To be honest, I don't even why I should be learning, I don't even know why I should seek "enlightenment"/personnal development, I don't know why I'm meditating...
After meditating, I had this thought : why should I avoid committing suicide, this entire life is an illusion anyway. I know that suicide isn't a bad thing to do in dreams, but If life is a dream, then why is it bad to do it there ???