Torch

Orange/green anarchist's thoughts on religion

Three arrows is a good channel on politics and history: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCT8a7d6S6RJUivBgNRsiYg

This week I've been somewhat consistent with my meditation and exercise routine although I tend to fall asleep during meditation because of my lack of proper sleep. This irks me because it's so easy to fall asleep during meditation but falling asleep takes a lot of time, up to two or three hours which fucks up my sleep and makes me sleep until noon of the next day which ruins my entire day and productivity. It's infuriating to say the least. Either way, I've done 20 minutes of the shamanic breathing technique just now and got some of the same results as last time. My hands felt tingly and weird, my vision got dimmer, I was off balance trying to stand up afterwards, I got the same weird ringing in my ears, and I almost started crying towards the end with passionate thoughts of wanting to improve myself and a passionate appreciation of life which isn't all that common for me.

I'm going to write into this journal on a daily basis to keep myself accountable on meditating and doing yoga. Around the same time last year, I stumbled across Leo's channel and started to learn about self actualization and enlightenment. I've learned a lot but because of my lack of discipline I haven't been able to put much of what he was saying into practice. I've been meditating on and off for several months but haven't been able to do it daily for more than a few months. In order to be much more consistent and be more productive I will keep this daily journal to hold myself accountable on doing meditation and kriya yoga daily. I will exercise, read books from Leo's booklist, and do other things that will help me self improve but I want meditation and yoga to be the bare minimum that I do daily so that I'm not overwelmed if my life gets too busy. I hate all the time I wasted so far backsliding and feeling miserable knowing I could be more productive and this is my newest attempt to self improve since most of my other attempts completely failed due to me being addicted to social media, entertainment, and porn. Trying to self improve for me feels like trying to crawl out of quicksand. It's not that hard to learn the theory but putting them into practice in the long term and being patient with results is way harder. Hopefully this attempt isn't yet another failure. If I stop updating this journal it's because either I feel I've outgrown it or I've stopped caring. Daily requirement: Kriya yoga At least 20 minutes of meditation

I hate whining about my lifestyle and my failure to do productive self development work so I might as well post the actual work I'm doing to pull myself out of my bullshit. Just now I did 20 minutes of shamanic breathing and just with that I got weird results. My body started shaking at least 5 or 6 times which made me have to stop a little, my vision got dimmer, and afterwards I keep hearing this weird ringing in my ears that's sorta like white noise that I don't usually get. Also, my hands were tingling. I've been using two sapien medicine videos (one for addiction and one for clearing the subconscious) for a week or two now and I'm noticing my burning need to be on YouTube and social media all the time going away. I'm gonna give it more time and see if these are definite results from the sapien med videos and if my addictions clear up even more.

Welp, I've been doing very little of anything productive or involving self improvement for a while now. I went back to my old ways because that's what I'm used to and have been like since as far back as I can remember so ofc I'd eventually go back to my usual completely hedonistic lifestyle. I'll see if there's anything I can do about it but I'm not that optimistic.

Lately I've been swinging back and forth on self improving and wasting time on the internet like a phone zombie. I'm either trying to meditate, exercise, journaling, trying sapien medicine, doing visualizations or just spending hours looking at shallow mindless content on YouTube and Twitter. Looking at shit on twitter sets me back because of how little most people on there care about self improvement and care more about trends, current news and gossip and overused jokes. Youtube has some good channels and videos for self improvement, philosophy, psychology, and enlightenment but it's very easy for me to get sucked into the mindless content on there too. Ofc I'm going to have to go cold turkey on this kind of media for at least a month or two and if I fail I might have to straight up delete my accounts.

My biggest problem with self actualization is doing the actual practices. I didn't have much of a problem with learning about enlightenment and self actualization but using these techniques consistently is where I fail because of lack of motivation. Any advice on how to motivate yourself?

Yeah and I suppose that taking the life purpose course to find something to be passionate about is something I should do. Forcing motivation is tiring.

I'd do it if I could but it's not a possible thing right now. My lack of motivation helps keep me the same way that I've been throughout my life. I won't go through the pain of growing myself and changing and I get to stay in my comfort zone.

Is it safe to do kriya supreme fire as a newbie?

An example of a green band

This time I was successful at being at meditating on a daily basis but hardly had any success at much of anything else. Also, I've being trying audios from a YouTube channel called Sapien Medicine but haven't seen any noticeable results. They're some kind of audios that can apparently change the mind and body towards a desired result like overcoming addiction or getting more willpower. I'm gonna have to give it another couple of months to see if they actually work instead of judging prematurely. Either way, I've mostly wasted my time with my habits and I need to quit them cold turkey and live a minimalist and mindful lifestyle if I want any damn results.

During the span between my last post here and this post, I've fallen back into my addictions and vices. Recently, I've unexpectedly been laid off of my seasonal job and if there's one thing that's been bad for my self actualization work, it's having tons of free time. I usually pig out and fall right back into my addictions when I have days off. I've hardly done much self actualization work during this time. Hardly any meditation, yoga, reading, exercising, or disciplining myself. I'm planning on focusing solely on these things for the next 30 days and avoiding the garbage I've been into like twitter and YouTube. If I don't update this at least weekly, I've probably went back to binging on my addictions.

Welp, I've been consistent with my daily yoga routine so far besides one day of not doing it. Haven't been doing meditation or anything as consistently tho.

Tuesday-wednesday- I didn't do yoga or meditation on either of these days because of having low energy and motivation. Thursday- did yoga but no meditation. Almost didn't do yoga because of resistance I was feeling

Yesterday: 30 min. meditation 20 something min. of yoga My meditation session was full of monkey mind, whether my eyes were closed or open.

Saturday: 20 something minutes of yoga Sunday: same thing and 4 minutes of shamanic breathing and 12 minutes of meditation I got my body feeling weird with the shamanic breathing because blood was heating parts of my body up. Eventually I stopped at 4 minutes because I kept hearing a thumping noise behind me. Whenever I stopped the breathing, the thumping would stop so me being paranoid, I quit.

Forgot to write in this again. I've been consistently doing 20 something minutes of kriya yoga on a daily basis since Tuesday but haven't been meditating. I've also been mindful in some of my daily activities, doing visualizations, and a technique from Del pe for my lack of sleep but I've only seen immediate results from the del pe technique so far. Also, I'm probably going to do the visualizations from leo's bad habits video.

The day before yesterday: 20 something minutes of yoga. Yesterday: same thing Haven't been consistent with my meditation routine so i should work on that.

21

20 min. of yoga yesterday 20 to 30 min. of meditation yesterday

Orange taken to ridiculous levels

Due to my addictions, I screwed up the meditation and yoga habit I was trying to build. I'm gonna try to overcome my addiction once and for all by following Leo's advice and just sit with the emptiness I feel when I do nothing for too long. Also some death contemplation and addiction contemplation might do me some good.