AndreeaM

Hello people of the forum, I am a young person and started to do personal development almost an year ago, so I'm at the beginning, but I'm really glad that I started at such a young age. My life was kind of hard.Just as a short story, before I ask my question: I was heart transplanted in December 2010,moved from a poor land to Germany.Here I had the possibility to get healthy and I decided to stay. Why is it important? Well, from all the things I am working on, the relationship part seems to not get better at all. I know my boyfriend since I was 15.We always felt something for each other, some kind of attraction, though we never seen each other.We lived in different cities. We remained in contact, even after the whole "drama" happened to me and after 7 years, we realized that our connection is strong. He is also into personal development and we would probably be amazing together if we would have the opportunity to have a normal relationship.What happens between us is strong and on one side healthy. But here comes the problem: it is a long distance thing. Yes, I know, I know, those things never work, but I am really open minded and ask myself : don't they? Couldn't they work? There are many problems.My financial situation doesn't allow me to go to this land too often.Actually I wasn't there in years, but I am preparing myself for the big step of going there again. We both tend to overthink this situation and we think that our relationship is toxic.But it makes us happy.It brings me peace of the soul.He is such a good person. But lately he wonders more often if this whole thing makes sense.He loves his life there, wants to start a business, loves his family, doesn't want to leave.I have to stay in Germany, where the system offers me the medical help that I need. What do you think? I could really use some wisdome right now. A big thank you to all the people that are going to give me a few minutes of their time! Andreea M.

Hi guys! So I have got this problem of thinking a lot about stuff.I was always an analytic person and until now it helped me from time to time but I wanted to know your opinion about when is it too much. I have problems on seeing the fine line between healthy analyzing and thinking too much.

Hi there! Sorry that my answer comes so late, but I was really busy lately. Will, I am glad you can learn from my journey and also glad to share it here, though it is not as easy as it seems. I am actually trying a lot of new ways of thinking, seeing the situation in all its colors and shades. Me and my guy had a serious talk about us,the pressure was too much for him and also made me have kind of a negative approach of the situation.Finally he was a bit of a coward ( but tha's fine, I still love him ) and tried to make his decision of breaking up with me, our decision.Which didn't work.I made him clear: I accept his opinion but mine is different.If he takes that decision, he has to assume it. Of course, the whole thing couldn't last so it didn't.He tells me everday he loves me, how and why he does that ( which I just find adorable).He tells me he is thinking about a way of getting together ( for real ), though he is not able to call what we have a "relationship".It is confusing but also kind of cristal clear to me.If that makes any sense. He has his life there, wants to start a business ( and works on that everyday ), loves his family a lot and also his friends are an important part of his life.Of course that even the thought of giving everything up for one girl and jumping into new scares the **** out of him. In this very moment I am happy and that is actually why I asked myself, as I opend this topic, if I should end something like that.Long distance is toxic, right?Or do we make it toxic?

The key words in what you are saying are : " instrospection done well ".I guess that that is a big challenge for me, because I have the skill of analytical thinking, which sometimes turns into overthinking.I don't feel the healthy limit there, but I'm working on that. Thank you for your thoughts.They helped a lot. Greetings!!

Hi Will! Thank you for your answer.It really inspired me and a lot is happening now in my life. You are right in everything you say.I just can't decide if I need more introspection or less.

Dear Cinderella, I resonate with your situation a lot.I also have a long distance realtionship and find it hard to deal with. I agree on what Ayla said about self confidence, co-dependency and self-etsteem.Those are great things to start with (I'm also working on that), but also think that it would be great if you find the road between.Try to find your equilibrium.I find this so,so important and it helps me in making such decisions like the one you are struggling with right now. Have you sat down and really thought about what is going on between you two?

First of all, thank you for your answer. He says he still doesn't want to come here.I came with the idea of moving somewhere else together, but I think that is too early to talk about such a big change.He doesn't dislike the idea, but doesn't enbrace it either, yet ( as he says : " I consider it more than a few months ago " ). It would not be years without seeing each other.He came here in January and I plan to go there in May, but then again, how long will this work? About letting go, I do consider it, but I admit, the paint of this thought doesn't allow me to see it so clear. I don't really believe in faith and I do believe that if there is no action, there is no result.That is why we are trying to take action, though both of us are a bit lost. Doing stuff together, sex, those things are great.It is just sad that in this very moment I don't see who could fit to my soul as well as he does. My question goes deep.Is this happiness?How can I know?Is it really toxic, or do are thoughts make it so?Shall I really let go on such a special connection?