Javfly33

Thanks for reminding me I am not yet Enlightened lol... Thanks for sharing, loved reading your history, happy this community/Leo content served you!

Damn weed is definitely stronger than back in the days lol

Have you ever experienced "deep sleep"? Or is it deep sleep a concept you have about what have happened when you were sleeping? What if the truth is precisely the true actuality of your direct experience? Which is, there is a present moment in which there appears a bed, a body that jumps on it and close the eyes, and a body that opens them up again and a THOUGHT saying "I have slept 8 hours and now it's morning". Notice how all of this phenomena appears in the present moment. Notice what happened in direct experience and what not. A thought of deep sleep appeared, yet it didn't appeared a direct experience of deep sleep. Which is precisely why you are asking what happens on it or what is it. You have no direct experience of it.

@Stephen thanks It has also conditioned my reaction that it's a night shift and I haven't still gotten used to it sleeping on the mornings

So... One week ago I moved to a big city. I was in a little town in a more or less comfortable job which I sacrificed for the opportunity to move to a big city to focus on two aspects the next years: - Dating and socializing - Build a business which I am passionate about (in a little town it would be impossible) The problem is ,3 days ago I started my new job here and I basically don't know how I am going to put to 8 hours each day. Its more grueling and tough than anything I could imagine. Now I understand what they say about the textile industry (not that I work in textile, but I have a very mechanical monkey job in a factory) If I do 8 hours and they don't "whip us" to produce more and still find this very very fucking tough , I can only imagine doing 12 hours a day of this lol. How they actually don't kill themselves. What?? So I find myself asking if it's worth it. Maybe it's not. After all I am trading part of my physical body and my mind for material things . You could argue this material things are nice but the question is how nice. Are they really worth the price ? Because we just assume that survival is always worth it. But then so much people are bitter depressed or anxious. And this people will die one day. But they just keep doing the same. Working their ass off to enjoy those fancy shopping malls on Fridays ,that delicious delicate Starbucks cappuccinos and so on lol. And the punchline is, nobody guarantees that I will be able to create a successful business or even master my social and dating problems.

Go meditate in a cave blissed out like Sadghuru says. ? Seems a pretty nice choice for me. @Leo Nordin Are u still in the forest meditating? (If you don't reply I'll just assume you have run out of battery lol) No, I mean the survival game. It's not only about work, I live in an expensive city and my work cant even afford a flat..I have to share. So fucked up...you put 8 hours of mindless Job daily and then you can't even have a shag in your privacy in your own home... Da fack!

@Nahm However why does it feel I never listen to my heart though? The few times I have listened it has felt so good. Even though the decisions might have been seen by other people as not the "wisest decision". Basically I am avoiding feeling bad and trying to feel good . Inspecting (as you like to say) my job might be draining but 90% of the suffering comes from the mental chatter during it , rejecting it, etc... (Ego). However this is the thing I am trying to eliminate. I have a belief that my ego is very strong (genetics) and maybe just meditating and trying to have a good attitude is not enough. Or in other words, I am unmotivated to put up the work lately because I feel I don't make any progress (my ego is still running the show). So please understand me, when you do or try to do a lot of inspecting, introspection, spiritual work and so on, and yeah you might have some growth here and there, but at the end of the day my ego is what runs the show, well, I get really frustrated and I wonder what really can do to change the situation. I think not everybody has the same ego and can be changed by the same measures and techniques. What I am taking about (letting go of survival for some time) seems like a different measure to try to kill my ego. In nowdays society you can die of hunger anyway. Somebody would put a bowl of rice at the end of the day if they seem me I am not moving and meditating 24/7. My plan would be to let go of all of my fears and from there, create and live freely. I know it might sound too radical but you gotta understand I am dealing with a whole live of Ego-live based life and i am really getting to get fraeaking tired of it. I know that I am not the ego so in a sense I am conscious that this is not the best way to live. If not I would keep living like always. But since I have a contrast with the Self, then I can't avoid but trying to move towards a better feeling and empowered life. Sorry for the book Lol wasn't my intention to write so much

@Nahm ?

I'm 25 years old. I have been struggling with suffering from almost I can remember. Well, that's not true; I have memories of living life in a cool and light hearted way until 12-13 at least. But from that point on I just have not been OK. I can't pin point or localise any particular trauma which could explain why I live life the way I do. But regardless I keep doing it. I live life avoiding much of the times what I want to do, or say, completely, because I have some sort of belief that what I do or say might not be enough or good or appropriate. I have also this tendency to think that everything I do or say might be judged harshly by the other person. I want to change but I don't know how. Any ideas? I love life but it's difficult to live it like this sometimes. Please help.

That mindset is precisely what picking up girls is oriented into dissolving Lol. Yeah...listen to Leo, with your strategy each freaking day you will have to start from ground zero almost. Most PUA people do sets of approaching.

If I'm free how is it so that I can't escape life? I changed my job to a one which it kills me. I can't sleep well and it hurts my back. The work is mindless too. I'm slowly losing my mind. So I thought in quitting everything, to avoid the suffering that this situation is producing. But then when I thought about quitting, i doubt I can't because I can't surrender the attachment to material goals I want to achieve, and attachment to my family not suffering my loss ( I wasnt planning to suicide, but just let go of everything. For once be free...) So I'm damn if I do and I'm damn if I don't . What do you think about my situation?

Yeah I tried many things. At this point I'm kind of tired of external solutions . I can only be the solution Thanks ??

Yeah I am beggining to appreciate the little things of life . The main problem is I don't think I'm mentally strong enough to handle the job. And if I quit I will be scared to go homeless because I won't back to my parents So idk. There has to be away

What do you think and do you think is bad to engage in sadistic fetishes? Leo said "use porn to find what turns you on" By that logic I should engage in my desires and fetishes? Even thought they cost me money which I don't have much. My rationality says I should be investing my money. The other alternative is denying my desires. My plan is to accept my current sexuality and work AF and hard to be an attractive man and have normal sex. But just wanted to share my situation

I had one very radical oneness experience which I haven't been able to replicate or experience with any other psychedelic or technique. Not even DMT or 5-meo-dmt has given me it. It was a experience of absolute nothingness, but such nothingness so intense that I destroyed the belief in such a thing of a linear material reality. In other psychedelics, there is always still an "insight* or an "understanding* of the experience. But what made this one special is that the experience was so brutal that I couldn't have no words . Because it was the end of my life , reality, and everything. I couldn't say even I was God. It was just nothing. And it was so real. At the same time now I have a normal life in a city . There is so many people, cars, experiences. This material reality feels real as fuck . Maybe what I experienced was just hallucinations. I guess I'll never know

I read Leo's post in this sub forum lately a lot of times he said "You need to offer value to women", "this is a market place of sexual value"...etc. But what is sexual value?? I have a normal low paying job so I can't offer them money or social status. So I can't offer them much material stuff tbh. I am working on a life purpose which will make me more money and status but that can take years, maybe it won't even work. So what is left? What aspects or traits I can offer to women which they will be interested in trading them with sex, company and affect with me? This next years I want to totally burn and master approaching, dating, and attracting women. So I want to know Cristal clear what women want so I can be very focused in working on it to offer it to them. Let's go!

Thank for the read, very deep..I need to re-read it very slowly. Hope it helps me. Thanks

I didn´t know where to put this. Since a while I´ve been heavily addicted to what i described in the title. I don´t exactly why but it´s insane. I refresh and scroll HUNDREDS of times during the day instagram, whatsapp mainly. Forum too I refresh over and over and most of the times i don´t even read the messages of the people here. It´s like my brain is broken for dopamine Lol. Probably a cold turkey abstinence for a week would be the best right? I am the only one in this? Its gotten bad to the point that sometimes I can´t read a large text or something like that because it seems I need to go to the next thing And the next, and the next, and the next...

Oh gad here we go...

@Peter Miklis thanks a lot bro ??? there is hope

I agree. How can I stop defining me. I use sometimes findom porn and I felt so bad when I finish. Feels like I am the lowest person on earth after I use it. By some weird reason after a lot of self actualization, therapy, and psychedelics deep down I still feel this feeling of unpowerness. Yeah right haha

So patological recurring use of bdsm origins from trauma? Yeah...I Was expecting that. I need to heal myself up

So Ive been coding on my own almost 2 years . I have a nice portfolio, but even though I have scored some interviews and I haven't been able to land a job. And lately I'm not getting any interviews (last 6 months), even though I've been basically applying to about 5~10 offers each day.

Enjoy that . You don't imagine the amount of suffering you have avoided by being demisexual.

I guess they do too. But seems that as a man I must offer them more than just that. I don't understand the second question though