Javfly33

Mmm ime the first thought a Guy is thinking is not wheter he wants to fuck you or not. At least thats in my case. However i think you are confusing different things. One thing is sexual atraction, which doesnt necessarily includes the thought "i want to fuck her" But just... that, an atraction of sexual energy. And another IS the inclination or curiosity to Connect. This can happen with just a friend, It doesnt even have to be a sexual or intimate partner.

Nice But It probably wont enlighten you

Cant Tell you any advice since Im very clueless at survival, But i wish you good luck! You seem to remain positive and good mood so i bet you Will find something better

Forget spirituality, non duality ,etc. Treat other like its not another you But rather someone to exploit and manipulate the most you can for your selfish agenda. Construct an story In how they are bad so you can further be mean and manipulative to them withouth no remorse for you.

Spoke to an user of the forum, apparently i havent yet really surrendered the ego. My trauma is still there after many ego dissolutions, so they must have been just parcial, not total. I think i need a clear awakening through 5-meo before i can continue any further. Cant meditate withouth clearing Up my trauma anyway.

Dont bother, is useless. I watched a lot of leos videos, did lots of Psychedelics, a lot of them i stopepd myself to even have fun (like putting music during the trip) so i could Focus on awareness trying to get enlightened. Did too lots of Boring meditations and self inquiry which really never solved Any of my problems (except one single awakening with self inquiry which lasted 1 day and i was at peace) Im not saying God aint real or awakening is not posible, It clealry IS for some genetic freaks. But not for 99% of people. So chances are, you are going to waste your time, energy, and hopes pursuing something that anyways you Will have when you die. I advice you to focus on material achievements (this includes making your mind more calm and powerful sure) and forget Any Hope of trying to achieve satisfaction , happiness, or Bliss, just because.

What is push-pull?

Nope, i moved here relatively not long ago so i have only 2 Friends and they are not related with work at all

If you do pick Up vibrating at yellow , you aint doing pick Up anymore. You are just having fun and connecting (which of course can get you laid to, But not as guaranteed as more selfish and calculated as stage red/Orange)

Wtf, no your not blowing out of proportion, this is because you live in a third world country, if that happens to you in Europe that Guy goes probably to jail Lol

Well that is because doing pickup is neurotic and ego-stage red oriented. Dont expect to feel like a Sage glowing on your third chakra while "scouting" for Girls downtown. But if thats where you are, thats where you are. You have to burn stage doing It, not avoiding It.

I noticed i tend to be a doormat and extreme people pleaser to any client over the phone (i recently have started a management job with more responsability so i have to answer the phone and deal with customers asking about their orders). How do i become more of an asshole and not care so much about their order or their benefit? Last time i was with a customer for over 8 minutes because he was saying the typical complain of "the delivery Guy didnt knocked on the door But here It says they tried the delivery". Usually my Boss dispatches this complains fast (not believing What the customer says) But i try to do every thing to him being happy and getting his order.

@NoSelfSelf i think leo brainwashing with the "if you are not selfless you arent good/conscious" has deeply damaged my survival agenda

I agree with sadghuru. I do have a Life purpose But Im conscious IS totally a Game and a theatre to entertain myself and have fun. I think sadghuru means It in that sense, most people understand Life purpose as something crucial to do or something they were put on this earth to do. That thinking can become neurotic and needy. Do What you most like to do in Life, But be concious is you Who attach the meaning and importance to It

Are you sure im.not "bad" if i am a jerk?

I feel i cant give myself permission i have the Deep belief that being that way IS bad, and being a doormat/people pleaser is good . @Preety_India thanks ?

Because nobody has the balls to do the latter, except some rare gurus once in a while

This is not normal Lol. Never had I relapsed this hard. What is wrong with my mind? I've hit rock bottom I guess. I wonder if this Will this be the time that makes me want to wake up the fuck up and go become a man, or if it makes me want to leave everything behind. But I guess the only way out is in.

Look, i Dont know how Life is in USA, maybe there are some countries or societies where Deep Consciousness development (like being conscious of Oneness) can be something which could be practiced withouth repercusions and possible benefits in the long run. But, here, no, I live in a decent country in Europe (its not the BEST ones like Germany, UK, etc) But its neither the Eastern countries (Yugoslavia, romania, etc), and i gotta say, since i started living on my own, its not that What i learned so far about spirituality and trascendent psychedelic trips havent been useful to pay my bills here, its that overall It has deeply damaged my survival and making my situation better. It has taken me time to realize that i actually need to forget What i experienced and What i learned because this is a jungle of hienas each of one deeply Lost in its own selfishness. Practicing selfishness Will only damage you in such a low develop society. I have to forget about Oneness to be Able to care a lot less about anybody else so i can get my way and make my situation better.

@Knowledge Hoarder thanks Bro. Yeah i think its a form of love Lol. Honestly It had been like almost 2 months since i havent consumed dominatrix services since my last lsd trip where i realized i was really fucked Up and i was vibrating in hate. But like i said i took aderall and It was like It reactivated that pleasure pathways. Never again. Where to start. First i would like to make money doing What i love. Then to control my mind to let me be Who i really want.

UPDATE, i confess i took aderall that same weekend because i wanted to have energy and motivation and low anxiety, But that made my libido go through the roof at the afternoon and night and felt endlessly horny/excited to consume sex products/services. At this date i havent spent more and i Dont plan to do.

@Nahm Why Dont love just love all thoughts then lol

Yeah you right in that aspect. Even though i still have an ego with strong attachments i am Lucky in that sense.

Yeah not very good...

Yeah your so cool. Add some infinity, love words and you are good to go. ? Right