Diane

How to love me I completed Shan Boodram's workbook and here is what came out: Dear world, My name is Diane and I am a charming young lady with a great sense of style. I am inclined to constant improvement, and I am very dedicated when I am passionate about a subject or project. I also have a lot of stamina and am inclined to sports. My love language is acts of service: if you want to show me love, help me out with the things I have/want to do. My attachment style (aka the way I relate to others in the context of intimate relationships) is Secure: once in a relationship, I don't fear losing it and I feel comfortable opening up to the other person. My apology language is: "make restitution" - through my love language - : I love it when someone who wronged me tries to do something to show me they are sorry. My reasoning style is "journalist": I am open to new experiences and enjoy learning about others. I trust my intuitions and act on them, sometimes falling into the trap of believing in false evidence. My current ideal relationship structure is: modern monogamous (serial monogamous): when I love someone I'm all in for that person. At the same time though, I am ready to let them go if we are no longer compatible. Regarding my personality, I am mostly extroverted: I love being surrounded by people, especially if they appreciate me, and I like to make them feel good. My Jungian Personality archetype is the Consul, ESFJ-A: I am a social creature who loves taking care of people and being recognized for it. When I have a plan, I execute it without getting too much distracted. On my sexual orientation, I am strictly heterosexual. I love D*ck!! My turn on trigger is Desire: I am turned on by dirty talk. I need to know how and how much the other person wants me, in details. My orgasm recipe: for me sex has to start with kissing and gradually climax from that. I like it when someone has power over me, in the sense of arriving to almost making me come and then slowing down to begin again and do it until I'm almost begging to come. I loove receiving shallow rapid strokes alternated by one deep and slow one here and there. And of course, I love it when the experience is a mix of all the above!! There you have it peps, handle with care, I’m precious!!

Life is now After yesterday’s session with my therapist, I finally understood on a cellular level that I am already enough: it’s praiseworthy that I want to improve myself in every way possible but that shouldn’t stop me from allowing myself to live life now. I don’t need to be perfect to start. And I'll never be perfect anyway!! Thank God I got it now that I’m still young!! So I restarted Tinder but with a whole new approach. My therapist made me notice that staying in and out of Tinder in lapses of maximum one week wasn’t the best approach.. Apparently finding love takes time and patience…. As Kyle Cease said “In the new world you have patience. You don’t structure things so much because you let the Universe structure things for you.”. The other point that came out from yesterday’s session was the idea of focusing on doing the best that I can and letting go of the goal of being perfect. I also have an answer to overwhelm : consciously choosing peace. And, as always, returning to love and to the present moment. I started listening to a book called “Let it be easy” (the new motto for 2022!!). Here are two quotes for you dear future me: Confidence is being willing to feel uncomfortable. Wear emotional scars as badges of honor, you made it through so many things!! I’m proud of you!!

New standards I was wondering : what if all of my efforts end up not having any results? Like, what if I died tomorrow: no boyfriend, never tried a threesome and haven’t even done my permanent hair removal!! It wouldn’t be so bad for permanent hair removal as I would be dead anyway (sorry for the people who will have to take care of my hairy body but who knows, maybe they’d like it..). But for all the things that I am “sacrificing” in order to have access to the best in life - and keep myself safe and alive -, wouldn’t it be a shame if I didn’t get to experiment them before dying? So maybe the goal is to live a life I am satisfied about, idk if it corresponds exactly to “the good life” where one strives to do the right thing as often as she can but at least I wouldn’t have any regrets if the ultimate result doesn’t come about. On the other side there is the question “What if it turns out even better than planned”? I would do much more gladly and joyfully the tasks I otherwise find tedious and annoying right now. Is it possible that the quality of life depends on the type of questions we decide to ask? Attitude is the key!! January is already over but I haven’t done yet a proper plan for 2022. The good thing is that I’m ok with that: I do have my vision board for the year and during this month I was able to see what it really means to dedicate this year to Contemplation and Embodiment: it means saying goodbye to the old standards I had of having to to EVERYTHING now, to always be on the run doing doing doing and at the same time always beating myself down for not doing enough. I found a very illuminating video from Kyle Cease titled “Lower your standards”. It’s funny that also my therapist alluded to this idea once and I had dismissed it seeing it as just absurd, not knowing that the really absurd thing in the whole story were my standards. Here are some quotes from Kyle to remember, dear future me: Your should-based motivation = abandoning yourself. Just because you're not used to it, it does not mean it's not you!! I bought a very elegant and beautiful coat and sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve to wear it yet again, I do deserve the very best that life has to offer!! Let the Universe be the Boss. You're supposed to be exactly where you are. Start from "I am loved". New standard: the standard of now = the now just loves you, as you are. It's a much "lower" standard but also a much higher standard in another way: you receiving the love of this now is actually much more powerful than you being stressed and always needing to be somewhere else. I can do everything, one thing at a time. Let February begin!!

Paradoxes I decided that this year I will "lavishly give to myself". Now I'm starting to see the downsides of this attitude, at least as compared to delayed gratification. Instant gratification is thrilling and satisfying for a moment but I rapidly remember why I was doing The Work to begin with. Yet delayed gratification is no fun at all and the waiting can become very frustrating. I guess that's where meditation comes into help: to feel happy and satisfied also without the external stimulation. I'll meditate more!! The other problem I have is that I cannot even consider speaking to people I find ugly. So superficial right?! Yet I feel like I can't help myself.. And at the same time of course I put on a pedestal people I find beautiful and feel hurt if they don’t like me back. I recognize I’m not perfect yet I’m not willing to settle for less than “perfect”. Maybe I just have found a standard of mine. I only date people I like aesthetically. That’s just it and now I accept it. The next step is recognizing I am worthy of being with someone I find even extremely attractive. I’ll become it!! Not to other’s people eyes: I’ll transform myself into someone I find extremely attractive. And for the rule of “you get more of what you focus on” I’ll inevitably attract someone I find very attractive!! What do I want? Clarity is everything. Yesterday I subscribed to Tinder for the third time in 2 weeks and then I finally realized I’ll never find anything significant if I don’t know what I’m looking for. I need to live intentionally, otherwise I’ll just casually exist. So.. Do I want to go and have sex with anyone I find on Tinder (and is sufficiently attractive for my standards) or do I want to patiently do the work I’ve started following Shan Boodram’s book The Game of Desire? Which is fantastic btw!! If I had to choose right away, I’d choose the first one without hesitation. Mr Right will ultimately come (pun maybe intended) but I’m ok with Mr Not So Right too for now.. So it’s ok for Tinder but we’ll only go for 10s, nothing less!! I already feel better. Now that it’s no longer something “forbidden” I don’t even feel the urgency I felt yesterday to return on Tinder!! I just need to remember to still prioritize sleep, that’s a true nonnegotiable!! As my therapist always says and as I'm finally starting to understand: it's all a matter of balance!!

Open to greatness I still find it difficult sometimes to fully receive the amazing things that life gives me. I know though that the only way is to fully take them in, the same way that the only correct answer to a compliment is "thank you". So today I take fully in that there are people in this world who admire me for what I do and who I am. I take fully in that I am worthy of receiving wonderful gifts, like the articles that my mentor decided to send me every week. It's a true diamond because they reflect exactly what I want to do later in ma private practice. I promise that next time he writes me I will take the time to answer right away and take in the joy I feel in reading his emails. Welcome to the new Planet D, where people love just because it's who they are: you don't need to prove anything to anyone to be loved and taken care of. <3 <3 <3

Key word: Imperfection I'm not perfect and it's ok. It's part of the reality of being a human being. The being so, my job is not to try to hide my imperfection but to have the courage of being vulnerable and ask when I don't know. Because that's when it starts really counting: when I feel as if I should be something or someone I am not (yet) in that moment and I am able to disrupt the old patterns. I wasn't able to do it the last time I had the opportunity to, hopefully next time I will!!

And now what? I really really want to manifest a love relationship yet I also know that when we say "I really really want", we're saying "I don't currently have" and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. So all I have to do is to let go and have fun. But what kind of fun? I’m very tempted to go back on Tinder for the easiness of it yet I know the man I want is probably not on Tinde. Also, I have decided to make 2022 the year of contemplation by doing less and being more. So I officially declare I am done with Tinder, I’ll subscribe to some more “serious” dating apps where the chances of finding the man I’m looking for are higher. It’s a bit judgy but I’ ok with it. The other aspect of the matter is that actually everything I want is already inside of me. So if I want a deep and intimate relationship all I have to do is to develop one with myself. I’m working on it. I loved the idea I downloaded of “giving lavishly to myself”. It definitely will create abundance also, as people will start to see me as someone worthy of giving things to!! In my obsession with finding a partner today I listened to a course about how to be irresistible to the eyes of a man. It turns out I need to ask for help.. The one thing I’m not comfortable at all doing, so funny!! The key to healing is vulnerability and people who attract people who are emotionally unavailable apparently tend to be people with a certain level of emotional unavailability so I cannot but embrace it.. What can I do about all the suffering in this world? I found myself asking this question as I heard conversations about all the evil that happens in this world. My father gave me an answer: he suggested to start with my own family. Right now it would mean going back to not owning my own money so it’s a no but I’ll keep in mind the suggestion. IT’s true that it would be a nonsense to go help other people if my own family is still suffering. Why do I want to become a millionaire? This is a question my colleagues asked me when I shared my goal of becoming a millionaire at 40. It’s something that just arrived to me, like the date of my marriage (October 22nd, 2022,btw, get ready!!). The why is form one side negative in the sense that I want to avoid at all costs being in need and in the other side positive as I want to be able to afford the finest things in life. Their argument was that I already can afford a lot of fine things, which is true, yet I know I can’t really afford ANYTHING I want so I’ll keep that goal!!

2021 in Review CELEBRATE: I'm alive, I made it through this year!!! Wins I need to celebrate of this year: I love myself as I am, I am my number one priority and I give myself the best as I know I deserve the very best that life has to offer My money is now all mine to enjoy and manage I passed the written part of the exam to become a specialist in physical medicine and rehabilitation I learned to express myself and I’m practicing it more and more I arriver third in my category in my very first running competition I moved into a new and much more spacious apartment that I love!! I’m out of debt and on my way to becoming a millionaire at 40!! What was I doing when I achieved my best results from this year: Studying!! Eating healthy Dancing Running multiple times per week Staying focused on my goals One life lesson I learned from this year: Return to love, always. About last year's goals: Continuing and clarifying the path towards practicing integrative medicine done!! I know what the path is and I manifested a formation for 2022 doing exactly that and also a mentor who practiced the same thing. Having plenty of fun: done!! Little examples are the party I had to celebrate my new apartment, my birthday, the vacation in France. Going back to CrossFit: I just did one trial lesson two weeks ago but I think it’s going to happen in 2022!! ? Living in a big apartment with all the place to live with my partner, host friends and relatives, dance, and study: 100% DONE!!!!! New year's goals: Professional goals Passing the two specialty exams Fun & Recreation Giving lavishly to myself Relationships Deepening and up leveling my inner circle Finding the man of my life Body time Getting into the best shape ever Going back to Crossfit Running regularly Doing the Sierre-Zinal run Personal growth Making it the year of Contemplation: social media to the minimum meditating 2 times per day doing less and being more Skill Building Finances: clarifying my finances and my financial plan Other lessons I can bring with me in 2022: Enjoy the present moment, it’s all you have D!! ? Actions in the next 3 months for achieving my goal: -Writing to confirm the internship in Internal Medicine for November 2022 -Clarifying my finances -Re-starting online dating

The physics of success I watched a very impactful and transformational Keynote from Tom Bilyeu. He talks about the physics of success, how success is about using a scientific method to achieve specific and clear goal. I had never thought about it from this lens yet he’s 100% right. Here’s my answers to the questions he suggests to ask: What is my goal? What is the thing that stands between me and my goal? What is the best guess to what I need to do to get over to that goal? My goal: Becoming the Diane of Medicine: being an excellent integrative medicine doctor and giving life-changing speeches. Impediments to becoming the Diane of Medicine: · Having the two specialty titles I want (physical medicine and internal medicine) · Anxiety · I’ve never given a true public speech aside from my thesis · Being unfocused and easily distractible Solutions: 1. Getting clarity around my career 2. Continuing psychotherapy and moving my body 3. Using every time I get to present something as a public speaking training 4. Getting organized and blocking out time for important tasks I did get more clarity around my career: I know exactly what is left to do to finish my formation. I have my weekly appointment with my therapist and today I went running for the first time in 2 months and a half, I’m definitely back!! I also danced btw. Did you know that dancing I a powerful way to prevent neurodegenerative diseases?! I’m definitely going back to Zumba too!! There is a lady who always complains of not hearing me very well at meetings: I’ll start talking as if she’s the only one I’m speaking to!! And I’ll definitely start doing one thing at a time!

Laziness and overwhelm I’ve been letting myself go in many ways recently, not exercising and doing the bare minimum as of my routines. At the same time, I noticed I get easily anxious and overwhelmed. A coincidence?? I think not!! So, I’ll lighten a bit my morning and evening routines and focus on nailing them for the next two weeks. Then for the overwhelm part I’ll do a brain dumping at Mel Robbins’ style. It couldn’t be easier!! Btw I downloaded that 2022 will be the year of Contemplation. I’ve been wanting to do a 10 days Vipassana meditation for a long time. I guess it’s time!!

How was it supposed to be? Universe always delivers so one should definitely pay attention to what he/she asks or desires. I have 100% manifested one of the beliefs I had around becoming a doctor that was one of my motivations to go into studying medicine: after high school I didn’t want to get married and didn’t want children so one of the reasons I chose medicine was that I saw it as an all-encompassing profession that would have gave me no time or energies to reflect on how empty my life was once at home after work. That was literally my life in the beginning of 2020, work work work and only work. Fortunately I grew past that phase and now I’m manifesting one amazing thing after another. I find myself having some trouble to accept all the beauty I have attracted, feeling as if I don’t deserve it or as if I’m not good enough to go to places I’m invited to. I am very good at giving but not yet at receiving. I watched some Teal Swan’s videos about the subject and now I know that if I have difficulty receiving love it is because I’ve never been loved unconditionally, not even by myself. The silver line is to get in love with what is: what’s happening is supposed to happen. How do I know it? Because it’s happening! All I need to do is to get on board with what’s happening as opposed to resist it and continue to tell myself that it shouldn’t be happening. Worth is inherent to my own existence, I don’t need to justify or “deserve” good things happening to me and on the other side when bad things happen it’s because that’s exactly what I need in that moment. There’s nothing wrong in getting things “I don’t deserve”. I once had the concept of doing something ex-post to deserve all the beautiful things life gives me but that’s not how it works: all I need to do is to say thank you and enjoy what the Universe offers me as a demonstration of its nature of infinite love. So next time I recognize love, instead of turning away from it (I normally don’t even finish to read a loving text and pause before answering as I feel as it is too much to take it in on the spot) I’ll take it in fully, be grateful and recognize that I am worthy of being loved as I am and life is so generous it continues to give me proofs in support of this thesis. My research went then back to my current desire to be in a relationship, so I watched some other videos from Teal Swan and she had some questions I need to ask myself: If I were to accept today that value is entirely based on needs, then who needs me? Someone who needs to be listened to and wants to work on his issues --> I’m not actually looking for a perfect partner/person, just someone who is working on himself (and also reflects my non negotiables though). Why do I want a partner? To feel a deep and intimate connection at all levels What does it feel like to have already manifested that relationship? It feels like being home, where there is nothing to prove and nothing to deserve, I am just loved as I am. She also proposed to do a visualization about the relationship I want to manifest, I’ll integrate it in my evening routine. On the theme of visualization, a few days ago I had the epiphany of answering to anxiety with the phrase “consider the best possible scenario too”. A gentle reminder of the fact that I don’t actually know what will happen and at the same time I have some influence on it with the thoughts I decide to think and the beliefs I choose to hold on to. So why not choose to focus on the best possible scenario? If things go otherwise, I’ll course-correct. Another beautiful epiphany I had was about becoming a friend to myself: since March I started writing in a D-love journal and it’s The place to go for me when I need reassurance or just a little self hug. Now I’m starting to be gentle to myself without needing to write, at a certain point after a self-deprecating session I return to love and to seeing how counter-productive it is to be my own enemy. <3 <3 <3 Returning to the title I chose for this post (taken from an Eddie Pinero’s speech I couldn’t find again where he talked about how we don’t really know how success is going to be even if we aspire to it), yesterday I “stumbled on” a video from Kyle Cease about being on a new planet. And that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling for a while: the old story is no longer me and my life has changed so much I sometimes can’t even believe it. But as Kyle said “Unfamiliar does not mean that is not where you belong.” On the new planet I’m enough as I am. So I choose the new planet: it is going to feel like pain for a while (the pain of mourning for the old planet and the safety of being in a known territory) but I choose to not addiction myself out of whatever I’m feeling. Btw: I am the new planet!! ?

About the last two weeks Incredible things happened in the last two weeks, so I made a list.. The most incredible one was on this Friday: an ex colleague (and hopefully soon a friend of mine) called me to tell me about a formation exactly in what I want to practice when I’ll be doing integrative medicine and also to tell me about a job offer to do an internship in a medical office that has the same philosophy. As cherry on top of the cake the formator and mentor of the medical office knows me by a friend of mine who actually lives in Sardinia!! Universe always delivers big time!! I haven’t said yes to the offer yet as it is for May 2022 and it would mean resigning from the job I have now where I have a one year contract and I also risk to have to pay for the room that I am renting in the new canton but aside from that it’s an amazing opportunity!! During the last session with my therapist, she made a great point about my fear of displeasing other people, which is just the other side of the coin of people pleasing. I am awake enough to know now that people pleasing is manipulation, so I release it. Easier said than done but at least the step of awareness is done. Another thing she said was to learn to channel negative emotions. I do it more and more. The most helpful for me is the D-Love journal, a journal I started in March where I write to myself in an unconditionally loving way. Thank you Universe for giving me this idea!! On Wednesday this week I had a hotseat session with the mentor of the mindset training I’m in. I decided to talk about vulnerability as I noticed that I am still not able to be as authentic as I would like (#backtopeoplepleasing I guess). She said “It’s uncomfortable doing you when you’re not used to it. It’s a birth-giving process.” I just need to lean into the resistance and finding the courage to show myself as I am and speak my truth. There is a nuance though: it’s not about telling all of my thoughts and feelings to the whole world: I need to find what is ok for me to share and be aware of what is appropriate for the situation. She gave me the challenge of finding out how I can be more vulnerable at work. It will be by speaking up when I disagree with or just do not fully understand the why of what my supervisors propose for patient care. Last weekend I participated to an online workshop with the mindset training. It was very intense and focused on Self Love. The main lesson I got from it was the fact that anxiety comes from our mind trying to predict the future based on what happened in the past. Yet the future is made by what I decide to think, feel and do in the present moment. Also, personal growth, inner child and shadow work are all supposed to be life-long processes apparently. Does it mean that I’ll never get rid of anxiety? Idk.. Quoting my mentor, it just means that life will continue to throw challenges to me to foster my growth. So it’s totally possible that one day I’ll stop worrying about things that will probably never happen. Defined like this it’s so ridiculous!! :’) Thank you Universe for all this awareness!! Here are some gold nuggets I got from the workshop: The more you love yourself, the more other people can love you Dancing is the language of the soul My message to my inner child: You can tell things!! I am love, love is not something I give or receive: I can just operate as love. It’s all about balance: our best traits can become negative if pushed at the extreme. The negativity/positivity that we think creates in the world. Suffering comes from resisting reality so get busy only with what you can control: your thoughts, actions and feelings!! Dismantling th Ego is understanding how it defines the future based on the past. Acceptance is the fastest way to transformation. Acting on what you’re intuitively guided towards is challenging, that’s just the way it is. Return to love daily. Focus on what you want to become and what you want to attract. When you’re you all the time you’re less exhausted. Love rules and love heals. Your thoughts are not your thoughts, until you start creating intentionally (with affirmations, visualizations etc). Showing up is the most important thing for a relationship. Be authentic, 100%!! Be willing to be vulnerable, being vulnerable is the true act of courage. Don’t make it about achieving things, make it about being the best human being you can be. You’re always one decision away from becoming a different person. Share the growth, not the process! Keep leaning into the resistance: go where you’re uncomfortable every day! Keep letting go: if you’re meant to be together, you’ll find each other. Be clear and stay clear! New affirmations: To let go of what’s no longer in alignment with the life I want: “I deserve the very best that life has to offer. You are not the best so I release you”. It doesn’t matter what the mind is saying, I just practice. I am love and I only act from love. The next step now is doing more and being more intentional in what I do. I noticed I’m letting myself go in some subtle ways, like meditating in bed instead of seated; not really exercising and eating things I one ate just exceptionally more regularly. A nation is born stoic and dies epicurean (Will Durant). Fortunately I live in the same era as Ryan Holiday. I’ll subscribe again to the Daily Stoic!!

Self pep talk Dear D, I know you don’t like when things are not so clear and worst of all not exactly as you would like them to be but guess what? That’s how growth happens!! So keep on keeping on, you have all that you need to achieve the greatness you strive for!! And every moment is a new opportunity to do better and be more, take it!! Love you, D

Becoming me Maybe I should have named this journal like this. But I am also a healer.. I used to feel very badly about not belonging to some a group. Now I just feel the difference between me and the people around me. It feels weird but at least now I don't want to be like them or necessarily to be liked by them. The strange thing is that it feels weird not having to depend on other people's approval to approve of myself. I can be me, even it it's stupid /wrong/not enough or anything else for the other people. I get to choose what os ok for me, what I like and what I don't like. The only one I am competing with is myself. Then there is politics, a game that is still useful in society. So how to reconcile being authentic with playing the game of politics in society? I guess one has to choose whom to trust enough to be authentic with and the people with whom play this game. The only thing to remember is that I can be loved as I am.

You get more of what you focus on I had almost forgot about this truth, and it came out right on time. The one thing left to manifest from my vision board for 2021 is a love relationship. I had a one-on-one call with a coach on the Mindset training I’m into and thanks to him I now have more clarity around my non negotiables for a love relationship: Invested in personal growth (NO workshop junkie!) No kids and doesn't want kids for the next 5 years Deep communication and intimacy Respect Exclusivity Open to travelling Financial stability (same level as me or more) Sense of humor The coach also asked me t “follow my bliss” and I did it very well: I went out a lot and had plenty of fun. But the guy is still not in my arms.. Then I realized that since July I’m spending an average of 2 hours per week speaking to a guy I met on Tinder and with whom I have a sexting-based relationship. He doesn’t have the first and most important non negotiable so I should have stopped already talking to him to make space for other people or just more space for myself and my growth.. So.. I want to attract (AKA I focus on): Excellence A fulfilling and thriving love relationship Being the best version of myself at least 80% of the time so that I can continue to attract the best that life has to offer. _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ Reviewing October 2021 I am very happy about this month yet looking at my goals I failed to achieve most of them. I didn’t study, run, dance, nor meet new people as much as I had planned. The good thing is that I love myself anyway: I don’t beat myself up anymore for failing to achieve any given goal. #failrecommit!! That’s the way it works: I can love myself and be happy even while not being yet arrived where I want to be. As Elliott Hulse says: Failure is an experience that lends to wisdom the ultimately makes you the best version of yourself. Failing shows that you’re growing stronger!! Every time you feel failure it means that you’re moving forward. How much time did I spend in my soul presence? I’d say “more” as I can’t quantify it. I’m learning the importance of living my life from the inside out, focusing first on taking care of me and my soul and then the rest. And it works!! I am imperfect and happy on purpose and amazing things happen to imperfect and happy people!! Like the way I got to celebrate my birthday this Friday: in the past I would have done everything to be perfect in every detail while preparing myself but in the end I did the “bare minimum” to look pretty and that made me able to enjoy the time while I was preparing, arrive without rushing to the restaurant and we had an amazing night even if I was a little bit more hairy than I would have liked. How am I better? I take more time for myself. How can I improve? Creating a more actionable plan for November and December. What is my next step? Right now it is reflecting on the last one on one coaching call I had on anxiety. The answer the coach gave me was just brilliant!! She said “our medicine for anxiety is dancing”. And it is sooo true!! One pf my homework from that call was to dance before meditation every day. I’ve been doing it this week and I love it!! The interesting part is that I’ve wrote many times to dance every day in my schedule, but I hadn’t been able to do it regularly. So now I am conscious that I am my own medicine, I have inside of me the answers I need, all I have to do is trust myself and stay in radical action (as self-love is daily action).

The past is gone - part 2 I spent the last weekend doing “nothing”. I felt tired and a little ill. Turned out it was not Covid but my body telling me to slow down, as I was experiencing a rebound of worry and overwhelm thinking about all the things I want to accomplish and how not prepared I feel. It was very beneficial, if I had resisted the feeling and just bulldozed into action, I think I would be more ill and still in that mindset right now. Also, I didn’t really do nothing: I was able to do all my household chores, which is a lot more than nothing. I am a great person but sometimes I fail to recognize it. It was so heartwarming when my friend congratulated me for doing half of the chores on Saturday. For the old me this was actually a failure as I hadn’t finished the task but in the conditions I was in Saturday, it was indeed a success!! Also, I started the exercises in the book “Set boundaries, find peace” and it was eye-opening to say the least!! One of the insights that came out of this work was “I am worthy and valuable just for the fact of existing”. I also re-watched Leo’s videos on worrying and stress and was reminded that worrying is useless!! Which couldn't be truer: all the energy spent worrying could be used to do something about the thing I’m worrying about and actually find a solution if it is a real problem.. Another insight that came from slowing down a bit was that I can ask for help to people and people are generally happy to help me, the same way that I am generally happy to help. There are people out there who are happy to reciprocate my love language, how incredible is that?! I used to be very resistant to asking for help because of what I experienced in my family, especially regarding things I couldn’t physically do. I felt like my father and my brother weren’t willing to help so I ended up doing what I could by myself and accepting the rest as it was. But I’m no longer in that situation and not all people are as I felt my father and my brother were. The same is true for boundaries btw: I realized that I can have boundaries with people and still be in a relationship with them: not everyone in this word is an insensitive abuser.. Slowly but surely, I am transitioning from innocent to wise. I’m so grateful for all the support I have around me!! Dear future me, For the next time you feel lost and start thinking “why put in so much effort?”, here’s a little reminder: Also, TRUE IMPOSTORS DO NOT HAVE IMPOSTOR SYNDROME!! You got this!! Love you!! D

The past is gone Thank God !! Today I participated to a Masterclass on personal finance and for the first time I was able to define the feeling I have every time I have to look at my finances even from far away: shame!! I was ashamed of the fact that I have wasted so much money in so many ways. But the past is gone and all I can do now is do better with the better knowledge I have now and have compassion for the me of that time as she did the best she could with what she had and she also brought me here!! Thank you me of the past, I love you and appreciate you. You rock!!

Gratitude Lately I have so many things to be grateful for!! Life is really good to me right now!! Like for example last week was one wonder after another, everything just went perfectly well, even the less pretty things like a patient that was emotionally shocked and the time I risked falling into a scam. Amongst the many amazing things that happened: I went to a Zumba lesson, and it was amazing as always!! My brothers came to visit me this weekend. They came with two other friends and we spend a really good time together. They also brought me an incredible bouquet of flowers!! I am very proud of having finally let go the idea of trying to fix people and in particular one of my brothers: while he was with me I saw how many good things he does, he helped me in many ways without me even asking!! I went out two times with my colleagues. We watched the movie “Respect” that beautifully reminded me of the importance of this concept and then we went out for dinner. “Make sure you're enjoying your life today” said Ralph Smart and I think I’m doing it!! Then there still some moments I feel a little stressed and overwhelmed but it’s becoming easier and easier to get back on the thought that I am so happy ad grateful to have this kind of problems in my life!! A beautiful quote that came to my mind while running the other day was “I get to do this with my life”. Running at the threshold is hard but at the same time it’s such a wonder to have the opportunity to do something like that!! Law of attraction Being that external events and circumstances are the mirror of our internal world I was wondering about how I attracted my current job, of which now I am not very satisfied. I know that I was 100% in my Orange phase and the Clinic is vey Orange in its functioning so maybe it’s that. The new question is: what do I want from work? Clarity is everything so: Excellence Time to understand what I do and why I do it Time to study and do research around the topics I’m interested into Compatible with an extra-work life Satisfying I basically need time. I’m thankful that right now I have some (I started writing this post 3 days ago and today I’ll finally finish it as I woke up at 5am). The secret is not to take up 100 projects at the same time. I’m happy I took the project of doing the 5km though, I restarted running and I hope I’ll be able to keep running multiple times per week. But for the rest the first answer must be NO! With exceptions of course, I’ll do a group cleanse with the nutrition group I’m into. Win the morning I’m happy to be writing in the morning today. I see how every time I decide I don’t have time to do my morning routine everything starts to fall off, starting from my mood. Also, I noticed that what I shortened as M&E (morning&evening) routine can be read as “ME routine”!! And that’s exactly what it is, something that literally keeps me sane and ensures I can live a happy life. Because only being productive is useless if I am plenty of negative emotions inside. I’ll rename it the D-Routine!! Love is the answer I had a resurgence of anxiety and feeling overwhelmed by all the things that I have to do and would like to know. Then during today’s mediation (always on point btw, I definitely live in a friendly Universe that is designed to support me: today’s meditation was on Love), I remembered my own quote about loving my first world problems: I do have challenges to face but any one of them is life threatening and I have all the tools I need to get out victorious form every one of them!! Also, I deserve to treat myself with TLC and beating myself up for not being like xyz is not loving so it stops now!! Reviewing the last month How am I better? I am getting more and more equanimous: the lows are less low, I guess the highs too but I enjoy them a lot more!! How can I improve? Remembering how lucky I am to only have first world problems in my life. What is my next step? Writing in the mindset group, planning my day and excelling at it!!!

Loving what is I completed a Judge-your-Neighbor Worksheet on a recurring frustration I have with a friend of mine who is always complaining about her situationship with this guy and never does anything to improve it. I didn’t expect such a result: now I really love the situation as it is. The final turnaround was: “ I look forward to listening to my friend complaining about her situationship without ever doing anything about it”. Contemplating this sentence, I saw how apart of the fact that I’m sorry that she suffers from it, it is almost funny and it is a constant reminder for me of the importance of having boundaries. The other insights I got from this reflection are: I cannot really know if all her problems will be solved by psychotherapy She has her own path to take, and it is not my job to force her to do anything if it is not something she wants to do: my job as a friend is to support her and avoid catastrophes. I just want her to find a way to solve her problems, it doesn’t necessarily need to be through therapy I want for her the same freedom that I want for myself She shouldn’t have therapy once pre week: the proof is that it’s not happening!! The truth is that I need to set boundaries with her and clarify what is ok and not ok for me when we are in a conversation. Actually I am the one blind to her issues (she has a true OCD and I hadn’t noticed it until yesterday) so she definitely shouldn’t be listening to me!! I cannot really know everything about what is going on with her AND I AM NOT HER THERAPIST!! Take Home Message: I need to be a Boundary Boss: I’m in charge of what I let other people bring into my life!! Thank you Byron Katie and thank you Universe for reminding me of this worksheet!!

You get nothing for nothing - Clarity is everything Last weekend I went for a brief trip in Sardinia. The official reason was that I had some matters to discuss with a professor concerning the validation in Switzerland of the years I worked in Sardinia, but the main reason was that I craved being on Sardinian beaches. I ended up manifesting every single thing I had so much desired!! I experienced what people mean when they say that to manifest something you need to feel like you already had it: as I was envisioning and preparing for the trip, I felt all the happiness of the world as it was already happening, and it happened!! ?? I was able to go on with the documents I needed from the professor and then I spent the whole day at the beach with a friend. Talking with him was very instructive: among other things, we talked about investing and it turned out he's very knowledgeable about it as he's been investing in different fields since a few years now. He opened my eyes on the unproductive approach I was having towards investing: I wanted it to be easy and automatic and super profitable but as in every other field of life if I want good if not great results I need to put in a lot more effort than that making myself knowledgeable too in the matter. I felt a mini rush of anxiety rising as it is one more thing on my never ending to do list but I'm also conscious that my problems are for the biggest part first world problems, and I have all the tools that I need to face them. As for example the fact that I seem to always wake up last minute, not as the alarm rings.. On one hand I know that I have a body that performs very well and makes me able to prepare very rapidly. Fortunately, I prioritize meditating now so I always make the time for it and wake up on time for it. Another problem is my tendency to not prioritize my sleeping time: I don't know how many hours I really need. When planning for my routines I scheduled 7 hours of sleep: going to bed at 10.30pm and waking up at 5.30am. Yet it is very rare that I go to bed at 22.30. So I could try to focus on that: respect the times I set for myself to go to bed. Another rule I came up with is letting go of the things I become late for. It worked well on Monday morning: I was late for a Zoom webinar I wanted to participate in and not participating gave me more time to do other things at work. Another problem (not first world, unfortunately it’s pretty ubiquitous) is my tendency to say yes (or not say no..) very rapidly to things and then find myself in uncomfortable situations. The last one was accepting to host a friend for one month in my apartment (I only have one room so he was supposed to stay in the living room). We never really talked about this co-habitation : things like when exactly he arrived and left during the week as he didn’t stay for the weekend (at the beginning it seemed from Monday morning to Thursday morning, at a moment it seemed less and then it was more); if he was to pay me something etc... I found myself being his Uber in the morning for work and we hadn’t really discussed that either. It was fun for some days but then I started questioning the whole situation. I have the immense fortune of having amazing and well-meaning friends: one of them was simply shocked that I had put myself in a similar situation and she opened my eyes on the fact that once again I was helping someone who didn’t need help. I opened up the discussion with him yesterday night: we were able to clarify the days of arrival/departure and the financial aspect but something stayed unsaid as I remained conscious of the fact that he is not only the funny and carefree person he shows: EVEN his mum calls him the “invader”!! He has the tendency to take advantage of people and situations and I was the perfect prey.. Fortunately for me he is not so insensible in the end: I guess he felt my discomfort and he’s leaving definitively next Tuesday. The Universe always provides!! <3 <3 <3 It’s funny because this situation made me think at integrative medicine: I definitely need to apply to myself what I’ll be preaching: prevent instead of curing!! In the beginning I wasn’t even going to talk about the subject with my soon to be ex-roommate but then a friend made me realize that just because the situation isn’t severe (yet), it doesn’t mean that my discomfort doesn’t deserve to be recognized and expressed. Last night I felt again the lump in the throat I once felt because of not expressing. The throat chakra is indeed the way connecting hearth and mind. The way to open it is acknowledging my emotions and expressing them so here I am (besides from talking about with my friend). What am I feeling? Right now relief as I’ll be free from this roommate situation next Tuesday. I am also grateful for all the personal development I’m doing and I’ve done: this morning while listening to my playlist “listen et re-listen” I stumbled upon a video from Brendon Buchard on how to prevent burnout and one of the things he said was to say no first to EVERYTHING!! I just need to tattoo it in my mind.. What are am I afraid of? As a recovering people-pleaser, I am afraid of not being liked by other people. Yet the objective would rather be to act in a way that makes me proud of myself and let other people have their opinion that anyway I cannot control. What am I resentful of? Giving too much and not protecting my space. As always consciousness is the first step, there is still hope for me!! Another solution to open the throat chakra apparently is singing.. I guess it can have also a negative connotation: my soon to be ex-roommate and my father both have the habit of singing in tense situations.. So I’ll go for expressing first and singing just to be happier when things are already clear with myself and with others. Lessons (re-)learned: My voice matters I am worthy Even if the situation is not severe (yet), I have the right to express my discomfort All good things come to an end to make space to even better things Clarity is everything

All good things come to an end only to make space to even better things A lot of things are changing around me and me myself I am in a transition phase and tonight I had this deep sensation of nostalgia about everything I’m leaving behind : the friends I’ve made and the comfort of being in a place I know very well at work and outside. Then I passed from a the feeling of « why do all good things come to an end » to recognizing I can’t have better things if I don’t make space to them and it also means leaving behind some of the good stuff I had. So I choose to be in a state of appreciation of what I have in the present moment, knowing that even better things are coming so there is no reason to be sad or nostalgic. Thank you Universe for this life I get to live and experience!!

Intentionally ever after This week I finished listening the book “How to not die alone” from Logan Ury and it was one of the best reads ever!! Thanks to this book I now feel 100% ready for a relationship as I am conscious about all the practicalities involved with creating and maintaining a thriving relationship. Also, it reminded me of the importance of Intention: being clear on what we want, communicating it clearly and acting upon the intention. Focus and clarity are everything!! The other major insight of the week came from my therapist who made me notice how I often make impulsive decisions: I don’t even allow myself the time to crave the thing that I have already acted on the desire. Fortunately, I have never had major consequences (apart from all the money lost on things and clothes I didn’t need and at least two people I regret having had sex with) but it’s something to manage and fortunately we’ll be talking about it tomorrow. What I know is that the best things for me came from taking decision by writing in my D-love journal so I could use it for every decision. It won’t be as funny as acting on every impulse I have but in the long run it will help me become a person I am proud of. As always, it all comes back to consciousness, the real cure-all in life!! _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ Reviewing August How am I better? I know what I want and I have the strength to say no to everything else. This is specifically in my love life: I could have indulged in some easy one night stands while I was on Tinder but I know it is not what I want and for once I didn’t act on the desire of sleeping with someone just for the sake of it. How can I improve? Being more intentional and specific in the way I plan and spend my days. I’m learning to create realistic goals for myself. The next step is to organize my schedule hour by hour. What is my next step? Organizing my schedule hour by hour. I had stopped doing it as I never respected my schedules when I did but maybe with this new understanding of being human and having just so much energy and time I'll be able to create a schedule that is actually actionable.. I am a Divine Entity in a human body: my soul is limitless, but my body is not. Therefore I need to take care of it and use it consciously.

I am Divine Recently I had the idea of “embodying Divinity”: focusing on the Divine in myself and making the effort of embodying it through my actions. Then, after a group call with my mindset mentor, it went even deeper as a realization: I really saw and felt the fact of being Divine as the answer to the question “who am I?”, not just something to faithfully act upon. I’m starting to understand Leo when he says that he has insights and realizations that are difficult to express with words.. That’s not the point anyway, right?! It just needs to be clear to me, and the best way to communicate it is living it and showing others what’s possible, any talking will inevitably result limited in its usefulness. During the “tribe call” with my mentor she made us do an exercise where we had to complete the phrase “I give myself permission to..”. Here are my answers: I give myself permission to love and be loved as I am. I give myself permission to be extraordinary and excellent. I give myself permission to be enough. Being the ambitious and perfectionist persona I have embodied until now, it is difficult for me to see the whole picture of things; I am always looking at what could be improved instead of starting by acknowledging how beautiful and amazing things are (and I am) already. Things like how privileged I am and always have been: I’ve had my fair share of difficulties in life but at the same time I am the firstborn child in my family and it’s clear that I am the favorite at the eyes of my parents; I never suffered any kind of lack growing up; I was free to choose my career; my parents supported me financially with my studies and now I am freer than ever to choose what to do with my life. Life has been good to me, all I have to do is being good to me too. About the last two weeks How am I better? I trust myself and express my truth more and more. I’m so grateful for all the work I’ve done on expressing myself, I still silence myself sometimes but I’m getting better and better at it: instead of just listening to my parents as they complained and attacked each other (my mother is contemplating divorce but she doesn’t seem decided yet even if it would be the best decision from my point of view), I suggested them to do couple therapy and my father said yes to it (my mother had already tried to do it but my father had stopped going after the first session). I don’t know what it will bring as I do see my father as a narcissist so it would be best for my mother to just end the relationship but at least they’ll try this option (and I’ll have a little more peace of mind… yep, it was a pretty selfish advice too but boundarieswise it’s not my role to solve their couple’s problems and I’m tired of listening to the same things over and over without them doing nothing to change the situation..). So here’s one thing more I am better at: defining and enforcing my boundaries!! How can I improve? Being more clear about what I want and committing to one (or at least just a few) thing at a time. The idea of doing a 20k turned to be a bit too much for me right now, so I decided to do a 5k in less that 23minutes, still a big goal in just 6 weeks. I’ll still need to train almost every day but I’m happy with it and I’ll be happy even if in the end I fail the goal of doing it in 23 min. It’s all about the process so I’ll enjoy it and see what comes out. I love this approach, pretty Divine, isn’t it?! What is my next step? Getting clear about my goals for the remaining of 2021: I had already done a plan for the second half of 2021: Creating a second income (July ÷ August) Manifesting a deep and passionate love relationship (Sept ÷ Dec) Specifically for July - August: Create a budget and respect it. See all the legal documents about what I can and cannot do as a doctor. Work on my personal brand. Create a side income of at least 1240 CHF. I did two of the things I had planned for July-August: seeing all the legal documents about my profession (a long 200pages read but I’m proud to say I read it from cover to cover) and working on my personal brand. I decided not to go as far as creating a site or a blog, it was more about better clarifying my mission statement, that I now call the D Statement.pdf!! As for the other two goals for July and August: I did create a budget but didn’t respect it at all as I didn’t spare any expense on the party I organized at the end of July, my one-week holiday in France and to host my parents when they came visiting me last week. I’ll have to start again on that and re-read for the umpteenth time the first chapters of “I will teach you to be rich”. As for the relationship part, I want to find The One but if I had to choose from having a partner and not working on my career and the contrary, I’d choose the career (as it is now: doing great at work while also having great friends that I esteem and who love me too!!). From the perspective that everything comes from the inside out, He’ll come when I’ll feel inside of me the kind of love that I want to feel with him so actually, what I have to do is not being on apps but continuing the work I’m already doing. Being in a relationship with him will be the cherry on my cake, not the cake itself. Thank you, Universe, for accompanying me back to the source et again. So my next step will be to focus on my formation and share my knowledge once I'll have finished it. Big goals ask for big sacrifices : I commit to studying at least one hour per day and I an willing to let go of spending time mindlessly on social media and watching movies/series (I strategically binge watched the third season of Pose two nights ago so I know I'll be fine...). The true challenge will be reminding myself not to complain as I REALLY have nothing in the world to complain about!! Last but not least: give it your all D, you deserve to give yourself the best chances of winning at this game!!

Don't stop: start 2022!! Since my big exam in June I more or less rested on my laurels with the idea of having already achieved most of my goals for 2021 (moving in a bigger apartment, finding a new job for November 2021, passing this exam..) Then the last week a friend suggested that if I really have finished dealing with 2021 I totally can go on and tackle my projects for 2022. So true!! I thought my next big focus would be finding The One but after a bit of soul searching, I realized my big goal for the moment remains professional excellence. Within the next year I want to feel very competent in my domain. A call from my mindset training reminded me that big goals require dedication and the willingness to give up something in order to make space for working on them. What I am willing to give up is wasting time on social media, Netflix and superficial relationships. --> study 1 hour per day, no matter what!! So far I haven’t been very good at it as distractions are never lacking and I tend to want to do and engage in plenty of things at the same time. Fortunately, I abandoned Tinder but I decided to do a 20k on September 26th and I need to do it in less than 1h32min. That means training 5 days per week for approximately one hour at the time. And this week my mother (and probably a friend of hers and my father) will come visit me so I’ll need to take care of them. All seasoned with an intense week at work. I’ll just accept that for this week studying is on pause and get back to it next week. Another great insight I got from the call of my mindset training is that Success and comfort live on different planets. I can’t expect achieving greatness while staying in my comfort zone all the time. I hope I’ll remember it the next time I’ll want to go for easy. As Leo said the hard way is the easy way, and also the most fulfilling!! During my two weeks on Tinder I had a huge reactivation of my (hyper?)sexuality. I didn’t act upon it IRL and just did some sexting, but it took a strong will not to just swipe right on the people with shirtless pictures as a profile picture. I decided that I will act on my fantasy of having a lesbian experience and a threesome as a prize for nailing the oral part of my big exam that is planned for June 2022. In the meantime, I’ll just date and have eventual sexual experiences with people I meet IRL. Another question that came out of this brief experience on Tinder was “What are my rules and boundaries in dating?”. Fortunately I have my non negotiables and I started implementing them, inspired by the same friend I was talking about who knows the kind of guy she wants for herself and doesn’t give even a second of her time to people below that level. So welcome to people with no kids and not wanting them in the near future; open to true and deep communication and exclusivity; invested in personal growth and respectful and bye to all the others. The other question was “How do I know if can I trust someone?”. The truth is that I cannot control other people and the only thing I can really trust is my gut instinct with the caveat of always being careful in the beginning of a relationship. A few days ago I read this profound quote by Beverly Adamo on the Five minute journal: “It's not about time, it's about choices. How are you spending your choices?” I need to remember it every moment: it’s all about what I decide to focus on in thoughts, feelings, and actions. With the reminder that when feeling negative emotions, I can shift them almost instantly by focusing on my body and just moving or even better dancing. At the same time though it’s ok to not be ok. It is only once I have accepted the nature of reality as it is that I can go and change it: the place from which I act is the true determinant of the result I’ll get. _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ How am I better? I’m learning to listen to myself more and more. Instead of just doing what I think I have to do I now have the courage to do what I feel is most important and most of the time it is going for the inner work first and only then going for the outer work, even when the outer work. And that is especially true when I feel so overwhelmed that I just freeze and stress out. How can I improve? Doing less things. What is my next step? Sharing today’s insights on the forum of my mindset training and preparing the day.

A new phase I feel like a new phase of my life has begun: now that I accomplished most of the things I had planned for 2021 I find myself having spare time to fill and it’s such a strange feeling for me, being able to decide what I want to do moment by moment. I decided that going for the path of sharing the nutritional system I’m following will not be the right thing for me: I’ll be happy to share with those who ask me, but I won’t especially promote it otherwise. I was “forced” to finally recognize that what I really really want right now is not more money but a relationship. So this evening I signed up (again) to Tinder. So far so good: I launched a challenge to a guy that will help me go back into being a runner!! One thing I noticed about myself is that I need challenges to create results in my life. The ultimate challenge is that of becoming the Beyonce of Medicine. Hopefully, I won’t let Tinder distract me too much from this goal. Excellence, D, that’s what we’re striving for!! _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ About this week: How am I better? I love myself as I am, pubic hair and tummy included!! How can I improve? Starting my days strong and finishing them stronger (aka acing my morning and evening routines!) What is my next step? Going to sleep and recharging for tomorrow’s run!!