Victor Mgazi

The fucking irony of It Isn't funny how spirituality is just one big irony? I mean really, sometimes I would feel like I'm going insane just from trying to wrap my mind around the type of shit you realise on this journey. Like seriously, what kind of sick twisted joke is being played here? One moment you're the perceiver, the next moment there's is no perceiver and you're back to being the perception again. One moment you are the ego, the next moment egos don't actually exist. Today reality is an illusion,tomorrow there is no such thing as illusions, reality is as it appears. Summer, my hand is actual and it doesn't get more actual than this. Winter, my hand is completely imaginary. Like WTF ? I swear, if I ever become some sort of spiritual teacher, the only lesson I'll teach is that everything is one and you are it. That's all they'll ever get from me. “Everything is one, and you are it.” Spare me. Spirituality is insanity, it's really not for the faint hearted ey. It all seems to be just a ‘Or is it’ game. The paradox you get from insights is just too crazy. No wonder it's taking so long for the world to get into spirituality, it sounds like complete nonsense. Definitely not for the closed minded, the irony will kill you. Which brings me to today's insightful realisation: Only when you look up will you actually be looking down Transcend that up your ass.

Damnit @Rilles , what the hell is your idea of fun? This won't be fun at all , maybe just funny when I finally realise what they are made of, lol.

@fridjonk I see. Thanks for the input, it's much appreciated.

@fridjonk so kinda like lucid dreaming, right? You're still dreaming of a world with a self in it but you're completely aware that it's all a product of imagination

Nobody is sensing anybody. It's perception without any perceiver. There's no such thing as hearing or seeing or touching. Everything is as it appears on the surface level.

Focus Yesterday I decided to explore the metaphysics of focusing. As some form of exercise, I would concentrate my attention on to a single point and would attempt to keep it there. I chose to use a mirror and I looked at my face, my nose would be my point since it was the most centered thing I could find. And so I stared at my nose. Keeping your attention on a single point needs a lot of dedication and concentration skills, otherwise it's very easy for your attention to drift off. Thoughts are what tend to keep focus in a dynamic state of contraction and expansion. My mind was relatively relaxed at the time so I didn't struggle much. After redirecting my attention for the seventh or tenth time, I was able to keep my focus on the reflection of my nose. I stared at it until it became the only recognised thing in appearance. But as soon as that happened, something else immediately started happening. My nose started disappearing, when I picked this up it instintly returned. I asked myself what had happened and noticed that I shifted my attention. I immediately went back to staring at my nose with the same concentration without any struggle, I could silence my mind by shear will. Subsiding thoughts is a skill that I've learned to develop, even though it lasted for an indefinite period. It still came in handy. Gazing at my nose again, it started happening. My nose blurred then disappeared, then before I knew it the rest of my face started disappearing. This extended to the point where the mirror itself was beginning to vanish and I recognised it, immediately my nose returned with recognition. This didn't make sense. If I was focusing solely on the nose then why did it keep on disappearing? Last I checked, things only vanished when one is not paying attention to them, not when one is paying attention to them. So if focusing on my nose meant removing my attention from something else, what had I removed my attention from that led to the effect of a vanishing world? Thoughts hardly have any effect on appearance, other than the ignoring of other appearances. But this time, I hadn't given any attention to thought, not until I had recognised the vanishing. When I tried to focus my gaze at the reflection of my nose again while trying to observe how the vanishing phenomenon occurred, nothing happened. It didn't work. Everything was intact and my nose remained the most centered thing in the mirror. Something that is still unclear.

Just beautiful

The energy that is them. They are attracted to energy that resonates with their signature energy. I honestly have no idea how he meant that, he didn't seem comfortable talking about it and so I didn't question him further on the matter. But if I interpreted what he meant correctly, then I don't think it's ego death. There's usually a great panic preceded by existential terror that gets you to resist ego death. It just sounded like he was losing consciousness when he described the possession.

@James123 I'm a horror fan myself and I too would often be wondering about how the paranormal actually works. I'm not really sure what the term ghost refers to, or the term soul. But I do know that what I recognise as spirits exist, and that every human has a spirit form. From what I've observed, a spirit is a complexion of energy. There are spirits that are attracted by positive energy and some that are attracted to negative energy while others are attracted by the in-between. I've never seen a person being possessed, like in the movies, by a spirit entity. What I do know for a fact is that spirits can latch on to people and feed of the resonating energy until something is done about it. With regard to possession, a friend of mine who told me how he'd been possessed described it as there being "a sense of fading away".

Loving the energy Actuality is beautiful, the intelligence is just so.. fulfilling. It's the energy, the vibration, the manifest.. I'm in love with it, flowing with it, knowing it intimately. There's no trying to make sense of it, no trying to conceptualize it. I'm just feeling it, being it. This is what reality actually is, this pure energy, thoughts and sensation.. it's just intelligent energy, Being. Right now.

Life is so beautiful when there's no fear of death. Earlier on today, after questioning attachment, I went about my day with no intention or expectation. I interacted with my environment and engaged in activity such as conversing and joking. Then, as moments passed, I became more relaxed and started thinking about attachment. I was wondering what sort of effect does belief have in the present moment. How does self image contribute to day to day experience? It doesn't. When one is not thinking about reality and is simply engaging with whatever is happening in the present moment, beliefs become irrelevant. Self image had nothing to do with me experiencing peace or beauty or compassion. Emotions and feelings don't need belief, whether or not I'm attached I still experience life. It's as if the real world is waits for you when you're engaged in identification. Why is thought so subtle? Why is humour not subtle? Why is thought so subtle? Why is heartbreak not subtle? Why is thought so subtle? Why are handshakes and hugs not subtle? Why is thought so subtle? Why is love or hate not so subtle?

Attachment Earlier today, after serious contemplation, I came to the conclusion that will is the drive and source of experience . It only makes sense that the desire for existence is what gives rise to things /form. Just pure desire, without any adjunct such as a possessor or something like that. But now that it makes sense, what does this conclusion fulfil? Who is it serving? What makes this form called comprehension much more special than any other form? This is where the apparent difference lies between belief and concept. The conclusion that will is the source of all form is in actuality is a mere idea derived with the apparent mechanism we call reasoning. In short, it's a thought-story. But is this thought-story close enough to thetruth? No. Truth is self-evident, it doesn't need a model or to be conceptualised in order for it to be what it is. And it's infinite, cannot be represented for it's representation is finite in form. And so, although one might say that I have made sense of actuality, who then benefits from it? What does the conclusion actually serve? Here, we have a representation, which can't even be known to be truth, a model of something that doesn't need to be represented for it is already and forever present, and so then one must ask what the point is? There is no point, there can't be a point unless it's imagined. And so what this conclusion serves is actually the expansion of the first belief, the first form that I call self image. The only reason that I wanted to contemplate this was to expand this self image, the doership of at least. That's what has actually been happening here, and it's happening right now. Rather then living in the present, what does one do? We live in imagination. Reality is imagination. Look at it and see what it's made out of: models, thought-stories, concepts upon concepts, and then finally.. the attachment to those imaginary forms. This is attachment, accepting something to be more special over the other, the concept of will over what is actually present. This is why one doesn't live in the present. One is always imagining, hence reality is imagination. My life is imaginary, My experience is imaginary, Myself is imaginary. Self is nothing more than an image that I'm attached to, one has identified with imaginary form. All form is imaginary, all meaning is imaginary, hence concept will always be concept. And now, without hesitation, I've accepted this concept of will as actuality and again remain blind to what is actual. That's what ego is. Belief = attaching to imaginary form by imagining it to be true. To let go of belief is to surrender self image to actuality.

Choices don't exist for the sake of there being options, they exist so that we may learn and know ourselves. Tracing beliefs back to their sources Is there a such a thing as a long term want that can last forever without needing thoughts or any other form? Can there be pure feeling as a source, prior thought/concept/belief? Yes If someone were to ask what makes you you , would you know how to answer that question? You could try listing stuff about yourself but how genuine and completely accurate would that list be? Does action really define man? What if I regret the choices I made, does me stealing really mean that I'm nothing but a thief? And who's the judge? The reason I ask this question is because I believe it to be very spiritual in nature and it has to do with the source of form, it's not asking for something the mind can answer. There is something that is pure feeling and precedes all perception and interpretation, it's intuitive in its nature and it knows itself by being itself. This something, I believe is who each of us, as expression, individually are. Call it the soul of your universe if you want to, but it's better understood as will. Will is the long term desire. It's fulfilment can never be complete until it's complete. I believe that what we actually are individually in direct experience is nothing but pure will. And out of this will the universe springs. Is what I'm saying here the truth or is it just a belief? It's a belief. I will be honest with myself in this work. And it's a belief that I'll have to let go. But, here's something else, I say it's a belief because thoughts were needed to get to the source. I'm actually just feeling this one out, I can feel it. I know it intuitively that everything that has happened and will happen is for my will. This universe and reality is the fulfilment of my will. @Victor Mgazi is nothing but pure will out of infinity. And all his attachments and struggles and journey, they're all part of his will. His will is one with God's will which is love, and must also be fulfilled. Every choice his made was just him learning about himself. Will is the only self there is. Why does he believe what he believes? Because he wills it to be so, he wants this experience because that's just who he is. This is he's state of consciousness and it will change because he's will must be fulfilled. So the source is will.

In truth, all that we ever do is wish, we wish and then we wish some more. Tracing beliefs back to their sources Today as I went about my day, I tried to observe the rise and subside of the thought my so as to spot the use of its nature. And I did. As I deemed, the belief of possession, along with every other belief there is, must serve something that precedes it for it is the very thing that perpetuates it. So what comes before any belief or concept? It's a very tricky and a very delicate matter. What I've noticed is that beliefs can spiral out of beliefs, so when tracing them back to their source you may encounter your own shadows that you may have not been ready to confront. Control is one of those beliefs that I stumbled upon when tracing. This is the story that the my belief told: if I have influence or control over something, then it's in my possession and is therefore mine. It's very easy to get wrapped up in thought-stories and not find your way back to actuality. So, what is prior belief/concept/thought-stories? What else if not feeling? It's intuitive, coming before and sometimes without mental activity, it requires no explanation nor understanding. It's Desire, the irresistible force that drives us all. Wanting has never been a thought, it's always felt. One may stop thinking about it, but the feeling doesn't go away. The feeling of wanting only stops when that thing is no longer wanted. The thing about desire though is that it's a flame and not the inferno, meaning desire only last just as long as the wanting lasts, and they hardly last. Desire is made up of wants , even if it's a single want , so long as there is wanting the is desire. But desire can't be the source of beliefs because then beliefs would cease every time the wanting ceases. And wanting does cease. This is because wants are planted by thoughts and watered by attention. If you pay attention to a thought of getting a new car, you're going to want to get that new car. So, although desire is a feeling it still needs thoughts to take form. So then, desire and belief are traced back to thoughts. What is prior thought? And what determines which thoughts are to be watered with attention and which are quickly forgotten? It can't be of thought? Thought can't serve thought? The problem I had with desire is that it's simple for it to stop, it can either be fulfilled or ignored completely. But the fact that it's intuitive in nature tells us something, mind is not where everything is. And there is something else that has nothing to do with the mind and might just be the source I was looking for.

The word my is such an extravagant term, don't you think? So unrestrained, especially with regard to feelings. Tracing beliefs back to their sources Yesterday afternoon, I was drawn to the term and what can best be described to be its affairs. My.. a possessive form of i This certainly isn't an innocent word like most other words that are either referring to an object/subject or an abstract, this word is guilty by association. It's more than just a word that means something, it refers to something very very close to a human, closer than any other concept or common sense. This word my is pointing to a monster of a belief. It's the belief of a possessor, a me that is in possession of something. But why this belief? If one were to trace the my to it's source, presumably the non other than the me of the show, it becomes clear that the possessor is a mirage. So if that's the case then what purpose does this belief of possession serve exactly? Who is the possessor, the me of the my ? There has to be someone/something that this word/belief is servings, otherwise it would have been meaningless. But it's not meaningless, it's used and thought daily with so much consistency and insistency. Many wars and so much bloodshed has sprung out of human history because of this belief, it is through this belief that things can be at stake. So what does it serve? Some people might save it serves the ego, it's for survival. But ego is nothing but a self image, it's just as much as a belief as possession is a belief. A belief cannot serve another belief. Both beliefs, the belief of a me and the belief of possession - my , must then both be serving something that precedes them and that cannot be another belief or some concept. Tracing beliefs to their sources requires crucial observation and self inquiry, otherwise it's easy to get wrapped up in a lot of ideas. Both concept and belief arise for the service of something, otherwise why do they even get the opportunity to form? It's clear that something is perpetuating them. Right now, I believe that I am typing and reading this, it's the beliefs of a me and a my fingers and my eyes that contribute to this feeling of doership and self. What's the end goal of this? If there is no end goal then why can't I just let them go? Something draws them back like a magnet whenever one attempts to let them go, it's like they have use? Beliefs are concepts that are acknowledged as truth. Concepts are recurring thoughts, they keep recurring and expanding when given attention.

Okay, cool.

Assuming it's possible, will I be enlightened?

Image as in idea?

The level of awareness I'm working with Where I currently stand in spirituality I Am Everything and All is One This is something that I'm directly aware of. The truth could not be any simpler and yet I could not see it before. How does one see what's right in front of him if that very thing he's trying to look at is the face that his looking with? I am the face reality. I am the fabric of every realm, every dimension, and every field. Nothing is outside or beyond me. I am all that can ever be and will ever be. I am literally inevitable. That is my truth. Love is the only and true existence there is This is something that I'm embodying right now. Before, I was merely aware of how God is love, I was a receiver of it and not a carrier of it. Love is the truth, for love is the only ever permanent thing that is and will forever be. Nothing can get behind love. Love is the intelligence of reality, it's the freedom of Being, it's the unity of infinity. All is One for all is Love, no thing is not love. Everything that arises springs out from love out of love and for the sake of love and finally, as love. Love is it, I am it. Hence, it's the only ever true existence there is, everything else is imaginary. All form is imaginary. Stuff, people, space, the cosmos... these are all imaginary things. There is only one thing that truly exists, and that is love. There is no such thing as 'nothing', it's just another concept that one has to let go of. Reality is Infinite In fact, it would be more accurate to say that infinity is reality, and it's the only reality there is. I'm directly aware of this. Before, I could not for the life of me see how everything is infinite or how I am infinite. But now that I've let go of a couple of critical beliefs, I can see right through the smog of illusion, the illusion of separation and finitude. Everything is one and the same God damn thing, operating as a unit. It's whole. What one may call impermanence is actually the permanence of all there is. Things only appear to be finite because it is not yet seen, not just believed in, that duality/polarity is complete imagination. The key of realising infinity lies in letting go of ideas and beliefs. Most of us fail to realise infinity because we've confused infinity with the concept of many-ness. Let go and observe without judgement. Existence is Imagination Everything, every form, is imaginary. This is something that I'm aware of but still struggling to accept with my conditioned state of consciousness. But it's true. What is referred to as reality, the world or the universe, is in deed imagination made flash. Though, this doesn't mean that cars and people are not real, it's all real. It's just not the kind of real one would normally assume. Imagination is what reality is made up of, it's the texture of stuff. Rub your fingers against each other, what you would be feeling is imagination in the flash. Existence/Reality is imagination for it is created through infinite intelligence, not material or matter. That's the most fundamental aspect of existence, intelligence. One cannot get behind it, it's literally the isness of everything. Love and Intelligence are one and the same thing. This is why I call it God, because there is no word for the combination/unification of Love and Intelligence. What do you call that? I want to call it One but I'll probably sound crazy. Love is Intelligence imagining itself to be something else, hence reality is imaginary. Imagination/existence is what Love looks like in action, it's loving. Behold.. Nothing really matters, it's all already perfect as it is I couldn't really explain this without being nonsensical, it's just one of those things that have to be directly realised. It's just too spiritual, there's no comprehending this, perfection is simply embodied not conceptualised. Perfection is what makes God so GOD. It just is what it is As it is. It just is and it's whole God = Love = Infinity = Intelligence = Perfection = One

@Mert Does a dreamer experience the dream? Or does a dreamer dream the experience?

The Truth sank into realisation. All is one and I am it. I am all of this At first I thought realising the truth would be some out of this world, super special, mystical experience.. This right here is a mystical 'experience' ? There is no such thing as a more or less special 'experience', it's all one and the same thing. I am it all. Realising truth is very intimate and beautiful. What the hell is consciousness?? What the hell is enlightenment?? It doesn't even matter what it is. I am it. Whatever is, I am it. I am time, I am light, I am darkness, I am void, I am death, I am life, I am love, I am fear, I am infinity, I am finite, I am imagination, I am awakening. And what are all those things? Me, I am it all. Because that's the truth. No matter the circumstances, no matter the where or the when. I am There's no grounding myself in this, what a ridiculous notion ? I am it, God damnit! Call it nothing, call it nonduality, call it everything, call it God. Hell, call it evil or shit or nonsense if you want. It doesn't matter, nothing matters. The truth is I am it all and it's one. It's all one and the same thing, and it's me. It really doesn't matter what I do, it all is love, all of it.. struggle, bliss, it's all love. That's what it truly is, what every thing, every state, every phenomena, what it truly is is Love. It's me. How is it love? Because it is. It just is. The question 'How' is love. The answer to the question.. is also love. Every happening is love. It's self love. Love loving itself, it's all one. All along, the only thing I am, the only embodiment there is - is the embodiment of love. I am literally what is! I can't even say the truth has been right in front of me ? It's more accurate to say that the truth has been my face this entire eternity. And this is eternity, there's no attaining immortality and eternity, this right here.. this is it. This is never going to end, Never! Nor does it even change, it all is as it is! It's one and the same thing, night and day are one and the same thing. What the hell is duality and nonduality?? As you breathe, all this is the only thing that is and will forever be. No matter the circumstances, it's all one. Nonduality will never be attained/known until that which already is, in pure actuality, is embodied. Until then, nothing will ever be known simply because there's nothing to know. All that is known is imagined so. This is The Truth So simple, so obvious, literally the clearest thing that can ever be, requiring no form of intelligence whatsoever. One merely has to breathe it in to get it.. It's just that obvious. This Truth is love is one and Is I Am it ? So I'm going to leave The Truth Pilgrimage as it is, and see what the next pilgrimage or journey will be. ??????????????????

*A journal for a journey* Seeking This journey didn't start on the birth of this journal and no it didn't start a couple of years ago when I first clicked on one of Leo's videos. I can't really say when it started, and that's because ever since I was a kid only one thing truly mattered to me.. that being the answers to all my questions. Don't be bothered by what I ask, don't even worry about what I'll do once I find out. Only concern yourself in giving me the correct answer because you'd only be delaying the inevitable if your answer is false, that's the explorative life mode that brought me where I am today. From as far back as I can remember I was always asking questions. This intrigued a lot of people and annoyed just as much. I wanted to understand things, know things for what they truly are and how that is. So, growing up, only three types of questions stood tall above any other: what it is, how it is and why it is. All the other questions didn't really matter. So I'd ask "What is that?" which led to "How does it work/exist?" then finally "Why is that so?". These three kinds of questions are what gave my life meaning, they're what made life interesting and what drove me to want to achieve the things that I would want to achieve. But despite the difference between these three questions they all, including the less important ones, shared something in common. That is.. their answers always had to be of truth, otherwise it would be pointless. I had no exceptions, the truth is what I needed, it didn't matter whether or not the answers were good. And it's been that way for ever now. I can't say when this journey started because truth is something that I've always been seeking. This journey has and is inevitable for me. Now only one thing matters to me.. the truth. Discovering I'm growing. This journey has led to a lot of realisations which have improved and developed me as a person. My perspective has changed radically ever since I started getting deep into spiritual work and embarked on self actualisation. And what's so amazing about this is how fast it's happening. I didn't expect this rate of growth and change. Because of the rate of which I discover, realise and grow, I've decided to go ahead and start a journal so as to jot down the insights I receive from this work. This will help me make things clear and integrate my 'awakenings' so that I'm sure to move forward and keep note of any changes in my life and my perspective on it. So, I'll be frequently posting anything I find worth posting on this journal, beginning with stuff from earlier on when I first started getting into spirituality until now. Results of practices such as inquiry, meditation and yoga will be updated as they come. Realisations/awakenings will be shared here as well and yeah, that's pretty much the point of this journal. I'll be treating this as my personal space where I can also express my deepest thoughts and emotions as means to keep track of my level of development thus allowing me to be able to reflect effectively on myself and my journey. So if anyone finds themselves disturbed by the content in this thread then please simply stop viewing/following this. The pilgrimage of truth is for the sake of love.? Peace

You embodied consciousness.

Once, outside of time, there was nothing. This nothing was all there ever could be since no thing existed. Nothing was formless, was selfless, was timeless, was boundless and was just meaningless. But in its very meaninglessness meant everything. Because there was no reason/law/logic/anything at all to restrict or define what Nothing is and how it is, no sort of boundary - non whatsoever, that meant possibilities. In its own formlessness there meant potential infinite forms, in its selflessness there meant potential infinite selfs, in its timelessness there meant potential infinite moments, in its meaninglessness meant a potential state. That meant pure energy. Because there was absolutely Nothing - there was absolute Freedom. Total, unlimited and unconditioned, freedom. Could you imagine what you could do with that kind of freedom, with no laws of physics to obey, no logic or any kind of reasoning to follow? There was nothing at all, Nothing itself being the only existence there is. And just like that, Nothing meant true Freedom. With Nothing being Freedom, that meant potentiality had the freedom to be actuality. Actuality is literally Being/Isness. I'd asked you before, could you imagine what you could do with absolute Freedom? You should be able to. You're already doing it right now. You've set yourself free, your own complete lack/ your formlessness and selflessness meant your own limitlessness. Now with unlimited intelligence (potential energy), using infinite imagination (explorable possibilities), you've created the entire universe with all kinds of realities in it. You're imagining everything right now. You, that which is nothing is now creator of everything. The easiest way to put this is that all you've really done is allow yourself to be. Since there was no any sort of thing to 'decide' how nothing should be, with your own freedom you've 'decided' for yourself. And you've decided that as nothing, you must be all that can ever be since you are already all that ever is and will be, for eternity. But of course since there's no such thing as material/matter, you had to imagine all these possible forms and possible moments. You couldn't actually build the universe, there was nothing to build it with. You had to imagine all this stuff. But all that freedom and power came with a price. For the sake of being (that which is still Nothing but also Everything), you have to imagine all that can be. But this not a rule of some logic or law, you do this simple because you accept yourself with no exception. You allow every possible reality to be real by imagining them to be real, because you're made up of every possible case. Remember, by your very existence, you are that which is and so must be all that which can be/is. That's your truth. If you were to exclude any part of you from existence then you wouldn't be Nothing for Nothing can be anything and therefore must be Everything. That's the price of your freedom. You are Freedom. By price, I don't really mean consequence because there's law or cause to all this, you're the only one there is. As Freedom - the boundless, the limitless, the selfless - as that which is both free and freedom, you love yourself. That is to say, you let yourself be.. allowing all kinds of realities by imagining them because they are you. You imagining is you being.. So what is reality? It's you, as the only Truth because there's nothing else but you, Accepting yourself. Hence reality is Love, it's Love defining itself.. Reality is what Love looks like when catching it in action. This is all just self love. So I guess what I'm trying to communicate above is the simple truth that is.. You Are/I Am Now, do the work and realise what it all actually is.?

@Serotoninluv you're really good at this. Great analogy ?