Kensho

Said the ego, which is the part of God that denied God, hence the suffering.

Fear is the projection on an unwanted future outcome. The moment you fear something automatically you predict, you see in your mind a future moment that goes against your survival agenda. That agenda can be actual (e.g. if the snake bites me I will die) or just conceptual-egoic (if the woman at the bar turns me down then 'insert your answer here').

I was just about to write that too. And as with 'Converstations with God' I was wondering if in our times there can be someone who's words will be taken seriously. 1500 years ago...someone channeled info from the infinite intelligence and his words were taken... too seriously.

The ego doesn't want to change . What you wrote sounds like the perfect excuse for not stepping up and break out of the problematic situation. You had hard times during and after the psychotic episodes and this makes it even more difficult. I understand. It s a hell of a confusion. I think you could try to stay away from all the non-dual, god, infinite-nothing stuff for some time. The illusion you have to break through first is the one created in your mind by embracing the non-dual teachings. Somehow they mixed strangely with your prior paradigm and messed you up. Try watching Leo's video "How to deal with confusion"

I believe that you yourself realize that in the above statement we see the ego at its finest. Nevertheless, in reality there is nothing wrong per se. The pure subjectivity of life as an experience makes it difficult to argue or discuss on the matter. Life above all is an experience, that is, it has a perceived level ( (the so called 'qualia') of contentment that comes from the everyday happiness-inducing (or misery) experiences, or the thoughts we make of the experiences to be exact. The high consciousness self-actualized life feels inconceivably different than the unconscious one. That inconceivability is what creates the problem. To put it in plain words: "You don't know what you 're missing"

Seems that you need a big change, either in your life or your mentality. You just don't enjoy your life man. Have it cross your mind that the existential crisis stuff are just an excuse?

I 'd like to share an incident that happened to me three years ago. It was a typical relaxed summer period and I was alone in a house by the sea for some days. One morning, the moment I opened my eyes I felt something I hadn't felt before. A strange warm sensation all around, not snugness but in a deeper sense, warmth in a core level. I didn't think anything of it, just laid there for a few minutes feeling and enjoying it. I got out of bed and went in the kitchen-living room space. I sat on the sofa looking around and everything looked so fresh like I was seeing it for the first time. At some point I got the feeling that a coffee would be a good idea so I got out of the house to go to the nearby cafeteria. The experience of walking outside was overwhelming in a good way. I felt like I was getting so much information from anything I was seeing. Everything looked beautiful. The trees, the buildings, I looked at it like they were a spectacle. Two people passed by and I was amazed from the sensation I got by seeing them. A warm sense of connection, a smile coming in my face. At that moment I thought "wait, all this is very strange. Beautiful, but strange. Something is happening here". And then, I thought of the answer. "Oh, I m not thinking!!!!" And bam...that was it. Instantly the dream ended. Thoughts started again, things got their usual feel, i was back to... normal At that time, I was already into self development material, had read about the concept of ego, enlightenment, how monkey chatter comes from the ego etc. , therefore I was able to realize what was happening, hence the "Oh, i am not thinking" realization.But I didn't have much of an experience so I could not exactly identify or name the whole thing, until two years after, I had an ego-death during a strong shroom trip and stayed in the exact same state for two hours. I got out of the house and everything looked amazing and new in the same way as that day. During the shroom trip I thought again "oh, yes, i m not thinking. My mind is blank", and yes it was. But that didn't end the experience. I sat down looking around watching my mind and not a single thought was coming. Complete emptiness. Another realization came when I read Eckhart Tolle's book "The power of now" where he describes his enlightement experience and quotes: "I opened my eyes. The first light of dawn was filtering through the curtains. That soft luminosity filtering through the curtains was love itself. " Yes! Yes! That was exactly what I felt that day. He continues: "I got up and walked around the room. I recognized the room, and yet I knew that I had never truly seen it before. Everything was fresh and pristine, as if it had just come into existence. I picked up things, a pencil, an empty bottle, marvelling at the beauty and aliveness of it all. That day I walked around the city in utter amazement at the miracle of life on earth, as if I had just been born into this world." Precisely!! It was exactly like that. All I can say is that Eckhart Tolle is veeeeery lucky. That experience was so amazing that would make anyone do their best to get back there again and if possible, to have it all the time. I had no psychedelics during that period, but I was consuming Gotu Kola 2x900mg every day and meditated for an hour daily to brain-hemisphere synchronization binaural beats. I meditated to the beats just before going to bed the previous night. Gotu Kola it is said to develop the crown chakra which is the energy center at the top of the head and to balance the right and left hemispheres of the brain. I ve read that chronic meditation alters brain chemistry balancing the brain hemispheres. Maybe brain hemisphere balance that has to do with ego and enlightenment. I don't know... My questions are: Did I woke up enlightened? Is this what enlightened people feel 24/7 ? @Leo Gura Was that what you felt when you uploaded the enlightenment live video? Why did it happen? Why did it last for about 20 minutes and then ended contrary to Eckhart Tolle's permanent change ? Why did it ended the moment I thought "Oh I am not thinking", but the same thought didn't cease it during the shroom trip? Did the gotu kola and binaural beats cause it? What do you think?

No not at all. I wish!! The effect lasted for about 20 minutes. Nowadays I have my ordinary monkey chatter mind.

I see. Thank you Not everybody is ready for a spontaneous awakening though. In this case, the guy couldn't bear the change.

OK, i understand your non-dual perspective, but what would we call a monkey-chatter-free mind? What would happen if one stayed long enough in that state? Zen masters reply to "what is enlightenment? ", "When I am hungry, i eat. When I am sleepy I sleep". It's a similar state.

I don't know if fluoride calcifies the pineal gland, but I 've heard shamans in ceremonies say that Rapé (the snuff) decalcifies it. So, decalcifies it from what? Are there other ways that it gets calcified?

As I conceptually get it, yes, but not as you. There won't be any "I" there, thinking about it. I mean the current "I" i.e. the current "You". After death, SQAAD will cease to exist so you won't be somewhere as SQADD thinking "Oh, so this is what death is like", having also SQAAD's identity and memories. Maybe it will be something like a breakthrough on 5-MeO-DMT were you feel like floating (being) into an infinite void experiencing everything timelessly . Who knows.... At the moment I ve had only one breakthrough experience on Bufo Alvarius, saw the white light, got thrown in the vast nothingness etc. (similar as many people describe in trips or after life experiences), and I was thinking that if let's say I become very old lying in my death bed seeing my end coming, i would think "heh...let's see if it will be like that bufo alvarius trip". But as I said above, 'I' won't be there to experience it anyway. Or will I... ?

You went for blood tests because of a symptom? When was the last time you had a blood test before the retreat?

You need to cross a river. The mean is the raft. Once you get across the river, there is no point in carrying the raft along with you.

The location is given some days before the retreat. Never heard of Pancho. About the Palchukan brothers, I met them in Madrid 3 1/2 years ago but I think they are not cooperating with Inner Mastery anymore. They are having retreats around Europe this summer though. In general there many retreats done in Europe. So, you are visiting only Portugal in september ?

Which you haven't experienced yet, right?

I ve done two retreats in Madrid and one in Italy. In Madrid the premises are pretty good, you get your own bed in 4-6 person rooms, good meals, they even have a pool. There is a separate space for the ceremonies that is clean, has good mattresses and generally a very good vibe. There is music played during the ceremonies and the sound quality is very good. In Italy the vibe is different and I didn't really like it. The ceremonies are held in the main hall but when I was there me and most of the people didn't have a process for two days in a row. The group therapy sessions and integration are pretty powerful and unique. You won't find it anywhere else. I 've seen people being transformed during them. About the guy who runs the organization, he was mainly absent but I met him once. Yes he has a strange vibe, couldn't say i liked him, but i didn't care. He had nothing to do with the retreat and the other guys were very ok. Some of the retreats are done by real shamans from south America, you could ask about that and choose the ones with shamans, that's what I did. Overall the experience was good in Madrid and somehow negative in Italy. I wouldn't recommend against it, especially for the great group therapy sessions. Finally, for European ceremony prices I would say that they are somewhat expensive. P.S. Find a ceremony conducted by the Palchukan brothers. Thank me eternally ;-)

No. The ayahuasca trips continue to be typical ayahuasca trips, with each one having its unique characteristics of course. With Bufo Alvarius I had my first ego-death, but my first ayahuasca ego-death came after many sessions, so I don't consider it as an after-effect of Bufo Alvarius. I 've read stories about people who had their trips changed or intensified after 5-MeO-DMT but that was not my case.

In my experiecne, 5-MeO-DMT in the form of Bufo Alvarius did not have an impact on my later trips with ayahuasca and shrooms. Bufo alvarius for me was like a psychedelic nuclear bomb compared to ayahuasca. I don't see how ayahuasca could give that kind of experience.

Check how he handles it when you imply that he hasn't understand something or he is not developed enough.

What is the highest dose of shrooms you 've tried?

You see one or two persons there? If you had a discussion with them, you would discuss with one or two persons? Needs more than a second to answer "two" ?

Obviously? Having no experience of them and you think you know? Your current narrative seems judgmental and ego driven. "I know better than those people". I smell a trap there... Contemplate on what your ego is afraid of losing. ------------------------- Tip: Have Ayahuasca a few times and let's talk.

A riddle that can be answered in one second doesn't serve its purpose

Probably not, but you can escape Plato's cave. When your eyes open, life will be a new experience.