Javfly33

I had one very radical oneness experience which I haven't been able to replicate or experience with any other psychedelic or technique. Not even DMT or 5-meo-dmt has given me it. It was a experience of absolute nothingness, but such nothingness so intense that I destroyed the belief in such a thing of a linear material reality. In other psychedelics, there is always still an "insight* or an "understanding* of the experience. But what made this one special is that the experience was so brutal that I couldn't have no words . Because it was the end of my life , reality, and everything. I couldn't say even I was God. It was just nothing. And it was so real. At the same time now I have a normal life in a city . There is so many people, cars, experiences. This material reality feels real as fuck . Maybe what I experienced was just hallucinations. I guess I'll never know

I read Leo's post in this sub forum lately a lot of times he said "You need to offer value to women", "this is a market place of sexual value"...etc. But what is sexual value?? I have a normal low paying job so I can't offer them money or social status. So I can't offer them much material stuff tbh. I am working on a life purpose which will make me more money and status but that can take years, maybe it won't even work. So what is left? What aspects or traits I can offer to women which they will be interested in trading them with sex, company and affect with me? This next years I want to totally burn and master approaching, dating, and attracting women. So I want to know Cristal clear what women want so I can be very focused in working on it to offer it to them. Let's go!

Thank for the read, very deep..I need to re-read it very slowly. Hope it helps me. Thanks

I didn´t know where to put this. Since a while I´ve been heavily addicted to what i described in the title. I don´t exactly why but it´s insane. I refresh and scroll HUNDREDS of times during the day instagram, whatsapp mainly. Forum too I refresh over and over and most of the times i don´t even read the messages of the people here. It´s like my brain is broken for dopamine Lol. Probably a cold turkey abstinence for a week would be the best right? I am the only one in this? Its gotten bad to the point that sometimes I can´t read a large text or something like that because it seems I need to go to the next thing And the next, and the next, and the next...

Oh gad here we go...

@Peter Miklis thanks a lot bro ??? there is hope

I agree. How can I stop defining me. I use sometimes findom porn and I felt so bad when I finish. Feels like I am the lowest person on earth after I use it. By some weird reason after a lot of self actualization, therapy, and psychedelics deep down I still feel this feeling of unpowerness. Yeah right haha

So patological recurring use of bdsm origins from trauma? Yeah...I Was expecting that. I need to heal myself up

So Ive been coding on my own almost 2 years . I have a nice portfolio, but even though I have scored some interviews and I haven't been able to land a job. And lately I'm not getting any interviews (last 6 months), even though I've been basically applying to about 5~10 offers each day.

Enjoy that . You don't imagine the amount of suffering you have avoided by being demisexual.

I guess they do too. But seems that as a man I must offer them more than just that. I don't understand the second question though

I'm not looking for a relationship. Rather, I'm looking to develop my masculine side to attract women. My whole life is dominated by fear, low self confidence and worth (if you believe this concepts I guess). I want to become a man of projection, self value, confidence, I want to conquer, love and lead . Right now I am a sheep. Even my porn tastes are of a beta male. I need to change this 180°. A relationship would just stagnate me. Not that I could get a relationship.with a high value women anyway. A high value woman will see that I am a beta so she will just friendzone me.

I think as you but then you see the consciousness stage most people are I personally get discouraged that some high wisdom profound business/purpose can be done unless you are in a very advanced place. (Which I might move to what the hell)

ahaha Cute. But that's not the real world Oh but she can't know that until we are in bed ?

Your understanding of anxiety is flawed. If you have a healthy survival mechanism, anxiety need to happen so you can know what actions are more risky or less risky in society. What cures social anxiety is the discovery that anxiety is not your enemy, but rather your reaction to it. You have to accept that anxiety, and not label it as "bad". The labeling as "bad" and the belief that the anxiety is wrong or shouldn't be there, is actually what creates the suffering. Not the anxiety itself. Of course, there are some cases of extreme anxiety. Which a lot of times even incapacitates the mind and the body. In some extreme cases this needs to be deal with it. But it's not most people cases.

Yeap Could be. Don't worry I don't go around thinking this is the case. Haha

Because you are God and you are bored ? The supposedly highest answer is: The "something" is a delicate imagination to teach yourself about love and prepare yourself for accepting more and more love. Death is the infinite acceptance of who you are: Infinite love . All of the stories and problems and desires of your ego and life story right now, are being designed by You, God, as a fantasy/movie which revolves around preparing you towards accepting more love and in a nutshell loving yourself. (Excepted from "The ultimate structure of reality explained. One of Leo's video)

Ive had multiple "awakenings" where that voice seems just a thought, and that's it. Like a colour you see, or a sound you hear. BUT, most of the time, like 99.99% of the time, that voice seems a self. (And it's me, obviously). But this voice actually started contemplating itself just a few seconds ago. It accepted that it feels very real. "How this is not a self?" The voice said. Why does it feel so real? It seems very real that THAT is a self and it's me.

You gotta be kidding that these ones gives you a non dual awareness

Interesting. Very interesting.

I think I'm stuck right there. It doesn't feel like that. It seems I'm inside the body. Seems the awareness is being projected from the body!

I think I have trascended the second. But the first one yeah it feels very like that, very real. I agree but why most of the time none of that is actual. And no matter what when the internal voice arise I think that's me. Feels very real

Since I started my first full time job, I have gotten a little bit bitter with how people are in general. I had jobs in the past but maybe because of certain variables people in the workplace had their duties more clear so they weren't much option for "fighting". But in the job I'm currently employed, people behave in such a way that I feel I'm in a pit of hyenas, instead of humans. I know that is my responsibility to step up and defend what is mine, but still, I'm not used to that spiral dynamics stage red. That constant daily fighting. Sometimes I prefer to work a bit more just to avoid daily confrontation. As someone which gets inspired by the non dual understanding and that what excited me would be to create a company/life purpose which Unites people, share love, highest wisdom...etc, I find myself doubting if I should really do that. Since most people are in such a stage of development where they absolutely only think about them and have no problem at all in each day "fighting" to try to get you to work for them although that creates a toxic environment.

Would constant awareness on the breathing work? I've tried a lot of times. And sometimes I get to that place of bliss. In that place, when thoughts arise, they can't touch me. Like...I see that they are just a thought. Not me. But then , maybe after an hour, I just give up: it comes a strong thought of identification ( they can be about whatever but they usually have a sort of an implicit negative aurea of "if you identify with this thought you will come back to the ego, don't do it". So fear arise in that fear I lose myself in the thought and I start to lose the bliss and awareness on the breath and so on. Do you think is there a point in doing this or I should just let it go and accept life it's not permanent. The ego state sucks so much compared to that present moment bliss ?. It's difficult to accept I have to live that state too. And most of the time btw.

"From the absolute perspective". Damn how much I hate that phrase hahaha