Javfly33

The future doesn't exist. Only the eternal NOW

Bro, I'm so happy for you. I also have had a couple of intense connection to the source in low doses like that of psychs. The most important thing is intention, how purified you are to receive the love of the source... Having a meditation practice definitely helps, don't stop doing it! And By the way, feel it now, because you are IT! You deserve this stillness all the time! Start recognizing yourself

Waking up to your true nature Is literally as waking up from the dream (of life) I'm speechless. Body trembling in some moments, not of fear but just of pure energy and clarity that breaks me (in a good way) apart. I still believe I'm a separate self. But this phrase don't even make sense because I totally accept the ego. There is I Am here which is deconstructing the dream but I am negotiating with it. It can't be. It's impossible. What I called reality was just a dream? How could it be so good? How could it be that I'm actually FREE. My true nature IS FREEDOM HAHAHA. I wasn't anything that I feared! There wasn't anything to be afraid ! Ever ! There's really no much fear or attachment to lose this "clarity" or to lose this realization of "Truth", because I don't think I have a saying in this. Respect truth. Respect I Amness because it has shown me a beautiful light. It has lighten me to me not been anybody and to not fear anything more of this dream! Everything is new, and at the same time I know tomorrow I'll wake up and go to work. Well at least I hope to, I don't think this will get more intense thought, I'm slowly regaining back my beliefs, there's No rush and I feel this is too intense by this moment so I'll relax and be whatever will be. But at the same time total awe by been blessed by the Truth. ☮️ Peace and thanks everyone who has guided me in my posts/questions. I wish I could hug you thank you personally each one of you that has given me advice, understanding, and love.

@Serotoninluv You damn right . Although don´t thank me, thank Life who was the one who realized itself, I had little to do with it... You are as responsible as I was for this Hehehe, my imagination is truly amazing

@Nahm Hahaha you´re so right. It´s just that it´s kind of difficult to start abandoning try to undertand life with the mind, from the subjetive-always confusing perspective, and start allowing life to understand itself..., I´ve been all my life repressing feeling The perspective that does feel good is the perspective where I am always me.

Hi there, so, I took a recreational subtance with psychedelic properties about 2 hours ago, I wasn´t looking to have any kind of "spiritual" experience right now My psychedelic experience is very limited so when I do substances that has this kind of properties I am careful with the dose, the following caught me absolutely by surprise: So, the thing is, for some reason I stopped having thoughs at all, and next thing I know, I am perceiving a body breathing to save itself of non-existence. I literally had no fucking ground of reality to ground myself to. I started thinking about this Forum / Leo and I realized I couldn´t ground myself to it either. Just nothing made sense, total annihilation of any kind reality. Incredible fear and absolute terror of what was happening (literally each second was being "created" so I couldn´t ground myself in ANYTHING). Nothing nothing comparable to anything i´ve experienced in other spiritual practice (or sober insight). Not because this was "better", but because this was of a level of intensity that I didn´t know it was possible. Is this ego-death withouth the death? In some sense I´m still terrified that this is possible at the other hand I´m in awe in how this is possible. I mean, if i had let go could have been actually a blissful experience? I think if I had let go I could have learned something. In the present moment at the end of the peak "insanity", it looks like in the present moment there wasn´t that existencial fear and everything was Ok. It makes me think what I experienced is ego struggling. I am humble and I´m terrified but at the same time I don´t feel bad thought, I wouldn´t call it a "bad experience". Just the most intense moment of my life. Well, thanks for reading. I´m completely speechless right now . Also, I love you all

Woah you are amazing too I will continue to create less fear and more love of course

@purerogue But there it would be something there? Imagining not existing right now. Realize that for you to imagine not existing, you have to now be here. Try to imagine a place that is not here. Even if you think of a very apparent smart answer, the thinking will happen Here. The feeling will happen Here. Everything happens Here. Where other place it could happen? Where would you go rather than Here?

@Nahm I'll try this and let you know too. Here in my country is not nightime yet but I imagine today I will still have my darkness fear, independently of what I experienced last night. Just a weird question in form of intuition...so my fears are actually one of the reason that it's stopping me to be washed away with love and truth? It's the only thing that makes sense of why happened yesterday since I didn't took a high dose at all of the substance. Also, probably your universal consciousness probably have "transmitted" to mine during this last days that I have opened to you guys (well, this is just pure theorizing haha, but maybe ...)

Be prepared to be ashtonished by Awe. Be literally prepared to your sense of reality to totally fade away Try to imagine that it will not.be a metaphor, the lack of existing reality will be as real as how real feels now that physical reality (your parents, this forum, etc) exists .

@Galyna Interesting that you have that fear, I was going to contextualize but I didn't, but indeed before the experience I closed my eyes in total darkness and put on some music in total darkness. Very fast the music with the darkness and my physical sensations merged into a very mild hallucination that somebody was struggling me (in fact I knew the the "struggling"it was just the sensation cable of the headsets around my neck, combined with the slight auditory effects of the music). Well what I want to say with that is that I also have that fear of darkness!! When I'm in my room sometimes I put on the lights a certain way to feel more "safe" and when j go to sleep sometimes I like you. Well in this moment yesterday I absolutely had to let go (accept being strangled by an entity in my room) (again, it was a mild hallucination, not very intense, but still) so with that letting go of that sensation/hallucination it just keep going more more profound until I don't know what happened but I surrender myself to apparently the present moment and that started to "kill" my sense of identity? As I said it didn't kill me completely at all, I struggled to make sense what was happening but the thing before happening to me this experience it's that I thoufhy ego-death implied losing your sense of identity, but I didn't think that implied losing your sense of reality ALSO. This took me totally by surprised, that I was literally giving a meaning to my life, and that the reality was everything was being imagined each second by myself. The only thing that existence was existence but... without the meaning. Without ANY meaning.

Let me contextualize a little bit because if not it will be difficult that you understand me but if you understand me you probably think this is an interesting insight: The usual approach (fixing thoughts stories with more thoughts) One thing I picked up from a self-develpoment Youtube channel I saw recently is what I call "thought-techniques" for people who identify themselves as "socially anxious" The classic Psychology approach calls them "facts" because they are supposed to free you of any kind of social anxiety/similar neurosis once you recognize them. I still think they are just thoughts to make you feel good, that´s why I call them "thought-techniques". One of this techniques that is supposed to alliviate your "socially-anxious symptoms" when you fear, for example, how stupid you looked when you said this thing to that person a long time ago, it´s recognizing the following: Today, I saw a post I uploaded a long time ago to my social networks, who made me "cringe". Some "negative" thoughts and an emotion arised. However, after that, I used the "thought-technique" I described above, and almost instantly the emotional discomfort dissapeared! (I felt safe). I have to recognize I totally "catched" that thought. I totally chose to believe that "thought-technique" because it felt gooood. However, in a sense, I feel that using/attaching/believing that thought it wasn´t such a wise action as it seems. By having that "anchor", I don´t actually surrendered to the fear of appearing cringe to other people. Some intuition tells me that I have to use more of an inclusive approach instead of this "thought-aids". Now I explain it below: A different approach (Letting go of try to fix thoughs): Again, a little more of context to explain correctly: I want to start to socializing with more people that my few friends and family, also, to pick-up girls. I just came back from the city centre/pubs, I ran into a couple of acquaintances but I didn´t talked much to them, we said goodbye, and afterwards I stayed there, in a busy street seeing how I felt, I was a little burn out today to actually try to start approach anyone or do anything social in that moment, I just wanted to finish breathing a little more of social stimulation before going back home, when suddenly recognized very clear a thought that was there (and was the reason I was feeling a sort of discomfort of anxiety in my body). The thought was the following: Now, I could use a lot of rationalizations and thought-techniques to try to prove the above thought as "false", however, I choose not to. Not because I think it accurately represents reality, but because the thought I´m going to use to make me feel better or prove the above one wrong, I have the intuition it doesn´t actually represents reality neither. What I think is a better approach is to actually not try to "fix" that above thought. Not try to prove it "false". Not try to run away from it. This intuition tells me this fear of appearing cringe/weirdo/inferior I´ll end up having to surrender it. Not try to run away from it. Now, how do it? I´m going to slowly start recognize these kind of fear thoughts and don´t give them the "thought-technique" so usually. I´m going to observe them and not jump to the conclusion that they are bad and instantly try to fix them or prove them false. Before doing that I´ll recognize them, and I´ll realize it´s all happening under the same...even if I´m the weirdest human in the planet, this weirdest/cringest creature it is been produced by and within the Light. The Light, presence, isness, actually loves the cringiest act as much as the most "cool" act. Is not only that it loves it. It IS IT. From that point, is just surrendering. Surrendering to the fear of being "x" and actually recognize that been whatever one is, is totally OK. Not conceptually OK, metaphysically, acceptance, light, loveness OK. @Nahm A big hug because you are been such inspiring in this journey @Serotoninluv You too, your insights sometimes motivates to consider there is really a different form of looking.

I was with the lights switch off, so I didn't see too much. Reality perception was the same, there wasn't any visual distortions or anything similar like that . I just find myself in a reality where all beliefs and ideas of the reality were destroyed, so I just find myself with a pure canvas of reality. Each second, an imagination of consciousness, that imagination creates the "reality". Compare that to the model we all have of reality of something "grounded". Ashtonising annihilation, an annihilation that I couldnt think it was possible. I'm still surprised my brain actually was able to grasp it without imploding in itself of the intensity and radicalness of this realization, but it helped to not lose my shit too much just focusing on the breathing and "forcing myself" to let go (even if it's a contradiction lol).

@Leo Gura Yes, only at the end of the experience I started to consider if "those guys" (referring myself to you guys the Forum) were actually not bullshitting and this "stuff" might be more real than I thought it was. Or course, during the experience I remember during the panic attack having thoughts of go into the forum and actually asking about what was happening to me because I was so scared, but at the same time I couldn't because I would instantly realize that it would be nonsense because I was creating that idea (the idea of the forum Actualized.org actually existing) in that very second! I can't believe each crazy thing you said in your blog videos post-awakenings insights you were actually been LITERAL and not using metaphors.

@Serotoninluv Yes, very wise. Of course I'm not going to jump to conclusions. I just asked because still at the point of writing this post I was still not grounded / integrating . Now I'm better and I was just reading on YouTube a girl talking about what is ego-death and she says: (I'm paraphrasing) "ego death is for example you don't know what your parents are". This makes sense to me in what I experienced it makes me feel more grounded now, because when it happened I was thinking about stuff of my life and I was being totally unable to "ground" myself in any way to what I think my life was or I Knew about it . But yeah, you are very right that trying to contextualize would be a mistake. I think that the "trying to explain/think" that I was doing during the experience was actually what caused such suffering because I couldn't explain reality in that moment and I should have "stop contextualizing" and just be However It was too radical to me that brutal shift and I couldn't handle ,next time I'll be a little more prepared I guess.

@Raptorsin7 It doesn't seem enlightenment is a feeling or experience or that is founded in the mind. It seems that 'God' is not attached to any kind of form. That's why trying to reach a constant state of realization that will necessary depend on something that has opposite (having an experience/not having experience, realizing God/not realizing god) could never work, because God doesn't need to depend on a 'state'.

When I realize myself, the one who is here, there is still a separation going on! 1. First I Am appears, here I am. Then There (or isness as you guys call it) appears. This There can a be a colour or shape, you could call it a "rock" if you want to attibute thoughts to a part of Isness. But how much I deconstruct it, I can't grasp why it said to truth to be "just one". There is just I Am and there Isness. It still seems to be a duality.

@Serotoninluv Are you trying to say to me between the lines that Oneness and Twoness are the same and I haven´t seen things as clear as I think yet?

There is just Isess? I'm Isness? If that's it, I grasp it some minutes ago, but I lost it. Again to dreamland I go, but whoa, there is this intelligence that we call being and it is totally Ok wherever I go...even if I keep go dreaming this world, there is the One slowly being here, awakening in the only place it can✌️???

@name Ok I respect your opinions/discoveries , if you don´t want to listen to even a 5% of what I am trying to share with you why do you open a thread that says "How to really get rid of an addiction"? Not replying to you in a bad way, btw. Just to give you an insight. It´s kinda funny if you got already the answers why do you ask for advice. Trust me that detox sometimes it´s neccesary. As you said you can you can have a beautifull wife,perfect kids,a perfect life and still be addicted to it, because brain pathways are very very intense if you are constantly using some drugs. I don´t know man, do what you think you have to do. I´m just saying it wouldn´t be hurt you take some of my advice. Maybe 5%?

It's important to this inquiry in the present moment. In moments of suffering: You can realize that there are thoughts that say 'I suffer'. But don't go so fast... You can realize that there are body sensations been felt. But don't go so fast... You still havent find the sufferer. You know THERE IS suffering, but what does it mean to something BE, if there's nobody there to receive IT? Hmmm... Isn't it mysterious? You are finding all kind of evidence that there is suffering, but you are still lacking the most fundamental evidence... the receiver of that suffering. Maybe allow that possibility? The possibility that there is no receiver... Then you can go look elsewhere for Truth. But not in the mind. Maybe the mind is good as it is right now, maybe, just maybe, you can let the mind rest and allow her to be as it is. IT is Ok.

Maybe I think the misunderstanding is the idea you have of pick up. There's pick up that it's more focused on skills and technique and other kind of pick up that is more just about social skills. You shouldn't generalize. We agree then, although I gotta say I wouldn't call being genuine as a sinonym of masculine. I definitely think there goes more stuff into the masculine "energy" as it goes in the feminine. Although I will agree that is the most effortless way to live.

@Keyhole Why people go to therapists then? People can't change then? I feel you are projecting your idea of masculinity as a genetic fixed trail. I'm pretty sure if I tell you that I had a depressive personality all my life and I started using 'external sources' to fix that and become a happy person , you wouldn't call that fake and try to call out the 'underneath' depressive 'real me'.

I´ve spent much of my life not loving myself and feeling inferior. Obviously when I managed to be with girls it was a disaster because deep down I wasn´t confident in myself. I recently began working on myself and loving myself. Now with girls I might be less fearful and might say some jokes here and there or be more confident. Maybe if a girl of the past sees me now he might consider if i´m being "fake". "LOok, there´s @Javfly33 . He´s being reading pick up books and he´s being fake!" You mean to tell me that, underneath my true self is self-denial? self-hate? Shame? Inferiority is my true self? How exactly you determine what is the true self of a guy, really? A book helped me in all of this process too, that was an external source so...I guess all of the discovery of loving myself and therefore inevocally starting to be more authentic and maybe being less "good guy" (which is just "afraid guy", this is not just with girls, this is happening with my family relationships too) I just should go back ? Dont´t make much sense to me...

@Leo Gura I´ve always have the sense that pickup teaches you to do things that attractive men do, but not exactly to become an attractive men. There are of course stuff like Models by Mark Manson that literally don´t give a single technical skill and just tell you to actually change your personality and from that point be effortless authentic, but I haven´t found is a popular approach in pick up. I started just doing absolutely fake pick up and I understand now why I end up quitting it. "Fake it till you make it" works to a certain point but I gotta say I didn´t found that to be true in pick up. It depends of course how deep you´ve been denying your authentic self and self-acceptance. For some people maybe it will just be a game of numbers and they will gain the neccesary more confidence to go from not getting laid to getting laid. In that sense I, I´ve heard you talk about socializing like a mechanical skill as "just socialize more and be talking to people all the time" but in my experience I spend much of my teenage years socializing and I end up "quitting". I was way too fucked up to solve my shit by a game of numbers, by just "hang out with more people". The same I felt about pick up. Then one day I truly began working on myself and suddenly socializing is effortless and even enjoyable. Again, the same is happening in pick up. I just started doing it again, and it´s like the difficulty level drop by x10.