Javfly33

I have this realization some months ago after "trying to get Enlightened" with 5-MeO and realizing that I am not the one who is going to get Enlightened, since "Nothingness/Presence/God" is already "fine" so I need to work on myself (on healing my ego and so on). But...not sure how to do it. Will try what you said, but I have this limiting belief that my mental structures are very rigid and solid and sometimes I get depressed because it seems nothing changes.

Last year I used psychedelics for personal development, specifically I used a method which i invented on my own using a specific psychedelic using a specific dose, working with a specific book, and in a specific setting, for a specific goal, which was healing social anxiety, and I've found It has worked better than anything I've tried and I've read in the literature about this issue. Lately I've been thinking if i could write a small ebook "selling" this method, knowing that what i would sell is based on my own personal success i think It could be powerful stuff I know there is plenty of market about mental health/personal development, and inside here social anxiety is a common issue. Yet Im not sure if theres enough market when including psychedelics on the mix. It probably would turno very niche and even taboo. Maybe you cant even sell on Amazon if you make a book encouraging psychedelic use. What do you think?

@Leo Gura Your logic seems flawed. There is understandable reason why to create a certain level of pain. For example the pain of a punch to the face, or a fall into the ground, or a headache. That kind of pains makes me already want to avoid them, and move towards pleasure. But what about intense pain? That's just unnecessary. That was created out of pure curiosity of thinking "let's so far can I go hehehe". The answer: God must be quite a twisted motherfucker.

Why that conclusion? After all you have never experienced anything outside this perception. You haven't experienced other people or other places. Just THIS. what if THIS is you and is all that it is? What would be God.

Can't you see that if you are God you couldn't ask for proof outside of you because you are literally the proof? Hahaha

But there are also others povs which are alone as their own godhood...so you are alone but you aren't ? And yeah to the one saying "there aren't other povs" whatever, doesn't matter, as long as it will be experienced at least 1 time , doesn't matter if it's a matter of space and time

It's Infinite

Here's my "curriculum": I have done - 5 Lsd small-medium dose - 1 5-MeO-DMT trip inhaled - 1 Changa trip - +10 5-MeO-DMT plugged contemplating about reality - +5 Several other trips of unknown psychedelic (mdma, ketamine, etc) with intention of self development/Spirituality and not recreation - +150 Hours Yoga - + 100 Hours meditation - +30 Hours self inquiry/mindfulness meditation - +30 Hours Watching non duality/actualized clips On top of that, I've always had a metaphysical inclination towards knowing what is Reality. STILL haven't realized Truth. Yes I've had a bunch of weird, nerve racking, heart breaking, joyful, ecstatic realizations, BUT I can't put my hand on the fire that Non duality is the Truth and we are one. I even can't say that materialism is false. I basically have beliefs about spirituality and "hopes" that death is not real and union is the Truth, but it's no different than a religious man. I need some advice because either I'm doing something wrong or there's a lot of people bullshitting themselves and not being honest about Truth realization. Right now I'm focusing back 100% on stage orange stuff but anyways I thought sharing this would be interesting to know if you guys relate to it.

Thanks for the motivation bro, will keep your advice in mind ? I don't exercise mainly because my job is highly physical so doing something as lifting weights or calisthenics would probably give an overstress to the muscles and bones. I actually took some days off last week because my back was too sore of the work load. I should probably do Yoga mainly to stretch my soreness right. I also have to finally the ditch the damn Kratom because I was physically addicted to it, and still I don't feel quite good without it and sometimes it confuses me I'm not sure if I'm tired because of work+sleeping on the morning or either because my body is in withdrawal

I took this job on a big city so I could work on my LP and socializing and dating but the job drains me too much. I am not doing shit with my life but resting and sleeping when I'm not working I should be grateful I have a job yet it doesnt let me do shit the rest of the day because it's a night shift so I sleep on the mornings and I'm tired on the afternoons and the weekends where I could have some proper time to work on my LP and self development as socializing and dating I cant get myself to do it because I feel I need to really rest from the workweek and actually enjoy sleeping on the night some time. Am I complaining bitch and I should get even more violent and aggressive towards pursuing stage orange goals no matter how freaking tired I am? God it's so frustrating also I took 2 days off of work because I went to a doctor because I got my back too hurt from work. Best thing about my job; basically 0 responsability/0 stress or anxiety inducing which is something not many jobs can be proud of. So that's that.

@Willie how much did you work night shift continued? I'm going to complete 4 months and I'm on the verge on losing my shit hahaha thankfully I have one month vacation coming in to inquiry and contemplate what to do

Thanks guys yeah I also think I should really stop working night shift, but I am holding on because my company each year have opportunities to change to morning or afternoon shift, so I am waiting for that instead of finding a unstable new job. Luckily I have only 2 more weeks till vacation and I will be able to make a reset to my biological clock.

@Leo Gura Well then I do have a point, after all. Maybe I need to just abide in that state of pure non duality more. I was in that clear state of being "totally gone" for some seconds only. When you breakthrough on 5-MeO you are in that state for +10minutes for example? Notice I am talking about a non dual state of pure clarity of being the spoon...not thinking you are the spoon, but literally dying into the spoon. There is not even a thought of " I have become Enlightened". Just a pure knowing it's a dream. I told this experience to normies and they understood it as something scary, but I do remember for those seconds like I tasted pure heaven

@RobertZ yes they are in this case. They are deeply related with my LP and I need to master them before I can proceed to my LP I really want the lifestyle. But I doubt I could land a better job if I quit it. Maybe one without night shift would be better, but then probably it would be even more precarious idk it's a shitty situation

Maybe I have understood this two phrases way too literally. But, if the dream character I am identified with is Imaginary, I wasn't born of my father's, genetics are imaginary, and my suffering is being created by me (as God) to give me context and meaning to the dream, then...the following "crazy idea" arised: What if the whole 'trip' about my life, (which was mainly social anxiety), was 100% imagined by God to create the perfect foundation to accomplish afterwards a magistral plot twist in the story of the dream character, which was that, in the pursue of trying to heal itself of the suffering of this illness, started to pursue Spirituality and self development, and started to discover that, instead of existing fundamental differences between "Me" and "Others" (which is mainly what causes social anxiety in my case), started slowly deconstruct the differences, realizing the differences were a projection of the mind and are relative, and thus the more the dream character did that, the more the suffering got reduced, because it started to be revealed that there were less and less differences between "Me" and "Others" and less separations. The more the dream character would pursue Truth, the more the suffering would get reduced, since less and less differences between him and others would exist. Therefore elevating Trust and Love, and reducing fear and Hate (either projected to the "Others" or perceived of being received by them). Basically the Truth would be the good fucking news. And the illness would be the perfect metaphor of "the mind was what created the hell". It would all be a magistral designed dream where every piece of the puzzle fits shockingly good ?? Anyways... This is a completely crazy, psychotic and bizarre idea, but it was just an example of what it would look like to approach the explanation of a mental illness from the perspective of "Reality is Imaginary" Vs Reality is material, which would be more like "You had this illness partly because of genetics and partly because of childhood conditioning" and that would be it.

I'm truly a creator then Lol ?

Imo social anxiety is just an imagination that arises from vibrating in low levels of the spiritual spiral (fear/hate). @Nahmopinion? The solution is slowly choosing higher vibration thoughts/feelings/emotions which will elevate you slowly from that low vibration towards Love, which is what we are striving for (since we are love, we are just seeking ourselves)

I'm not sure how this applies to my daily life. What is that I need to do to stop feeling anxious around people exactly ? Thanks for your help hope you can help me

Because there is Only ONE

Lol it doesn't sound staged no....?

Update; it seems my terrible comedown is deeply related with the type of fantasy/porn I jerk myself too. Recently I've been hitting some Consciousness breakthroughs in self love and I'm begging to fantasize and orgasm with normal sex and enjoying my masculine side, and the comedown is almost non existent! Before I used to orgasm with femdom / BDSM porn. It's crazy how psychology can affect the body. I was basically killing myself and how bad it felt after orgasming was such an obvious message of the body.

@Breakingthewall thanks for the message but in practical terms what does that mean in terms of action for me?

Again, is that situation which makes you feel bad or is the thought about what does mean that feels bad? "She didn't even took the time time to write me, that means that I am..." Complete the sentence in your mind. If you stop analysing the behaviour of women to you as a way of "proving" that you are X or Y, wouldn't that be an amazing relief? Try it.

Yeah right? Because what does thought tells about you? It happens the same to me, it's totally a projection of our minds.

@Leo Gura If that moment would have been Absolute Truth, why do I still have a doubt? If it's Absolute, wouldn't make that impossible to even trick myself to doubt it? For example, if I see the colour red, the colour is absolute. I can't deny myself that the colour red exists. If Truth is the present moment, then Ok, because you can't deny the present moment. But The interpretation of the present moment, such as "this is a dream because I just died into the spoon and I can't find myself" after the mystical experience is just...an interpretation. That's why I still have fear of death. Do you see where I'm going Leo?