Diane

Amazing things that happened in the last two days: This: I started following this channel during the 5th year of medicine (in Italy it takes six years to get a medical degree, it took me eight but that's a whole another history...). I knew he was studying medicine at the time and I wondered how he made it to study medicine and produce such wonderful music at the same time. So I was simply mesmerized when I read this in the radio's chat: "Dennis Kuo began the Study Music Project as a med student to help ppl study. His top music inspirations include: Yiruma and Nujabes. He is currently finishing anesthesiology residency at UC San Diego." WOW!!!! It reminds of Eddie Pinero's quote: "You haven't even scratched the surface of what you can do, you can completely transform how you think of winning and that's how you'll get what you want. (...) Success is doing what it takes". I'm learning more and more about myself. #mindfulness!!! I had already realized that I don't trust people, it's very difficult for me to talk about myself, my thoughts and my feelings. The other thing I noticed is that I tend to be passive towards life, especially in my social life. Most of the times that I go out it's someone else inviting me, I rarely organize something or call/text first. Consciousness itself is curative so I'll let it do its thing.... In Gabbie Bernstein's words: the universe has my back. I've been looking for a new pair of sandals for the summer this whole week, I couldn't decide and every time there were new ones to see. In the end I had chosen a pair that was nice but didn't "spark joy". I ordered it but then discovered that the purchase was denied because of something like 15cents missing on my card to buy the shoes. So I had the chance to do a new round of online shopping and buy a pair that actually sparkled!!! It's a very mundane way of being assisted by the universe but it really opened my eyes. It's comforting knowing that everything happens for my ultimate good. I found a (new) friend. It's one of my roommates. She was able to deal with me not being in a very good mood today and we ended up having a great night together. Ways I could have made the last two days even better: Really giving my all. Deep work time: 2 hours and 15 minutes. I decided not to do the French Certification in June so I'll be focusing more on studying Medicine in French. As always I wonder why I didn't start earlier, I loved every second of it!! What I learned: "Embracing discomfort is the bridge between where you currently stand and where you want to be". Eddie Pinero I need to be more proactive, to put in the effort needed to make things happen. All I have to do is my best, the universe will do and bring the rest, if and when necessary.

Amazing things that happened in the last two weeks: Crossfit!! I didn't study very much but I did go to Crossfit. And today I also ran. I don't know if it was during the past two weeks or earlier but one day I was running and when I was starting to feel tired I repeated the quote "I can I will, I must!!". It worked, a lot!! I will never be grateful enough to all the motivational speeches and speakers that are out there, I don't always take action after listening to them but the do make a difference. I worked a lot and most of the time well. This video form Evan Carmichael: The very first one is snoozing, I loved his explanation about it being a sign to yourself that it's ok not to act on your plans. Ways I could have made the last two weeks even better: Being more focused on my goals. Deep work time: One hour and 25 minutes. #Forestdoesntlie, unfortunately... What I learned: I definitely need to act more, I know that I can and I have all the means.

Amazing things that happened in the last 10 days (I'll get back to writing every day, it's inevitable... ): I'm planning to do one month of volunteer work in Burundi before moving to Switzerland. A few days ago the chief of an NGO I had met once called me "by mistake" and I had the chance to tell him about this desire. So I may go in March 2019, I don't know what I'll be doing exactly, for now there are these options: helping in training healthcare professionals, being part of a team focused on pediatric Cardiology () aaand being part of a team focused on physical rehabilitation!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!! I'll probably also get the airplane ticket payed.... Unfortunately the video is not in English (and there are not images taken in Burundi) but I think the pictures are pretty exhaustive. It's exactly what I want to be doing in my future, or at least a good part of it. During the life purpose course I came up with this mission statement: "to do plenty of research and public speaking to make people healthier through consciousness". Little by little I'm starting to get a grasp of what "making people healthier through consciousness" can mean in practice. I think it can also be paraphrased as showing people their potential, and one way is through the process of physical rehabilitation but thanks to Leo I now know that there are people who actually transmit consciousness only by looking in someone's eyes. I don't think I'll ever become a Guru able to practice Shaktipat but in my vision there is also something like that, being able to inspire confidence in people even without talking to them. Or maybe it's just an excuse not to have to sharpen my ability to "be impeccable with my words"... Beychella!!! I wasn't there unfortunately but I definitely heard about it!! So my new motto is: << the question is not "what would Gesus do" but "what would Beyoncé do??", get up and do it!!! >> I restarted doing Crossfit three times per week and I'm finally back to running too!! Ways I could have made the last ten days even better: Toughening up and remembering a little earlier than halfway trough season two of Grimm my secret weapon against binge watching TV series (Wikipedia... ). I'm not totally upset by that though, I watched it in French and it provided some interesting food for thought (*spoileralert*): The subtle and sometimes in-existing difference between good and evil. Like why have the Grimm always killed Wesen? Probably the human race would be extinguished if it wasn't for them. But yet why would it be a problem? In Leo's words, everything that happens is inevitable. Yet I still feel like I'm actually choosing the words I'm writing right now. It's like being in a puppet show where I am the puppeteer and the puppet at the same time (and also the setting, the public, the music and so on of course...). I'm learning to surrender to "legitimate suffering", to do what I know I have to do without procrastinating or being too emotional about it. In the end it's all a game!! The most serious one ever though.. Love is a very special flower that needs to be carefully cultivated. I was very moved by the fact that Nick couldn't even touch Juliette after she had lost her memory. He had been warned that things wouldn't have turned well but it was sad anyways. Deep work time: 5 hours and 45 minutes. What I learned: The adversity is temporary, glory is eternal. It's always a good time for a motivational speech, maybe someday I won't be needing them anymore but for now I'm grateful that there is plenty of them to watch and listen to!!

Amazing things that happened this month: (I made a list...) Back to life; French. I'm slowly getting “back to life”. I started meditating again (I didn't during these few days of holidays but I know I'll get to meditating in not ordinary situations too..). I also started studying French again, the more I study it and the more I fall in love with it, it's amazing!! As always I wonder what stopped me from doing it before... Anyways.. I only hope to make it to prepare for the French certification exam I want to pass in June. Standing workstation. I've been training less in the beginning of the month and my body noticed it: I couldn't stand staying sit for a long time so I ended up engineering this: Lucky. I overflow with luck, in every aspect of my life. I was on the verge of being broke and literally not having money to sustain myself this month but with a bit of adulting and the help of the Universe I found a solution to my liquidity problems. The good thing is that in the meanwhile I had the chance to really see how much I can save, I also saw some videos about investing. And again, I was lucky in this too, hadn't I had to be more cautions about how I spent my money this month I wouldn't have had the opportunity to learn all that. Lorenzo Stea. I was walking around Cagliari with my mum and some friends when we noticed a tiny little art gallery. I was particularly attracted by this painting that I later discovered is from an incredible artist: Lorenzo Stea. It was inspired from Bellini's “Brera Pietà”. I was and still am simply speechless. A friend's mum, talking about it, said: “they pretend to support him but they are actually killing him”. She couldn't be more right. Easter with mum. Yees, my mum came to visit me on Easter!! Everything went perfect and we had the greatest time!! Thanks to her visit I had the opportunity to take a mini holiday too so thank you mum!! Ateneika. Soooo..... I received an informal proposition to participate to a Crossfit competition in June!!!! It looks like this: I don't know if I'll actually do it but I certainly will train for it!!! Steve Austin's Broken Skull Challenge. I normally don't watch TV but as I was “on holiday” I did and I found out this TV show. I was simply amazed!! In the first episode I saw there were men and I was like: wow!! Then I discovered that there were also women doing the same things and I think I missed a few beats, it was simply mind blowing!!!! She has a Crossfit background, did you hear that?!?! Ways I could have made the last month even better: Following the plan when I had it and having one when I didn't. Deep work time: A total of 10.5 hours, even if I should add the hours I was actually working from home. Better than nothing anyways, hopefully having to prepare for the exam and for the Crossfit competition will be good motivations to be more focused and productive in the near future. What I learned: “Don't stress it, sweat it”. I came up with this quote after seeing a girl with a shirt with the print “don't stress it”. IA good reminder to keep working instead of worrying. Ordinary things done consistently create extraordinary results. Matthew Hussey

Thank you @Ioana for your wonderful words!!! <3 <3 <3 Thank you for the ideas you gave me too, very very mind-opening!! I read some of your posts too, I don't know how you manage to do it all!! I'm totally eager to know more about you and your experience! You're so right about the fact that as a doctor the right time to have a kid will probably never come if one keeps waiting for the perfect moment, it's something I hadn't fully realized yet.. I hope to meet to you in person someday, in the meantime I wish you all the best!!!

Amazing things that happened today: I watched the movie Groundhog Day. I had a night shift last night and it was a tough one. This evening then, one of my roommates asked me to watch something together, I googled "uplifting movies" and chose this one. The quote that hit me the most was this one: "I don't deserve someone like you. But if I ever could, I swear I would love you for the rest of my life". I'm still crying. I don't know, becoming self actualized or dare I say enlightened should mean you reach a state of equanimity yet my personal journey until now seems to be filled with all kind of emotions.. I can't even express it clearly. I am very emotional about the purpose of becoming a "healer" and even more about finding "the one". It's so much. Guess I'll just keep living one day at a time, always trying to do my best. I had the chance to rest after this difficult night shift. I read a summary of the book Relentless by Tim Grover (thanks to the always wonderful Mimi Ikonn). The biggest lesson I got there was about going on after a bad game, having had a bad experience is not a valuable excuse to stop working. “After every game, I used to ask Michael one question: Five, six, or seven? As in, what time are we hitting the gym tomorrow morning? And he’d snap back a time, and that was it. Especially after a loss, when there wasn’t a whole lot else to say. No discussion, no debate, no lame attempt to convince me he needed the morning off. You good? I’m good. See you in the morning. And the next morning at whatever time he’d decided, he’d awaken to find me standing outside his door. No matter what had happened the night before – good game, bad game, soreness, fatigue – he was up working out every morning while most of the other guys slept.” Ways I could have made today even better: Meditating. Finally putting on paper a new plan of action, I didn't do most of the things I had scheduled for January and February and now I find it difficult to reschedule everything, as I am conscious of the possibility of failure. But as they say not trying is worse than trying and failing so I'll try. Deep work time: I dedicated 8 hours and a half to the research about how to become a healer. What I learned: To keep going.

Amazing things that happened recently: Two Fridays ago I went to a conference hosted by a priest who founded a rehabilitation centre for young people with drug addictions. It was very profound. The first insight from it came to me even before going there: the idea of living a life of service, not for "oneself" but for "others" (only to then discover that we are all one... ). As Neale Donald Walsch elegantly says it: "Your life is not about you. Your life is about everyone else whose life you touch and the way in which you touch them". Here are other lessons I got home with: Love is clairvoyance and prophecy: it makes you see things you would otherwise overlook and it opens new roads. How to have a positive perspective: having the desire to be astonished by the other person. Lovely!! How to let other people express their desires: accompanying them rather than carrying them. I'm currently listening to the book "Co-active coaching", it's a good eye opener on the fact of not imposing our desires on others. The main goal should be to empower people to find their solutions and their own paths. How to cope with incurable diseases: finding meaning even where there seems to be none. Being a misfit is a way to save one's life, not to ruin it. Humility and consistence. I currently lack on both. I still have to figure out when becoming a more confident person transcends into just being cocky. Regarding consistency, the other day while preparing the same breakfast I eat everyday, I started feeling like a hamster in a wheel and then I realized that there's beauty and usefulness in that too.. I always thought that Brian Tracy was all about success and life lessons then I found this: Right before Valentine's day... I had a more or less 2 weeks long PMS this time.. At a certain point I rewatched Elliott Hulse's video "Quit everything and train". I noticed I had totally misunderstood this video the first time I watched it as I had interpreted it just as "when you're stuck in your mind just go out and exercise your body", as he often refers to a balance between body and mind. Here he was actually referring to the importance of foundational habits, as they are the driving force of everything else we accomplish in our lives. In his own words: "You can't do everything, you only have so much life force, energy and time. There's only so much that you can handle. The thing is that we set aside the cultivation of the energy associated with doing a lot of things". "I can do all those things because I train my mind and my body first. PUT YOUR BODY AND YOUR MIND FIRST. Put the cultivation of your strength an your energy above and beyond everything else because that's all that you have to bring to the table". "Start prioritizing = feeling and doing what is wright for you". I finally watched "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring", in French!! I can't say I've become a fun but I freshened up my French and learned a few lessons: "It is no bad thing celebrating a simple life". So true!! "Even the smallest person can change the course of the future". Ways I could have made these days even better: Being more brave and brute forcing when necessary. With the excuse of PMSing, I spent almost three weeks letting myself be like this: I did dance a little bit though!! And I've just found out that "Jazzercise" actually exists!!! Deep work time: A total of 4 hours in 20 days.. What is measured is managed right??? What I learned: Done is better than perfect. Yesterday I finally started sending back some of the papers for the job in Switzerland. I had super postponed it waiting for them to be ALL ready, which is practically impossible at this time and the secretary who called me had clearly said to send at least the contract for now so I did it. Whatever you want to have in your life, cause someone else to have in theirs. Neale Donald Walsch Soo, this was my last post on this journal. I'll be starting a new one as I have finally decided that I no longer want to become a "world-class Cardiologist". I want to become a "healer", in the broadest sense possible. I don't know how it will happen so stay tuned to discover it with me!!

About me: I was born in Burundi but because of war when I was 8 we moved to Italy and that's where I grew up and currently live (so English is not my first language neither my second.. ). I always was kind of a good little girl, behaving well and getting good grades at school. Today I know that at least part of that was due to a very deep desire to be liked by others because of the need to belong to something. I felt so different and strange everywhere I went that I desperately needed to fit in no matter the cost. Lucky for me I didn't end up joining bad companies so I went on being a people pleaser without too much external damages. After high school I decided to study medicine because I saw it (and still consider it) as an excellent means to help others. For some reasons I didn't put in it all the efforts I was capable of, I knew I could excel but I settled for mediocrity. I guess I though I was some kind of talented genius just because I had passed the entrance exam with a quite good positioning and therefore I could afford not working that hard. So the years went on and I internalized my being a mediocre student to the point that I gave up my initial passion for Cardiology because there were other classmates who wanted to become cardiologists too and had better grades than me. Long story short it took me 8 years instead of 6 to finish medicine and I graduated with a thesis in General Surgery. The turning point for me was last February when I was one exam far from graduation. It was internal medicine, everything I had learned until then concentrated in one single exam. As quite always I found myself studying last minute and the month before I crammed for the exam drinking tons of coffee and therefore barely sleeping and eating. I managed to pass the written and practical parts but I didn't pass the oral part. I'm grateful for that now but at the time it was literally the end of the world to me, I had given everything I had to that exam and I was left with nothing, mentally and physically. The most compelling reason I had to pass that exam was that if I didn't I would have to pay all the tuition fees for that academic year (in Italy there is no such things as student loans...). Fortunately my dad accepted to pay the fees (we don't have a good relationship but he values education very much) and there I was, trying to repair the damage. I remember crying while re-reading the books I had to study... The good thing was that I suddenly had a lot of time to think. One of the reasons I hadn't passed the oral examination was my lack of confidence, the professor had become more and more angry because I was talking so low he couldn't hear me. So I decided to work on my communication skills and I found Leo's video on communication. God bless that day!!! That's how I started my journey into the self-development world. I also started seeing a psychologist (God bless her too!!!) because of a problem with anxiety I kind of always had had but wich had become paralyzing in the last few years. I had to repeat the exam four times but finally I made it!! It was a life-changing experience for me, also because I finally realized I still could become a cardiologist even if I wasn't the best medical student of my class. Fast forward to now, I'm currently preparing for the bar exam (an internship of three months followed by a written examination) that will start in April. I'm also doing a voluntary internship in Cardiology at our local hospital. My goal for this journal is to document the process of becoming the wordclass cardiologist I am now determined to become. My biggest difficulty right now is following through with what I plan to do every day, from the routines I want to implement to the number of hours I want to be studying. I believe keeping this journal will help me achieve my ultimate goal and my everyday goals too so thank you @Leo Gura for creating this forum!!!

Silence. Do nothing. It seems the only way to go. I know that I suffer from premenstrual syndrome. Sometimes I barely notice it and other times it hits really hard, as it did today. The good thing is that at least I am conscious of it, I know that it's temporary and that even if suddenly everything seems 50 shades darker the sun will shine again. As always understanding something intellectually doesn't immediately "correct" the feeling. So I spent the whole day at work in a very bad mood, a mix of anger, resentment and sadness. At a certain point I remembered the quote "if you don't have anything nice to say you'd rather stay silent" and so I did, I spoke only when strictly necessary. Fortunately I came back home pretty early. I watched some youtube videos and found some peace for a while. Then I received a phone call from Switzerland, they wanted to make sure that I had received the contract. I then stumbled on a video with Mel Robbins where she said that "procrastination is a form of stress relief". I did procrastinate on fully reading the contract and acting on it. I also realized that my current emotional state may also stem from not sleeping very well. A few months ago I received a pack of caffeine pills as a freebie with an order I made at myprotein. I was like "what a great idea, I can have the benefits of coffee without staining my teeth"... In the last few weeks I totally lost control of my sleep pattern, I wake up around 1am, meditate and then go back to bed, always with the magical intention of getting back up after a few minutes. Anyway, after the call from Switzerland I decided to roll up my sleeves and go on reading the contract and all the other papers accompanying it. I was working from half an hour when the lights went out at the dorm. Just an hour earlier, looking at my extension cord I had thought: "that definitely needs to be substituted" but I used it anyway. I don't know if it was my fault or not but that's where the "do nothing" part of this post's title came from. So: silence and do nothing. If I stay silent and do nothing I can't hurt or ruin anything and anybody. Yet I can do no good either. The fourth agreement is to always do your best and I know that I've done my best this morning, even if my best of the moment wasn't the best version of myself. I think that the heart of the problem is that I had lots of plans that I didn't actualize and now I feel overwhelmed by all the things I have to do. Guess I'll just keep doing my best. And loving myself no matter what.

Amazing things that happened in the last 7 days: I decided to drop the resolution of taking Zumba classes and it freed me mentally and economically at the same time. I now can realize the precedent resolution of running on the days I don't go to Crossfit, or just study a little bit more, as I did today.. I'm becoming more conscious of how I spend every minute of my days. For example I've decided to do everything I can not to end up to having lunch at work so that I have some free time in the afternoon to study and work on my project. Adieu shallow work and distractions, see you never!! I'm staring to notice some benefits from using the Perfect notebook!! Even if I'm very very far from fully exploiting its potential.. For example last week I identified getting back home late from work as an unfavorable external condition hindering me from working on my projects. And without even planning for it this week I decided to do everything I can to be fully present at work so that: I don't waste time, I do a better job as I am more focused and get the chance to get home earlier. Stretching. AKA saving but I like to call it stretching. I decided not to buy any clothes and also no food until I've finished what I already have. Consciousness. Thanks to this article: http://theweek.com/articles/749978/female-price-male-pleasure. A very powerful article. I think consciousness could also be defined as seeing what we normally overlook. I'm still trying to fully grasp the phrase "Women trade sex positions they don't like for social positions they do". To what extent is it ok to accept social conventions? What can I do to change this bias now that I'm aware of it?? Because it's not only about confidence or dressing however you want.. It's about not being ashamed of not being able to give a man exactly what he wants. Hopefully someday I'll know the answer. Ways I could have made the last 7 days even better: Doing the evening routine. Deep work time: As for today, 1 hour and 47 minutes. And I've finally started to categorize the tasks I'm focusing on. Good. What I learned: When you lead an extraordinary life, finding someone great is a byproduct. Matthew Hussey

Amazing things that happened in the last three days: Today I re-listened to the video "Becoming a Zen Devil, the dangers of half-assing enlightenment". I definitely tend to be one sometimes, even if I'm far far away from even beginning to do enlightenment work.. There's a colleague in particular I often find myself criticizing, sometimes also explicitly.. I feel triggered when he acts and talks in a passive-agressive way and when he becomes too authoritarian for my standards. Why? I do have passive-aggressive tendencies too and, come to think of it, I tend to want everything done my way too.. Again, the solution is working on myself... Assertiveness is the word. I re-listened to Leo's video about communication. What I would add now is the concept of "cultivating love in all situations" (yet another quote from Leo). It's hard but practice makes perfect, there's hope. I have a great life, sometimes I forget it.. At the moment I'm listening to Jidenna's album "The Cheif" on Amazon Music, a great album!! The colleague I have a "crush" on is a very positive person, he always finds the positive in the various situations, no matter how things will evolve I'm grateful to have such an influence around at work. Ways I could have made the last three days even better: Having a plan and following it. Deep work time: 5 hours and 54 minutes. I love Forest!! The next step is to categorize this time, for example on Sunday I spent most of the time starting to get into the details of moving to Switzerland but I also studied ECG.. What I learned: It's hard but practice makes perfect, there's hope. I'll get there.

Amazing things that happened this week: I RECEIVED THE CONTRACT!!!! There are more than 50 pages in total I think, I've only skimmed trough it so far.. 50 pages of mostly unknown french words and expressions.. Hopefully tomorrow I'll summon the courage to deal with it.. I have a super crush on a colleague!! He actually kind of reflects the list of my "standards in a relationship" I once wrote.. So I spent the whole afternoon and most of the evening re-watching some of Matthew Hussey's videos and similar things on the internet.. The journey comprised also a "Masterclass on Tantra" from Psalm Isadora. It was mostly wasted time but I took some valuable lessons here and there: I am worthy of being loved and of intimacy and I am allowed to be vulnerable. A few days ago a friend told me that she finds me a little inauthentic and manneristic. I wasn't offended by that as I put effort into what I do because I want to create a great life for myself and I know that just going with the flow won't get me there. On the other hand though I also tend to want to control everything so that there's no possibility of failure or, even if there is one, I still fall on my feet (e.g. even if they hadn't hired me after the interview I could still consider it a success for having had the courage to go there and it would have count as a valuable experience). The only person I allowed myself to be vulnerable around was my ex boyfriend. Yet I broke up with him and the why is beautifully summarized in Ed Sheeran's duet with Beyonce when she says "I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets".. Yet it's very difficult for me to open myself to others, deep inside of me I always feel like I'm not good enough as I am and people wouldn't like me if I just let myself be myself (whatever it is, who am I after all??). In the past two years, thanks to personal development, I built a wonderful, confident and even powerful persona, a mascarade that helped me a lot: I've overcome a lot of historical issues of mine (people pleasing, the relationship with my father, conformism).. But I don't really trust anyone.. When I have a problem I type in "how to xyz" and figure out a solution. I'm grateful for this opportunity, The Internet helped me a lot of times but, as Psalm Isadora says, we all crave intimacy. And apparently it's something you can't have without accepting to be vulnerable around someone. "I have to always look strong and put together because I'm black". That's the core belief I live by. So yeah, on a cognitive level I do say and agree that "I am worthy of being loved and of intimacy and I am allowed to be vulnerable" but it's a whole another thing to actually feel it. Everything I do to better myself is also aimed to attract the kind of person I want in my life.. Authentic means "not false or copied, genuine, real". How does the "real" me look like? If I let myself go -and had all the money in the world- I wouldn't have chosen to live in a dorm, I would live in a luxurious apartment where I would entertain a lot of men, all at once or one at a time.. Fortunately I know I'll get there, I have the worst plans for when I'll be in Switzerland earning five times more than I do now... I don't know if I'll ever recover from the belief that being black is sort of an original sin no one has yet come to save black people from (I do find more disturbing seeing a black person smoke than a white one for example), but at least I can choose to create a great life, "real" or "fake" that it may be, it still will be something to be proud of. And as always, consciousness is the answer. I'll just keep meditating, and loving myself as hard as I can. Love is the answer. "Is He Too Hot For You? No, he's not. Relax, just talk." Thank you Matthew!!! Leo's video about self deception, particularly the quote "don't worry about other people being self-deceived, worry about yourself being self-deceived". It was beautifully aligned with what I learned from the previous video and ALSO with my life purpose, "to make people healthier through consciousness". I also began to understand the meaning of "using criticism as a tool, when necessary, in moderation", it's about not being attached to the criticism, i.e. not being disturbed by the thing that is being criticized. Ways I could have made this week even better: Following all of my plans. Deep work time: 1 hour and 15 minutes.What is measured is managed right?! What I learned: I don't know who I am. Therefore I can be whomever I want!!

Amazing things that happened this weekend: I realized that my subconscious knows how to read the EKG better than my conscious mind. The other day I was asked to interpret one and the right answer just came to my mind without even thinking about it but then I did think about it and ended up giving the wrong answer.. So today I reviewed the basics of EKG (for like the 20th time....). Hopefully the next time they will agree (on the right interpretation!). I studied!!! And I loved it, as always. Tony Robbins is totally right in saying that we get our "must", not our "shoulds". At a certain point of the afternoon something clicked in me and reviewing EKG became something I could not further postpone.. Leo's last week video. Today I did criticize a friend for her criticizing and then this video happened... What I don't really grasp yet is how to "use criticism as a tool, when necessary, in moderation". I'll try to answer the 6 question referring to the situation with my friend (she was criticizing another roommate and I told her not to talk bad about people - I definitely could have been nicer.. Or maybe not... -): How is this situation a red herring? I don't see that I'm criticizing her for the same thing that I'm doing. What I am failing to accept here about reality? I can't change people, I can only lead by example. Is this productive? Not at all, I just made her angry and sad. How can I be more constructive with my energy and time? Being impeccable with my word and leading by example. Is this making me feel happy? No, I'm sorry for hurting her. What positive lesson can I learn from this thing I am tempting to criticize? If I don't have anything good or kind to say I'd rather stay silent. Silence is the word that resonated in me at the end of the video, "a lot of silence". How other could it be?? Silence and compassion. And giving my advice only when asked to. Ways I could have made this weekend even better: Studying more yesterday. Deep work time: 6 hours according to Forest (can't wait to plant my first three!!!) but I think more as I think it stops counting the time if you do more than expected. Anyway I'm very proud of today's (deep) work!! What I learned: Caffeine doesn't work if I don't...

Amazing things that happened this week: I'm slowly but steadily getting to the life I imagined. The one thing I'm closer to right now is doing some kind of sport every day: on Tuesday I went to a zumba trial lesson and I liked it so ideally I'll be going to Crossfit on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and to zumba on Tuesday and Thursday. Then on Saturday and Sunday it's running time!!! It hasn't happened yet but tomorrow will be my monthly Saturday!! I'll finally study properly!! Today I received an advertising call in French (on my Swiss umber) and it was a great eye-opener, I still have a very lot to do!!! I'm grateful for that. Ways I could have made this week even better: Studying more Not giving up at the first signs of tiredness. Deep work time: I don't know exactly, certainly more than the hour and a half that Forest knows about. What I learned: To put studying first.

Amazing things that happened today: The oriental lounge music playlist I'm listening to right now!! I do miss bellydancing... It's too far from where I live though (considering that I only walk, I don't have a car nore use public transport in the city). I had decided to start doing salsa or some other kind of partner dance but in the gym where I wanted to go they haven't started the course yet as there are too few inscriptions so I'll be doing Zumba!!! On Tuesday I'll go to the trial lesson.. I have huge projects for this year (apart from the dream of getting married, I plan to go to Burundi with my family in August and to visit Cuba with my two friends in December, then there is all the preparation to go to Switzerland..) and this make me ponder every financial decision in a very healthy way, my new mantra is "Saving is not a crime". So today while shopping with a friend it was very easy to resist the instinct to buy every beautiful dress I came across, I'm grateful for that!! This: In the guide in the link (I think I can write it here as it is a public link and the guide is free) his brother talks about how Matthew actually designs in every detail his interviews, nothing he says is random. Here are the notes I rapidly took from the guide before acting on them in the form of preparing the texts I'll be sending tomorrow to people in Switzerland and the call I want to do to my putative mother-in-law (I definitely owe her a lot, if not a husband -yet-, at least the idea of moving to Switzerland!!): Ways I could have made today even better: Running, certainly!! Deep work time: Three hours I think. (Re)Welcome Forest app!! What I learned: It's not a sin to have set-piece conversations, thank you Matthew Hussey!!!

Amazing things that happened in the last 10 days: when I was still at home I wrote this note: "family dinner". One night we were eating dinner at home and for once there was all the 5 of us and it was a very pleasant meal, we talked and chatted in a way that we didn't use to in the past. In particular I remember asking my little brother about the basketball training he had just gone to, a quite trivial question but still something I think I had never asked him. Then we also talked about banks and my other brother came out with a long list of books he had read about how the banking system is substantially a scam (he studies economics btw and my father in Burundi worked as a banker so he also had a lot to say about it..). Overall it was the ideal family dinner. It all goes back to what I wrote the last time about the possibility of evolution in relationships: in the past there was more than one meal during which the only sound in the room was the background noise of the tv... My best friend gave me The Perfect Notebook as a gift for Christmas. Today I finally started using it, it's better than just using google calendar in the fact that it also contains your major goals and helps breaking them in small pieces. As for today's tasks I didn't accomplish all of them, I procrastinated on reaching out to people I know in Switzerland to tell them that I'll soon be one of them. The "big obstacle" was writing to my putative husband, only to then realize that as far as I know he could also be gay, other than just not interested in me (any more). I'll do that tomorrow anyway!! I'm learning to put first things first, as Stephen Covey says it. I force myself not to run or go to Crossfit if there's something important that needs to be done first as postponing it would mean to do it with very low energy left or not doing it at all. I took the time to listen and take notes on Don Miguel Ruiz' "The four agreements": Be impeccable with your word. With the word impeccable meaning: "to use your energy in the direction of truth and love for yourself". Don't take anything personally. Don't make assumptions. Always do your best. It's a very good anchor in everyday life: when I feel the urge to gossip or to judge people or when I start beating myself up for not having done enough. I utterly fell in love with the Prayer for Freedom at the end, I think it's simply the Perfect prayer. Here it is: Today, Creator of the Universe, we ask that you come to us and share with us a strong communion of love. We know that your real name is Love, that to have a communion with you means to share the same vibration, the same frequency that you are, because you are the only thing that exists in the universe. Help us to love everything you create unconditionally, especially other human beings, especially those who live around us – all our relatives and people whom we try to so hard to love. Because when we reject them, we reject ourselves, and when we reject ourselves, we reject you. Help us to love others just the way they are with no conditions. Help us to accept them the way they are, without judgment, because if we judge them, we find them guilty, we blame them, and we have the need to punish them. Today, clean our hearts of any emotional poison that we have, free our minds from any judgment so that we can lie incomplete peace and complete love. Today is a very special day. Today we open our hearts to love again so that we can tell each other “I love you,” without fear, and really mean it. Today, we offer ourselves to you. Come to us, use our voices, use our eyes, use our hands, and use our hearts to share ourselves in communion of love with everyone. Today, Creator, help us to be just like you are. Thank you for everything that we receive this day, especially for the freedom to be who we are. Amen. Ways I could have made the last 10 days even better: Starting earlier. I finished writing my goals and planning for this wonderful year yesterday afternoon... Deep work time: Yep, I'm currently listening to Cal Newport's "Deep Work". I think I spent approximately 3 hours in deep work mode today. What I learned: To prioritize what is really important. To treat people like people, just because someone is a putative something doesn't make him/her any different from all the other people.

Amazing things that happened in te last few days: "Soul sister". The other day, while getting back home I met a Ghanaian girl who greeted me very warmly, saying that she used to see me around wondering who was this beautiful girl (she has short 4C natural hair too) and it was the beginning of a wonderful exchange of mutual admiration, we almost cried when we started talking about Ed Sheeran... It lasted less then 5 minutes and we didn't even exchange numbers but it was amazing!!! It happened more than a few days ago but it's definitely worth remembering: I was in a sporting goods store, as always I took all my time to try on everything and on my way to the cashier a man approached me holding a phone and asked me if it was mine.. I think I had left it in the dressing room.. Miracles happen, really!!! I'm home for Christmas!! Ways I could have made the last few days even better: Having a plan and doing my routines. Deliberate practice time: 0.00 hours.. What I learned: Relationships can evolve. I think I found a sort of equilibrium now in my relationship with my father, I can see his good qualities too and I'm grateful for them.

I'm at home for Christmas and today I was confirmed for the employment as a junior doctor in Physical Medicine from May 2019 in Switzerland, guess it's time for 2017's year review... 2017'S YEAR REVIEW CELEBRATE: I'm becoming more me. The image I have thinking about it is Liv from LiveNaturallyLove. I'm getting closer and closer to becoming the person I want to be and it's amazing!!! Wins I need to celebrate of this past year: Switzerland!!! I'm not definitively there yet BUT I've been there AND the contract for 2019 is already on its way... Getting over my ex fiancé. It took me nearly two years but who's counting!! Joking apart I'm grateful for all of it, the relationship itself and also the transition from its public ending and its "private" one.. I've learned a lot!! Becoming more confident at work. Becoming more flexible, it's not always a positive thing (eg the million times I didn't meditate) but it also gave me the chance to experience things I would have otherwise missed, like the sun falling into the sea at the sunset in Alghero.. What was I doing when I achieved my best results from last year: As always, following plan A!! I think the most productive period of the year was during the weeks before the interview, I had a specific plan and followed it almost by the letter.. Crossfit!!! One life lesson I learned from last year: THE LAW OF ATTRACTION!! It's a thing people, really!! From the simple fact that to get back home I chose a flight with a stopover to raise the chances of meeting new people and I ended up "attracting" two men, one was seated next to me in the plane, the other one deliberately chose to come and sit next to me while I was waiting the next flight at the airport. I had a good chat with both of them!! Another example is that I did go to the bar I had seen once the last winter, "La vie est belle", and life is even more beautiful than it was then!! One big goal for this year: Well... I would like to get married, in Switzerland of course... An engagement would be fine too.. Actions in the next 3 months for achieving my goal: To attract the kind of partner I desire I need to be the best version of myself in all areas of my life. That means working on myself, continuing my personal development journey (i.e.: doing my morning and evening routines...), kicking asses at work and learning everything I can about sex, love and relationships.

Amazing things that happened this week: I made a list on evernote of the things I wanted to write here. Here it is: This video about the 5 stages after a breakup. Last Saturday, after watching the movie Joyeux Noel, for some reasons I went into total withdrawal mode and decided to text my ex fiancé. I did a little monologue for a while and finally he answered "I'm sorry Diane but you decided to walk out of my life" (I had told him that I missed talking to him..). It was a bit of a shock but also very relieving in the end: it felt as if it was finally REALLY over, with not even the slightest chance of going back. So now it's "love myself" time, even if I skipped the "stepping out" phase.. Talking about which, just now while watching again the video about breakups, some interviews with Dita Von Teese popped out and obviously I took the time to watch all of them!! I definitely love her femininity, she perfectly represents the way I want to be as a woman. Thankfully, as always, it "only" takes study and practice!! On Tuesday I did the infamous presentation on atrial fibrillation at work. I could have done much better but still, it was a good exercise and a good reminder of what it takes to be a good performer, improvisation can be good only once you're totally prepared.. Crossfit. I don't know exactly why I wrote this note, anyway I keep making improvements and the more I learn the more I like it!! Yet I'll still go only two times per week next year, I decided to go back to dancing too.. I definitely could make use of some partner dancing skills!!! Ways I could have made this week even better: Studying. I kind of crammed for the presentation and then I went back to no studying mode. I was so overwhelmed by the number of things I have to study and keep up to in general that I preferred not to do any of them. Deliberate practice time: Not much. What I learned: I can't always run. Literally and figuratively. On Monday (instead of preparing for the upcoming presentation, that I had already postponed as it was initially scheduled for Monday afternoon) and on Friday (instead of going into stop loss mode) I literally runcrastinated and today I just decided to spend the whole day out with a friend. So what am I running from??? As a matter of fact I'm running away from amazingly beautiful stuff, in a nutshell the best version of myself. They say resistance is something you should expect when trying to make any kind of change.. There's a great chance that they'll actually engage me in Switzerland, my professor told me that after talking about me they told him that they can now "go on with the contract".... So I'm thrilled and terrified at the same time... Yet the only thing can do is owning it, fortunately all of this didn't happen by chance, I called for it and now it's time to "face" it!!

Amazing things that happened in the last month or so: I'm finally back to doing my evening routine!! I'm happy and amazed by the many little things that happen to me.. Unfortunately I didn't write them down so I don't remember every single one of them, the fact is that I'm little by little manifesting everything I "designed" and hoped for while doing the life purpose course. A few days ago I was a little sad and I decided to look back to the notes I took during the course and it was soooo relieving!! Here are the things I've already realized based on what I had wrote it would look like to be at a 10/10 on my top 10 values: Beauty: "finding my style". Contribution: "doing well my job". Friendship: not so much in this area actually. I had wrote about being part of a sort of mastermind group.. It will come!! Honesty: "saying what I think without being afraid of other people's judgment". Learning: "learning new sports" I'm getting better and better at crossfit, I've already mastered 3 exercises: snatch, power clean and push jerk!! . Aaand on Monday I'll do a presentation on atrial fibrillation (which perfectly aligned with my zone of genius: research and public speaking... )!! Optimism: "bringing joy in the rooms I enter". I always greet people with a smile when I get into a room at work (and when I meet people in general). Passion: "being in love with my job, going to work happy as there is nothing else I'd rather do". Even when things don't go well I'm relieved by the idea that nobody forced me to do this job, I chose it and I love it so I can't but accept also the negatives that inevitably come with it. Cfr.: Professionalism: "Knowing how to talk to patients in a decisive way without being authoritarian but remaining friendly". "Dressing impeccably". I'm still far from perfection but I'm getting better at it I think. "Knowing how to speak to my colleagues in a way that inspires respect still remaining friendly". I think I'm getting better at this too, I used to be a little bit too jokey while talking to colleagues at work, now I try to be as professional as possible when talking work. Travel: "Travelling with friends". I'm already planning the next vacation with a friend, it's going to be something adventurous this time!! . "Travelling often, also for work" E.g.: going to Switzerland for a job interview!! I'm still up for a place in May 2019, they will contact the professor I gave as referee and then maybe I'll have a definitive answer. And I'll be home for Christmas!!! Personal growth: "wearing my hair natural as I accept myself for what I am / I'm not afraid to do a little effort in this area". It's not written anywhere but I cut my hair also with the intent of doing some kind of physical exercise every day and I'm getting closer and closer to this "goal" too!! Two weeks ago I went to Crossfit 4 times in a week and this week I finally started running again.. Talking about manifesting... I bought a beautiful white agenda as 2018's gratitude journal. The color white stands for the intention of getting married in 2018.. We'll see... Here is my vision for my love life: There will be lots and lots of dancing, dancing everywhere!!! Ways I could have made this month even better: Not giving up on my plans and believing in the fact that "everything is figureoutable", as Marie Forleo says it. Deliberate practice time: As for today, at least 3 hours. What I learned: The idea of mastering the day, from ModernHealthMonk Alex. It's something I had already come up with, I remember I once wrote the phrase "balanced days create a balanced life" so it was a good reminder.

Amazing things that happened this week: I finished the book "So good they can't ignore you". It helped me recall a lot of important concepts like the fact that at the beginning everything is difficult and it's only by practicing and mastery that it becomes enjoyable. So today I finally surrendered to the fact that I can't but take every little step necessary to fulfill my goals, it won't happen in one night "when I'll be ready".. The book also reminded me of Steven Covey's concept of spending most of the time in "quadrant 2" activities, important but not urgent. Cal Newport uses the expression "building career capital", I find it very compelling!! I planned next week. Everything is easier when you have a plan A. I studied!!! Ways I could have made this week even better: Having a plan A. What I learned: We attract who we are. It was a realization I had while thinking about why I don't hang out with so many colleagues. Most of the times I go out I'm with students, not a bad thing per se but still significant.. Yet another reason to study, as it turns out all of my problems have the same solution: studying more!! Deliberate practice (=studying) time: Approximately two hours, very little but still better than nothing..

Amazing things that happened this week: I spent a night out with with some of my roommates to kind of celebrate my birthday even if a bit late and they gave me a super yummy Yankee Candle as a gift.. It has a very delicate fragrance and I have the sensation that it somehow warms up my room.. It's one of those things that I've always restrained myself from buying for fear of softening too much.. I know now that it was the wrong mindset, the externals count far less than the what's on the inside, it doesn't matter if I live in the fanciest place in the world or in a tiny undecorated room, the only thing that matters is what I actually do with my time and with my life in general. I finally went to CrossFit again!! Amazing as always!! I finally started meditating again.. I'm relieved by the fact that Leo once said that it's quite normal to miss some days here and there in the first two years of meditation.. Apparently the idea that it takes 21 days to build a habit is not always true.. Ways I could have made this week even better: Being more productive.. It took me one week to check out all the points on the to do list of last Friday... What I learned: You need to be good at something before you can expect a good job. The harder I work the more relaxed I can play. If you're not uncomfortable then you're probably stuck at an acceptable level. (All from Cal Newport's "So good they can't ignore you", a very eye-opening book so far!!)

(R)EVOLUTION I guess I should rename my journal from “from half-assed medical student to world-class Cardiologist” to: “From half-assed medical student to...”. Indeed at present I'm not so sure about the goal of becoming a Cardiologist.. Working on the project of moving to Switzerland, among others I applied to a residency in physical medicine and I actually got an interview for the place.. I didn't previously know very well what physical medicine was exactly about so I did some research and I was like WHAAAAT?!?! For the first time I found a definition of the images I had about what I want to do for the rest of my life.. With all the new notions I acquired about preventing and reverting chronic diseases with diet, becoming a Cardiologist was starting to feel a little tight as a goal. So I thought about becoming a Cardiologist and then implementing everything during my practice. But then there's also the fact that I want to practice a holistic medicine, taking care globally of patients. I've had these ideas at least since finishing medicine (I could write a book titled “the life-changing magic of the bar exam”...) but I had never explored them thoroughly to see exactly how I could make them real, I thought it would have just been in the way I did things.. Yet it can be both, I can actually merge what I do with how I do it. I guess that could be resumed in the word “becoming” as what I do and how I do it are nothing but clear expressions of who I am. I now have a beautiful teleological view of everything that happened in my life: Not passing my last exam right away changed me and let me see things and possibilities that I would have otherwise missed. Not making it to become a resident in Cardiology showed how I actually like to be confronted with a large variety of cases, even if the cardiological ones still have a special place in my hearth.. Living and leaving a 5 years long love story let me know how much I don't know about love.. I've been thinking about it a lot recently, I don't think I really loved him, I just liked him and how he almost worshiped me. At least now I know that I don't know. Yesterday I finished listening to “The 7 principles for making marriage work”. It was a great read. Leaving that relationship led me to seriously consider the idea of moving to Switzerland and two days ago I did my first interview in a domain that I didn't even know I liked.. They'll come back to me within 15 days. What I know is that while I was in Switzerland I kept seeing 11:11 everywhere I turned, like here: Even now, I glanced at the keyboard and the first key I saw was f11... So for that interview, I started totally detached from the result but now I would really miss not working in a place like this: (photo). It's beautiful beyond measure, as all the places I visited in Switzerland were. I've decided that autumn is my preferred season (it's also the one I was born into, thinking about it..). The last time I saw such beautiful colors and landscapes I was in Wien, during a school trip and I'm still in love!! Yesterday I wasn't able to take the last train home from the airport so I spent a night out and took another day off from work. I named the experience “lone elopement”. Before getting to he hotel I actually said to myself “thank you for the opportunity to rest a bit” and the answer was: “you're welcome, I love you”.. <3 <3 <3 This morning I put on some Beyoncé and an old vision I almost had forgotten about came back to my mind: “I want to become the Beyoncé of medicine”. I don't know when does this go back to but I've never wrote it down nor really acted on it. I guess the time has come... Here is another interesting thing that happened: last year I envisioned myself celebrating this year's birthday in Switzerland and this is what actually happened!!! This time I'll just have to be more specific about the duration of my stay.. Besides, this night I dreamed about Matthew Hussey so who knows... Talking about Switzerland, look at this: https://www.suva.ch/en/the-suva/about-us/suva "Believing in rehabilitation is believing in humanity". Howard A. Rusk

Amazing things that happened recently: I'm starting to get the benefits from my almost vegan diet (I still don't stick to it when eating out if there are no other options or if there is something I REALLY want to try..): no menstrual cramps!!! I used to be utterly dependent on NSAIDs to function during my periods.. Since I cut out meat and especially dairy I've been using them lesser and lesser, I didn't notice it first but this month looking back I noticed that I took just one pill and I actually didn't really need it.. I'm currently listening to the book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman. It's very counterintuitive in a way.. I used to have this idea that to have the perfect marriage I would have to first become the best version of myself (if not "perfect") and then find another "perfect" person.. Yet it's "only" about loving and respecting each other.. What totally blew my mind was the phrase: "Like the Aikido yield-to-win principle, you cannot be influential in your relationship unless you also accept influence from your partner". It instantly reminded me of "Mastery" by George Leonard.. I can't describe the extraordinary feeling of "oneness" I would say, the intuition that "of course, it's all the same".. I see beauty everywhere!! Here are the flowers along the stairway where I live: I don't know their name, they look and smell like roses but looking closer they actually look like a cabbage red in the inside and green on the outside.. So beautiful anyway!! They made me think of the fact that when I will have my own apartment/house I want to always have some fresh flowers around the house or at least on the table in the living room.. #manifesting!!! I'm happy most of the time now and for no special reason!! On Sunday I had my second Italki lesson. The teacher was again incredibly better than I could have ever hoped, she had taken the time to do some research on the most frequently asked questions during job interviews so I had the opportunity to do a sort of simulation of the interview. I still have a lot to work on but she really was a game changer!!! The more I go on the more I love CrossFit, I will never say it enough!!! Ways I could have made these days even better: Following plan A. The good thing is that at least there was a plan A... What I learned --> my behavioral change: To be more flexible.

Amazing things that happened this week: It was really an amazing week!! At the moment I'm listening to some Norah Jones to "calm me down a bit"... I can't remember exactly the day but at a certain point I felt the "not belonging" feel I used to feel in high school.. At the time I used to think that becoming a doctor would have made me finally belong to something.. Yet that feeling came up again the other day while watching the facebook profiles of some acquaintances in Switzerland.. After watching some videos and thinking about it I realized that there's no point in longing to belong as we all belong everywhere and anywhere at the same time, or as Maya Angelou beautifully puts it: "You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all". Sometimes I get overwhelmed by trying to figure everything out in precise details instead of just focusing on the right next step, as the rest is all about trusting and believing.. I have this beautiful image of laying on the water letting myself go with the waves.. On the other hand I also spent most of the week listening to Imagine Dragon's "Believer", I love the part in the video where one of the two says "I want to stop" and the other answers: "You can't"!! Talking about surrendering, it's a concept I'm becoming familiar with thanks to CrossFit too, at the new box I'm going to they have a very different approach from where I was before and getting used with being more focused on the techniques than on expressing the maximum power possible reminds me of the example in the book "Mastery" of the two martial art professionals who started learning Aikido, one trying to mix it up with what he already knew and the other taking a beginner approach.. I decided I'm going to run at someone else's pace from now on (at CrossFit...), mine is too fast AND now I accept it.. This: Simplicity is the ultimate perfection. Today I had my first Italki lesson AND IT WAS A M A Z I N G !!!!! Like: the best thing ever, really!! I had selected a community tutor living in Switzerland. Before the actual lesson, based on the few lines I had wrote about me, she had already made a plan about what to focus on during the lesson. In the end I learned a lot and she actually helped me in preparing for the upcoming job interview. She also gave me some suggestions on what to say/mention during the interview!! Initially I thought that 45 five minutes were way too much time but I ended up booking a new lesson, of 1 hour this time!! It all reminds me of the part of me who's still regretting the fact that I didn't start earlier seriously working on the Switzerland thing.. It wasn't definitely the time... Ways I could have made this week even better: Studying more!! What I learned --> my behavioral change: "Achievement is not the problem, alignment is". One of Brendon Buchard's clients. Really, now that I see myself there, all the paths leading to Switzerland are opening up!! I was looking at the trains to draw up a little budget of the money I will need for transportation when I realized that there's also the carsharing option, with the same app I'm using in Italy!! How perfect can it be?! Not only I will be saving money but I will also have the opportunity to practice speaking French!!!