charlie cho

@Judi of course. the way I portrayed myself is a bit exaggerated honestly. But honestly, I do have that craving for attention inside, and .... what am i going to do with that energy? That is the question. It is not particularly a loving energy. This craving for attention is quite hateful of people and myself because it wants prestige, it wants undivided attention. ... u know what I mean.

I find myself greatly interested in marketing and business. I buy business courses from eben pagan, dan kennedy, fred kern, seth godin even when I don't plan to open a business. Is this necessary? I think I'll be working for the government in the police. Is studying marketing and business necessary

U are more illusory than your girlfriend remember that my friend. If you die, your girl friend doesnt exist. The more god like you become, the more humble you are. God is the highest yet the lowest. He can lower himself more than anybody, yet be the most powerful Wont you agree after realizing the world is illusion?

@WelcometoReality thank you for being such a good listener. Ps. I hate being honest, but i guessed fuck it.

maybe when I said nobody loves me. I hope I get to become mature now. I've tapped into the immature side of myself just now just to un-filter and demonstrate my inner demons. hahhhh..... I have no choice but to leave it to the universe in the end. I will work hard and put much effort in developing and maturing, but in the end I'll have to go with the flow if I truly want to grow.

i am afraid of other's opinions of me having this 16 - 17 year old girl as my girlfriend. I shouldn't really be, but in fact I am. It's ended. I don't care about it anymore. I stopped this fear of other opinions right now for some reason I don't know I'm gonna stop with having other's perceptions dictate my actions. I shouldn't even be asking these questions if I didn't care about other's opinions. And it's disgusting to put legalities in place of love and to put society above love. I will stop.

@WelcometoReality they are not serving me at all, the way I wrote it. It only makes me sound strange. I think the way I write it, it only propagated my fear.

@Tanz it's legal. it's 13 years old in my country, Korea. I'm not gonna ask for permission from you. She's 17 years old, so don't go around telling other people what he or she cannot do. So get silent so I can focus on stopping my dumbasseries without having people make decisions for me

@WelcometoReality I think there is something that I'm avoiding. Someone that I avoid. It's not my inner demons. Someone that I should go and express myself to. But I avoid and rather seek attention from others. I'm just scared of someone whom I'd like to meet and hopefully make a connection, so I avoid her. Then I go to others and expect them to love my fearful cowardice self. Maybe that's why people then run away.... because they realize I'm a coward and a bitch. Maybe it's not loneliness but because my cowardice acts have bled through my body and through my actions, so people would like to run away from me: who blames them? I keep avoiding the one I should actually be attentive to, but I seek attention from them. I'm abusing myself, and they see it. I have low self-esteem and they could feel it. So I get no bargain from the two deals. Not from the person I'd like to connect with, not from other people whom I ask for attention. I say this is all true with conviction because this mechanical process, this programming of mine has been going on long enough, and I am now able to identify this has been a karma that has been recurring my whole life. Fear has been a great perpetrator in my relationships throughout. I don't know why though, why I have so much fear against people. Why? At least... I have gotten deep in my inner-self to at least see that I've been fearful. This must stop. Really. I cannot let it keep repeating and ruining me. Being histrionic isn't the problem, I think. I think it's fear that is the problem. Fear from following what I desire to do. I may have been blocking the energy that is love flowing in me..... I feel so sad. I feel so depressed and I want to cry. Nobody loves me. Not the person I like. My friends don't love me. I'm not mentally ill. I'm just really sad realizing this has been the root cause to my recent disorderly behavior, supposedly. I just feel so much regret that I have been blocking this energy in me repeatedly and this has demonstrated itself in unhealthy ways such as histrionic disorders in my mind. I just hate empathizing with such energy blockages! I'd like to change.

@Opo of course.... cant you see. He is exactly like what i wrote about him. His moral values constituted of rigid family values. Parents are God, nobody else. Its a cult. If i do something outside what the family tells me to do, i become a demon to them. Im a little depressed. All i need is egolessness. Then they would not have any control over me. I will be like water and them like stone and water always wins. It is not easy. It is definitely hard. Egolessness.

@Opo well, unsurpringly he did exactly what a pussy would do. He kicked me out when i was in high school.

@ArcticGong Addicted to red? Besides, I always wanted to work in the police since I was a child. Like, I first of all don't associate myself with spiral dynamics as much as this forum does. Lust and rage? In terms of lust, I do not understand to be totally honest with you. As long as it is not pedophilia, it can be cured quite easily. In terms of rage, I think I can help you a little bit. I'm not an angry person by nature. I don't get angry so easily. I do get angry when somebody decides to pull my hair when I'm in significantly disadvantaged. I do get angry when that person later on pretends and shows a nice face to everybody after all the incident. Good thing I recorded him trying to fight me so that he won't be able to get away with being such a "nice" guy to everyone. In spite of all this, I don't think I go into rage as much as others do. Just realize there is a necessary time for anger. Never ever be the person who never gets angry. It's okay to be perceived as intense or a as a person who can't control his anger. Unperceptive losers will judge you. People with a certain perception will understand you. And with that make friends with the latter, and don't be afraid to have the former demonize you. Take the consequences and move on. That is the first step. Because if you don't take the first step, you will have people try to oppress your expression of anger. And the number one reason people become ill of anger is because they never get angry in the first place. Number one reason people cannot control anger is because they never used it in the first place. Use anger, play around with anger, and only then will you be able to control and utilize the force to its greatest potential. I have not achieved this state. You see, I still get angry uncontrollably, too, when I feel betrayed. Some might argue I beat my father a little too much. A certain beating was necessary, but I maybe I beat him more than his fair share: only God knows, not me. One can argue one should not act out on the feeling of betrayal, but you have seen what I have done. I have acted out on betrayal, however horrible a thing my father had done. huh.... maybe I am trying to be something that I'm not. At this moment, I'm not going to judge myself for being angry at him. To want more from myself at this situation only breeds more harm and neuroticism. But I imagine if I were to be enlightened, I would have beaten my father out of compassion, not out of the feeling of betrayal. I would say I was 50/50. I beat him 60% out of compassion. I wanted him to understand. I wanted him to feel what it feels like to be beaten and to meet your neighbors and friends the next day with a puffed up face. I wanted him to feel the fear one might have when he is physically beaten. I wanted him to know the dread one has when one is beaten for having no faults. I wanted him to feel what it feels like to be beaten by a superior just for being an inferior to him. 40% of my betrayed feeling thought of the past, thought of how ugly he is, thought of how stupid he is, how he might as well just disappear from the world for trying to beat others because he feels stronger, how he used to beat a young child 13, 15, 16 when he was drunk, how decadent he was when he tried to defile a young kid with violence, how he had no respect for the creation of God, how he drinks alcohol like a mule, how ugly his face became for daring to pick a fight with me, how dumb he looked when he fought because he couldn't hit me once, how unintelligent he was for trying to resolve everything with physical violence, how stupid he was for returning emotional hurt with physical violence. I don't think. I don't feel. I simply see what he did and what I did. And to this day, I do not know what is right or wrong. I do not know what is wise or unwise. I just don't know anything. I think not knowing is better to live a wiser life, afterall.

Leo was trying to explain the illusory nature of the physical world in which we see.... (I mean for 99% of us who aren't enlightened) Charlie did not seem to get it nor his friend. I often had these conversations with people and they usually got it right away. Of course many would try to say I'm wrong, but they would admit the way I said was very convincing even though they could not trust me. What I say: 1. We have 5 senses that records the world. The camera which is the eye, the microphone which is the ear, and so on with the nose, taste, and touch. At this very second we may record existence. However, in 5 seconds later, this moment will just become a picture, a simple recording, a simple png. file in our heads. In another sense, we have an mp4 file in our heads because we don't only take pictures, we can record movies with our eyes. The sounds we hear right now 5 seconds later will simply be an excerpt, an mp3 file in our heads. Same goes with smell, touch, and taste. Do you think this png. file, this mp3 file, this mp4 file is different from the world you are experiencing now? The very substance of this world in which you experience has no difference between the substance that constitutes the png. file, the mp4 file, the mp 3 file that is in your head. 2. Why you may ask? Well, there was one time when I slept and I had a dream. I was dreaming that I was a butterfly. I was flying and having a jolly good time sitting on flowers, a wonderful dream. Then I woke up. I screamed. I wondered whether I was the butterfly that was dreaming that I was Charlie, or was I Charlie that was dreaming that I was a butterfly. I could not distinguish what was true. Am I a butterfly? Actually this is what Chuang Tzu had been thinking about 2500 years ago. I stole the story from him. Do you understand? When you have sex with someone in a dream. When a person shoots you on the foot with a gun in a dream. You feel the sensations. You also feel the emotions too. You feel the pain in the dream. Likewise, if I were to hit you in the mouth, you will feel it. What is the difference between that dream and this? 3.Have you ever heard of amputees having phantom pains? For example, he or she may have cut his leg, but they feel as if they foot hurts after, even when they don't have a foot! It is called a phantom pain because they know they don't have a foot, but they feel as if they have a foot. Consciously, they know they don't have a foot, but their brains have recorded their bodies since childhood and have conditioned itself to believe the body to exist. In other words, they have recorded so much png. files of their bodies that even when the body has vanished, those png. files has become the brain's crutch into understanding existence. Those png. files, mp3 files, mp4 files has become an attachment to the brain and become the main source of identification of existence. So amputees believe in their png. files more than reality! We all have this in our bodies. This is an example of "imagining things that don't exist" in spirituality. 4. Skitzophrenic patients see things that don't exist in the real world. They believe in their imaginary friend, their imagined object because they could not distinguish the difference between that with the other objects that actually "exist". But suppose why they have a hard time distinguishing them. Imagine a cup just next to your computer. Imagine it so vividly that it may be real. Can you imagine yourself actually believing in the cup? They cannot distinguish it because their imagination has become so vivid, so strong, their desire to avoid the world, or their desire for something has become so strong (both objectives are the same) they cannot distinguish the difference between their mother and his imaginary friend. In essence, the world in which we see is imaginary. So what will become of physical reality if we destroy these imaginary objects!? I will not say much but only this. Tesla had once said one must look at nature not with materialism but with energetic awareness. Look at the world in terms of energy. Now, this imaginary way of looking at things makes things physical, makes things materialistic. Once the images (png. files) are gone, once the sounds (mp3 files) are gone, we will see energy. We will hear not sounds, but vibrations.

@LastThursday side effect. Yeah

- an honest rumination about attraction and love- Diogenes was a mystic who decided to become a beggar after he saw a dog live just as fine with no shelter and little food. A Diogenes used to threaten Alexander to cut his head off if he wanted to but Alexander could not for some odd reason. It has been said that Alexander was always envious of him and wanted to become him because he was beautiful inwardly and out. It has been my observation that Alexander has seen the real beauty of Diogenes despite his appearance as a needy person. That is why Alexander had told his officers if he were to be born again, he would like to be born again as Diogenes. Diamonds do not exist between the sands; it exists amongst the hardest rocks. Hasn't this been the endless law of our world? The apparently most needy have been the most beautiful and adored? In other words, Diogenes had looked like a beggar, the needy, yet was the most enlightened. The Buddha looked like a beggar, yet he was the real emperor of emperors. Jesus was a beggar, but he was the real savior amongst all prophets. However, we cannot deny the fact that most people - i would say 98% of the population - had just shunned these extraordinary beings as needy, desperate attention seekers. Isn't it a fact that people who try to look non-needy are the most needy? Do you think in dating and creating friendships, we should still try to look non-needy? I currently don't think so after meeting so many people. I feel if you try to look non-needy, if you try to look tough, you will only expose yourself to be more insecure, more unconfident. Isn't there power in vulnerability and grace? Isn't this the true way to be the diamond in the rough, so to speak. I leave you with this quote from Lao Tzu I write this because recently I got the advice to not show neediness to a girl at all times. I understand, but isn't there a limit? If you constantly try to be non needy? Isn't there a disadvantage? It's a very confusing concept I wish to solve in the coming months.

@LastThursday that vulnerability is hard and often scoffed upon by unperceptive people. But at the same time, if you get hurt for being vulnerable, it means you were not vulnerable in the first place. True vulnerability comes from egolessness, yet people think being vulnerable will hurt them. No, it's usually being the opposite of vulnerable that will hurt them because they have a sense of pride to protect a phantom that never existed.

@Yarco sir, i havent read this for some reason. After i come back from work; i will come and see for sure

4 hours? 5 hours? 8 hours? What is it? I'm serious here. Is it even possible to focus over 5 hours? I understand 4 hours.... but 5 hours on work? Is that possible. What do you guys think is the sufficient amount of time of work in order to be able to create good value and be excellent in one's work?

@Leo Gura did you solve your stomach illness?

David De Angelo, on being a man, gave me great ideas

chuang tzu's parables. It tries to destroy knowledge, mannerisms, beliefs, mind oriented world. When confucius idealogies were dominating china slowly but surely, chuang tzu feared it will make people mind oriented.

Guys. Just read some books. Start with self help. Keep on growing on. Study chemistry. Study physics. Study mathematics. Read books from acclaimed academics. Study Nietzsche. Read Kant. Read the Great Gatsby. Read Leo Tolstoy. Then read some Socrates. Read from Pythagoras. If you are retarded, the retarded brain will not help you become enlightened. Even after you enlightenment, having beautiful mind is good. There is nothing to lose when one advances his or her brain. Do both. Read a lot of books and meditate. Don't just do only one or the other. And after a certain point when you see your mind has reached the limit, then stop reading so much and you can chill. ' Just a token of advice from me.

@SQAAD stop thinking. Leo's content tends to make you think too much in the head. Don't think your way through enlightenment. You think with your cunning intellect, you will ever succeed in spirituality? With a cold cunning mind, you will never reach the warmth of heaven. Just ignore what Leo had said. Ignore everything you are thinking. And just go on about your day. Do you have a passion? Do you have work to do? Just go for those things. Are you hungry now? Go eat. Do you wanna just chill and play the guitar? Just play the guitar. As simple as that. Only one caveat here. This is not to say to not think deeply about certain matters. Just keep it simple and stop being so complex about matters of enlightenment. Again, with such a cunning cold mind how can you dare think of reaching the heights of heaven? Heaven is for the warm hearted, not for the serpent like mind. Be simple. Don't be orient yourself with the cold mind. Orient your life with the warm heart. That is how you can appeal to heaven. Heaven does not reward calculative men and women.