Javfly33

@Raptorsin7 I just was THIS for some minutes again but I ended up stopping because nothing really "unfolds". I guess I have to keep being it until I get it . @Nahm I am practicing meditation lately quite intensely...however it is strange because I am concentrating like never before but the rest of the day I have extreme ego-backlash. So while I enjoy moments of very peaceful stillness the rest of the day there's again a lot of negative inertia around the body and mind. However at the same time a "space" it's arising slowly at the same exact time of this negative thoughts and self-referential prison exists. This is new. Until know I only knew about "silent mind" or "active mind". I can easily feel the space in silent mind like meditation or Yoga. But what about in active mind? Now there's moments of active mind, precisely "negative mind/tension" but at the same time the 'space' reveals something of another taste. That 'everything' maybe it's already fine. Even while 'negative mind' says the moment is not righteous to exist, the 'space' has righteousness for everyone LOL, including the negative mind. (I hope this make sense) The 'space' it's gaining more 'notoriety'. I like this. I have hope that a seed is been planted very deep. However as I say this, I could be deluded, nothing actually is changing in my attitude emotions or thoughts, the prison seems the same prison. I just hope I soon realize there's no prisioner so the "prison" can stop being a "prison".

How come metaphysical love exists across the universe as a constant? Is it because one trait of Awareness is love? How is it possible that is universal in each being? I just find it so mindfuck that actually the universe is not "neutral" but actually there is something there that actually is groundbreakingly love. I´ve been doing lots of self-inquiry and meditation this last days, and I just had a glimpse of something fucking weird while looking at the window. I was not thinking "this moment is love" but rather, a realization of something being "absolutely like this" was being revealed. It was scary lol. It was something like "omg, fuck me, this is actually real. There´s actually something Absolute" (meaning the "feeling" i was having of love). However who knows. I could be deluded. Leo said if you doubt it then it wasn´t the Absolute/Awakening. However what happend today it felt trascendental af.

What prevents me from realizing myself as a "constant"/absolute? I had a dream last night and in the dream I was watching a movie. But there wasn´t even a body in the dream. However the "I" was as strong as in "awake" life right now. This is really mindfucky lol I honestly don´t know "Where" I am. Maybe I should stop looking in a precise location? (for example I still have this kind of belief that I am behind my eyes,(even if I am awareness) I think belief/assumption is preventing myself from going further)

Very nice report, that's what I call an intense use of a psychedelic. By the way I am not sure if it's safe to mix SSRI with psychedelics like acid. Better do some research because I'm not sure

Omg Those are veeery good pointers, I'm going to try.

@Barna I struggle a lot with self inqury. Because if the question is not "Who I am?" Then any other questions will make my mind active and start giving intelectual answers. How can I ask "What is THIS"? And not look in the mind? After all a "what" is relative to an understanding. However when I ask "Who I am" it feels different because I connect with my true nature. That's the main thing I don't get about self inquiry. Any thing other than "Who I am" will get me lost in the mind

So I'm looking right Thanks hehe

@JonasVE12 Because you depend on a substance to be / feel good. Making sure you are in a positive/feel good state all the time with the effective help of drugs, it's not a recipe for a good life, trust me. The difference is that when you are sober and you don't feel as good as you are high, you actually are very motivated to start building a life and grow yourself to "something" that makes you be/feel in a similar way that when you are high. However if you just take drugs, you are not building or developing yourself really. I could do the same with Kratom, for example, I used to love how relaxed it made me feel, and particularly how it gives you a perfect numbing from your emotions. You are basically able to do about almost everything but you don't feel emotional distress. Who wants emotional distress or dealing with emotions anyway? By that narrative "it should be obvious" that I should keep getting high. However I am lucid enough to see that if I do that strategy, I won't move myself to build a life and grow myself to be who I want to be . It just seems you are asking almost why we shouldn't do drugs everybody. You know Heroin actually is not quite bad for your body as long as is not very contiminated. Why not do it anyway? You can actually have a normal life while in the inside feeling bliss. Well because then your sober life has 0 interest and the only thing that makes sense for your brain is getting high. Not trying to compare weed with Heroin because the latter will ruin your life very shortly while with weed you can even have a happy life. I'm just pointing out the mechanics of justifying "why not been high all the time" are basically the same . With weed you are just saying too "well I'm going to keep using weed because definitely life is much easier and enjoyable in it". No shit. You just described drugs. But the price you'll pay is that you won't work on your sober-state life, a price that in my opinion is too high to justify being high.

@TDW1995 Consciousness practices won't make your social anxiety disappear because of lack of identification with social survival but because of lack of identification with your ego/identity. It's very difficult that somebody will become so consciouss that he wont be concerned with social survival, because those are deeply rooted survival mechanisms. However the identity you identify yourself with ("I'm TDW1995 and I have social anxiety because bla bla bla") that's the thing you have to be "concerned about". And of course, as you have said, "address the issue at it's core". Psychedelics can help very good with this. Although of course, they are not for everybody and must be taken with proper caution and respect. I would advice you to take an holistic approach: Hear a psychologist, read books, try the "put your self out there"..etc and see if you can see a pattern so you can start investigating clearly what you are not seeing yet.

Thanks man, beautiful post and so insightful, you inspired me!

For anyone who wants to get their feet wet into Kundalini pranayama exercises but don´t know what to do since there´s so much information/sources out there, or maybe gets overwhelmed by the complexity of some exercises and ends not starting the practice, here´s an exercise that has gotten me so exceptional results even thought i haven´t practised much Pranayama yet and it´s very very simple: Sit in lotus position and do the following (at the end of each one of the hold up the air on your lungs for 10-60 seconds) : Breathe by right nostril 4min Breathe by left nostril 4min Inhale by right nostril and exhale by left nostril 4 min Exhale by right nostril and exhale by left nostril 4 min Breath of fire 7min Consciouss and observe your breathing 3-4min (imo whatever you need) Meditation 3-15min. I haven´t done it much but i can see this simple exercise it´s very powerful. Today by the time I finished the Breath of fire, the body started doing very strange and extreme shouting/voices and my back also started moving back and forth violently. This wasn´t all, afterwards I started speaking in strange tongues/language and it completely felt like i had no control whatsoever of what my mouth was saying and I was being "taken over" by a another being.

Yeah I think you might've a point. However today I also got quite "in the zone" just with first four breath by nostril exercises. Idk how but they are simple yet so effective. The Wim Hoff method also increase awareness?

Doesn´t give a kind of "vertigo" being consciouss of infinity? Living in conceptual time might be hell but, at least one has a feeling more ground and control over reality lol

I just woke up (from sleep lol...) and I was recalling what I dreamt. It was one of those dreams of "emotional rollercoaster". It got me thinking, it's obvious everything that I dreamt was me, so how the fuck could I deluded myself to think otherwise? How in the world I felt strong emotions inside a dream, caused by some persons that were made of pure dream material! It's fucked up! And yeah, I know why. It's because there's always an "I". However this doesn't provide me relief. It just leaves me more "frustrated". Why in the hell I can not be for example an object? Like the floor I am dreaming inside a dream. I mean its obvious.its made.from the same material everything ( a brain if you believe in that), so why can't? Why I couldnt be in the dream the monster I was Fighting? Why I couldn't be in the dream the girl with whom I was having an emotional.rollercoaster ? When "I" stops being "I" and becomes everything? I really I'm excited for the "reunion" part of this movie God damn it. Im starting to get really tired of the silly joke reality is playing on itself.

@Nahm No worry to be honest. I'm just really impatient for the "unfolding". I wonder what it's left to be seen through since everything seems pretty clear right now:I I (as Javfly33) do not exist. Only existence exists. I guess it's a matter of acceptance and it takes time

There's no @billiesimon really. Don't worry you are not being "watched" because you are not separate from the one who is watching. The watcher and the watching are not something different, or separate. There is just Awareness, I know "it feels" there is a distance between Awareness (what you call the observer) and "you" but there isnt!

@Rilles You literally can be who the fuck you want ("have a flow conversation") with anyone. You just haven't realized actually WHY you can't. What are you trying to protect when you are having those conversations when you get tongue tied? Yourself? Yeah, that's going to have to die. That will have to die so "you" is not anymore the "social anxiety you". Don't worry thought, in the process of dying all that makes "you" the social anxious person, you'll realize nobody of "that" was you. Because you would be the same as you are now (complete already). So don't worry! Start the "dying" process of that thing you keep yourself identified with. Die 1% at a time. Trying to get very very close to what is your protecting or defending , then, go 180° into what the mind wants to do and actually surrender/die to the fear. I know you probably have suffered a lot because of this stuff but the last phrase of your post makes me suspect you haven't realized how serious this is. Again, I'm not trying to sound "dramatic", You will always be "You" but realize that a lot of your identity (if much of it is identified with social anxiety traits , judgements etc) will have to die/transform and for your ego this will means literal death (because your ego is an identity/idea/concept/set of beliefs, therefore changing it's beliefs or dissolving it, is literal death for it). Trust me, as fast you can let go of who you think you are, the fastest you will heal yourself. Again, no matter how much you let go/surrender, you will still be "You" ?? If not you'll just playing tricks on yourself. There's no real change is there's no true death and reborn within.

Wow I didn´t know this about Minecraft . I thought it was just a stupid game. That was a surprise, definetely you can never judge a book by its cover

I see psychedelics just a very heightened/certain state of conscioussness which can be tremendously useful sometimes, and other might be not be the best tool at all, just that. Is like you say "Well, I used this car which can go upto 200km/h. It was great but I got the message. Not going to use it again, back to using my car of just 50km/h always". When in fact you could just reserve the car when you have roads that you can go upto 200km/h and keep using your old car of 50km/h the 95% of occasions.

Interesting. I like your approach. I think you´re into something interesting. I don´t have the balls yet to do that. I still think that pain is bad.

@Endangered-EGO That's tricky. Wouldn't you say that for example going to a therapist is a distraction or "escape" from the pain and suffering? However it might just do the opposite. Discover some roads to actually face the pain/suffering and transcend it. Spirituality can be the same thing. For example you start doing meditation because you want to escape suffering, however in the process you discover that somedays meditating and stay mindful actually is being very real with life, not in an avoidance state. At the end there's never, ever, a escape from suffering or pain, I feel. Only ways to delay it.

Which is better? Let´s say doing 1 long retreat and a couple of psychdelic trips with strong spiritual set and setting each year Or ,, Not doing long retreats or psychedelics but let´s say doing 3 hours a day of meditation and yoga a day with no excuses. With the second you won´t get to the realms of the first one, you probably haven´t access full Truth as the first one, BUT also you are regularly each day being aligned with Truth (not believing the monkey mind, for example) maybe in a more effective/real way. Of course the best approach is doing both, but im asking because sometimes i find myself procrastinating the practice because I find myself thinking "well, whatever I do today is not going to get me to the level of consciouss of psychedelics or a retreat of several days, so I might as well do something productive and then I do some serious trip or retreat in the next x months". I feel I´m self-deluding myself with this approach in a very bad way.

What is "escaping reality" for you?

I know it's pretty common to feel "tired" after masturbating but in my case I not only experience an slight fatigue/relaxation but also a shortness of breath. Like I usually spend the next two hours trying to have "long breaths" because it feels like I'm lacking air in my chest. It's a very uncomfortable sensation and it's like after I masturbate I get a "block" doesn't let air getting inside my chest However I'm a pretty "healthy" guy, meaning that I have done all kind of sports and never experienced lack of breath or any problem with my chest/shortness of breath. I only experience this sensation with masturbation! Any ideas? I post it in this subforum in the sexuality one because I feel this has more to do with health than with sexuality

I can´t believe nobody has recommended yet Fasting 3-4 days + Pranayamas (breathing/meditation exercises of Yoga, particularly I find very powerful Kundalini Yoga) Strongest method I´ve tried after psychedelics.