Bernard

I'm trying to figure out what is happening and seeking to find solutions to my problem. Ever since my last LSD trip(a week ago) I've been getting random panic attacks along with bursts of hurt/dread feeling for no reason and now I'm just wanting to make it stop. Anyone has any idea what's happening and how I get back to my usual self, or evolve past it, get over it? I get that's ultimately for me to find out and perhaps it would help if I talk through it but there aren't many people who I can speak with that would understand so I'm attempting to create a dialog here. Thoughts? Suggestions? And yes its happening now.

Is it possible to elevate your consciousness so much to where you're neither here or there? Not sure if its exactly the consciousness that's elivated, but for the lack of a better word I'm using that term. To put it another way, can you end up in a sleep/wake state after the mediation to the point you don't care for the physical world as much? I'm currently experiencing these a week later and it frightens me to the point of panic attacks. What's happening?

Yea I screwed the pooch on this one. I was being reckless and casual about the whole thing. I figured because it was a small dose and I have done larger doses before ans was fine, I figured I could handle it. Leo told me something akin to that. I may be misquoting him a bit but he said "you disrespected the psychedelic". Which I clearly did and now I'm paying for it. Even though while on it I was practicing self inquiry and asking "what am I" for a little bit before it happend. I'm starting to think it answered and I didn't like the answer. I'm questioning if reality exists and that's whats a part of whats scaring me and making not care for it. Becauae with rhis information, what even matters? If it partially killed my ego then it killed what kept me grounded.

I see. I feel confused and a few times I did want to die and its when it gets super intense even though I'm not suicidal. I usually feel pain in my chest. That's the most noticeable one. The second would be stomach area but I don't think that one is related to this issue. I could be wrong. To be honest I'm afraid to dive in it as I feel like I'll never recover. Even though I feel it tugging on me.

I have a sense of what you saying. It does feel like the observer as you put it is very vast. But since my experience it's like it's more interested in the vastness than it is for reality. Which would be nice if it where to be interested in reality again.

@Hellspeed How do you cope? Or deal? Did you at least get to the point of peace? How does one fill panic attacks with joy?

By your consciousness description, it feels like I've beem in lover consciousness since my experience. While prior I was in a higher state. By how much I don't know but it was noticeably higher. Lately I have been making poor lifestyle choices(health wise) and this experience as of now motivated me to get myself out of this state by making better health choices. I'm making a grocery list and supliment list as we speak. It's a start. I was more adventurous, curious and eager to do things. It's not that I don't all of a sudden, but i have lost a good bit of interest in reality. Like simply existing feels like a burden now. But I'm trying to ground myself. I will look into those supplements. You actually helped with my list even though I already had L- Theanine and B12 on it. Not the the others. Perhaps its a good thing in this regard that it happend but I can't help but be terrified of my current stare of being. In a way I feel as if I was doing great with my life and on a good trajectory when it comes to personal growth but this experience set me back. It probably didnt but its how I feel.

@Gabriel Antonio What kind of medication? To treat what exactly? Any suggestions?

@non_nothing Thanks for sharing the video. Unfortunately everytime I'm remined of my state I end up feeling horrible. Not sad. But more like my feelings are extremely hurt and fear. I'll give it a shot though

@Serotoninluv yea well that's what actually did it. A trip. Had a few hour long bad experience and been terrified since. How did you deal with it? Ever recovered?

@Serotoninluv The source is that I'm afraid I wont come back. That the profound experience traumatized me. That I will be confused and stuck in this inbetween state forever. That I lost my mind and its not coming back.

@SoonHei I hope it does pass. Its just been a week now and I feel really spaced out but not in a "thinking to much" way. More in a loosing touch wirh reality kinda way.

I also am trying to figure out an additional thing that is happening that I think might be triggering it. It feels like I care less about the physical reality, and at times not at all. Its like my consciousness/awareness expanded/elevated or simply bot fully present any more and it scares me. That could ve the trigger. What exactly is happening? Why am I here and not here at the same time? Will I come back? Please someone enlighten me on whats happening

@non_nothing Thanks for sharing this. Hes pleasant to listen to

@cle103 A similar thing happend to me a few days ago while I was tripping on LSD. Scared the shit out of me. I haven't even fully recovered from it. As I recall, what triggered my terror and panic attack is I felt like I was sinking to an abyss. It didn't feel like a welcoming place. It was vast/dark/empty. Not pleasant at all. Ever since then I'm neither here or there. Feels like I'm semi conscious and in somewhere in between being asleep and awake. I think similar things happend to us even though we describe it differently.

Hi everyone, Hopefully I'm posting this in the right place. I was hoping to share my experience and get some insight on what happened. I've taken some LSD Monday night and experienced my first bad trip around the 5th hour in. This would be my fourth time taking some and because it was a low dose I figured I'll handle it fine. I had some drinks the same night as well and became tierd. I knew I couldn't go to sleep but I figured I'll try anyway. As I was laying down with my eyes closed I started to feel that I'm dozing off. Not to long after I've felt a sinking feeling and it freaked me out so I jumped out of bed. At this point I was starting to have a panic attack because I felt like I'm fully aware of being in a semi conscious state. Half asleep half wide awake. I was really tierd and just wanted to sleep. I wanted to excape my waking state because it felt horrible. I'm not suicidal or anything but I felt like I wanted to die. At this point I completely stopped caring for the physical reality. Nothing on this interested me nor I had any desire to be here. At the same time I was terrified of "the other side". This went on for a couple of hours where I tried to relax and calm myself down. It has given me so much anxiety and I felt really depressed. I lost all interest in the physical world but was stuck in this inbetween state. Really made me wonder if this is what clinically depressed people feel. Even though it's out of my system as I write this, I still have this feeling of dread. What do y'all think happend? Was I on the verge of ego death? Any insight is greatly appreciated. How do I ground myself and stop feeling spaced out? I hope I get over it soon. This sucks. Thanks.

Idk if I can answer your question or not but one of recent realizations is that only the ego wants attachment to things. It's method of holding on. Whether its through other people, addications or whatever. Additon to my realization, what if that's what letting go means? Letting go of all the attachment. At this stage I get the concept but it's easier said than done.

@Leo Gura I do realize that it's selfishness, that comes from my ego not wanting to be born into something it views as negative. I did notice that the ego wants to stay limited and hold on. My last trip reminded me of this. Why you ask? Its fear. At least in my case. Perhaps there's more to it as to why it avoids its full nature but that's what I think based on my experiences. But ultimately it makes we wonder whats even the point of having one. I get it's practical use in this reality like survival and what not but it seems useless and only causes trouble. I'm getting rather tierd of it and always getting in the way lol

@Maximus Well I felt pretty positive when I took and ended up tripping by myself like usual. Difference was that this time I just wanted to go with the flow and see what it wants to teach me. (Still working that out myself) Even though I had depressed periods in my life I can only recall a few times that where this intense. I'm not clinically depressed so I get out of that state eventually but damn, I really do feel for the ones who go through it their whole lives. I really wanted to sleep and when I couldn't I wanted to die. Not physically because I knew it was short lived due to the substance, so it is short lived. Not everyone has that luxury. Even though I emphasized prior to this experience, this has really elevated it. I understand and feel it on a much deeper level now to where when you said that it slightly triggered it and I think it's partially because the experience is fresh and familar. I want to make use of it and use my experience to communicate with those that deal with it better.

Sounds promising! I have a GNC gift card that I've been trying to use. I'll have to look and see what they carry and try some out.

It's probably my ego but I'm really put off by the thought of being Hitler or someone that undergoes torture or some other crazy shit. If that is the case, do you get a say so? The concept reminds me or reincarnation but even with that it's based on karma. At least with that idea you have some control. But yea I get it. It's my ego talking and "god" or "soul" probably wants it.

@Shadowraix I thought of that after a few minutes of freaking out. Then I started to breathe and said "fuck it" and allowed myself to accept and just be. Nothing really changed and I remained in that inbetween state. I think in that even though I didn't "die" it may have increased my tolerance.

@Leo Gura Just seeing your elaborated response now. My very first trip was more enlightening and pleasant than any other. It was during a time where I meditated way more often than I do now and I did it with intent to elevate. I had a very profound experience from it. I forgot most of it because it was years ago but I remember feeling pure bliss and experiencing fractals, and what not. The other two where great also but this one was not only a mind fuck it scared the shit out of me. This really turns me off from it psychedelics. Who wants to be go through this? If its like my first trip where its all bliss I'm all for it but this was sheer terror. Having your mind blown is cool and all but i want it accompanied by the agape love I felt the first time and not this shit lol Thanks for the insight Leo. Really appreciate it.

I didn't think of it at first till you mentioned it but I do see your point. This really worries me though. I feel like my consciousness is not even fully grounded anymore. Like its partially here and partially everywhere else. My mental loops of my contemplations is still here. I was wondering "what am I" and now I don't even know anymore. It ended up confusing the hell out of me. Was inquiry a bad idea under the substance? Should I have not jolted when I started to sink into myself? I get that I should'nt have taken in without prior preparation but I feel like I'm in a void and I just want to get out of it at this point.

@Leo Gura Despite not having an initial intent prior to taking it. Before I got tierd I did ask myself questions like "what am I" observed my body, and contemplated a bit because I wanted to make use out of it. I'm trying to figure out what it tried to show/tell me but I don't fully understand what happend. Why did it scare me so much when it didn't last few times? It ended up confusing the hell out of me. True, I should've been better prepared and not drank with it. These are the consequences. I think it will be a while before I take any but if I do it will be with intent.