You're highly unlikely to start a million dollar startup if it's not something you love. You will quit long before reaching your first million.

Dude, don't be so hard on yourself.
If you feel lonely there's nothing wrong with finding some people to socialize with. In a sense that lonely feeling is telling you: "Hey dummy! You should socialize more!"
What's inauthentic is desiring to socialize with someone but then not doing it out of fear that they will reject you. The authentic thing would be to walk over and say, "Hey, I was looking for a new friend and I saw you. So here I am. Please don't reject me or I will have to hang myself in my mother's basement with her vacuum cleaner cord."
BE MORE VULNERABLE WITH STRANGERS!

Maybe
Nonduality also includes ego, anger, and suffering.
You can be enlightened and still be angry, or act egotistically, or suffer. What changes is your awareness of these things.
Suffering ends when you are willing to suffer anything. That doesn't necessarily mean the feeling of suffering goes away. You just stop resisting, stop wanting to change it.
The difference is this:
Person A is suffering and wants to stop the suffering. Which in a paradoxical way prolongs the suffering.
Person B is suffering and doesn't care. Which in a paradoxical way ends the suffering.
Happiness is just total acceptance of whatever is happening NOW, no matter how terrible is it. Imagine that someone is sawing off your leg, and you are like, "Okay, cool. So be it. I will enjoy this." << That is true happiness. You don't resist it.
Lol, sure. It even includes the giraffe you have in your head

The why is, you want to feel good, feel complete.
If you felt complete right now, you would not want anything.
Notice that every day, you feel incomplete. Your entire life, you've felt incomplete. So you chase things which you think will make you feel complete.
But it never works, because completeness is an existential insight, not a material object.
This is because, you are disconnected from who/what you are existentially. Completeness can only come with existential understanding.
It's sort of like if you imagined you should have 3 arms, but you only saw you have 2. So you'd go looking to acquire a 3rd arm to feel complete. But the counter-intuitive move is not to go chop off someone's arm and stitch it to your chest, but to realize: "Oh!!!! Duh!!! I should only have 2 arms! So everything is perfect! "
Happiness is wanting exactly what you presently have.
Unhappiness is wanting something you don't presently have.
It's that simple. But not easy to really grok. The mind will not just surrender its wants. That requires enlightenment. Your very life is tied to your wants. The reason you want anything is because you want to stay alive. So the really counter-intuitive move is to say, "I want to die."

Happiness is being conscious of the magnificence of existence in every moment, your mind uncluttered with conceptual baggage and petty "human stuff".
As a child, that was you natural state. Then as you aged, your mind was brainwashed and corrupted with the petty human concerns of your society and culture.
To see the magic in every moment of existence independent of external conditions is what you really want. It's the only thing that will truly satisfy you. Which is where spiritual practices come into play. Spiritual practices help you to develop a metaphysical connection to reality, rather than the utilitarian, transactional mode from which you currently operate.
As a kid, your mode of interaction with reality was non-transactional. Which gave you genuine joy.

@Freakrik Lol
That would be 0.0000000000001% of what your happiness would be at the moment of full awakening.
Try to imagine how happy you would feel if realized that death is impossible and that you are immortal and nothing in the universe can ever hurt you and that you personally own every galaxy and all of the stuff in them. And this condition lasts forever.
P.S. If you want true happiness, stop thinking with your dick.

I tried it once. Didn't like it. It was too much for doing work. And that was 10ug.
I suppose I should try it some more. I wanted it to be a powerful technique but for me it feels like I'm better off just doing a solid trip than microdosing. Other people may feel differently, like if you're depressed or something, maybe it would be good for you.
Modafinil feels a lot better for everyday activities and work than 10ug of LSD. Modafinil is so nice I often don't take it simply because I feel like it's cheating. Life is too good on Modafinil, LOL. You can't rely on drugs to hold up your life. Tripping is different. Tripping is a rare event which is more like a rite of passage or a retreat. So it's very different from daily dosing of drugs for life enhancement. I'm generally not a fan of near-daily dosing of anything because it becomes a crutch.
But hey, if you can't function without it because you have bad ADHD or whatever, then it might be good for you, for a while.
Eventually though your goal should be to be totally free of chemical crutches. Happiness must come from within.

Fear is always about the future.
You don't fear your past rape. You fear having to experience that again.
And even if you are afraid of your memories of that event, what you fear is re-living that experience (via your memories) in the future.
So even fear of a memory is fear of the future, not the past. Because fear is fundamentally resistance to future experience. If something has already been experienced, or is being currently experienced, it is not feared, since it's already here there is no need to fear it.
Don't believe me. Explore how fear actually works in your direct experience. Notice whether your fear is actually of the past, the present, or the future. This requires some good mindfulness skill.
Be careful not to turn this into speculation about how fear works. Do not speculate or guess! Actually look at what fear is doing in your direct experience. There's no room for guesswork here.
Is fear about the past or the future? Don't guess! Check what your fear is doing.

@peanutspathtotruth Your mind is simply not developed enough to handle the revelations which the higher doses must reveal.
Don't worry so much about getting a breakthrough. That will come naturally once you are ready for it. The way you get ready for it is by doing smaller trips, contemplating deeply, doing other practices, and taking time to integrate each trip.
Do 10-20 smaller trips and integrate all those insights. Then you'll be ready for a breakthrough.
You're trying to go too fast and your psyche isn't equipped to handle it.
This work is a marathon, not a sprint.
It took me about 1 year to integrate my highest dose (30mg) 5-MeO-DMT trip. Now I can handle a lot more (not dosage-wise but insight-wise).
It all comes down to this key question: How much mindfuck can your psyche handle?
The mindfuck goes much deeper than anyone expects. It blindsides you and you don't even know what happened because Truth is such a mindfuck.

And that is why you suffer.
Your desire for goodness creates hell, since good and bad are in truth one. So by desiring goodness only you desire falsehood.

Actually no physical signature is happening. You merely imagine it.
There is no such thing as a brain at all. Nor is there a physical world.
It's all imaginary. You are imagining all of science and history.
In a dream, nothing is real.

Careful not to demonize thought.
Not all thoughts are bullshit. But the thought that all thoughts are bullshit is bullshit
Thoughts are only a problem if you get lost in them. Otherwise thoughts are a beautiful thing and are important to human life.
There cannot be human life without thought. The key is to have high quality thoughts and to be able to go into silence at will.

I meant, it needs to be the most meaningful thing out of the things you could be working on.
Unless you are a billionaire, you don't have a choice in life. You will have to work to make money. The only question is, will you work on things you find most meaningful or not?
Even if you value deep relationships, you'll still have to work. Because work IS survival. You cannot be alive and avoid survival. The only question is, what will be the quality of your survival? Are you gonna be scamming old ladies out of their life savings, are you gonna be selling poison at McDonald's, or are you gonna do something meaningful for the world?
Up to you.
Don't be surprised if you hate your life when you sell poison at McDonald's for 8 hours every day. You should hate your life at that point because what you're doing is so stupid. That hate is a message that God is sending you. God is telling you, "Why you being so stupid when you could be doing something so much more amazing with your life?"
Living life in stupid ways leads to lots of suffering.

You're thinking about work all wrong.
Rather than seeing is as something you have to do, find a way to make it something you love to do.
In general, don't do things because you have to, do them because you want to.
This means being proactive about your work. It's not really work then, it's creativity. Don't you want to be creative? Why not? You are God after all! You created the whole universe and creation is a beautiful and exciting process.
You're disconnected from your creativity. That's your problem. Find a way to reconnect and this issue about work will dissolve. Then your problem will be that you work too hard!
Your work needs to be the most meaningful thing in the world to you.
You have yet to realize the significance of life purpose. You know it only as an intellectual abstraction, not a tangible burning passion.

Best to keep dating and enlightenment separate pursuits.
If you wanna date, go date.
If you want enlightenment, go do enlightenment work.
Dating is not about finding some Buddha to bang. You bang whoever you can and see where things go from there. Don't expect your partner to know anything about enlightenment.
Maybe if you're lucky you'll bump into a girl who meditates or does Hatha yoga. But even that is rare. And even then it will all just be surface level stuff.

Sit, be silent, and don't do anything with your mind.
Sit like a cat.

I would be cautious with this path - it can lead to a nasty solipsistic trap. Be careful conflating absolute and relative. The big "You" is creating all of this, not the little "you". 
When you frame the question as "Am I just dreaming up this life? I am the only one right now that has a subjective experience?". The answer is both "yes" and "no" - and if these two get mixed up and can lead to a nasty solipsistic trap. At the level of the little "i", no you are not dreaming up this life and you are not the only one with a subjective experience. At the god-like omniscient level of One "I", yes YOU are dreaming up this life and are the only ONE. Because there is only ONE.
Think of having a dream in which your dream character Paul asks the same question. Paul asks "Am I just dreaming all this? Am I the only person right now having a subjective experience?". From the perspective of Paul, then no. From his perspective he and all the other dream characters are real. It would not be fair to say Paul is dreaming it all up, because Paul is within the dream. We need to transcend Paul and level up to Krockerman. From the perspective of Krockerman, he is dreaming it all up. Paul and all the dream characters are ONE dream. NOT Paul's dream. The higher consciousness of Krockerman's consciousness.
Similarly, there is transcendence of the Krockerman character. Krockerman is not the one dreaming it all up. Krockerman is within God and God is dreaming it up. Krockerman and all other characters are ONE dream. 
If Paul realizes he is Krockerman - that becomes a conscious lucid dream. If Krokcerman realizes he is God - that is awakening, the Ultimate lucid dream.
 

To admit idealism is to admit that reality could all just be imaginary. What serious intellectual wants to do that? The whole appeal of being an intellectual is to take one's mind seriously.
So it's a problem of the fox guarding the hen house.
An academic cannot admit idealism because that then leads to mysticism and that then leads to the end of his career.
People who discover mysticism either leave academia or don't enter it in the first place.

Suffering IS the loss of self.
Suffering is what it feels like for the ego-mind to get crushed.

Fear of being rejected, fear of blowing the chance.
The hotter the girl, the more you put her on a pedestal, the more you feel you need to impress her.
The trick to attracting hot girls is to treat them as if they are nobody special. And being a strong leader. This requires lots of practice.

@orpheos Take ownership of the problem and start acting with more passion. Fake it a bit till you make it.
Be more playful, more flirty, more proactive. Rub up on him, tease him, put your hands on him, etc.
This isn't rocket science. Don't ask how. Just do it. Learn to turn yourself on with your mind, and learn to turn him on.
If you need to watch porn, watch porn and take notes. Although really this stuff is pretty obvious.
A deeper issue you might have is shyness or fear of intimacy. Or perhaps you were raise in a family/culture which taught you to be ashamed of sex. In which case you're sexually repressed.
How do you fix that? By questioning those old beliefs to death and pushing your comfort zone and exploring sexuality. Many books have been written about sex.
Being good at sex isn't natural. It requires practice and training. Don't be afraid to practice and train. Go suck on a cucumber until you figure out a good way to do it. This kind of basic stuff is what women avoid, but it necessary if you want to get good. Don't expect good sex to happen automatically. You have to put energy and intention into it. You have to be interested in doing whatever it takes to make it good. This might mean buying books, videos, toys, courses, attending classes, watching porn, practicing, visualizing, talking with your partner, training with your partner, etc.

Of course not.
Male and female attraction is asymmetrical.
They fantasize about some knight in shining armor whisking them away. Read some cheap romance novels from Walmart to understand how women think about sex/relationships. That cheap romance novel from Walmart is a woman's version of porn.
Much less important. A woman is looking for strength and leadership qualities, not looks.
Of course if all else is equal, she will pick the guy with better looks. But in practice all else is never equal. This is why a guy with below average looks can attract girls with above average looks. He compensates for it with strong inner qualities. The nice thing about this is that it's possible to cultivate these strong inner qualities. The bad thing is, this involves serious emotional labor.
In a sense being a hot girl is easy because you don't have do anything. You wear your value on your sleeve. The downside of this is that if you're not a hot girl (and definition most girls aren't), it's almost impossible to change that. So men have more flexibility in this department. But in practice very few men actualize this possibility.
Most people end up settling for someone at roughly their level of reproductive value.

It's both

Infinity is not a something you can reason about. Realization of infinity requires a new state of consciousness which you have not yet had.

It's not so simple. Small children can act very selfishly. And they certainly have fear. Try taking a baby away from its mother. Notice the fear.
In a sense it's easy to be joyful as a kid because if you have good parents they will handle all of your survival needs for you, allowing you to play and not worry about survival. But as you grow a little bit you gotta start surviving by yourself and that's when life becomes hard and ego invents elaborate devilish survival mechanisms.
So that ego defense mechanism rises as a necessity of life. How do you navigate a world where everyone lies, cheats, steals, and manipulates? You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. This is the fundamental dilemma of life.