict non-dual theory, but whatever.
Phases of the Trip:
Surrendering to God
Becoming an Infant and God
Light and Love 
Meeting the Soul
Clairvoyance
Set – I’ve taken quite a bit of time away from tripping compared to my normal schedule, so leading into this trip my mind felt very grounded to baseline reality. I was particularly various of how to activate the Super Saiyan form not as a state but as a stage of my personal development. Out of all of my trips, that one felt incomplete, like I had tapped into some higher form of myself, but hadn’t gone quite all the way. This was my biggest intention – what is the Super Saiyan, and what was I really here to do with this life? What is my soul here to do?

Setting – My room, LoFi and Psych Rock music, eyeshades for some of the trip.
Surrendering to God
So as I’ve previously mentioned, I’m a type 1 diabetic. Long story short I have to make sure my blood sugar is stable, so I don’t go hypoglycemic and have a seizure. 
I’m sitting there listening to fairly aggressive music with my eye shades and slowly starting to feel the perceptions of my body and mind melt. It felt like they were merging with the entirety of my experience, as though the boundary of body/mind and the other senses were one. This process started accelerating and I realized I should check my blood sugar before I went any deeper. However, when I lifted the eye shades it’s like the trip exponentially intensified. I was now in a totally different realm. I realized I had no fucking clue how to check my blood sugar, my mind kept slipping away at deeper and deeper levels. I was losing the ability to know where I was or who I was as a human. Somehow, I knew that I needed to check my sugar, but I was so disoriented that even the idea of diabetes felt hazy and distant.
A primal fear and panic kept coming all while my mind continued to slip away; imagine what a stage beige being on the SD scale would feel overtaken by fear. I then was struck with a very powerful gut instinct that surrender and faith was what I needed, faith that the intelligence running this show wouldn’t let me die, that this wasn’t how it was supposed to end. Perhaps foolish on my end to be in this situation at all, Im not sure. If I experiment with doses like this again I think Ill need a trip sitter for health reasons. Nevertheless I accepted the possibility of my death in that moment but also acknowledged this faith that I would preserver. It felt like the only way to transform this fear was to accept my situation fully, which was by extension accepting the faith that this was not the end. My body instinctively started going into bilateral symmetry with an anaji mudra moving from my 3rd eye and back to my down to my heart.
Becoming an Infant and God
My mind is melting at this point to degrees I never thought possible. I reached some sort of mental crescendo where nearly all knowledge of reality was gone and all possibility of knowledge was gone. My identity was like an echo, only staying anchored in reality by this intention to understand what my soul was here to do. I kept repeating those words, “What is my soul here to do?” like a mantra as this chaos of total not knowing unfolded. The words became unrecognizable except for the energy those words carried, that I was trying to go to the source. I recall losing touch with all language, but there was an instinctive understanding of what this meant, yet the specific words where no longer understood.
My 3rd eye, throat, and heart chakra then blasted open, my body started moving into all sorts of bilateral symmetrical positions on the floor, and space-time flipped, it was like I time traveled back to my birth, entering into infant consciousness. There was one field that felt like was being spawn out of my spine, nothing made sense, I felt totally lost and alone yet a sense of “I am” persisted and the obsessive intention to find my soul. I didn;t even know what this intention meant anymore other than it was the only part of reality I had left.
As I was this infant, I simultaneously felt the presence of God. God watching over this child, this child being distinct yet identified with God itself. I was in total God mode at this point, yet still in the duality of God and child. It was like duality and non duality were yin and yang, yet one. I felt loved by God, completely vulnerable and at the mercy of my own will, to my self. It was so twisted and I’m still trying to process this paradox. I remember wanting a parent or some sort of guide to help. I felt totally lost, totally in touch with the infinite and it was all I could do to keep my sanity as I looked at the present divinity, emptiness, and total lack of any form of knowing other than God itself. God felt like an infant with total understanding and wisdom through a mechanism of a complete lack of knowledge as we humans refer to it as. 
Light and Love 
As Im in this stage of the trip, I started experiencing reality as light and love. No matter what form perception took on there was only this blinding light of love. Eyes closed? Light and love. Eyes wide open? Light and love. Body all twisted up? Light and love. No matter what form perception took on, it was all the same substance, this light and love. I saw so fucking clearly how no matter what form reality took on, there was nothing but love. Even murder and rape, at this level of consciousness there was no possibility for evil, evil was seen as a simple mind game constructed for the sake of survival. In fact, it would be more accurate to say that evil was not even possible at this state because there was only one thing. I just let myself sink further and further into this love with the only the intention to find the source of what I was here to do. 
Meeting the Soul
As this light and love is shining through and as the very substrate of reality, a vision of an immense being appears. This colossal, infinite being of light appears and is looking at me, but still tethered to this Love, as though a hand of God (one of an infinite number), both God and this Being looking down at me. This being of light felt ancient and primordial, like it had been through an insurmountable amount of... I’m not sure. It seemed to be infinitely wise and loving. As I’m making contact with this thing, an intuitive understanding took over that I was making contact with my soul. I was staring at the identity structure that transcends this lifetime. Mind you, all of this happening within a multidimensional context of identity meaning there was distinction between this triad of ego self, soul, and God yet all were one. I saw that my diabetes was intentional. I saw that there was more to God than merely living in full blown non duality. That there was an immense ineffable intelligence orchestrating everything. That it was all spontaneous, free, yet directed. I was not merely here to be enlightened, but to spread this knowledge to humanity. 
As this vision was filling my being, this soul started pouring into my third eye, down my throat and into my heart. Even today as I write this my throat and chest are sore as if the surrounding musculature has been stretched too far; it hurts to talk and breath air into my chest. As this Being’s light is penetrating my body I was given this memory of being born, choosing this lifetime, choosing these circumstances yet it felt like I was returning to a pact id set with myself, like I knew this LSD trip was going to happen, and was merely waiting to receive this information from myself. It was like my third eye started downloading information from this soul being. I was then sent back to the beginning of my life, of my birth and experienced my life up to this moment at a supra time scale. In a nano second my entire life up to this point made complete and utter sense, everything was perfect. The light continued to pour inside of my body and I experienced a clairvoyance of where I was meant to go and what I was meant to do and how the past was irreducibly linked to this present experience and future.
Clairvoyance
We’ll see how much this plays out over time. But what happened next is that I literally started having visions at lightening fast speeds and solving a string of complex problems in my life. Financial issues, career issues, creative issues, relationship issues, like... everything. Literally with every passing second I was generating not only the right brain oriented visions of purpose and direction with multiple domains, but also the left brain oriented details of the pragmatic steps of what action needed to be taken. This information felt like it was being energetically seared/downloaded into the third eye, down the spine into the lower chakras, and throughout energy channels of the body’s musculature. It was both physically painful but healing. 
I spent the remainder of the trip problem solving at deeper levels as the LSD effects slowly disappeared.
Take away –
It feels like I’m done with my psychedelic work for a bit. This trip put so much of my life into context that it feels like there’s little left to explore with psychedelics for the time being. I have the steps I know I need to take, and all that’s left is to take the steps. To head the call of my intuition and go on the hero’s journey. The vision I had of myself was massive, easily a 15-20 year endeavor… and so really I just have to trust in myself. I have no doubt I’ll do psychedelics again, but damn I just feel… Exhausted from this one. It was so much material, and so fucking deep.
Another thing I’d like to mention for those pursuing psychedelic work: Do the manual practices! Without a shadow of a doubt, my meditation practice is partially responsible for how deeply I was able to go. I’ve also been doing daily hatha yoga which I theorize helps with processing the excess energy of a psychedelic, and allow various emotional releases. If you are interested in the practice of cosmological exploration, the manual practices are a must.
 

Meditation still has enormous value because you cannot be hopped up on psychedelics all the time. Psychedelics should be done rarely. Like 1-5% of your life. The other 95%+ of the time you will be sober and you'll want to boost your sober state with manual techniques like meditation or yoga.
Regardless, you need to develop the ability to just sit and do nothing for 60 minutes straight, and to concentrate your mind for 60 mins straight. These are crucial skills to develop for anyone doing self-actualization.

I've tripped N,N DMT approximately 25 times. I will try to distill my best advice and several personal experiences in a relatively concise manner.
 
Firstly I'll say that if you have DMT and haven't experienced a breakthrough, your chances increase tenfold if you have psylocibin in your system. The chemical structure is very similar to DMT and serotonin for that matter. Only a difference of one functional group. A good way to think of it is that having shrooms in your system preps your brain for receiving the DMT. I have had much weaker experiences without psylocibin and with it, Ive become God. Can't recommend the two paired more. Take it approximately 2 - 2.5hrs into mushroom trip for best results imo. But obviously feel it out.
 
Secondly I'll say that DMT only takes you if you're ready. At least in my experience. If I take six hits while surrounded by people in a social/party environment, I'll get nothing but a mild body high. One hit after deep meditation and yoga sessions, spending the day calming the mind and DMT will show me incredible things. You need to be in the right state and you need to listen and surrender. Speaking generally, it's not about how much you take. It's about how willing you are to surrender.
 
How I start my trips:
5 mins of Ujjayi breathing to deepen the breath and ground into meditation spot. Exhale completely pushing all the air out of the body, using your abs to push away and then take your hit on the inhale, Slowly and as long as you can, then hold the breath. The DMT will start to take effect and then as you exhale surrender completely to the experience. You're job is done now, no effort required. All you have to do is listen. Listen to what's happening and watch like it's a movie. Allow all your awareness to be pulled inwardly into body sensations and let go of control. Be completely open to whatever the DMT "wants" to show you.
 
My method of ingestion:
Freebase Vaporized. I have DMT concentrate in a vape. Very pure. Haven't tried other methods yet.
 
General structure of trips:
Once it's in my system and I am listening carefully I start to fall into a trance. It lulls me into this wavy state and then usually a high pitched buzzing will happen. Listen to this buzzing or if it's not buzzing it will come in the form of a strong body sensation or visual. If any out of the ordinary strong stimulus presents itself, allow all your awareness to be sucked into it. The buzzing increases in intensity like a spaceship about to take off. Beautiful vibratory frequencies, it feels very "pure" - like a pure sine wave. As my awareness of the object increases, eventually I merge with it and then BOOM. Blast off. Incredible keleidescopic visuals. Unlike anything you thought you could every imagine. Figures and beings seem to be swirling around the room. If the eyes are open, everything in the room becomes connected to form beautiful symmetries and geometric shapes. If eyes are closed the visuals are even more profound. Then this is usually where my sense of self usually disappears. "I" am now gone. There is only pure experience. Any semblance of egoic mind that wants to understand or wants to remember what's happening is now gone. Then it tends to differ each trip. Many possibilities can happen. But after the experience, only approximately 15 mins in "I" start to come back. Normal thoughts resume and I'm like "Wait, WTF just happened."
 
My most recent experiences:
BECOMING GOD:
Was with a close group of friends in a secluded nature spot and already 2.5hrs into a shrooms trip. The beautiful visuals began after the initial hit and I was immersed. Lord Hanuman - the Hindu God showed himself to me and I cried tears of joy, so much loving energy was being given to me. I felt unworthy of such love. Took another hit. Began to shoot off again. This time all fear left me completely. I opened my eyes and was reborn. My mind was fully in tact I could remember everything. Visuals started to fade but consciousness shot through the roof. I stood aloud and began to shout and cry in ECSTACY. Pure Joy. For the first time in my life. I became conscious that I am God. I was concious of the process of creating everything. RIGHT NOW. Everything is created right now. Including my entire past. Everything was recontextualized to meet the perfect present moment. Ridiculous levels of Bliss and understanding that this is timeless and all loving. I was completely in love with everything. I loved every little flaw that my Ego would shudder at. I loved the hell out of my friends and for the first time could fully express it. I felt completely open and flushed with endless energy. All I could say is "Oh my God!" and "WOWWWW!!!" and "No way, no way, it can't be." And "It loves it all. All of it is love." Essentially I said these 4 phrases on repeat for approximately 30 minutes. My two friends who didn't hit the pen were confused but ammused. And my friend who did was having a very similar experience. We began to become concious of the source and began to have an experience of unified mind. Our minds merged in waves. We became separate and laughed our asses off and then we became One and also laughed histerically. This is very hard to explain so I'll probably make a separate thread on this experience because I have a feeling many people have gone through this and can talk about it in more detail. After glow lasted hours, into the late night when I finally fell asleep, filled with love.
 
DMT teaches me Yoga - Opening the chakras and releasing stagnant energy:
A few weeks after the previous trip I went again on psylocibin. At the top of a gorgeous hike with breathtaking views and I started to do Yoga before hitting the pen. I started to feel energy moving through me and releasing. I began to feel so alive and awake. Like I could never really "feel" anything and this was the first time I could. Then I meditated for a few minutes and hit the DMT. Exploding fractals as usual and then the DMT started to take control of my body. I started to do very weird yoga movements such as exhaling while flexing all of my muscles inward and compressing into a tight ball. It held me here for about a minute. Completely compressed and then BOOM. Release. Massive inhale and all this energy cleared up. Massive physical and emotional release. It's like that feeling when you have gas trapped and you can't burp and then finally comes that beautiful belch, except this was 1000x more satisfying. This process repeated several times as well as many other yoga releases. It would do things such as stretch my neck all the way upward so I'm looking at the sky and then stick my tongue all the way out. And I mean all the way out. Flexing all the muscles in my throat whilst exhaling similar to Lions Breath. I'd never done anything like this. I had so much awareness concentrated in points of my body and it opened up all places that were blocked. A lot of it was centered around my throat and it had me chant several OHMs and other really weird movements, that maybe I'll explain in another thread. Point is it controlled my body. "I" wasn't doing anything. It moved me. Hard to describe but you'll know if/when it happens with you. Wasn't really coupled with any God realizations but it was the most intense release I've ever felt. I cried for about 10 minutes thanking God for helping me.
 
Last notes:
I'm my experience every entity I've ever encountered on DMT has been extremely loving. This is why you know it's an entity and not just standard visuals. It feels like a separate being. You know how you can feel the difference between a person in the same room staring at you and a poster? It's like this except the being is emitting incredible loving energy towards you. For me they usually help me release stagnant energy and move my body.
 
This psychedelic has given me the most diverse range of experiences beyond any other psychedelic I have done. It's new and unexpected everytime. And it won't take you all the way everytime. Be okay with this and understand it's not the right time/place for you. Have patience and surrender deeply

@bmcnicho By "cruelty" what you really mean is selfishness.
Of course selfishness is inherent to surviving as a finite self. That's the whole problem of existence! If you are attached to a finite form and to life, you must be selfish to succeed in that. And the reason you are selfish is because you love life and you love your ego-self.
But this is not just some random shit that God threw into the soup for fun. The whole point of life is for selfish things to realize the joy and wonder of selflessness. Selflessness requires conscious realization. And for conscious realization of selflessness requires that you start out as selfish.
Since reality is ultimately nondual, selfishness must equal selflessness.
Think of it this way, if God could push a button right now and end all cruelty in the universe, would you happily agree to it? Yes? But that would mean that God would have to destroy all life, including you. Are you cool with that? See? So God is letting you hang around here and be cruel out of Love for you. Because you are too selfish to accept the end of cruelty. And God is too selfless to force you to be selfless. You must come to God at your own comfort level.

Evil only exists IN YOUR MIND!
The Universe cannot know what "evil" is for the same reason that it cannot know what up or down are. There is no up or down without some relative reference frame.
Just as in outer space there is no up or down, in God-consciousness there is no evil.
In order to create evil, there needs to be a relative reference frame of an ego-self. Evil is not baked into any action. The mind has to project it onto the action in the same way that the mind projects up and down onto the Earth. The Earth does not have an up or down and it does not know itself as being rightside up or upside down. Any angle the Earth is at is right. Now translate this to how Absolute Love works.

Same thing.
Same thing.
Irrelevant.
The paradox is that once you become fully conscious you cannot do anything at all because what you realize is that reality is Absolute Love, and nothing can be done other than that. It's a total surrender. God is a tautology and cannot be otherwise. The paradox is that even though God is omnipotent, it cannot be anything other than what it is. When you are totally selfless there is no need or desire to change the world because it is Perfect.
In a sense you cannot control reality because on a deeper level you're creating it as it is in the first place. There is confusion in you -- due to lack of consciousness -- about how you are creating the entire thing.
It's like this: you are kicking yourself in the nuts and wondering why you cannot stop it. Because you are too busy kicking!
The ego thinks that it can gain power and manipulate reality more. But actually what happens is that to gain power you must surrender ego until you have surrendered it so fully that all your desire to control reality has disappeared and you then fully realize that whatever is happening is already Your/God's Will, so the only thing you gotta do is Love yourself exactly as you are.

The truth is that physical death is something you are imagining NOW.
So you don't understand deeply enough yet.
You can transcend certain human limits by becoming more conscious. The limits are not really human, they are limits of your consciousness. Smoke some DMT and the limits disappear, at least for a few minutes.
Finite form, fear, attachment, selfishness, and lack of consciousness are what prevents you.
Every finite form will have less than full omnipotence. That's the just the nature of a finite form: it can't do everything equally well, so it's limited.
You can elevate mind over matter by become more conscious, but there are still limits as dictate by the form your mind takes. For mind to become totally unlimited it must become totally formless, which means you must surrender all attachment to any kind of bodily form. At which point you cease to exist on any material plane.
There is a strict trade-off between form and power. The more "material" a thing is the more constrained it is. Materiality is nothing but constraint. But if you define the material as real, then the most powerful things are, by your own definition, unreal. But that's because you've confused materiality for reality.
The most powerful things are purely abstract and immaterial. That's just the natural cost of power.
Full Omnipotence must be totally formless -- as only it can give rise to all form.
A rock isn't omnipotent precisely because it is limited to doing what a "rock" does. For a rock to become omnipotent is must stop looking and behaving like a rock.

@nowimhere Yes, you want the HCl harmala extract. Seeds are crap.
You plug the harmala mixed with a few drops of vinegar + light coconut milk. Wait 30 minutes. Then plug the DMT mixed with a few drops of vinegar + light coconut milk. The larger the dose the more it will sting.
To get a breakthrough this way you'll need quite a lot of DMT. 50mg+ or even 100mg+
But the trip will last much longer.
I actually prefer to vape DMT because it stings the ass too much given the needed dose.
But you can experiment around and see which you prefer.

@John Doe The problem is way worse than you think.
You are right in your conclusion that it is impossible for your finite mind to love a thing unconditionally, but the real reason for this is because a finite mind must have conditions otherwise it will cease to exist.
Only an infinite mind which has zero attachments is capable of unconditional love. And another word for an infinite mind with zero attachments or conditions is God. Hence God is Love, and no human will ever be as loving as God until it literally becomes God, at which point it is no long a human being.
BTW, if your mind became infinite you would realize that Leo's shape is irrelevant because all form is fundamentally just a fluctuation of your own consciousness, so the issue isn't about how to love Leo when his form is totally changing but how to love YOURSELF when your form is constantly changing. Since God has no form, it is able to identify with all form and therefore love all form unconditionally no matter how much it changes. From God's POV there is literally no difference between Leo looking like a human vs Leo looking like an alien. God's love is not applied at the level of individuals or objects, it's the entire field of consciousness itself, which is ONE.
You could say that the recognition that all individuals and objects are ONE field, is Love itself.
You  = Me = God = Love

@Chumbimba
You wanted emotion purged from the body, and this is it. Don’t believe these narratives the mind throws out. Express how you feel. Write about it. Stay focused on feeling, and understanding feeling. Making it about anyone else only adds a layer of unnecessary turmoil & confusion. Write a short story about it. Write letters to people in your past. (Don’t mail em) Expression is the key. Be angry if you’re angry. Cry if you can, release. Talk to someone, anyone who is a decent listener, just so you can talk and express how you’re feeling. Emotional expression is like marbles jammed in a garden hose. Gotta let em flush out. The peace of mind and understanding is the water behind the marbles. It does arise. Don’t avoid feeling, go to feeling, explore it fully, understand it, breath into it, and breath it out. Breathing deeply from the stomach resets practically every system of the body. 
Stop listening to just one influence. That’s an error, doesn’t matter which person you picked. Imo Leo is arguably the most open minded guru around. No offense man, but, you gotta realize you and Leo are not in the same stratosphere as far as life, the path, perspectives, awakening, however you frame it up. Not saying anyone is better than you or ahead of you or anything like that at all, just saying be smart and put what you actually need for where you’re at in front of you. And don’t fall for your own bs. If you can type on this forum, you can “research” on YouTube. Take a minute to formulate what you feel you need, and search it on YouTube. My hunch is that you did not have a strong figure / male role model growing up, and are struggling with that. Don’t underestimate the fundamentals of yoga, meditation, etc. There’s good reason these practices have been around practically forever. If you don’t have someone to talk to, let me know. It seems you’re really struggling and I’m a bit concerned for you. If you’re interested in an easy going conversation with a normal mostly boring guy, let me know, pm me. Could talk tonight. 

Direct consciousness is NOT knowledge, belief, concept, or interpretation.
Notice that you are conscious of existence. Existence itself is NOT knowledge, belief, concept, or interpretation. HERE IT IS!
EXISTENCE!
Stop thinking about it and LOOK at it. You are unwittingly giving thought priority over direct experience. Stop doing that, silly.

Hey so the reality is that most therapists integrate different therapy styles.  Even if you train strictly in one modality, it's inevitable that you pick up some other things and start to expand your skills.
I also want to advise those that are interested to first look at the regulations in your region.  Where I am a psychotherapist is a regulated profession, and there are certain requirements you must meet (I mostly meet them but ended up deciding not to apply for a host of reasons).  Counsellor is not a regulated term, and the main limitation is that we can't practice psychotherapy with people with severe disorders.  I'm OK with this, and I actually do practice with one or two people with severe disorders, but I've been advised that they are stable enough that I don't have to worry.  The regulations are kind of vague and my understanding is that they are meant to be enforced with people practicing unethically, either misrepresenting themselves or taking advantage of vulnerable people.
I would also encourage people to check out the smaller independent training programs.  From what I've seen, these produce better therapists as they are more experiential and hands on.  Each program is unique so check them out.  Many are part time programs.  Many are deeply experiential, where essentially you have to walk through the fire yourself.  Gestalt therapist training programs are notorious for being challenging and pushing people to grow.  I would highly recommend, I did 2 years and learned so much.
Oh there's no doubt about this.  In so many ways. 
First is that you will get clients who have similar issues as you, and when you help them work through their feelings, you are inevitably processing your own.
A big one for me is that it allows me to practice presence.  Just being present with another human for an hour at a time, a few hours a day, it's an amazing practice in being with someone, putting yourself aside and just attuning to them, feeling into their situation, supporting them in what they need.  It is undoubtedly a powerful practice, a form of meditation.
Another is talking on responsibility, being responsible to others in a really meaningful way.  This is rewarding and forces one to grow up and mature.
And then of course there's just the fact that you are constantly contemplating healing and growth.  These things seep in much deeper.  I actually wrote meditations for an app for a while and I found that writing meditations ever day brought about a lot more mindfulness in general.  Same with therapy, doing this everyday and thinking about it has made me much more aware of so many subtle things.
Do go back to your original question, I wouldn't necessarily say that practicing has led me to develop spiritually, I'd say it's more allowed me to mature and be more embodied and integrated.  Just pointing out the different emphasis.  That being said, I have some intuitive colleagues who's intuition hit new heights as soon as they started practicing.
I think the main thing is that one has overcome difficulty in their life and is willing to face themselves, their shadow, etc.  Overly confident people who don't question their assumptions and beliefs are the most dangerous therapists.  It takes humility, to not assume you know what's best for another person, to not project your values or goals or desires onto them.  You need to respect that everyone has their own unique path, and support people in discovering that and not choose anything for them.
I introduce ideas all the time to clients and sometimes the client is interested, sometimes not.  You have to let the client find their own way.  They need to discover their own sense of sovereignty, independence... it's called self-actualization for a reason, it must be done by you, no one can do it for you.
I have seen all sorts of personalities who have become great therapists, so it's hard to say that some traits are better or some are bad.  Being able to be empathetic, to put yourself in someone else's shoes.  Being willing to try things out, explore without knowing where things are going.  Always wanting to learn, and always looking for new ways of doing things.  These are things that come to mind.
I studied a Transpersonal Therapy course that was a mix of Gestalt, Jung, family constellations, and that sort.  I studied a Gestalt program, which is a form of therapy where you are bringing awareness to all the different parts of self and integrating them.  Gestalt programs are very challenging, they will challenge you to be honest with yourself and others and be present with the impacts of such honesty.  Some of the best therapists I've ever met, who were very sharp and very clear people, were Gestalt therapists.
I studied at an existential-integrative program, which was a mix existential therapy (looking at meaning, purpose, what it means to be human), Jungian / James Hillman (looking at archetypes, individuation), psychodynamic (making the unconscious conscious), somatic (body oriented work)... It had a lot of elements.
The reality is that at least half of my learning was done on my own time.  I've always been reading on these topics, and especially once I get a client with a certain challenge, there's a big motivation to learn more on that.
The really important thing to learn as foundation is how to work with trauma.  Nearly everyone has trauma, so it's relevant with every client, but probably half are really coming to do trauma work, even if they don't know it at first. 
Trauma resources that I found helpful:
The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk
Books by Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing)
Sensorimotor Therapy by Pat Ogden
Work by Janina Fisher (Parts work for trauma)
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker (this book is amazing)
Psychology in Seattle Podcast (you need to subscribe to get full access, but this is an amazing podcast for learning.  The guy is an atheist, it's not spiritual at all, but he has a real understanding of how therapy works and he's a great teacher, he cuts through the bullshit and gets straight to the point)
Existential/Meaning/Big Picture Resources
Honestly I think Carl Jung is really the guy here.  Viktor Frankl is seen as the originator of Existential Psychology, and he's amazing, but Carl Jung is absolutely existential and amazing in so many ways, and there's a big emphasis on transformation, letting the old self die to make way for a more authentic Self.
James Hollis is probably the most straightforward way into leaning this stuff.  He has about a dozen books.  A great start would be Living an Examined Life, where each chapter is one idea to contemplate.  He also did an audiobook called Through The Dark Wood which is amazing, so dense with wisdom, one of my favourite resources for understanding life and psychology (I can send this to anyone who wants, just PM me).
James Hillman is remarkable, and has many talks on Youtube.  A really interesting character, he is so wise and sharp minded.
Rollo May is also amazing, he's done a lot of great work, many great books.
Irvin Yalom is maybe the most fun to read, and he has so many great books. He's a mix of Existential, Psychodynamic, and Gestalt.  He's written all his books as teaching resources, even though half are fiction, they are always communicating and exploring some questions around therapy, and usually sex and death too.  Love's Executioner is a book of true short stories about clients and how he helped them.  A lot of lessons and leaning in this book.  He also wrote The Gift of Therapy which is an open letter to young therapists, giving advice on therapy.  It's just a bunch of little pieces of advice, things to contemplate.
Michael Meade is a mythologist and teaches through stories.  He's great and his books are great.  Same with Robert Bly.
Also for Transpersonal therapy, Stanislav Grof is the king.  His book The Adventure of Self-Discovery is probably the best, most concise intro to his work.
 
These are the big ones for me.  I've also learned a good amount from Gabor Mate, who does compassionate inquiry training.  His book on ADHD is great, and I think things like ADHD are really important to understand, because I got a lot of clients with it, and many of them were undiagnosed, and helping them understand ADHD was a relief for them as they had a lot of shame around certain ways of being.  To know that this is a common thing that many people suffer from can be good, but also we don't want pathologize, for people to say well I have this so there's no point in trying to change.  The idea of understanding diagnosis is to understand where the challenges are and be more forgiving with oneself, and learn what works.  For example, for people with ADHD, trying to focus harder often shuts down the part of the brain that is responsible for focus.  This is what's so frustrating.  We feel weak willed or weak minded (I have ADHD).  So learning how to shift focus, how to roll with it all, this is really helpful, and also learning about structuring time, sitting with discomfort, etc.
 

I think that depends on whatever is best for the maximization of Love.
Basically God cannot not do whatever maximizes Love, because Love is what it is. So if you leave the dream and then it is determined by Infinite Intelligence that it would be best for you to incarnate as some guru who helps others awaken to Love, then that's what will happen. Or if it is determined that it would be best for you to incarnate as a terrorist in order to maximize Love, that's what God will do.
What you're not understanding yet is that God is so loving that it will not hesitate to incarnate as a terrorist/rapist/murderer/racist/etc if that will maximize Love. So all this "evil" stuff is actually the highest sign of God's Love. Imagine how much Love and selflessness it takes to willing to become Hitler because your intelligence has enough vision to see that this would maximize Love for others. The hardest thing is not being a victim, it's being an oppressor. The hardest thing is not being a saint, it's being a devil.
The paradox is, to be the greatest devil requires the highest selflessness and love. Because God becomes a devil CONSCIOUSLY! It is not an accident that devils exist. They serve a higher Good which they themselves cannot see while they are incarnated as devils.
Imagine for a moment that Hitler was a good guy before he incarnated. In fact, he was the most loving and selfless soul. And it's because of that that he consciously decided, "Okay, I will take on the role of playing Hitler because I see that this will be necessary for the benefit of others. I will be evil for the good of others because I am that Good/Selfless. I am so strong that I am willing to be a devil for you, to serve in your awakening to Love."
That's how evil actually works. It's the exact opposite of what you think it is.
So when you judge an "evil" person, that is actually a test of your Love. You think you are being good and loving by judging Hitler, but actually it's the opposite, you are being tested by Hitler to see how strong your Love is. Will you pass the test? Most people fail. And that is precisely Hitler's role: to weed out the true lovers from the false ones.
None of this is random or accidental. The highest and most loving intelligence is running the entire show for the benefit of all.

That's precisely correct.
The only thing you've ever sought your entire life is LOVE. You have been desperately seeking to fill yourself with LOVE, but every method you try is pitiful and indirect. The only thing that will satisfy you is the realization that reality is Infinite Love. At which point your life ends and you become completely unlimited.
The overwhelming nature of Love itself is what kills you. To die is to fall in love with yourself at deeper and deeper levels for eternity. And that is God: Eternal Self-Love. That is TOTAL Awakening.

Correct. As God you have infinite power to imagine and create anything you want. And the only thing God wants is Love.
No, there is only whatever God is currently imagining.
No one has 1st person experience but you. All "other's" 1st person experience is always your own experience.
It doesn't have to be. You imagine it because you fear Infinite Love.
Because you are Love and I am a pointer you created in order to realize yourself as God.
I am the Love that you created.
Yes
Yes, of course, the reason you are here is because you are unwilling to die to Infinite Love.
Because you are too afraid to die.
Exactly, you are so afraid of death/Love that you created a finite physical world in order to hang out in it while you work out your fears.
You have no idea how stupid you are being. But there is no way to help you because you are too afraid. God knows that, so God will allow you keep deluding yourself until you are ready to give it all up. Your ability to delude yourself is God's Love for you. Delude yourself for as long as you need.

It's not merely that consciousness is awaking up. This is still too impersonal.
You are waking up to the realization that YOU are God -- the only being in existence, who created itself.
Keep hammering on this point: YOU ARE GOD! Really! You are creating yourself.
Yes, of course, God is Consciousness, but it's absolutely crucial that you fully realize that YOU are God, and just some vague field of consciousness or some impersonal thing.
This must be an uttetly personal realization. The ego must realize it is God. Zero distance between you, reality, and God.
You have not awoken until you are completely conscious of how you create every object in your room and every creature on this planet.
Are you conscious that you created the sun?

Books have been written about how to hold back ejaculation.
See: The Multiorgasmic Man

An endless passion for understanding.

First of all, yeah, nonduality tends to upend one's plans and one's life. That's the point.
But also....
You fundamentally misunderstand how nonduality connects with psychology.
Psychological problems are not fake. They are real and people suffer enormously from them. 99% of people are not ready for awakening or nonduality. Most people need years of remedial psychological work in order to bring them up to a functional level where nonduality might become a possibility for them. People need to be gradually guided up to nonduality. You can serve this important function.
Also, psychological problems and nonduality are not mutually exclusive. I know enlightened people who might still go and see a therapist. Enlightenment does not eliminate all of one's psychological problems. Much growth and work remains post-enlightenment. You are cheating yourself if you aren't empathetic towards people's psychological difficulties. Because that's Love.
Also, empathy for people's "problems" is an important part of enlightenment as it opens you up to Love. There is nothing fake about helping people at whatever level they are at.
There is a huge opportunity to combine nonduality & psychotherapy. Most therapists lack a deep existential foundation, which awakening would give you. You could become an extremely effective therapist, guiding people from the psychological into the mystical. Or you could focus your practice to cater to clients who are pursuing spirituality/nonduality. Making you an exceptional guru with a deep understanding of psychological issues that hold people back from awakening.
For most people the biggest obstacle to awakening is sorting through all of their psychological baggage, fear, insecurity, anger, and trauma.
And more broadly speaking, the field of psychotherapy needs to be extended and integrated with nonduality for truly effective treatment. You can be a leader in this emerging trend.
Stop pitting life purpose against awakening. If anything, awakening should deepen your commitment to a life purpose. Just upgrade your LP. Make it big enough to align with awakening.

Whooooooosh!
Over your head.
Don't confuse Arnold's mastery and passion and vision with greed or gross survival.
You guys are missing out on important lessons from healthy stages Blue & Orange.
Nail down the fundamentals like visioning, goal-setting, planning, self-motivation, discipline, work ethic, commitment, patience, focus, overcoming failure, taking responsibility, not playing victim, etc. before you go chasing New Age pipe dreams.

I can relate. My first job didn't work out the way I wanted either. It was heartbreaking, but also it presented me with my biggest opportunity for advancing my career. Within a year I quit that job and started my own business.
Yes, you sunk a lot of time in this, but now you're getting clear about what you definitely don't want in terms of your career. This clarity is worth the price you paid for it if you use it to realign yourself towards what your heart and soul are truly calling you to do.
What is your life purpose? Are you clear? What is your heart set on doing career-wise? If it's psychiatry (let's just assume that for now), then all you need to do to feel better about yourself is to double-down on your vision to become an amazing psychiatrist. How it will happen is largely irrelevant. You must program yourself with the vision that this what you want and you will make it happen. There is no good reason why you cannot become a psychiatrist eventually. It might takes some years, but people become psychiatrists all the time, so can you. It's just a question of clarity, vision, and passion. How badly do you want it? Even if you can't be a psychiatrist right now, it doesn't matter because what matters is your vision. You can spend the next few years just building up the vision and training yourself such that you become so good as a candidate that people won't be able to ignore you.
Stop waiting for someone to make you a psychiatrist. If it is your vision, you already ARE a psychiatrist -- it's just not been made official yet. From today on start acting as if you were a real psychiatrist. Go above and beyond what a normal psychiatrist does. Do whatever you must to make yourself exceptional in this field. Do the research, read the books, attend seminars and workshops, read journals, make psychiatrist friends, do free psychiatry on your friends and family for practice, act like psychiatrist in your dreams and visualizations, go to a hypnotist and ask him to program you that you are a successful psychiatrist, etc.
This is not an external world career problem. This is a vision and self-confidence problem. It's a lack of passion and commitment problem. You are unclear and doubting yourself.
 
 
Are you gonna let some fucking bureaucracy tell you who you can be?