Javfly33

MxiPr is NOT warm hahaha. I almost lose my mind on that one. Completely insane trip I had. In other psychedelics I might suffer but at least I know more or less what is happening. That chem was like triggering schizophrenia for me for a couple of hours. Then I couldn't understand anything or integrate anything after the trip. No thanks. But hey if It works for you...we are all different in that regard. Thanks for sharing

So it seems my social anxiety and fear of being less/inferior stems from some kind of mental illness, or maybe a trauma, or conditioning, or both. Now I know it's not real. It's not the truth. I am creating it with my constant thoughts about reality. Leo says one should research his problem until it finds a solution. So I am interested in knowing about good resources to let me understand what is wrong with my thoughts and how can I solve it. I would prefer serious books on the matter instead of the typical 10min video from teal swan Lol Thank u very much

Its unbeareble to feel this. To hate yourself. I want to love myself But i Dont have good reasons to. Im trying to get to an honest description of myself. I need to know, why i feel impairing feelings of unworthiness after years of self development and spirituality. Hahaha its fucking crazy that i haven't done anything in terms of actual growth. Im truly have a devil inside me. This devil is me Because i'm me. And me doesnt deserve love and worthiness. No. Because there is something utterly wrong with me. I Dont know What it is. But there must be something. Because i feel bad and when i feel bad is because that is Who i am. Feeling is telling the truth. If i am feeling bad its because i'm bad! Thats why i Dont deserve GODs love. Everybody else does. But not me. Im utterly the worst person on the universe. My only hope is a psychedelic breakthrough. Infinite love. Nothing less. I cant and i Dont want to live like this insane act of unworthiness , hate and fear. My Life is all the time like this. Nooooo! Fuck this. PLEASE save me and made this bulllshit stop. I want to live properly!! Fuck this bullshit ! I seriously pray you God for fucks SAKES kill the devil. I cant bear being myself. Its hell. PLEASE. LOVE. PLEASE .

For example, In my last 5-meo-dmt "trip" I started releasing tension in my back and crying of joy Because I realized (as Consciousness) that I have lived my crushe's Life. That made me joyful and releasing tension Because...that means I'm her, I'm not below her, which erased a little bit of the lack of self love shadow than my ego has. However now thinking about it, I question the validity of the insight. 1. How do I know it's true? 2. Isn't just another belief now? 3. Even in the experience, could as well be a delusion. I've read about non duality, so the trip shows and projects already my beliefs. See this is the problem. Supposedly 5-meo-dmt state of awareness is such a high state. Yet I feel as lost and deluded as always. Unfortunately I don't seem to gain any lasting insights of truth from the trips. I do get very lasting ego-reduction effects, letting go, and openmindness from trips. But insights of truth? They seem as deluded as sober.

Is this an allowed topic to post about in the forum? Maybe one of the moderators can let me know and then I'll edit the topic and explain my idea of retreat. Thank you

Is there any good high Conscious resources (don't want to fall into red pill/stage red ideology) when starting the path to go from being insecure and not confident to secure and confident? Music to listen, books to read, activities to do, meditations/mantras to repeat, actions to do. By now I'm planning; 1. - eat more and build muscle (habits) 2. - start doing pick up and dating seriously (actions) 3 - be less in my head and feel more and be honest when I feeling I'm being dominated like a beta instead of projecting guilt to other people (meditations)

So...Covid has stop taking its toll on my country. People are relaxing now. It's time for me to take action. I'm sick of feeling frustrated, a loser around girls and a victim. I am going to change this. How much approaches is REALISTIC to accomplish if I want to skyrocket my development as fast as I can just going out once a week. Since My current job doesn't allow me to go out every day, and i work Sunday to Thursday, I need to take a whole day off of everything at Friday, and Sunday I have to go to work already. So this leaves me Saturday solely for practicing my dating skills. Just give me the highest realitic possible number for this Saturday and I will do that. I want to push my self. Let's go!

Right ? so I should welcome them. I should take a deep dive to them and open myself with love to them

I just don't want more suffering. Why you keep creating it? To move myself to from hate to Love? It was that?

ITS GOD @Space I see what you saying. Yes in my insight there was definitely ego. I think it was something as 25mg. I didn't have an infinity direct Consciousness realization yet with 5-meo then. I'll have to keep trying. However I think where you are trying to "point me out" To the realization that I'm God and I imagined ABSOLUTELY everything? Including the concept of "other" person, "other" place, and "other" time? To make the illusion absolutely believable and congruent? ☺️?

So I don't want awakening? I thought I wanted.

I IMAGINED EVERYTHING LEO I IMAGINED OTHER BEINGS I IMAGINED OTHER PLACES I IMAGINED OTHER "TIMES", I IMAGINED OTHER SENSATIONSI I IMAGINED NON DUALITY AFTERWARDS IN THE DREAM TO START TO "REMEMBER" (a breadcrumb) A COMPLEX TWISTED ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT HALLUCINATION TO END WITH ME REALIZING I AM ABSOLUTELY ONE . i imagined EVERY THING of the dream

@Leo Gura In my perspective, what your saying is that Consciousness, my crushe's Life, 5-meo-dmt is basically a delusion too. The only real shit is the truth absolute perspective then. But with that perspective you can't have an understanding of reality or a model or nothing basically Because that's not even a proper reality. That's just nothing.

Yeah and fuck the little guy which God has created right? Since God it's the witness it doesn't suffer, so it can keep creating this drama how many time it wants. Yeah God, you are so considerate and nice. Thank you for the "love".

I have a question God is infinite. He could literally just fix his mind in an instant and the ego would follow along. A breadcrumb is unnecessary and you know it. For example let's say I have anxiety/self doubt/confidence issues. When you take a drug that eliminates anxiety you will instantly stop having anxiety thoughts. Duh. If God wants me to expand and let go of my ego identity, why the hell God doesn't just imagines a different brain chemistry where I am not having thoughts of self-doubt and hate and just confidence and love? No, instead of that God has to put up a complex imagination of drama, which produces in me a deep painful introspection to make me finally surrender and change. What the fuck?? Is it really necessary to do things like this? Wouldnt be more easy and fast to just change my brain chemistry instantly?

What are your music references?

Blessings ?? let's go vibrate higher ??

Man you keep reading my mind haha. Too neat What you said there. If only had known that i would have saved 2 or 3 years. But at the other Hand now i have a solid ground of spirituality at a Young age so thats always nice.

@EnlightenmentBlog @Podie45 ? Truth man. I'm happy to see your development. Additionally, remember that all of our life story, the character that we have been playing that has social anxiety, it's an act we have been playing over and over. We have been identified with that character Because we thought that that character was not a simple acting character who was born out of pure conditioning, genetics and family education, but because we thought that that was US. When you realize you are not the character you can start letting go certain behaviours such as people pleasing Because you know it's NOT YOU, it was just AN ACT. Our character developed a certain survival strategy and identity and we have maintining that, but we have realized is not that good survival strategy and also it doesn't make us happy. So we are FREE to choose to act in any way we want. We are free and we can build the future we want for us ??

@cookiemonster thanks thats a brilliant description of the terms. I never liked the terms anyway But i thought It was practical for the topic

@JJfromSwitzerland i have approached bro. Just 10 times or so in the past. Yeah its exhausting as fuck you are very right. Im just going to make an exception this weekend just because i'm very motivated hhaha Will let you guys know how It went

Isn't the contrary tho'? You can feel pain and don't suffer about it. I remember sadghuru writing something about this in of his books.

Exactly Lol

Except when you are in deep suffering. In those moments some people seriously contemplate it because they have tried to get out of that state and it keeps repeating. Therefore in a deep state of frustration they contemplate resourcing to the only way they now it would solve it.

I think I can do 40-50 each week. That's doable. With some breaks here and there that should put me at around ~1500 approaches a year. Which guiding myself from Leo advice, in a couple of years of doing this I would have done 3000 approaches which combined with self development should make that I have mastered pick up and stage red completely ? I'll start with 50 this weekend. I'm ready for to crush my ego baby!