Javfly33

Nice ?

It's more physical. Like, I just feel bad in my body. (And also, tired).

The question is, can you? No, you can't. Most guys if put close to a really hot girl, can't be themselves (truth) even if they want.

Jon Hopkins released a new album just yesterday, and it's called "Music for Psychedelic Therapy" If that wasn't cool enough, this one behind is one of the gems inside that album. You're welcome, sneaky eternal soul

@Moksha What you mean my true nature, you mean awareness? See i just think we Dont communicate well. I think we have discovered certain stuff. We are just not understanding correctly. When i Talk about understanding, i Dont mean understanding awareness or Infinity. I literally mean understanding for example why i had precisely the Life i had (as the ego). Why that car is blue and not Green. Why the Earth was created with water and Land. Why i was born in x city. Why Gravity exists. Why why why why. See What i Dont agree is in that just because awareness or Spirit IS behind language and concepts, then that means that the material dream, is just useless and doesnt Mean anything. Cant you see that the material dream IS also part of Spirit? That car you seeing right now when you walk down the street, is not a dumb cold object outside of yourself (Spirit). Is fucking Spirit too. If you Dont understand why that car is there, thats fine. But Dont downplay It saying Spirit is behind concepts. Because doing that Its begging the question. I am not asking about spirit. Im asking about the car! PD: and the car is Spirit.

@Someone here thats cute as a fantasy. Yet you Dont live as IS appearance. Im sure you take serious sex, food, murder, etc. If its all an appearance and imaginary, you wouldnt have Fear. You still have doubts.

Here's the "Phenomena": I am meditating, and suddenly intense silence sets in. Probably the ego is being deconstructed here. This is where the weird "phenomena"/reaction that Im talking about happens. Suddenly I move my head like crazy and do a sound, I do a wild gesticulation which I don't have any control over (its just happens) but here's the trick: once this gesticulation happens, it obviously puts me out / stops the concentration and I have to go back to concentrating/meditating. The silence/contration is lost. ¿A trick of the ego resisting the SILENCE? It happened yesterday after so much time without doing spiritual practices (I picked back up the mediation habit just 2 weeks ago), but it used to happen almost DAILY when I did that Yoga retreat 1 year ago. It's just sucks because it seems like the ego just keeps rejecting and rejecting the silence, no matter what I do, it always reacts once it gets too serious. HAHAHA. ¿Has anyone experience this and do you think it stops spiritual growth or I shouldn't give it much importance?

Of course, when anything that goes against your narrative of reductionism then its me who is understanding wrong. And if Leos saying in anyway seems to contradict What you say, then Leo was just "doing an analogy". @Someone here yeah unfortunately you might be right

@The0Self how much do you think i have until samadhi?

@Illusory Self sounds you have to release a ton of emotional baggage of the ego to actually be fully present, express, and enjoy social interactions. You should really treat this as a focus and not treat it like it's nothing. Focus for the next year on going full throttle to desestruct this social anxiety/shame/lack of masculine energy/love you got there going on. Psychedelics, pick up/social challenges, etc are some methods I've used. But of course that pain you feel over and over lately will be the main drive to make you put to work and sort this thing out . I'm also in a similar process as yours but I've recently had some interesting growth that has made me quite motivated. If you ever want to chat I have my DM open. Good luck !

@Moksha so Leo is bs? Sure I had direct consciousness of awareness. But WHY do you close yourself to the possibility of understanding? Is what I don't understand. And I'm not saying it has to be a linguistical understanding.

Yes, but that doesn't make you understand reality. Lol Exactly like me. PD: yes, I mean "enlightenment". If Enlightenment is Direct and Awareness, then yeah, it can't be "known" or "understood" @Moksha But then Why Leo talks so much about understanding? In the literal sense he means. He talks about state of consciousness, understanding, etc. In a very linguistic sense. Everybody can get a direct consciousness realization through DMT/Psychedelics yet that doesn't mean you understand (Paraphrasing Leo here). Huh, what do you guys have to say about that? @Moksha @VeganAwake

1 million I would say

@BipolarGrowth did u get it? How's everything going btw ?, haven't heard from for a while brother ?

How do you know that?

Do you manage yourself the database Leo?

HHAHA cute. Sexual Desire its Absolutely monstruos power in human psyche. I have done +100 hours of meditation, +100 hours Yoga, self inquiry, +10 trips of several assuming "ego dissolution/Enlightment triggering" Psychedelics + one natural inclination to the metaphysical nature of reality since being a kid. NONE OF THAT was Able to stop the sexual Desire, neediness, Drive, etc. Its Absolutely powerful. Now i have forgotten any Desire to "dominate" the mind. I am 100% Focus on Career (60%) and Game (40%).

Things to declare: I put at least 8 hours of sleep I do drink coffee (But i have cut it down a bit and before i didnt used to woke Up feeling SO BAD) I do drink kratom (again, i have cut it down a lot and in the process of tapering down. Still, before when i used to take more i didnt used to woke Up SO BAD). I Dont do exercise (this might be key, before i used to do at least something, although not much. Now Im pretty sedentary although i walk at least 25 min a day (commute work) ) My diet is Ok. I probably have a deficienciy of vitamin c and magnesium (i gotta get back to the tahini + honey + chía Seeds Sandwiches God damn It), But overall What i eat its good although not very varied. Lots of rice, avocado, eaggs, pistacchios, beef meat 2 times a week, kéfir 2 times a week. I Dont do yoga , i Dont do meditation (i used to do yoga in the morning It used to make me feel more energized But i quit It because i felt the benefits were NOT outstanding the efforts and time It took). Psychologically i wake Up usually with instant thoughts of anxiety and thinking i have to change a lot of stuff for reality/my Life "to be right" and at the same time i feel i powerless to do It (this make me anxious and frustrated) (But i know this is an illusion because i am awareness behind the thoughts). Still when i take cup of coffee, get dressed, move a little and go on with my day, i feel much better. But the first hour waking Up IS dreadful, emotionally, physically, mentally...etc its like i woke Up poisoned and sick.

Yeah its way more cool to get your card balance or PayPal drained a little bit more each weekend by positive dominatrix sex workers which fuel off your lack of self esteem and lack of sexual experience. Actually It wasnt long time ago that a Domme post in Twitter that a sub has killed himself because of his findom addiction. Actually, kudos to her for sharing that. Its like a plug would share that one of his addicts OD on his own drug. So... you know.. please you high moral beings of Actualized! Maybe Go to her grave to leave flowers and leave for him on a small note he was so Lucky for not being those cringy dudes who mass approached and instead waited for true love online!!! ? .... Tell him "We are proud of you. You killed yourself which was kinda sad But the important is that you didnt become those cringy awkard PUAS!"

10,000 approaches...Jesus...

Until i Dont Bang one for the first time, the belief wont dissipate unfortunately. I tried to rationalize But i accept the Desire and just work for it. You have to Burn your illusion material desigs. One must validate first experience that Love was not really "outside yourself" i Guess.

Its simple. Regarding a long term girlfriend, i agree with you and i would totally choose an average girl with a personality i match with, than a Hot Boring or low conscious Girl. However with sex, It comes implicitly that if you get sex with this hot Girl you Will feel more masculine, validated and loved. Of course that belief is toxic and What fuels low self esteem and all of that shit, But i am example of someone Who has It.

Being masculine and not a pussy

I underestimated the price of freedom. I just came back home after being on a bar/pub having a drink with a couple of puas/wingmans. Honestly i Dont know if they were going to approach later on the night But i was already emotionally fatigued just being with them, so I left "soon". But dude was this a night to remember. They were clearly stage green. I was not expecting this. In a Matter of a few minutes they fastily read me into how constricted, introverted-into my head i am and told me something along the lines of "you have to start valuing yourself" etc. After about 1 hour into What It felt an "intervention" in how i am blockaged inside my head, my ego etc at one point i do felt "free" for some seconds and i tasted What It feels to socialize/Talk totally free and with no internal monologue of fear. This was after they talking to me for at least half an hour straight about how i can get rid myself of this (my social anxiety/blockage/ego.etc) . I got a free therapy session basically Lol Overall i am "Happy" because i had a dose of truth But i am kinda shocked because It seems this is going to take a LOT of fucking work. I am not going to achieve the "freedom" just going out from time to time. I probably Will have to spend hours and hours st least each weekend, for maybe 2-3 years. My ego has to totally break down and i need to stop "controlling" and being constricted in social situations. This is a change in personality. Or better, a Matter of being able to let go in social situations which honestly It feels like lifting a 300Kg. And It seems you have to do It over and over and over. Over expose yourself, desensitize yourself, let go, flow, express, over and over. Until the ego cant anymore control. (Or better said the ego learns that is SAFE to let go and express itself). This is going to take a tremendous amount of work, right? Fuck.

I see. You have never have fun in social situations? If Yes, what is that happens when you did? What makes you don't have fun now? Usually the lack of fun/interesting things to say/excitement is because the person you are with either bores you or you don't find him/her interesting. And what is "your real self" for you?