from chaos into self

Thanks for the share

I found this very profound. Meditation is not what you do, meditation is what you are. just wanted to share that in case it helps someone else out too

I think she has things worth teaching so it’s worth it to give her a listen no teacher is perfect

In most of the stages there is defensiveness that views wisdoms from other stages to be bogus.

What can you expect of an evil raccoon

All I know is she made a post with lots to say and everyone responded with criticisms that had nothing to do with the op.

I think being vulnerable is kind of an expected thing when opening up to others. You shouldn't run away from it, but instead see it as bonding. Opening up trauma wounds can be challenging, but you might want to spend time alone looking into your past and trying to heal, trying to accept what happened and accept yourself. Edit: it's always good to talk to a therapist. I opened up to one myself, only talked about it once then dealt with my trauma memories on my own mostly.

How does neurosis tie back into the ego? How are they linked, how does ego cause neurosis?

Thanks @Osaid

look there is merit to differentiating thoughts from awareness and self from noself, but they are one and the same nonetheless. to be aware of something is to hold it in your thoughts. thoughts can be subtle like that. awareness alone is still thought. it is healthier thought but it is still holding thoughts. contemplation. and you may have experienced ego death, but your self still remains. it is there even if you don't claim it. and anyway, noself is nothing but one way of having self. your body is self. your possessions are self. your likes and dislikes are self. before enlightenment, chop wood carry water. after enlightenment, chop wood carry water. this is still true of thoughts and self. they don't go away just because you've enlightened. It's just different. if you want truer noself, become aware of nothing. yet even then, self remains.

@Prevailer I like what you said about the gap between thoughts. But I don't get why people in nonduality say that you are not your thoughts... I get it as a perspective to distance onself from self criticism and see the consistency of self-acceptance. But your thoughts are as you as your body and your car and possessions are... perhaps they are an expression and in that sense "not you" but nonetheless you are your thoughts and your feelings. Everything about you composes who you are. . . But I seem to have different perspective on metaphysics than most people here it's interesting!

Like I'm watching Leo's video on perception and it's not making sense. If there is no internal world, it is all external, and there is no bubble, it is all one big sponge, I am all of everything..... what do I do with this me stuff that remains? This body and these thoughts and this concious experience.... it doesn't go away just because I cease to believe in it. When ego dies there still remains an individual living a life with certain consious expereinces and not all of everything. I cannot suddenly become all of everything and leave this "body mind" thing. I'm limited and that won't go away until I literally die, and who knows what happens to that "soul" so if I'm nonduality itself, what happens to this me-ness? What am I supposed to do with it? It needs to eat and sleep and exercise and etc. I can't just stop being that - it hast to keep going - if it is an illusion what of it?

Thanks for the insight

That seems wrong. Leo has talked of ego-death as awakening.... to awaken leaves memory of what was before. I can and do understand the concepts. The thing is that what Leo is saying does not answer the conundrum that when you awaken you remain the same. Before enlightenment, chop wood carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood carry water. This will hold true for all what is "me" - I don't magically become the bubble that is Leo because I'm enlightened. I may be the universe, yet still there remains a segregation of my consious experience from the rest of the universe. If throwing that away would be the answer, then killing myself would achieve it much faster. There's something that I'm missing, which is, if the universe is all one, a field of infinite consiousness, then why do I remain me? It's a strange question to ask because if the universe is all one then it is also all of the dual existences too. To say the universe is nondual is a bit of a paradox. In the video about perception, leo is working towards the realization that there is no perception, only existence, and perception is illusory. False. But if that is so, and I leave perception to find experience itself, how does that change and affect my experiences being seperate from the entire infinite universe? it just seems pointless to me. I guess I'm more moved by practical teachings then by the more spiritual stuff.

I'm out of the loop, what's in mean, and is there something I can read or watch to better understand it?

So im mostly orange with some yellow. Guess i need to become more green and bridge that graph. i dont feel like i can handle the intellectuality that these stages call for. But i gotta try

Thanks

It sounds like you're pressuring yourself to follow the path others lay out. I think you should take a break from self actualization, but I recommend not writing it out as bad for you. I think you just need to find something that does meaningfully work for you, In my opinion self actualization is nothing different from personal development work. Maybe it can be this or that, but at the end of the day it's about growth and maturation, about spiritual health and etc. and I'm sure you'll see that happen in your life in some way. Focus on ways you grow that you enjoy, you know? Don't give up on the cause just because the means aren't working. Idk hope my thoughts are helpful

I'm a little scared personally. I am struggling with my mental health and normally I see two people a week but they're cancelling for the next two weeks or so, so I'll see no one. Maybe I'll read and post on this site, maybe watch youtube. Idk

You sure have a lot to say, but I don't know if anyone will want to read it all. One who cannot summarize in a few sentences is usually a difficult read to follow. It could benefit you to try to calm down, simplify, to see things more literally rather than chasing after a grand narrative. Narratives tend to be false.

I have had so much advice given to me on how to deal with emotional problems, but I still struggle with them. mindfulness and meditation only work for so far, then I'm back in the pits. I've learned CBT and DBT and WRAP but they seem immaterial and like a waste of time. I just don't see joy in life, don't feel like I have purpose, as in any purpose I see seems pointless and futile. I don't want this life that I have - and then even deeper, I don't want to be alive in this era. It feels like the end of the world is approaching. What is even the point of trying to take care of myself? I'm just looking for some advice. What has helped you to have "even this must pass" and wade through the darkness into a better life?

I'm thinking that if I exist without awareness, I am dissociated from my surroundings and myself. So I practice awareness to find grounding and be my authentic self. But I notice, when I am aware of one thing, I lose focus on another thing. The act of focusing my attention sacrifices general awareness, and the act of opening up my attention loses that focus I was just practicing. And then deeper, was I not better my authentic self with no awareness whatsoever? To seek awareness at all removes the mind from the body and dissociates from instinct. It seems to me that awareness will always come with dissociation, much like they say measurement biases the experiment in physics. What do you think?

@Robert Leavitt thanks for the reply

do you honestly believe that you'll never suffer?

I feel like I'm supposed to have figured this out already. Can I have some advice on finding purpose in my life?