Javfly33

@Nahm No worry to be honest. I'm just really impatient for the "unfolding". I wonder what it's left to be seen through since everything seems pretty clear right now:I I (as Javfly33) do not exist. Only existence exists. I guess it's a matter of acceptance and it takes time

There's no @billiesimon really. Don't worry you are not being "watched" because you are not separate from the one who is watching. The watcher and the watching are not something different, or separate. There is just Awareness, I know "it feels" there is a distance between Awareness (what you call the observer) and "you" but there isnt!

@Rilles You literally can be who the fuck you want ("have a flow conversation") with anyone. You just haven't realized actually WHY you can't. What are you trying to protect when you are having those conversations when you get tongue tied? Yourself? Yeah, that's going to have to die. That will have to die so "you" is not anymore the "social anxiety you". Don't worry thought, in the process of dying all that makes "you" the social anxious person, you'll realize nobody of "that" was you. Because you would be the same as you are now (complete already). So don't worry! Start the "dying" process of that thing you keep yourself identified with. Die 1% at a time. Trying to get very very close to what is your protecting or defending , then, go 180° into what the mind wants to do and actually surrender/die to the fear. I know you probably have suffered a lot because of this stuff but the last phrase of your post makes me suspect you haven't realized how serious this is. Again, I'm not trying to sound "dramatic", You will always be "You" but realize that a lot of your identity (if much of it is identified with social anxiety traits , judgements etc) will have to die/transform and for your ego this will means literal death (because your ego is an identity/idea/concept/set of beliefs, therefore changing it's beliefs or dissolving it, is literal death for it). Trust me, as fast you can let go of who you think you are, the fastest you will heal yourself. Again, no matter how much you let go/surrender, you will still be "You" ?? If not you'll just playing tricks on yourself. There's no real change is there's no true death and reborn within.

Wow I didn´t know this about Minecraft . I thought it was just a stupid game. That was a surprise, definetely you can never judge a book by its cover

I see psychedelics just a very heightened/certain state of conscioussness which can be tremendously useful sometimes, and other might be not be the best tool at all, just that. Is like you say "Well, I used this car which can go upto 200km/h. It was great but I got the message. Not going to use it again, back to using my car of just 50km/h always". When in fact you could just reserve the car when you have roads that you can go upto 200km/h and keep using your old car of 50km/h the 95% of occasions.

Interesting. I like your approach. I think you´re into something interesting. I don´t have the balls yet to do that. I still think that pain is bad.

@Endangered-EGO That's tricky. Wouldn't you say that for example going to a therapist is a distraction or "escape" from the pain and suffering? However it might just do the opposite. Discover some roads to actually face the pain/suffering and transcend it. Spirituality can be the same thing. For example you start doing meditation because you want to escape suffering, however in the process you discover that somedays meditating and stay mindful actually is being very real with life, not in an avoidance state. At the end there's never, ever, a escape from suffering or pain, I feel. Only ways to delay it.

Which is better? Let´s say doing 1 long retreat and a couple of psychdelic trips with strong spiritual set and setting each year Or ,, Not doing long retreats or psychedelics but let´s say doing 3 hours a day of meditation and yoga a day with no excuses. With the second you won´t get to the realms of the first one, you probably haven´t access full Truth as the first one, BUT also you are regularly each day being aligned with Truth (not believing the monkey mind, for example) maybe in a more effective/real way. Of course the best approach is doing both, but im asking because sometimes i find myself procrastinating the practice because I find myself thinking "well, whatever I do today is not going to get me to the level of consciouss of psychedelics or a retreat of several days, so I might as well do something productive and then I do some serious trip or retreat in the next x months". I feel I´m self-deluding myself with this approach in a very bad way.

What is "escaping reality" for you?

I know it's pretty common to feel "tired" after masturbating but in my case I not only experience an slight fatigue/relaxation but also a shortness of breath. Like I usually spend the next two hours trying to have "long breaths" because it feels like I'm lacking air in my chest. It's a very uncomfortable sensation and it's like after I masturbate I get a "block" doesn't let air getting inside my chest However I'm a pretty "healthy" guy, meaning that I have done all kind of sports and never experienced lack of breath or any problem with my chest/shortness of breath. I only experience this sensation with masturbation! Any ideas? I post it in this subforum in the sexuality one because I feel this has more to do with health than with sexuality

I can´t believe nobody has recommended yet Fasting 3-4 days + Pranayamas (breathing/meditation exercises of Yoga, particularly I find very powerful Kundalini Yoga) Strongest method I´ve tried after psychedelics.

Exactly, that´s why I always feel psychedelics are only special because they "force" the ego, no matter if there is fear. But in normal life, when you can always "recoil back", it´s quite difficult. For example this very morning I had a very intense meditation I was getting "somewhere" and suddenly my fucking ego started shouting and laughing and bum, I got out of the state.

What better works for me is a light diet. That way I can be more clear focused in the meditation. If I eat a lot then I can´t have the mind sharp and gets lazy.

I would say I´ve been able to slice it by half since the last -8 months. I think exposure and some other things can work well but honestly if you really really want to slice it to 0% you have to recognize you´ll need a massive work of self-question all of your beliefs and assumptions. Also, realize that a lot comes from the ego. This can make sometimes the change more difficult, because a lot of people have victim mindsets. For example I realized that my judgement towards other people have contributed a lot to feeling anxious around other people. However when I first discovered this, it wasn´t easy to actually let it go because I have built an entire world-view of people being a certain way (by me judging them), If I´d remove the judgements, then a lot of my assumptions, and self-protection mechanisms would fall away. I did it and now it´s getting better, but have in mind that even thought you want to stop having social anxiety, actually your ego doesn´t. There´s a lot of sneakery here.

But it´s quite "difficult" when a thought of fear arises actually to let it go...That for example I would consider it "courage".

Damn reading that post got me thinking. I don´t if it´s exactly harm anxiety but I feel I could ask what you think about this. Because Yesterday I went to the Therapist and she brought up my relationship with a person in the past, which made me remember (internally, I didn´t tell her about it) about something I did on the past. Well, more than "something I did", "something I carefully planned to do" but luckily I didn´t and now I´m way pass of it. Basically something related to the extremes of that harm anxiety you talk about about a mother wanting to kill her child. It´s been years and I had totally turn the page because I´m totally different person now but yesterday after coming home I had this insidious fear about what If I end up telling it to somebody to relieve myself or some shit and they will see me as a terrible bad person. I mean, I know I have 0 interest in telling anybody. It´s just that I have begun from yesterday to have this insiduous thoughts about "what If I end up telling it omg. Now I am going to have this insidious impulse of fear of telling it. Shit I might actually tell it to relieve the feeling". Something like what you say in here lol: Btw, Amazing journal bro, keep it going! Better than reading a book

@VeganAwake Do you have goals nowdays or you just enjoy yourself Being?

@Bill W Luckily I didn't tell her much about it. However I am lucky because she's into meditation/mindfulness stuff so even though she don't have a clue about how deep it goes at least we are a little bit "in-tune" in this sense

Today I did a very low dose of a psychedelic early in the morning (10am). I had Therapy in the evening (8PM) so I thought it could be helpful to allow me to be open minded + receptive by the time of the afterglow. What I didn't expect is that I would Awake to I AM (to THIS, my true nature) from about 13pm to ~7pm. It wasn't a total AWAKENING. There wasn't bliss or non-dual awareness but clear freedom of choice between identifying with the mind or staying in I AM/This/TheNow. Fears would arise but nobody would identify with them. Ha! TheNow don't depend on the mind. TheNow had a "fun time" actually seeing that "I" am a total fiction and each one of my problems are created by loop-thought stories which make sense who @Javfly33 is. Anyway, I just came back from therapy and had an interesting time. I learned stuff but overall the final sensation I have now is that absolutely don't know shit about the world. I feel that there's no ground whatsoever, because apart from the sensation that a glimpse of Awakening gives you, also not even my false self is grounded because now his beliefs are being questioned too. This work is brutal.i just want to advice, if you mix psychedelics with introspection/therapy work, the result can be very very strong. Is tearing me apart . Although I'm less scared now that I see that the one who says "it's scary where this is going bro " is JUST a mental internal chatter that is intended to construct a "ground" to reality. There's no ground, though. Just THIS This who says "it's tearing me apart" it's actually me listening to fear and believing it. It just another story of @Javfly33 THIS doesn't have fear. Fun day I guess!

At least 80% . Or that´s what ego says at least

@michaelwat Ey me too, buddy

I think that Leo has still a very niche audience, I don't know how much JRE audience would listen with open ears what Leo would say in the show.

Recently I´ve been obssesed about accepting myself + being authentic to actually feel powerful and withouth anxiety in any conversation. What I observed today about myself was scary. I went out shopping groceries on fridays night to the mall and i saw this friend that was just coming from there and he was going home and we talk a bit. Anyway, at one point in the conversation, we said ask ourselves something as "how it is going?" and I had this autentic thought that wanted to say : "Well, I just started going to therapy" But, no. Of course not I didn´t say it. I´m such a fucking devil lmao. Because again I was protecting my identity of being "cool" and scared of my own judgement about myself! (because really, nobody can actually judge you, only you can, you just project your own judgements onto other people). At the end of the conversation I even lied some more and I said "well, i gotta go, i have to meet somebody". Fuck´s sake´s i swear sometimes I don´t know what to do with my own bullshit. How to get out of this? This devilry? This neurotic ego-centric identity that just won´t fucking go away? I just started meditating again, doing 2 hours. Going to add Yoga too, just going to try to surrender all of my neuroticism and fears to see If the ego just surrender for one time and for all. Psychedelics used to go very very well for annihilating my own bullshit/egocentric neuroticism (in fact i got out of a big big obsessive behaviour some years ago thanks to them) but I am not able right now to do them properly. (I share flat + lack of money to do a retreat) I don´t know, I just see my only problem is myself and my self-centerness , but I can´t seem to get out of this "position". It feels like if i do I will "lose" myself. It feels that no matter what I do since I´m always such egocentric I never will surrender my bullshit. Except for practices that erase my ego, of course. But tradicional practices (meditation, etc) seems still not potent enough for my devilry. It only starts getting better when it passes a long time and lots of suffering after then the ego doesn´t have "Other choice" but slowly change/let go, but I would like to solve my bullshit before I am 80 years old, to be honest.

@Serotoninluv Yes. I feel now I'm going the "opposite extreme" and actually feeling like I have to share everything (coming from not sharing almost anything). However, I'd swear that, apart from what you said that I think you are very right, I basically not comfortable really with other people because I feel I need to "hide" something. @Nahm Thanks friend. Yes I'm confused. I know I am not all of this thoughts but somehow I feel the second-self has to go through healing. It just feels right, idk. For example today I got feelings of intense despair and the thoughts wouldn't stop, I wanted to "fix myself" however at the same time " I couldn't sort it out how" therefore I started just letting go of those thoughts which obviously felt terrible as you said and un-useful and I focused in the breathing for a long time. This is the way right? I think what I'm having a difficult time (but obviously they are great news, it's just shocking at first) is actually accepting that all of this is going to resolve without "effort" in a way. @remember I hope I'm scared of changes but anyway, the one who is scared is always the same. That which maintains and identity for then be revealed as non-existent.

@Beginner Mind OMG. Then go for it! I would do it if I were in your shoes.