Javfly33

HHAHA cute. Sexual Desire its Absolutely monstruos power in human psyche. I have done +100 hours of meditation, +100 hours Yoga, self inquiry, +10 trips of several assuming "ego dissolution/Enlightment triggering" Psychedelics + one natural inclination to the metaphysical nature of reality since being a kid. NONE OF THAT was Able to stop the sexual Desire, neediness, Drive, etc. Its Absolutely powerful. Now i have forgotten any Desire to "dominate" the mind. I am 100% Focus on Career (60%) and Game (40%).

Things to declare: I put at least 8 hours of sleep I do drink coffee (But i have cut it down a bit and before i didnt used to woke Up feeling SO BAD) I do drink kratom (again, i have cut it down a lot and in the process of tapering down. Still, before when i used to take more i didnt used to woke Up SO BAD). I Dont do exercise (this might be key, before i used to do at least something, although not much. Now Im pretty sedentary although i walk at least 25 min a day (commute work) ) My diet is Ok. I probably have a deficienciy of vitamin c and magnesium (i gotta get back to the tahini + honey + chía Seeds Sandwiches God damn It), But overall What i eat its good although not very varied. Lots of rice, avocado, eaggs, pistacchios, beef meat 2 times a week, kéfir 2 times a week. I Dont do yoga , i Dont do meditation (i used to do yoga in the morning It used to make me feel more energized But i quit It because i felt the benefits were NOT outstanding the efforts and time It took). Psychologically i wake Up usually with instant thoughts of anxiety and thinking i have to change a lot of stuff for reality/my Life "to be right" and at the same time i feel i powerless to do It (this make me anxious and frustrated) (But i know this is an illusion because i am awareness behind the thoughts). Still when i take cup of coffee, get dressed, move a little and go on with my day, i feel much better. But the first hour waking Up IS dreadful, emotionally, physically, mentally...etc its like i woke Up poisoned and sick.

Yeah its way more cool to get your card balance or PayPal drained a little bit more each weekend by positive dominatrix sex workers which fuel off your lack of self esteem and lack of sexual experience. Actually It wasnt long time ago that a Domme post in Twitter that a sub has killed himself because of his findom addiction. Actually, kudos to her for sharing that. Its like a plug would share that one of his addicts OD on his own drug. So... you know.. please you high moral beings of Actualized! Maybe Go to her grave to leave flowers and leave for him on a small note he was so Lucky for not being those cringy dudes who mass approached and instead waited for true love online!!! ? .... Tell him "We are proud of you. You killed yourself which was kinda sad But the important is that you didnt become those cringy awkard PUAS!"

10,000 approaches...Jesus...

Until i Dont Bang one for the first time, the belief wont dissipate unfortunately. I tried to rationalize But i accept the Desire and just work for it. You have to Burn your illusion material desigs. One must validate first experience that Love was not really "outside yourself" i Guess.

Its simple. Regarding a long term girlfriend, i agree with you and i would totally choose an average girl with a personality i match with, than a Hot Boring or low conscious Girl. However with sex, It comes implicitly that if you get sex with this hot Girl you Will feel more masculine, validated and loved. Of course that belief is toxic and What fuels low self esteem and all of that shit, But i am example of someone Who has It.

Being masculine and not a pussy

I underestimated the price of freedom. I just came back home after being on a bar/pub having a drink with a couple of puas/wingmans. Honestly i Dont know if they were going to approach later on the night But i was already emotionally fatigued just being with them, so I left "soon". But dude was this a night to remember. They were clearly stage green. I was not expecting this. In a Matter of a few minutes they fastily read me into how constricted, introverted-into my head i am and told me something along the lines of "you have to start valuing yourself" etc. After about 1 hour into What It felt an "intervention" in how i am blockaged inside my head, my ego etc at one point i do felt "free" for some seconds and i tasted What It feels to socialize/Talk totally free and with no internal monologue of fear. This was after they talking to me for at least half an hour straight about how i can get rid myself of this (my social anxiety/blockage/ego.etc) . I got a free therapy session basically Lol Overall i am "Happy" because i had a dose of truth But i am kinda shocked because It seems this is going to take a LOT of fucking work. I am not going to achieve the "freedom" just going out from time to time. I probably Will have to spend hours and hours st least each weekend, for maybe 2-3 years. My ego has to totally break down and i need to stop "controlling" and being constricted in social situations. This is a change in personality. Or better, a Matter of being able to let go in social situations which honestly It feels like lifting a 300Kg. And It seems you have to do It over and over and over. Over expose yourself, desensitize yourself, let go, flow, express, over and over. Until the ego cant anymore control. (Or better said the ego learns that is SAFE to let go and express itself). This is going to take a tremendous amount of work, right? Fuck.

I see. You have never have fun in social situations? If Yes, what is that happens when you did? What makes you don't have fun now? Usually the lack of fun/interesting things to say/excitement is because the person you are with either bores you or you don't find him/her interesting. And what is "your real self" for you?

I´m skinny. Although not a lot. Because eating is not that pleasurable. It´s just meh. Ok. Like, jerking off or taking a shit is more pleasurable for me honestly. Of course if I eat shit like ice-cream cookies, Doritos etc is pleasurable. But I don't want to eat that because afterwards I feel bad. So I eat very healthy. And that means, I can't eat that much. Additionally recently I had a kratom habit and it lowers your appetite and also since if you eat the effects a lowered, people usually try not to eat before taking it so you end up eating less in general. Trust me, a great amount of people you see very skinny, is simply because the consume drugs. Most drugs lowers appetite.

Science will tell you that eating crowded, antibiotic-given chicken, is healthy for you because they look at the "micronutrient" info and concur that is a very complete food. Milk is produced even worse that mass-chicken farming. Science doesn't include the nuance of how the animal lives and the energy it is in, as a factor that is importance in the "healthiness" of a product. That's why science is limited in nutrition. They just look at the nutrients numbers and from that they conclude if something is healthy or not. Or they look at the claims of it producing cancer or someshit like that, and run to search for the "lack of studies" that support that claim. Now they can be "sure" that milk is safe! Wow, I mean isn't this almost funny. But hey, what can you expect from science nowdays, and definetely from this guy that thinks knows something because having read some book or gone to university.

Nobody. A couple of years ago I was just researching stuff to ease anxiety/be more social and I just come up with that. I tried it some times and it was by far the best thing i´ve tried for socialization. I actually remember the first time I took it and went to the supermarket and almost had a metaphysical experience because for the first time I was looking at people and especially girls eyes and felt totally normal/accepeted/Ok. It´s like, it was not just feeling relaxed or not anxious like taking a benzo or alcohol, which just lowers the symptoms, that shit was "clear" it completely eliminated the "anxious/not loved/socially awkward me" energy. But again, and to not throw so much flowers to it, tolerance builds fast and it looks that never goes down no matter if you abstain from it for a long time, after some uses its never as good as the first times.

@soos_mite_ah Sorry but I do think you are kinda of insulting me right here. I get it. You don't understand what it means to feel so far from being confident and attractive as a man, to the point of your crush taking away the knife from your hands while you are trying to cut your own neck in front of her and his BF after a full night of wallowing in pain while you hear them having amazing sex and you feeling so terrible about yourself. When you experience that, maybe you will understand. So when you say "you're wearing a mask that doesn't quite fit" please let me laugh. The one that fits now fucking hurts. So it might don't quite be that good for me after all. Think about it. Fundamentally I am awareness. Everything else is a costume. So why not chose the best survival adapted costume? I have no problem in annihilating everything of "me". The problem is "how". Literally My best moments in life have been when I take drugs and there's no personality. Apart from drugs experiences, I CRAVE those moments with anything; food, movies, caffeine, being concentrated on a fun /interesting task to do, meditating, etc. So I laugh when people talk about "conserving" authenticity. Why would I want to conserve something that brings so much pain?

@StarStruck Yeah... nightgame is another different beast. I am not saying is easier or more difficult than daygame. But yeah it´s more energy-based than daygame. (And more harsh rejections happen too.)

Phenibut is like x10 times better than alcohol. You are even more joyful, social Problem is it can become addictive for some people and it can give some stomach issues for some people if you eat anything during the duration. But dude I have felt like A Master Pua when phenibut has really kicked in sometimes. I don´t take it anymore because I feel I need to become good at this sober because at the end of the day I want heal myself of anxiety and all of that.

@soos_mite_ah I don´t think I´m an introvert. When I feel "safe" with some particular friends or family, I´m expressive, high-energy, joyful. Overall Deep down I want to talk and express myself like crazy but I have social anxiety in some situations and fear of expressing and asserting myself. So everybody thinks I´m an "introvert". Which makes it even more frustrating because deep inside I want to explode. I just don't allow it myself.

@JonasVE12 You have like read my mind today. This was exactly what I have "sensed" in how the work it´s going to be after yesterday's night. Looks grueling work af but at least I have a clear vision of how the work is going to be from now on.

@Someone here I think you need to do an effort now to actually try to see the root of that anxiety. I mean I also can experience generalized anxiety, but it´s clear now for me THE REASON of it. You really don´t know the "behind" of that palpitations or racing thoughts? Really? Nothing? Because if you are not experiencing any kind of mental images or thoughts, then how do even feel "bad" ? Does your anxiety make you constricted in the body, makes you move/jittery? What exactly?

Jesus... 2 years of this. (or more ) Yeah... now I definetely get why I never got much results/growth the last 5-6 years. Yes, it does feel like that man. And personally it feels that it´s a mountain that have never been crowned and one doesn't know if it´s humanly possible to arrive at the peak. @Leo Gura But I guess I need to have trust that somefuckinghow I will get there if I put a tremendous amount of work.

I am not asking because of monk or ascetism ideloogy. The last 7 days, i have been abstaining from using porn, scrolling Twitter and scrolling Instagram. What i have felt is like 50% of my mental issue of anxiety/feeling weird/no energy, have completely dissappeared doing those 3 simple things. My motivational drive have been through the roof. I have also started meditating. Anyways, yesterday night i was kind of depressed i didnt go out and also horny as fuck, so i thought fuck It Im just going to relapse. I tried It to make It as short as possible, try to binging as little as posible in that dopamine mechanism. Once i masturbated i found out that any kind of sexual stimulation that is fake, in the same way as social media, FUCKS UP YOUR DOPAMINE SYSTEM. In the same way when i cant scroll through Twitter or Instagram, i find myself pushed to go out to feel well, if you Dont make your sexual sistem"learn" that It can get pleasure on a fake way (masturbation porn) It Will 100% be pushed to go out and 1). Approach as Girls as are neccesary 2) become the testosterone men "get the shit done" to be abe to do this. I have find that in this 7 days of increased testosterone, this hormone is so powerful It doesnt Care about my identitiy of nice Guy, It has completely overpowered that identitiy. Which makes me feel quite Happy ?. So anyways after this LONG POST SORRY, i wanted to Ask, when i relapse Next time, IS there any info in.how to bring yourself to release withouth the least possible pleasure and withouth thinking in sexual fantasy stuff? I want It to be as changning the oil. Robotic, mechanic, asthetic. I want to make my Brain learn the love and experiences are out there, not in a fucking screen ?‍♂️?‍♂️?‍♂️? PD; I have also to add that thanks to no fapping, i def felt my testosterone raising to levels that i havent ever seen in my normal life, some examples, i felt much more violent and "get the shit done", i also lifted weights which i never do. In regards to sexual/attraction Desire to the opposite sex, It felt like mini orgasm through my soul each time i Saw a Hot Girl on the street, But this also frustrates you to the point of going crazy, But the idea about this is that you end Up approaching her because of this.

Hahahaha wait when you have spent 1K on findom buddy. That would put things on perspective on how meaningless a damn cup of coffee is. Woah that's a serious master level PUA technique you got there Nahm. Not only you get the coffee free but you have a excuse to go back to her place! @Nahm

I can think about 3-4 girls this has happened me with. I think it happens when the following 3 things happen, particularly when my brain sees them as: attractive potential partners I am way too attached in how they perceive me I just had this 5-min conversation with a girl I share flat with (I know, it's not such a good idea to mix men/women in a flat but she wasn't here when I moved so I find a little bit too exaggerated to just move because she's here Lol) (honestly everything have good, I try to not do much talking in order to not develop sexual tension or weird attachment). So this energy is really fucking fucked up. Because when I have anxiety I more or less can see "the thoughts" that create the anxiety. But this constriction stuff is literally in the body/it´s appearing in the now, even though I really do not fucking think, I just feel really fucking weird ,like I can´t stop moving how I am positioning my hands (I guess because I am auto-analyzing myself how is she perceiving me?¿), or (and this is weird) I do not know if how am I seated is how I want to be, it's like I forget what is my true "free will" and suddenly I find myself thinking if I would be really be seated like this if I would be alone. I can't stop thinking also: "am I seating/positioning my head/hands correctly or am I doing it in a weird way and she is noticing??" And when I start talking to her I also weirdly become super excited in a weird way I become too nervous and words just don't come up as relaxed as with other person I might talk to. I find hard also to talk slow with her. Also, it might be important, the first weeks when I would talk to her this didn't happened in this extreme way, I wasn't that self conscious. So basically my anxiety has gone "worse" with this girl. It's because I developed attachment? But why? I don't have any feelings or anything else towards the girl Lol. I just have deep attachment in how she perceives me I guess?¿ By the way, all of that I have described is not related exclusively to this girl, it has happened always (in more or less degree) with the other 3-4 girls I've met in my life that weirdly they "trigger" this constricted/fucked up energy in me.

Earplugs are for poor people. Use AirPods Pro!

I would have just let the issue go. Also regarding the kiss I think the problem is just a lack of leadership and assertiveness which stems from lack of masculine energy. I think You are doing well. You just have to go full-throttle on to that masculine energy.

I struggle with this... any advice? Plenty plenty of girls nowadays in the comercial areas of my city. Honestly! A ridiculous amount of girls in the 19:00-20:00 time, it even hurts of how many Lol.. But no balls to approach so far