Diane

Breakthrough Let's see if I can describe it... I've been having this recurrent dream (a nightmare actually, until today), I thought it came from a movie but I can't remember it so maybe the movie was in the dream too. This was the plot: a group of people (friends or a family) went to live in a new house. The house was very big and as beautiful as it could. The day they arrived everybody had the time of their life, until the evening when they discovered that from that time on everyone had something specific to do for the rest of their life and there was no way to escape it: if you tried to run away some terrible things would happen to you or the angels would come and bring you back to the house (never seen meaner angels!! Really, they were frightening as hell!!). Talking about it now is eye-opening by itself... Anyways, in today's version I was there with my family and some friends.. Kwowing the house's secret I spent most of the time outside in the garden and as the evening was approaching I compelled the few who were still inside to come outside (it was a beautiful summer day so most of the people were already in the garden). While I was going towards the garden a neighbour came to visit us. For some reason she stayed into the house, from the garden we then saw her cleaning and tidying everything up for us. I didn't worry too much about her as I was focused on looking for every possible way out in the event that the angels came even if we weren't inside the house. Fortunately the part of the garden where we were was near to the street so no biggie!! Just after the sunset the lady came out and told us: "I have a message for you, from the angels".. An angel appeared but I didn't see it for more than an instant as I instinctively started to run, I ran as fast as I could.. Apparently I made it and installed in a new city.. One day I had this same dream.. This time a famous actor had made it to escape from the angels and continue his life as it was before. He was staying in a hotel with the rest of the crew while filming. He recieved the usual morning wake up call and rushed out.. He checked all the rooms but there was no trace of his people because... He was back to the house!!! Nevertheless I went on with my life in the new city but that same day an angel appeared to me while I was in a subway.. He didn't even say anything, he was just like "what were you thinking?!". I immediately started to run. He didn't rush to catch me but I heard him screaming: "If you come with me we'll find a way!!". He negotiated with me!!! The last image of the dream was me in the house, hugging the actor even if he didn't understand why.. Then I woke up and realized that all this mess meant just one thing: SURRENDER. Surrendering to my life purpose, I don't know if it's because I haven't done anything medicine-related this week or because at least at the beginning of the week I was a little nervous, anxious and even depressed thinking about the tons of responsibilities inherent in practicing my profession, the million things I still don't know and the money I don't have to buy everything I need... Anyways, thank you Angels!!!

Amazing things that happened today: I ran!! I confirmed this week as being a vacation week sleeping for most of the day.. Nevertheless I also finally watched the video "The Psychology Of Small Business Success - Top 5 Errors Of Aspiring Entrepreneurs". I accepted reality as it is. Ways I could have made today better: Being more mindful. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: No one again... What I learned: Your peace of mind is your highest form of wealth (Ralph Smart). I have to face some expenses these days, this quote definitely came on the right time!!

Things I'm excited about today: Being on purpose. Doing the things left on my to do list!! Staying at home all day!!

Amazing things that happened today: I spent an amazing night out!!! It was wonderful right from the outset, I can't thoroughly describe how I felt just watching people dance, a mix of joy and wonder, it was so beautiful!!! I also danced with three different partners and learned the basic steps of salsa!!! The universe keeps favouring my decision to speak more Kirundi: a couple of Burundian friends came to visit us today!! It was a nice day in general. Ways I could have made today better: Studying something. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: Chilling out, I really needed it!! What I learned: To dance salsa!! It reminded me of something I read in the book "Mastery" by George Leonard. At a certain point he talks about two people who already had some experience with martial arts approaching aikido. The first mixes it with what he already knew and has some troubles performing the various moves correctly while the other has a true beginner approach.. Interestingly when I just did the steps I learned this evening everything was fine but then when I tried to "do it my way" I started missing steps... A great reminder of how the mastery process works!!

Things I'm excited about today: Helping a friend's husband who wants to finish medicine school here in Italy. This evening's Caribbean dance night!!! If the weather agrees of course but how could it not!?! Studying maybe?!

Amazing things that happened today: I continued speaking Kirundi with my mum. It's not easy, at all!! In this journal's first post I wrote that English is neither my first nore my second language.. I lied!! Unfortunately I can't edit it any more.. I'd say that Italian is the language I know better, second comes English and then French and Kirundi share the third place. The good thing is that the universe ssems to appreciate my efforts: in the last two day I've been contacted by two friends in Burundi I hadn't spoken to in months.. I also want to start watching some episodes of a Burundian series.. I think it's the first time I "regret" not following the news, it would be the easiest way to listen to something in Kirundi.. I "accepted" the fact of being a doctor... For the first time I wrote a CV with a "Dr" before my name.. The impostor syndrome shall pass too!!! I was mindful. Ways I could have made today better: Working out/running; Studying. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: I don't think that paying the taxes for a certificate counts so: none.. What I learned: If you win the morning you win the day. A very powerful statement, thank you again Eddie Pinero!!! To stay blessed. I had some difficulties at the bank I went to, my first inclination was to go into anxiety&depression mode but then I realized how blessed I am in general and that this little problem wasn't definitey worth so much concern.

Things I'm excited about today: Continuing to speak Kirundi with my mum. Yesteday we agreed to speak Kirundi only between us, it's somewhat a challenge for her too: she admitted that it's "faster" for her to talk to us (me and my brothers) in Italian.. One of my elementary teachers told me recently that the first months I was in Italy she noted that I spoke as little as possible in fear of saying something incorrectly.. This time it was exactly the same!!! Maybe thoug it will take me less to take off as I have awareness on my side this time.. Adding my relationship vision to my mission statement. Being cool with the reality of being a doctor!!

Impostor syndrome Today I wrote my first formal email signed with the appellation "Doctor" before my name and the professor I wrote to wrote me back calling me "Doctor" as well.. I thought that after the bar exam I would have "felt" the fact of being a Doctor but all I can see is the mountain of things I don't know... I'll just keep on keeping on (and studying!!), someday I'll also feel like a doctor, not just be one... Amazing things that happened today: I finished watching the documentar "Tony Robbbins: I am not your guru", simply beautiful. There's a part towards the end where he asks hte audience to recall three moments of their lives they're grateful for. The second one that came to my mind was my ex fiancé, I hadn't thought about it in these words yet but I'm immensely grateful for having had him in my life. I still believe that leaving him was the right decision but now I am conscious that that doesn't mean that the five years I spent with him were a waste of time. The third "moment" was my mum and the first last sunday's reading in Mass: "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!". I just knew the phrase "Ask and you shall recieved", the first time I heard it was in a Jim Rohn's recording on youtube.. Since then I totally fell in love with this concept.. And then there it was, now that I don't even go to church every sunday.. The startling thing was that the polyglot doctor thing had just become a little more real as I had recieved the personal data of the people I need to stay in touch with. I felt so much grace, much more than my little body could contain.. Then I realized that maybe that meant that my job is also to spread around me that abundance of grace... I went to see the family doctor I did the internship with!! He's definitely the kind of person I want to to be influenced by!!! This: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njHvGxZgTPk After watching the documentary I felt like needing some relaxing music.. Normally I use this kind of sounds only for meditation but it made a great background today!! Ways I could have made today better: Putting studying into my schedule. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: No one.. What I learned: To blame negative people also for the great stuff. Things like "blaming" my father for the person I am today, if he were different I wouldn't be so driven, I wouldn't care so much about order and people and I even wouldn't have the opportunity of realizing the dream of being a doctor in multiple languages!!

Things I'm excited about today: Committing to talk to my mum in Kirundi only. You can't imagine how much resistance I feel towards it as it feels so "unnatural".. How ironic!! I also commit not to speak Italian every time I get the opportunity to speak another language!! Seeing the family doctor I did the internship with!!! Watching the documentary "Tony Robbins: I am not your guru". I've just seen the first 25 minutes and I'm already amazed!!!

Amazing things that happened today: I reviewed all the notes I took during the life purpose course. It was very useful and grounding!! I did take care of the environments I live in, it's so different doing it because I have certain standards for myself than doing it because of being borderline OCD as in the past... This: I simply adore this commercial, I could watch it 24/7 and not be tired with it yet!!! <3 <3 <3 I just found out that there's a "parody" version which is even better.. "Not Just Do It, Do It Right". Ways I could have made today better: Working out/running. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: Reviewing the notes I took during the life purpose course. In particular what hit me was the advice on finding one's niche, which I naturally thought was simply Cardiology.. Thinking more about it I realized that Cardiology may become my zone of excellence while my niche will be something more related to the polyglot doctor thing. I can cite the fear I feel towards it as a proof.. I'm not scared about becoming a worldclass Cardiologist as I am of going to work as a doctor in Burundi.. Specifically in Burundi, that's the thing, I'm not frightened of going in any other country in the world... What I learned: To follow my fears, wherever they want to take me.. Nike everywhere today!!

Things I'm excited about today: Giving some structure to my days. I did my routines almost religiously while preparing for exams and now that I have more free time I barely stick to the ones that I should start all over again if I missed one day.. It's all about the why in the end: while preparing for exams I knew that my routines helped me stay mentally stable and focused, something that I still need of course but maybe it's time to dig deeper now that I've succeeded in passing through the exams without burning out. Thankfully I've been taking notes during the life purpose course, I'll start with reviewing them!! Knowing more about the universe of possibilities I stand within also career-wise. Taking care of the environments I live in.

Things I'm excited about today: Today's trip to know more about the polyglot doctor thing!! Meeting new people. Spending the evening with some friends!!

Amazing things that happened today: I watched "The mechanic" and loved it from the beginning to the end (although the ending could have been much better and sweeter...). I can't wait to see the sequel!!! I was flexible. Ways I could have made today better: Studying or doing something medicine-related in general. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: No one really.. What I learned: Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. The mechanic Amat victoria curam. "There's something I dreamt that life was joy. I woke and saw that life was duty. I acted and beheld: duty was joy." Elliott Hulse (revisiting Tagore..)

Things I'm excited about today: My first henna!!! Checking off some of the things in my to do lists that I had put off to study. Enjoying this wonderful day!!!

Things I'm excited about today: Going with the flow!! No studying, no thinking, just being for once!!!

Well well well I just finished watching "High rise". At first I was like "oh my, it's the most wonderful thing I've ever seen (and heard)!!!" but from the last third on I was more like "wtf people?!?!".. But you know, for Tom Hiddleston this, and more!! Talking about self actualization... Amazing things that happened today: I finished the various tests for the specialisation's entry exam. The funny thing is that overall I scored higher in the Cardiosugery test than in the Cardiology one and the best one was Internal Medicine (we could choose a maximum of three specialisation schools and I competed for Cardiology, Internal Medicine and Cardiosugery). We'll see how it goes, the rankings will go on from August to the end of October.. I don't think I have any chance of getting into Cardiology, seen my points and last years' statistics the only one I can hope to get into is Cardiosugery, which would actually be a great experience I think. I wrote a thank you note to the tutors I had during the bar exam's internships and the first to answer me was the family doctor, I'll be seeing him next week!! I had a great time walking around the city with a friend this evening after the group meditation. I found out that now I'm kind of drawn toward bookshops, I can't hold from stopping by when I come across one.. I once used to get so bored when someone "forced me" to get into a bookstore... Ways I could have made today better: Working out/running. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: Becoming more conscious of the fact that I need to study, a lot!! What I learned: I can watch a movie (and survive!!) even if my room is not perfectly tiedied up!!

Amazing things that happened today: I "survived" the first day of the specialization's entry exam!! I got more points than I thought, it's not that remarkable as the exam is national but it's already something. Another good thing was that having the habit of meditating I actually enjoyed the two hours we had to wait seated in front of the computer before starting the test!! I had a great time lunching with my BFF!! I didn't get the headache I usually have after an exam. Ways I could have made today better: Working out. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: Not giving up when I came across some questions for which I really didn't know where to start to find an answer during the exam. What I learned: Worrying is definitely useless!!

Things I'm excited about today: Giving my best at the exam. Being on purpose. Being energetic.

Amazing things that happened today: This: It's always so nice seeing these two (and a half now... )!!! I "worked out"!! I took just one nap, usually when I stay at home to study I tend to feel like taking naps a lot and today I also wasn't so much driven as I was while preparing for the bar exam.. So bravo me!!! Ways I could have made today better: Being more focused on the goal of becoming a world-class Cardiologist. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: Preparing for tomorrow's exam.. What I learned: Not to rest on my laurels. After passing the bar exam I definitely did...

Things I'm excited about today: Dropping everything and training as Elliott Hulse says. Being energetic!!! Living in the present..

Amazing things that happened today: I came back home!!! I had the "courage" to study in spite of the fact of feeling overwhelmed by the quantity of things I should review.. This gif, it really helped me remember that there is more to life than passing or not passing entry exams.. Thank you Tom, as always such a great "inspiration"!!! Ways I could have made today better: Running / working out. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: Preparing for the specialization's entry exam. What I learned: To see the positive in every situation.

Things I'm excited about today: Going home!!! Studying!! Running!!!

Amazing things that happened today: I spent my last afternoon at the beach reviewing some questions of the entry exam for specializing while listening to wonderful playlist: I worked out!! 10 minutes are much more than 0 so I definitely can be proud of myself!!! I enjoyed the present moment. Ways I could have made today better: Studying more. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: Preparing for the entry exam for specializing. What I learned: To stop and smell the roses from time to time.

Things I'm excited about today: Studying!!! My last day of work (I assist a disabled girl during a vacation at the beach)!! It's been a great experience, much better than the past few years as I managed to study much more being more focused and on purpose. Repurposing into action the anxiety I sometimes feel now for the fact of being officially a Doctor.

Amazing things that happened today: I gave myself permission to rest and relax. Everything went very smoothly and I also finished listening to Leo's last video. I tackled the fear of dedicating solely on the entry exam for specializing. Ways I could have made today better: Working out. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: Preparing for the entry exam for specializing. What I learned: The importance of rest.