kingroboto

I have been making a lot of progress in my mindfulness study, and once I accepted the idea that external things can't fulfill me my desire for relationship diminished massively, because I have other things in life that I'm pursuing first. I understand that I am kinda useless as I am right now, and I need to work on myself to be able to facilitate the kind of relationship I want in life. Like today I mustered up the courage to talk to this really cute girl and it was actually going really well until my mind just blanked out (i think it was going so well that it actually freaked me out a little) and things got awkward. in the end I got nothing out of that exchange but I wasn't overly upset or critical of myself. Before I would've been replaying and analyzing that moment endlessly while cursing my stupid brain for failing me yet again. I did have those thoughts but this time they passed by without much friction. The difference was that instead of being in a frame of scarcity I adopted this frame of abundance, that these kinds of chance encounters will happen over and over again in my life time (as it has in the past) and I will just be more and more put together and capable each time. Before I would be dreaming up some fantasy in my head of this perfect love that could have been that did not get realized, then drive myself into depression thinking that it will never happen again. I think back and it's amazing how unconscious I was about these kinds of things. Now I can appreciate these sort of encounters even if they don't go well because they are still teaching me things to prepare me for future encounters. Not only that but being thankful for this 'dream' reality to materialize this attractive girl at this particular location for me to run into in that short window I was out of my apartment. I've also been doing the PMO challenge (I like it better than calling it NOFAP) it's been going really well and oddly enough I feel much more self sufficient and secure despite not getting any sex or getting off for weeks. It is true that I am much more willing to engage socially as well thanks to doing this which creates that positive feedback loop (more social engagement- more positive interaction-more self respect-more secure and self sufficient - better engagement because you are less needy) stay strong out there guys

@Gabriel Antonio I wouldn't even know where to find these 'easy' girls you speak of. I do use tinder as sort of backup source of meeting new people to test my social skills with. I also started going to life drawing classes because I'm an artist and that's where I am naturally comfortable and there are tons of natural ways to start conversations there.

yea I guess the title is a bit misleading. I am still pursuing relationships obviously but with this knowledge in the back of my head that I haven't done the necessary leg work to make myself competent as a man and as a provider because that's the dynamic in a relationship that I seek. So I'm not actively avoiding finding a relationship but I'm not broken up about things if I make mistakes because I'm still in the learning and growth stage. Currently I'm focused on my career and making myself more self sufficient financially so I see these random encounters as chance to work on my skill to communicate and also get more comfortable getting into emotionally risky situations. also I'm not advising people to do anything. I'm just detailing my experiences here of what seems to be helpful for me, so that hopefully some people find it useful for their development. (and receive some guidance if my thinking is totally out of whack. )

At what point should i let go of my ego and admit that as an Asian immigrant in the west, I am fighting an uphill battle? Or do I stay because that is the difficult thing to Do? What im talking about is that despite 20 yrs of living out here (currently toronto Canada) i have no affinity towards the culture here, it's people, the values they hold, etc etc. I'm working on my self and being more open to people in general but then why am I forcing myself to adopt to an environment when i am not tied down here in any way? Am I staying because I'm trying to prove something? Or am I wanting to leave because the grass always seems greener on the other side and I cant get over my low consciousness bias? I want to stress this is not a race thing Just cultural. Also writing helps me to think so apologies for the rant

Is there more that one aspect of ego? The ego that I've come to understand is the tantrum throwing child that wants all the impulsive pleasures, seek emotional triggers, and having a very narrow field of view. In fact that is how I visualize it in my head to help me separate myself from the ego. It's like we are a dysfunctional siblings stuck inside the same head and there's not enough room up here.

just had a thought. Wouldn't it make the world a whole lot better? We know prisons aren't going anywhere anytime soon

there's growing awareness to focus on rehabilitation within prison systems based purely on watching hours of prison documentaries

I understand all that at a logical level but when I'm in a social situation my nervous brain just takes over and I can't think those logical thoughts to calm myself down.

So I got into weed pretty late in life (30) it was pretty life changing for me when i got properly stoned for the first time because i realized that everything that i had been perceiving as 'real' is merely at the whim of bunch of chemicals in my brain, therefore they are not real or at best unreliable. At first I thought I had found this wonder drug that made me more in tune with nature, improved my productivity, made me more creative, make even the mundane work interesting, cure my social anxiety and depression, and even improve my performance in bed. Reflecting a year later, I think what actually happened is that the novelty factor of being in an altered state and doing something 'illegal' made life sort of interesting again which knocked me out of my depression which then made me more productive and improve my work while also giving me confidence to express myself more freely to others. The issue was that i attributed all the positive changes in my life to the weed itself, then kept using more and more to the point where i would reach for the vape as soon as I wake up then pretty much go at it all day right up to bedtime. I've cut down on my usage to just once in the evening which wasn't too hard but I feel like I'm still not ready to cut out weed completely out of my life, simply because I feel like I don't have anything else to replace it with to fill the hole. Does anyone else have a similar experience with this substance? Would like to read about it

Yes Yes, all criticisms are tenable, etc. Aren't you guys just letting "reality" suck you back in? It's like you are all so absorbed in the language and concepts of it all. You sound like a bunch of robots

Lol... ok sir, go start your personal development empire.

Yup we're all trapped in here ?

Wow, just had a profound experience with weed today. I intentionally held out as long as I could before smoking again, despite the anxiety and depression reaching a boiling point. Finally when I felt that it was pointless to resist, I went for my vaporizer stick and just let it loose. The shift in my mood was so swift, the way it unfolded before me allowed me to reconnect me with the spirit world. The path opened up in front of me and I received many new insights to solve my problems. What this experience has taught me is that for optimal integration with the plant Matrix, one must exercise moderation when consuming the plant. My error was that I was over-indulging myself by not allowing myself to feel the pain and suffering of life. The information is given to you through the contrast of the Mind. There is no contrast if you are high all the time. I guess the plant and I will have to be allies for a bit longer until my life situation gets better. Yes I wrote this while super high. I'll probably read this back later and think what the f*** was I thinking.

I've always been envious of guys who can strike up a conversation with anyone and they seem genuinely interested in what they have to say. What I've come to realize is that I'm too focused on myself and always worrying about what im going to say while ignoring half of what the other person is saying, or always try to make it about me. Eventhough I'm aware of this fact it's really difficult to correct this habit. One trait that i observed from these guys who have good social skills that I lacked is that they are willing to engage with anybody, not just the pretty girls or those who have 'status. I saw in myself that I didn't have any motivation to talk to those who I deemed 'average' or just kind of plain. This goes back to the self serving nature I was in where my inner voice was telling me 'this person has nothing I want, so Im only going to put 50% effort in engaging with this person' or just don't bother at all. So with that in mind, what frame of mind should i be channeling within myself to make a meaningful connection with anyone I come across and have conversations flow naturally?

@Emerald Not sure I buy into that completely. Obviously you have your own distortions just like OP does. I'd argue there's just as much pressure for guys to achieve success before the scary 30 because culturally it has become some kind of a universal milestone where you're suppose to move mountains and have your whole life set by that point or else you are deemed a failure. Once I got past the point I got over it, but it's funny looking at 27-29 yr olds dreading about hitting 30

please share with us your secrets. Where do I go to hunt for these elusive hot cougars?

jokes aside let's be real 90% of men age into disgusting slobs so take comfort in that me personally one of my fantasy is to have a sexual relation with a hot cougar, in a sort of student / teacher kind of way.... maybe i should join a yoga gym

exactly, this is the way the universe is. It's brutally fair in a very unfair way. Believe me I sympathize with you women who are close to hitting your wall without a husband because you bought into the strong independent career woman meme. I'd be lying if I said I don't take a little bit of pleasure from this fact just because I've been ignored by the female population most of my life, but what can I do I still have a little bit of resentment left in me i guess.

lol it's just humor ladies, with some does of truth in it. Don't get all triggered now

your dad is a very wise man

I get it man, I've been where you were. You whine here because you want your view to be validated so you don't have to put any effort, don't take any risks, and just wallow in your misery with other 80% losers, because that's still more comfortable than trying something new. I'm turning 33 soon, you have 4 yr head start. The way I look at it is you have the rest of your life to improve yourself. (or don't, because none of this really matters at the end) imagine yourself achieving everything you wanted at age 30 - what the fuck will you do for the other 60 yrs? "men age like wine, women age like bread" - Patrice O'neal (rip)

My question to you OP is why are you so firm in your belief that you belong in the 'average' 80% group? How old are you? Why have you given up already? I too used to believe that my lot in life belongs with the average joes but nowadays I have fun seeing incremental improvement in myself through hard work. This particular video helped me a lot in re framing my negative outlook on life

could you give example of these 'ideology' and 'world views' ? What oppressed groups are you talking about? Have you even sat down to watch one of his lectures?

I don't get Leo's hostility towards Jordan Peterson. His core message for young men is to stop whining, get off their fucking ass and become a proper man. I know that the left paint him as this evil alt-right figure head but I believe his message is very compatible with what Leo's preaching on his channel.

waiting for my order of magic truffles in the mail.....