Javfly33

I did 32.5mg each week for a whole year, taking some breaks here and there because sometimes It was imposible to intégrate and for the ego to digest the changes in so little time. I would take the book of nathaniel branden 6pilars of self esteem, and maybe do the completion sentences, other time i would go to watch porn to engage in a fetish its related with shame, and also contemplate, another i forced myself to socialize st the end of the peak and inquiry/feel fully ...etc Just basically anything you can think that can trigger your anxiety/shame, etc, go towards It on a low dose. Do and repeat for over a year. Integrate before Next dose. Take It like a BUDS Navy seals challenge. It Will feel painful as fuck in the beggining until you become to gain the fruits of the grueling, scary, and hard emotional work that this entails.

Did a shit ton of small doses of acid during the time of 1 year or so, with purpose of healing social anxiety/self esteem/etc. Also i had to start a new job which forced me to be confident/lead, develop masculine/self love energy.etc its really a culmination of things yeah. Now i have put psychs a little bit and Im just trying to heal It with pick Up and being more leadership at work.

Yeah me too its very rare nowdays But sometimes there are situations which triggers It and It really sucks...It makes you feel terrible and like you Will never trascend this feeling/thing/vibration/energy

At least 2 liters since I need Water at least 3 times a day to chug down the damn kratom Lol.

Thatnks for the advice. Ill try that although i have this feeling that since I clocked out at 10pm at work, i finish very mentally activated so i have a hard time going to sleep early @SLuxy

Just to give you an idea, before i even try Psychedelics i was almost suicidal, have very obssesive ocd thoughts, But i did them and they completely cured me of that and for the following half a year i was just flowing through Life! Not giving a shit about the past. I remember listening Rihannas LOVE ON THE BRAIN song on my second trip and Rolling in bed in an full body orgasm with myself, completely full, not needing anybody, being conscious i was making love with myself in that infinite let go where was no more ego. No Matter how much i trip, This hasnt came back. Something happened in my (imaginary) brain with those specific trips in that specific amount of time really killed my ego for some months, Im not saying only the trips were intensely Blissful and felt brutal love, Im saying like the ego-death/flow through Life State was still there for at least 4-5 months (of course i wasnt vibrating in that orgasm non dual love, But still, It was amazing). But then It came back for some reason and Psychedelics nowdays they do help yeah But they arent Able to do What they did to me that the first times. Its like Im not Able to let go like those first times and thats why i think full Love/non duality doesnt happen.

Who knows if enlightened state can be really "maintained" in western society/advanced high demanding survival.

Well yes and no But back in the days i wasnt Able to open Up to people As nowdays so she didnt know much about my obssesion with her (and when i sometimes mentioned she downplayed the importance of It). Honestly from the beggining i kind of assumed i was Alone with this "problem" and nobody could ever help me But me. (And thats What i did)

Na its not that much, its more mental. I wake Up each day like i Drank 4 beers and i have a 2 hours test to take. More that kind of thing Lol (Although yeah kratom surely plays a bit But each day i feel more energy since Im tapering down)

He probably obssesed like i was with some Girl some years ago. Dont try to understand It logically, because its not logical nor rational. Its a disease of the mind. Something like OCD But With a person. Trust me It exists i think its What happened to me. I think he has It too. What healed for me was Psychedelics. I was Able to get out of that ocd/rumination thanks yo the powerful reset neural skills of Psychedelics. I took lsd 3 times in the time of 2 months and i completely forgot her (or better said, let her go). Honestly worst hell of my Life. I spent like 1 year everyday having obssesive thoughts about her, several times a day. After healing that shit anything that happens now on Life is a childs cake. Fortunately hes not in such amount of suffering like It was. The good news is, if i was Able to get out he can too ??

@Osaid yes, i definetely believe is slow quality. This fucking flat its so noisy It fucking sucks. This is the 4th time i move in a year in this city. Thanks for the rest of advice, seems very interesting and good @Rilles ?great advice It seems too. Thanks

@Leo Gura i thought physics were imaginary ?

Yeap, its the danger and beauty of the lack of non-lingual language ?

@Nahm was ironic of course ? so he can realize its fine @Shiva99 I might quit mine too Dont worry

YOU REALLY FUCKED UP THIS TIME

Leo reply; You already thought too much about her. Do as shes gone now.

Believing What a Guy says on the internet. Yeap, seems a good strategy.

Work for a company. (But i work from 14.15 to 21.35 or so)

@EugeneTheSage try helpx.net

@LastThursday thanks ??

Then WHY APPARENTLY MY LIFE IS PERSONAL????? Since Im the universe, my Life should be impersonal. You know you Will say "well thats the ego, which has made the Life personal. What you are is Awareness which is unpersonal,One,Nothing." Cool. But this ego have some parents and another person has other parents. This ego Drives a Hyundai and another another ego Drives a BMW. Why why why if its really One why the fuck we are different and we are Stuck on personal stories until we die??? Maybe there are an infinite number of Gods/Awareness, and each of them is its own universe.

Loool i keep being amazed how that happened to you. ??

@Nahm do you think its normal the attitude of my mom? @hyruga Well let me explain. Some months ago i was working in Factory night shift. Mentally It wasnt stressing at all, just very very touhg for the body. Then i went on vacations and i get a call. The company offers me a whole completely new position. I accept. In 1 month , i go from being a worker Bee throwing packages 7 hours each night, to be the leader of an Office of 15-20 people!!! Seated, Air conditioner, good Views. Wtf lol i said yes even though i was shitless scared anything to escape that Factory job. Me, that i have anxiety (minor, But still...)some times to pick Up the phone to Ask for an appointment or some shit, now Im fucking boss of an Office of delivery couriers where i Dont eveb have formation of the 90% of things i do (and have social anxiety to pick Up the phone most of the times to even Ask the bosses how to solve problems that keep arising), sometimes you have to Tell people to do their job because they want to work as less as possible (and i find very hard to do that), and basically some times people talking 5 at the same time, the phone rings, etc. I just find It overwhelming. I thought i would be Able to push through it But sometimes i just Believe its too much. And today i fucked Up on something important and tomorrow Who knows What Will happen. Because i wanted to solve It by myself because i got so stressed that i didnt know What to do

Should I or should I not? I have tried But i am unable to do my job anxiousless. I want to quit my job because i believe i can land a better job with my studies. Rational advice/my mother advice says i Dont have to quit my job to heal and i should go to a therapist to cure my anxiety disorder. I believe i Dont have anxiety disorder Im just very sensitive to stuff and Life puts me thought certain scenarios to grow myself and etc. Intuition tells me It would be good to quit Job and enjoy some vacations since I have savings while looking for new job relaxed. Rational brain tells me i shouldnt do it. What pisses me off is that I feel ive been on this job since a lot time ago because i felt pressured from What my mom would think of me if i quit. I feel that if my mom wasnt here Alive (Dont want her to die Lol Im just saying) i would completely quit tomorrow with a Smile in my fucking face as Big as i couldnt believe. It also pisses me the fuck off that i told her that i tried to killed myself some months ago, and he knows that the job has influenced a lot in me having less energy and Focus to really heal, and she still pushes me to keep the job and she even recommended why not try some benzos. It fucking pissses me out that shit. To go do benzos to keep a fucking job It overwhelms me just because she has a bias of me having a job or some shit. Even though she knows just some months ago i tried to cut myself. What the fuck is this of a mom???

Went out tonight to approach sets with a couple of (relatively) newbies PUAS on a FULLY crowded street near pubs and bars. We maybe did in total 15-20 (probably Will get a beating from Leo Lol), i did like 5 or 6 solo and then joined after on some of the openings of my fellas. I am very sad because i felt completely awkard, weird, etc, (although when you bulld some momentum things started to feel. Bit better). Im kind of meh since I did some cold approaching 5-6 years ago, in all this time supposedly i had grown a lot, have done some therapy, quite a number of trips, introspection etc...But this feeling of not being able to flow / be myself truly in front of a Girl IS STILL THERE 100% as strong as 5 years ago. Honestly i have this feeling of not being able to relax/flow socially a lot of times when Im with groups (doesnt have to be Girls/approaches) although i tend to think its getting better there is still this Blockage that doesnt let me be myself ? How to break this Blockage for good?