Victor Mgazi

Why is consciousness the way that it is? To know this, I feel one must first know what consciousness is. My first breakthrough from the grounding myself in the present moment excercise had led to me being aware of consciousness. But I'm not aware of what consciousness is. Everything arises from consciousness, in fact everything is consciousness, including the strong sense of individual self. I'm aware of that now, that's cool. But it goes deeper. Consciousness appears to be nothing. When self inquiring, the the world and thoughts disappear, leading me to pure consciousness that is awareness. There's really nothing there other than what I can only describe as utter silence. Through serious self attentiveness the mind literally retreats leaving you with pure awareness. Consciousness is awareness without stuff, meaning without imagination, that is what I've recognized as nothing. But to recognize consciousness as being nothing isn't very fulfilling. I'm still aware of reality and not what I've labeled nothing, if such is possible. I need to know what consciousness is without mind or imagination. If I can be aware to the level that I know what consciousness is then I'm betting I'll know why it is the way it is. I only need to practice and raise my awareness. Although I wouldn't be really raising anything I'd just be cleansing my awareness of thought-beliefs thus making it as conscious as it purely is. That's the whole thing to it. Meditation, yoga, inquiry, etc.. these are all just means to rid awareness of ego-thoughts. So that would be my goal then. To purify myself as awareness and become as conscious as I already am without the impurities of ego-mind. Goals: 1. Practice mindfulness meditation. I'm expecting this practice to increase my concentration capacity so that when it's time I am able to focus on the actual self which is pure being and remain there until I finally know what it is. 2. Introduce myself to kriya yoga.

@Karas , the way I understand it is that the more conscious you become is the more you know. Understanding something is of mind-thought activity. Being directly aware of something is more intimate then trying to figure it out mentally. But if you mean understanding in the compassionate sense then yes, as you become more conscious you become more compassionate.

@SvanteTheBeast , focusing on the breath itself is the goal, as far as I know. This is a technique in mindfulness meditation. Pay attention to the breath when you inhale and exhale, it's temperature, it's volume

Consciousness An alert cognitive state in which you are aware of yourself and your situation. Except this is wrong. Consciousness is not a state nor is it a capacity. During my exploration in the field of science especially that of quantum mechanics I had ran into what the quantum physicists called the scientists referred to as 'the hard problem'. Apparently despite the many scientific fields out there, no one really knew what consciousness was and why it became the most important mystery in science and philosophy. I was very well on my journey in getting down to the bottom of things when I realized how much I had overlooked consciousness. Like most people I had taken for granted and presumed it was just something the brain could do. So instead of focusing all of my attention to what quantum physics and neurology had to say, I started watching videos regarding consciousness on you tube. I heard so many concepts and intriguing explanations but none like Leo's take. That's when I first watched one of Leo's videos and actually started getting into self actualisation. After a few more videos I decided that I would start inquiring and meditating. Doing so, I stayed away from his videos and the forum until I became aware of what he was going on about in his videos. It was almost a year or so but after some time I eventually had a breakthrough. I realized what he was talking about. I became aware of consciousness itself. All this happened suddenly on my way from school, walking down the street I just suddenly saw through the illusion of reality. It was mind blowing. Consciousness was it's own thing, totally independent from anything else or anyone. That was the day I had lost my body. I knew that my physical appearance, including my sensations and everything that had seemed to be me, was just an illusion. No one can really say what consciousness is because of it's fundamental nature. It's so fundamental it transcends words. Words cannot capture it. Consciousness is reality itself or the universe if you like. And it is what it is, as it is. You either aware of it or you don't know what it is. And so when that happened I started doing exercises, namely the hand awareness excercise that helped me grasp this truth, I mean truly appreciate it and really know it directly without any daubts. All that is what led to my first awakening. The awakening to what 'experience' really is and what the world or reality is, including existence. Consciousness is Existence existing, it's pure Being, the isness of everything, the very substance to reality. Consciousness is not the product of the brain it's actually the other way around. And nothing can be outside of consciousness, that is nothing can exist outside consciousness. Consciousness is all there is. And from that day on I got back to Actualized.org with another question in mind. Although consciousness is all there is that doesn't explain why it is the way it is.

Here's something more or less radical. Sense organs don't actually exist. Your eyes, your ears, your skin.. these are all just a figment of your imagination. In fact that which you call your body doesn't exist. It's not actually your body. Try to become aware of that. When you close your eyes and pay attention to the various sensations, notice what your mind does, it immediately imagines a body to account for all these feelings including the tension itself. Your mind immediately starts identifying with the very sensations of pressure, warmth, an itch. The body is literally a thought. The room doesn't turn dark when you close your eyes! You don't actually have eyes. You're not seeing reality, reality is just existing. So, if you are coming from the idea that humans are conscious or are capable of consciousness whilst other nonliving objects are not then you couldn't be more wrong. There's no such thing as individual consciousness because there are no individuals. Your friends are not conscious, your pet is not conscious, no biological entity is capable of consciousness, you are not conscious! There only thing that is conscious is consciousness itself. That's what's actually happening here. Consciousness is being conscious of Consciousness. The only reason why everyone, the people around, including this body that you've claimed belongs to you, appear to be conscious is because you're mistaking intelligence for consciousness. Reality is intelligent, that's why things happen in the first place. You have proper conversations with your family, not because they are conscious but because reality is intelligent. If you awaken to that truth, or maybe just catch a glimpse of it. Then you'll be aware of what I'm trying to point out here. For instance, the only reason why you are so sure that you have a body, you have a mind and that you exist is precisely because reality is intelligent. These aren't your thoughts they are realities thoughts. Why? Because reality is basically like this big infinite mind. Brains don't produce thoughts that's an illusion. But this is not easy to get, I'm just trying to point out the things that you've probably taken to be true for what they are, what they really are, what they actually are. Intelligence is the reason why consciousness/reality is capable of imagination. Don't underestimate the consciousness's intelligence. It's intelligence is the reason why you believe that you're an individual. It's a mindfuck. So to summarize: you're not actually reading this right now, you're not actually seeing this right now and you're not actually even breathing right now. Consciousness is doing all of those things, it's doing you too.

Hi everyone Thought it would be a great idea to start a thread where people can genuinely help one another with this spiritual journey that we have all embarked on. The idea behind this thread is that people would share their insights and realisations with the aim of pointing out to those who have not yet had that awakening in the right direction. So we would sort of just be holding hands here and pulling one another in the path so that no ends up getting lost so to speak. For example, if you've had an awakening and you're directly aware of some truth which is overlooked by many then if you could.. you would post whatever ever that insight helped you realize as to shed some light on common misconceptions regarding reality. These pointers would then be sort of shifting perspectives in a way that if a person is holding a belief or some idea about reality which is preventing him/her from directly accessing it then this will help make that clear and help focus on what is actually going on, what is actually there. So if you, let's say, had an awakening to what love is and you're directly aware of what it is then your job would be to shed light on common ideas regarding love like how it's an emotion.. you would have to say why that isn't the case. But not just say so, actually help us notice why it isn't the case, point out the idea, expose the egotistic belief and what we're imagining, kinda like the way Leo does in his videos. I've titled this thread "Actually" because we would only be pointing out what is actually happening, things we've taken for granted. Like: "Hey, you know that thing we call an emotion that is triggered by electromagnetic chemicals? Well, actually it's not that at all because if you notice x y and z you'll understand that emotions are just imagination." So, this is not about getting other people to awaken to the thing that you've awakened to. That won't happen. That person would also have to put in some of the work you've put in in order to really get that awakening. Same way watching Leo's videos won't suddenly make you awake to whatever insight is being shared in the video. Here we're basically just all traveling while holding hands so that everyone has better chances of coming out into the light. I just figured that hey.. since we're all on the same path why don't we just hold hands and guide each other to the same destination. Rules: 1. Don't talk about it if you're not directly aware of it! I'm trying to prevent debates from happening. This is not 'the battle of the insights' thread. If you're directly aware of it then there would be no point in arguing because we all see that the grass is green. And if a person is not getting whatever that you're trying to point to and is just opposing in every direction then drop it. Clearly that person is not ready for that insight. 2. No dropping nondual A-bombs! Guys, we are trying to share radical insights from personal awakenings and we are trying to radically shift perspectives for the good of the path. But don't just show up heavy handed with it saying things like "Nothing exists". I mean come on! You're missing the point of this thread then. I mean if you're directly aware of nonduality then great for you, but show consideration for the guy who just started with this work. Me, I'm the guy who just started with this path and for me it sure as hell, clearly, seems like a lot of things exist. Alright, and those are the rules. Please, don't be stressful be helpful. If you get the impression that the other person is not feeling helped then immediately let it go. It's okay Okay then, I hope I've made things clear and that my post isn't that long. But most importantly I hope most you folks would be willing to help and share some insights with care and love. I'll start just so that everyone knows how I mean this. ?

So you know that thing we call time, and our understanding of it: past, present and future? How we all think it works and exists? Well, after I had an awakening to what experience really is I also realized what time actually is. Time is not the continuum of experience in which events pass from the future through the present to the past. In fact it's not even a real thing. What it actually is.. is your imagination projecting onto what's there. Only now exists. Try to focus your awareness on now, this very unceasing moment. There is no past, there is no present( in a temporal sense) and there is no future. All of that is imagined. Look for the past and tell me where it exists. Look for the future and tell me where it is. Look for the present and tell me where it is. Is it here? Is it this moment? What's a moment? Where does this moment start and where does it end? Are you directly aware of the present or is it just a figment of your imagination? I'm not saying what's happening now doesn't exist. I'm saying what's happening now isn't what you think it is. Another common misconception regarding time is that people think everything that takes place does so in time, anything that occurs does so in time, consciousness is acquired in time and lost in time. That's all false. You're not aware of what experience really is if you're thinking like that. Consciousness is what allows time, or rather, the illusion of time to exist. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that prophets and people with psychic abilities who can see the future and etc, I'm not saying that all of that is bs. I'm not saying that tommorow you won't get up and go where ever you want to go. I'm only saying that what you would normally call time isn't time, not really. A person may have a vision of tomorrow but that doesn't mean she travelled metaphysically to the future and came back to tell you what will happen. The vision isn't the future, it's precisely that a vision. It still occurred here and now. I'm not saying that five minutes ago didn't happen, I'm saying that five minutes ago is what you imagine. The same way a vision is not the future just as well a memory is not the past. It's not a memory of the past, no it's simply a memory. It's not there to prove that time exists and act as evidence that five minutes ago did happen, no. That's all thoughts, imagination. No, five minutes ago is exactly that, a memory (in fact this word is also entirely misleading) a thought, happening now. I would also go as far as to say nothing actually happens but I won't drop that bomb on you. Not yet at least. If you're still not aware of what I'm trying to point to and you feel you have reasons as to why I'm wrong then feel free to post them and ask whatever it is you want to ask. I can only talk about so much in a single post without boring anyone so.. ask. And this is just relatively small stuff that I'm talking about here so as to give an example of what I meant in my original post. This is me trying to shift your perspective by pointing out thoughts and beliefs that prevent you from having the awakening I had to what experience actually is and so I'm just trying to make you more prone to this realisation. Anyway yeah, holding hands basically ?

Why I seek the truth and what it is. Basically, this is why I'm doing this work. Studying, meditating and so on. I'm not doing this for 'enlightenment'. No, not really. I'm not even sure about what that is anyway but from what I've heard and seen, I can genuinely say that it's not even my first priority or at least not just yet . The whole reason as to why I do this is because I want to know what the truth is. Why? Because one of my biggest objectives in life is for me to live an authentic lifestyle. I don't want to build my life on falsehood and belief, I want to build it on something stable, something unshakable. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I want to be grounded, my nature (who I am, what I am, why I am) should be grounded into something that cannot be done away with. I want to live an authentic lifestyle because no matter the circumstances I don't want to find myself believing that I'm something/someone that I'm not, I want to be free to be myself. The decisions that I make have to be genuine, I don't want to have to lie to myself. So I seek the truth because it's the most firm and stable thing that one can ever ground thyself on. And the truth will lead me to live an authentic lifestyle because my life would be correspondent with it. Every system I've ever gotten myself into whether that be science, religion, philosophy, psychology, everything.. I did that to find the truth. Truth for me is something that eliminates daubt because it's stable, it's constant, it doesn't change under any circumstance and that's EXACTLY what I want for my life: under any circumstances I always want to be myself. Why is that? Because I freaking love myself, myself is the only thing that I truly have in this world. I, me, that's the one thing I have. So I shouldn't let that be taken away from me otherwise I'll be greatly depressed. And by "myself" I'm not referring to my identity, hell I don't really care what people call me or what kind of a person people think I am. They can call me many things, a jerk, a hero, a nazi, a devil.. it's whatever. Even if that is the case I would be willing to die for it because it's me. I love me. Nobody will love me as much as I love me. When I'm being me I am happy, whether that me is out there making people laugh, or helping people or killing people.. it doesn't matter what I'm doing so long as it's genuine. So to answer what truth is.. I don't know, that's what I'd like to find out. Once I do, I'll be free. Free to do me, free to Be. Because it wouldn't matter what life throws at me - it wouldn't change the truth and therefore, because I've grounded myself to it - it wouldn't change who I am. I seek the truth because I love myself! Not my life, not my identity, not my things and looks, not even my 'soul' whatever that may be. I love this, that which is here, that which exists, that very will of wanting to explore, that which makes me me. I love it. It's the only thing that's truly there for me. And so I need to know it's truth. I need to find out the truth of myself, the truth of me, the truth of I. All for the sake of love ?

I'd say not being grounded in yourself, that is not knowing who you are or what you want to achieve, is a big obstacle because most people sort of rush through life having forgotten one critical question that is who are you. Otherwise you're left wandering through life because you don't know your place in this world. Not doing introspection is definitely an obstacle. Regarding peace, that comes from within. Most people don't have it because their lives are grounded on fear.

If you do somehow manage to get control of your nervous system then would you do me a favor and let me know how you did it 'cause you would have achieved out of this world.

@Emerald thank you so much for sharing your experience, it's very beautiful and inspiring. Also, I understand what you mean by your path being surrendering, please do fulfil it. It's yours ? I also have questions though. When you "died" was it not peaceful? I imagine all your fears vanishing with 'you' since that's their source. So what is it exactly that was overwhelming about the experience of death? Love? Truth? Consciousness? I'm already in touch with my true nature although I'm still not directly aware of it, but I know that my True being is at peace and isn't burdened by itself. When you say something like God is burdened by/because x y and z and finds rest in its finite forms... I honestly can't understand how that is because I'm not aware of it even in deep sleep where I'm pure consciousness. Also, I understand that you may have not accepted the Truth which is your being, but clearly you've accepted the expression that comes forth from your true being, so..are you in love with it (your reality, life, extension as you say)? Because it's only if you've accepted without resistance that you can see the beauty of it, only if you've surrendered to it completely can you see God's love from your reality or really yourself. I hope you can understand my questions and help make clear these deductions. Good luck with your path ??

Alright, so I'm going to begin this thread by confessing that I'm too comfortable where I'm at now and that might just prevent me from going all the way through with this work. And with that being said, I'm going to need help moving forward. But before I explain what I mean I'd like to ask if there's anyone here who knows some practices that can prepare me or perpetuate me to my.. what is now commonly known as "ego death" ? I'd like to do this before, if it gets there, I use psychedelics to achieve this state. Okay, now for the explanation. So after my last awakening which was the awakening to Love, an aspect or identity of God, I felt enormously loved and I could surrender myself to life. I'm at peace with how things transpire and I have no desire to control anything about it. This is who I am, or at least a serious part of me. But unfortunately it can't stop there because all of that is just a quarter of the full picture. Upon realizing how all of this(reality/life/existence) is happening: in/from the fabric of consciousness, I now see that this dream or story this fabric is telling can't just take me from seeing God to being God. I would literally need to be consciousness itself But that's not what this story is about; it's about Victor. If I want to have a shot at being aware of how I am God then this dream has to cease, I need to die. That is really not as easy as it sounds because that's almost the last thing that I would ever want despite the fact that I seek enlightenment. I'm scared of the truth. Really, I am and so should everyone else because the truth doesn't need you.. not really. Although some might say that you are the truth, lol.. yeah but it's really not like you think and I mean really not like you think. God is Love because ultimately God is selfless. But that's not something you have to get right away from this. So, to sum up my point, I'm finding myself resisting to continue with this work because I know that it will literally be the death of me. But I also know that it's necessary because this is the truth I've been searching for for a very long time now. Please help me get there. I mean you can either be absolutely terrified at the truth or be absolutely in love with it, right ? Now, the practices please ?

@Nahm Conscience?

@ivankiss It's an assumption based on what @ivankiss stated here ?

@ivankiss oh okay Yeah, I can see how you mean. Right now I feel here.. present. I don't need to think about it and come to a conclusion through rationalizing as to how I'm here. This feeling is prior to mind making sense of it. Nahm, what is this "something to get" exactly?? Be more specific please ??

Oh okay, I see that. But please help me get what or how that has something to do with the truth ? Yes I agree, making distinctions is quite helpful. So I should ask with the mind and answer with direct experience/awareness? I do believe that that is very effective. Thank you I always find that there is a sense of presence especially when I would be meditating. But now I'm aware of it even when I'm not meditating, meditating just helped me acknowledged it's raw presence without the ego claiming it. It's subtle but more present then anything else ?. I'm not sure if it's consciousness being self aware but what I am sure of, in fact aware of, is that this is from consciousness. I want to say that it might be there very presence of consciousness but I'm not directly aware of that if it's true. Anyway, thank you again guys for the input. I'm really intrigued by y'all's level of knowledge and I appreciate that you're willing to share the wisdom that you've attained. And again, I'm still looking for exercises that can help me be less resistant to the Truth or being aware of what I am. So far I have the 'letting go' practice, more resources on self inquiry work and great advice from you wise folks. Thank you

Thanks for the reference. I'll check out the books.

@Spaceofawareness Then what's the difference between feeling and thought? Other than their perceptual distinction of course ? I'd say everything is of Truth

@Spaceofawareness what I have noticed is that the self model is awareness, although I prefer to use the term consciousness in this context, so in that sense there's no ego to transcend. But I'm not aware that I'm the truth because of this expression of me. What I need is something that will expose this expression (or model) of me for what it really is.. Me?‍♂️ The destruction of me won't really be the destruction because consciousness can't be destroyed, rather it will be like looking at a portrait as a whole rather than the subject painted in the portrait. The truth is the whole, so instead of being me as that's what is presented from this canvas of consciousness.. I'll be Me because I'm not just aware of what is being presented, I'm aware of the being that's doing the presenting.. I'm aware of the ocean and not just the wave.. I'm aware of the dreamer and not just the dream.. I'm aware of the only Truth that ever was and will be.. Me Though I didn't come to understand this because the model self reflected it if that's possible. I had to seriously question the model, interrogate it until it confessed to it's illusory properties, then from there I acknowledged the paint of consciousness rather than just the subject of the painting. But now I need to acknowledged the whole thing, but I can't because I'm only aware of what consciousness presents or allows me to be aware of. It's funny because you could say that I'm not aware of my true being because I'm too busy existing and expressing who I am, I'm too busy dreaming every part of me into existence that the dreamer twistedly becomes irrelevant. I'm too selfless that I completely forget about me and who I truly am ?. But that's okay, I'm anyways inevitable

Okay, I think understand this. Thanks for a detailed and beautiful description.

@StripedGiraffe thank you so much, that info is helpful. I'll definitely check out that video and immediately get into the exercise. I'll also follow your advice regarding the psychedelics. @ivankiss ? Thanks everyone ? Oh, and just to clarify, I'm not afraid of ego death (or whatever you prefer calling it). I was only stating that I believe that during or early in my death fear will probably be an emotion that stands tall above any other, and for that reason I might resist letting go of me and not reach the truth. It's more of a concern than a fear really. That's how I mean by saying that I might not be ready. I don't want to have to be using psychedelics for an unnecessary number of times just because I'm too attached to go all the way.

@Nahm thank you so much. I finally get what you're telling me and it makes so much sense. Wow, thank you for sharing such wisdom with me. You're so wise. I hope we have more conversations on this sort of stuff. Okay, so I'm choosing to believe in death for the sake of being right/thinking I'm right. Which is unnecessary and pointless because at the end of the day they are just thoughts and not the truth that I'm seeking. Rather, I should believe in thoughts that make me feel good for the sake of a positive experience. I should be willing to let the negative beliefs go. And I'm assuming this is how I'll be less resistant to being aware of the truth ? How exactly do you mean this??

Thank you all for your input in this. I really appreciate it. Okay, so just to clarify somethings. It's not really that I'm afraid of death or afraid to continue with this work, I'm simply just resistant to it and I thought the reason why I am is because my ego sort of knows that it will utterly exposed for what it really is. And I know that in the end this fear that also contributes to my sense of self will disappear along with the story/dream. So it's not really death that I'm resisting it's the truth about me, the actual me. It's like I don't want to know or I don't want to be this truth that I already am just not aware of it. So now I'm basically just asking y'all for any practices that can help become less and less resistant to this. And some of y'all are telling me that I might be ready. Lol, I'm really not sure about that because if right now you were to give me psychedelics and told me "this will be your awakening to truth" I'm really not sure if I would take it. Hence, I'd like take that initiative in practicing Some of you propose meditation and self inquiry but I'm going to need you to be specific. What kind or how should I meditate? The only form of meditative I've been doing for the past year now is grounding myself in the present, what else can I do? Self inquiry has only taken me thus far where I know the truth is literally right here, I just need to do something though I'm not sure what to see it. @StripedGiraffe the thing is, although psychedelics will help me get there, I know that in my trips my mind will be resisting. I want to take psychedelics when I know that I'm ready to let go and die or realise that I was never real. I'll need to learn how to let go of what I've deemed to be my life, let go of my dreams and desire to live and the things and people that I love. I'd have to be willing to let go of everything. But I'm not, precisely because all this things are what make me me, @Victor Mgazi @Mo0ngrass I'm already doing that, being still, I have to be aware of it though. I have to be directly aware of who I truly am, embody it, know it without a shred of doubt. And it doesn't matter whether you're going to lose the you or not, you will feel like you're dying and that's what I don't want to resist. @Nahm how I wish I wasn't struggling to understand half the things you tell me. I don't know why but sometimes I literally miss the points that you're trying to make. I apologise for this. I literally read and understand the words that you've typed but miss whatever it is that you're trying to communicate. You lost me here ?. Could you be more specific, more direct. Instead of typing "undesirable emotion" could you just type what that emotion is, and instead of typing "the belief" could you just type what you think that belief is. I get this though ?

How?

The closest, if not the only, thing to a me are these thoughts. They give me the illusion of control like right now as I'm typing.. the persistent idea that's standing tall is the "I am doing this, I am typing, I am thinking". These thoughts emerge from consciousness along with this moving picture that we call "the visual field" , and other 'sensations' which ultimately give rise to a ME or the experience of a self . So when you ask where the "me" is I can only say it's in experience or ultimately consciousness since that's where it constantly arises from. @Aaron p that's what I'm hoping the psychedelics will achieve basically. If somehow 5-MeO-DMT can induce a state that allows for the utter dissolving of the self then maybe I'll start seeing the God that I am instead of just my conceptual self. Of course then the question is how long will it take for that level of consciousness to last after I trip? Will I continue seeing me as God or will I get back to just seeing God in everything, including the conceptual/ego me ?