Javfly33

I am way passed through the psychological shame of nofap ideology implanted me a while ago...I don't judge myself or feel bad psychologically after I jerk off ... I mean PHYSICALLY. I feel absolutely dead tired, devastated, zero energy. It's difficult to accept masturbation as a regular habit of your weekly routine (maybe 1 each 3 days) when you feel so bad after doing it. This is one of my main issues why I would push a button if I could to stop masturbating ever again : I won't feel like this ever again. Usually after 2-3 hours I'm back to normal energy.

Like Connor Murphy used to say : "It's all an act" For me the reason of anxiety is/was that I think "they" hate me ? Just throwing it around in case something resonates... But maybe yours is different.

+1 same Take some psychedelics maybe and contemplate what is that anxiety. Ultimately you are imagining your anxiety so you inquire about what is True, it's all an imagination to set a fire to pursue Truth and Awakening, but maybe you are not ready to hear this

No, I was saying that in a kundalini yoga book they say drugs including psychedelics hurt the nervous system . But including psychedelics with other normal drugs just reveals their dogma and lack of first person experience of the school (which was corrupted anyway because I'm talking about Yogui Bhajan's kundalini books)

Be free to move this to self actualization or even serious emotional problems, but I would really like an advice from an spirituality-enlightment work perspective, more than from a mental illness perspective. This morning I woke up with "terrible feeling thoughts". And for the 999th time, I believed them/thought I was them. But a big question out of desperation came up "What the fuuuuuck am going to do with this mind?". Kind of Eckhart Tolle sort of way before his Enlightment, Yup. But here it hasn't happened yet. And life it's just this weird theatre between bad feeling thoughts most of the time and little short "teases" of realizing my suffering is completely imaginary and created by thoughts. But those instances are like 0.01% of time. Meditation works but it lasts sooo little. I basically have to be doing it constantly to feel at peace from the mind. So I do know it's just the mind. I do know what causes me suffering it's just thoughts. I do know I am not my thoughts. I do know the thoughts are NOT the truth! Love is the truth. The present moment. Everything else it's just relative biased thoughts conditioned by my specific ego life and survival strategies. Totally relative. However I also must confess, I am not sure if due to late stress, I stumble In between ideas of being super motivated to accomplish everything I wanted in life (stage orange stuff + being optimistic about healing my mental illness) in between fantasizing about leaving everything and bliss myself the fuck out in a cave with no food until I completely heal myself in a hardcore way (Sadghuru type of awakening). Not to say that I am saying I would be able to do it. Just because ...hey, I would prefer doing that that killing myself. Just to give you context ,even though I feel I did tremendous progress in my last psychedelic trip, it's also true than the following day after tripping, I went to the kitchen and put a knife in my neck and tried to cut me in front of two people (a girl I shared flat with and I liked, and his boyfriend which came by the previous night) It was a theatre, ( because I deliveretely chose a knife that I knew didn't cut almost nothing when I could have taken the one who does cut well ) that I did to be "saved" by them because I felt hated/not loved by them (my best bet of what social anxiety/feelings of unworthiness are) and by doing that they would help me, because I knew if I did that in front of them suddenly the conversation would switch (they were talking in the kitchen) to Me and my Pain (not my neck pain Lol, but the pain of being feeling bad because of this unworthiness/self hate energy, which got intensely triggered when I heard them having sex for an hour last night when I was still under the lsd effects. So doing that "theatre" was a way of releasing it ). Yeah...That's probably insane but I must confess I did felt very fucking good about that situation weeks later. I felt kind of guilt for putting them in that uncomfotarble situation, but my My ego did felt the love it was craving by doing that dumb theatre. I just think that that's how nasty, unconventional and uncomfotarble some roads to healing get. Or at least that's what I want to believe. That I am going fine and I'm going "up" in life. But the boyfriend of this girl also adviced me that I should go back to my parents and start over. They didn't know the knife thing was a threate. I don't agree with him, that would be like starting again from scratch, that doesn't win me anything. Staying here though being independent almost guarantees me growth. Yet life seems so highly unstable at times. Yesterday I almost crushed my car. I got distracted because of being in this mental space of stress and kind of angry. So that's not good. Mmm don't know I'm honestly not sure where this is going. But I also can't quit right? ???‍♂️ I must keep playing the game..I just can't go back to my parents house and lock myself in the basement.to go play videogames. I just thought life was going to be.... A little.bit easier... when I got out of that "basement"some years ago wanting to become a full healed man. And of course...that's all a story because life is ain't that hard it's just my mind that keep creating imaginations and Fantasies with thoughts, and I keep believing myself to be them. Mind...could you step up to one side, and let me live for once? ?

Yeah, I think the word "infinite intelligence" it's pretty accurate. I was just sitting on my bed now and contemplating how crazy is it that my higher self is no less than GOD ?. And I became just clearly aware, that I was experiencing myself as a human individual self/ego totally 100% locked into this state of consciousness because of God infinite power. If not, I would become crazy. So God imagines itself Locked into this hallucination, and then forgets/denies totally that he had done this, so a full day with its apparent "time" and apparent "body" can go on. I can plan calling some appointments I need to, I can plan going to the groceries, etc, and know that time won't just fly out of the window. Everything will be "congruent" so I can do my shit as an individual self. Yet...it's completely imaginary, the "lockness" of time, people, my ego with its beliefs and neurotic behaviours... All imagined for the congruence of the dream, so I don't go insane, the dream is entertaining and it feels 100% "real, ALL of this it's being created in a less of an instant by my higher self. Fuck me! Infinite intelligence..so brutal what I ultimately am.

Yeah but in practical terms... Ain't gonna happen

@The0Self I kind of now the way. Let go of the identity. Stop behaving like a victim Stop trusting the mind. Accept that I can already do and be who I want Literally I can choose good feeling thoughts and emotions and start "acting" on higher vibrations like optimism and self power. It's just a question of being in "ego death* in sober life. Since "my life" was literally my beliefs about myself. And awakening revealed that that was a fucking theatre. So I basically have to "die" so this not anymore "my life" but just "life" It's so hard. In one hand you don't want to let go. In other hand you start to mature enough to choose peace and only be "life" than to remain in suffering but conserving "my life".

Incorrect. There's a actually rare research on the 60s using LSD to actually cure schizophrenia. Although the success were quite low, and the patients needed something like 50-60 Doses of it Lol. But just to give an idea how deluded mainstream society is, since psychedelics are usually known for "inducing" schizophrenia.

@Eternity can i dm you i think you could help me with my new Life after Deep awakening i had

Trust me, my Life is the evidence that God IS insane, twisted, But also loving and amazing. God IS EVERYTHING! The ONLY reason i love God IS because God IS me.

I thought the nervous system was in the spine? But has to do with dopamine??? This thread it's just insane bar commentary energy Lol

"destroys nervous system" I mean what the fuck that even means? Nervous system is something I started to hear when reading obscure kundalini yoga literature, seem like a word that sounded so intelligent but it means nothing

It's clearly you don't feel complete around her. If not you wouldn't ask this.

You talk about finding your soulmate yet your whole agenda is pure survival based. Humans are such bs creatures it's even funny ?

I have also consider medication. But my main karma is anxiety and what would work for me would only really be benzos or opioids. With benzos I will be mentally hooked to them forever due to his physical dependence, and opioids let's not even say, I would become a junky for ever too. So what option do I have? Either be in hell the rest of my life, or sort it out naturally Psychedelics can help but sometimes I just think Im bullshitting myself with them. Something tells me I need to heal myself naturally. You think with Zoloft could also help with my mind? I wouldn't say I have depression at all tho

@WaveInTheOcean I can't surrender brother. I need to "control" my life, "sort out" the endless thought stories. I think a fundamental belief in having lost faith in God, in Reality, is what prevents me to be able to surrender. That's why I keep holding on the fire. I am really scared what will I lose, if I let go.

And what a doctor is going to do for me exactly? Feels only I can get me out of this rug.

@WaveInTheOcean what about pain and suffering? You only quoted the "good" things LMAO Ironically when I had had "intuitions" that God must be real, it hasn't been when I've experienced deep pleasure of fun LOL, but instead when I've experienced deep states of impeding doom and anxiety. HAHAHA Those moments are so inexplicable for Me, because i had this Intuition of "how come reality must be THIS awful?? I mean if Reality exists, it should be GOOD!" That actually made me Intuit that there must exist God

That's the million dollar question. It's an essential Oneness question. My bet is that most people don't know it. I think you need an astonishing radical state of Consciousness to realize this. Additionally Nobody here can give you Truth ??‍♂️

@WaveInTheOcean I just realized an hour ago I don't want money, success, sex, women, not even personal development, I want... SILENCE!!! Silence from the mind! Shuuuuuut up! I would like to say to the mind each time it kills my peace. Have you become free of the mind brother?

I have this realization some months ago after "trying to get Enlightened" with 5-MeO and realizing that I am not the one who is going to get Enlightened, since "Nothingness/Presence/God" is already "fine" so I need to work on myself (on healing my ego and so on). But...not sure how to do it. Will try what you said, but I have this limiting belief that my mental structures are very rigid and solid and sometimes I get depressed because it seems nothing changes.

Last year I used psychedelics for personal development, specifically I used a method which i invented on my own using a specific psychedelic using a specific dose, working with a specific book, and in a specific setting, for a specific goal, which was healing social anxiety, and I've found It has worked better than anything I've tried and I've read in the literature about this issue. Lately I've been thinking if i could write a small ebook "selling" this method, knowing that what i would sell is based on my own personal success i think It could be powerful stuff I know there is plenty of market about mental health/personal development, and inside here social anxiety is a common issue. Yet Im not sure if theres enough market when including psychedelics on the mix. It probably would turno very niche and even taboo. Maybe you cant even sell on Amazon if you make a book encouraging psychedelic use. What do you think?

@Leo Gura Your logic seems flawed. There is understandable reason why to create a certain level of pain. For example the pain of a punch to the face, or a fall into the ground, or a headache. That kind of pains makes me already want to avoid them, and move towards pleasure. But what about intense pain? That's just unnecessary. That was created out of pure curiosity of thinking "let's so far can I go hehehe". The answer: God must be quite a twisted motherfucker.

Why that conclusion? After all you have never experienced anything outside this perception. You haven't experienced other people or other places. Just THIS. what if THIS is you and is all that it is? What would be God.