Victor Mgazi

Who wrote this? I wrote it. How? I thought about it then typed it out. How do you know this? I remember it. What is remembering? It's to recall something that has passed. What passed? What recalls things? The experience of me typing this passed. The mind recalls things. What does “mind” refer to? Thoughts What is “The experience of me typing this passed. The mind recalls things.”? A thought Does thought (mind) recall experience? No What recalls things? There's no such thing as ‘recalling’ things. What does “remembering” refer to? Some experience of thoughts representing the past appearing. To what do they appear to? What is “past”? What is “representing”? What does “thoughts” refer to? What is “experience”? They just appear. Past is memory. It's a thought experience. Thoughts refer to a subtle experience of contextualization. Experience is the contextualized moment from observation. What ‘contextualizes’ moments? I don't know. Is this moment being ‘contextualized’ right now? No, it really isn't. What does “thoughts” refer to? Something subtle in its nature. I don't know what though. What does ‘subtle’ refer to? A distinction Where is “distinction” ? Okay there is none What does ‘subtle’ refer to? A thought What does “thoughts” refer to? Something, I don't know what. What is ‘something’ right now? I don't know What does “remembering” refer to? I don't know How do you know this “I thought about it then typed it out.”? I don't know Who's writing this? Nothing is being written Who knows this? There's nothing being known or not known. Then what is this? Imagination Is this so? No, it's imagination. What is imagination? What is this really?

That is my truth. What is “truth”? Whose is it? Truth is actuality. It is my actual case. What does “my” refer to? What is ‘actual’ about this case? What is “case”? It's actual because it is constant and consistent with reality. A case is experience. My refers to me and what makes me me. Where is this “me”? Where is this “experience”? Where is this “constant and consistent”? Where is “reality”? Reality is everywhere. It's constant and consistent in observation. Experience is in consciousness. Myself is in consciousness. Where is “everywhere”? Where is “observation”? What is “consciousness”? Everywhere is in consciousness. Observation is in consciousness. Consciousness is nothing. Where is “nothing”? Nowhere What is "nothing"? It's infinity What is “infinity”? It can't be communicated. How is this so? It's too vast and endless to be captured by something finite like concept. But how is this so? How is what so? This, how is it so? It is self aware. Is this known? No, it is believed in. Is that known? No, nothing can be known. But then how is this “No, nothing can be known.” so? It doesn't require a ‘how’ to be so. Is that so? It is prior what is and what isn't. What is “It is prior what is and what isn't.” ? It. “It” refers to? Itself “Itself” refers to?

Tips For Self Observation Don't just do this process mechanically, you MUST be genuinely curious about the truth of what you are. Try to establish a daily habit of self-observation. You need to build consistency and momentum. Be very careful about coming up with theories about what you are. We don't care about theories here. Every theory is NOT it. We only care about direct experience. REPEAT: ALL THEORIES AND IDEAS ARE DISTRACTIONS! Spend time asking yourself who you really believe that you are under the conventional worldview. Are you a body or are you the owner of the body? Are you inside the skull? If so, where exactly? The point of doing this is so you're clear and honest about your present beliefs, even if you intellectually know they are false. It's very important to get clear what exactly your false beliefs are. Do not be vague in your answers to the query of What are you? It's vital that you be precise and specific. Answers such as, "Well, I dunno, I'm just in the skull somewhere." are NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!! What EXACTLY are you identifying with? Hint: it will either be a thought, a body sensation, an emotion, a visual perception, or a combination of the above. But all of those cannot be the true you because they are not constant. Create an active sense of doubt that you are a human being or a physical object Any belief, thought, or idea about who you really are is automatically FALSE! Drop it. Any sensory experience about who you really are is automatically FALSE! Drop it. All scientific theories or models are automatically FALSE! Drop it. All spiritual, New Age, or religious ideas about who you really are, are FALSE! Drop it. You are NOT a visible object or "thing" so stop looking for yourself like you would look for a missing dog. You are NOT located in any area of space, so stop looking for yourself as a point or hidden object somewhere. You are NOT located inside "your" head You are NOT located inside "your" body There is nothing magical to discover in this process. You are not some kind of unicorn or fairytale creature. There is nothing hidden. Everything you see before you is exactly what there is, nothing more, nothing less. It is not possible to find yourself, so this process is futile. But you need to realize that through doing the process. Not by believing me. You will get VERY frustrated during this process and want to quit. Just accept the frustration and keep going. This process will surface deep emotional issues from our subconscious mind. You will experience emotional turmoil and anguish. Just accept it and keep going. You will feel depressed at times. Just accept it and keep going. Your mind will use every excuse in the book to distract you and get you to stop looking. Stay vigilant to all these tricks and keep looking. DO NOT GET TRICKED INTO STOPPING! The truth of what you are is ever-present. It is always HERE and NOW. You don't need to go anywhere or do anything to see it. You are you right now! Be prepared for this self-observation process to take several years if necessary. Understand that enlightenment happens always only in the NOW. Never in the future. You can be enlightened RIGHT THIS SECOND! You don't need to wait 3 years. Always intend to become enlightened right now! Enlightenment/Truth is NOT an emotional state. Enlightenment is occurring always, even when you're watching TV or sitting on the toilet. Meditation is NOT enlightenment. A psychedelic high is NOT enlightenment. A powerful energetic experience is NOT enlightenment. A vision or hallucination (however real it may feel) is NOT enlightenment. Enlightenment is what's absolutely true without ever changing. Don't forget the possibility that you may not be a thing! Don't forget the possibility that there might be nothing to find There is no you to become enlightened. When this is realized, that's enlightenment! Hint: it's MUCH simpler than you think.

Best Self-Observation Excercises What am I? No, seriously now... WHAT THE FUCK AM I????? No, cut the shit! What am I -- RIGHT NOW -- in my direct experience???? Who is aware of reality? Who is aware of me? Who is perceiving? Who is the owner of the body? Who is the owner of the mind? Who is feeling pain? Who is asking all these questions? What was I before I was born? What am I when I'm in deep sleep? What could I be if I'm not the human body/mind? What connects and unifies all of my different senses? What is true independent of ever-changing sense experience? What is true independent of my life and my death? Why do I believe I'm the body? Why do I believe I'm the mind? Where to do thoughts arise from? If I'm the body, what is everything else that I'm seeing? Why do I trust my feeling that I'm the body? Is a feeling really evidence of TRUTH? Why must I be an object? What if the "perciever" has no attributes or properties? When I close my eyes, where did the world disappear to? Where is sound occurring? Where are thoughts occurring? Where are body sensations occurring? What is the relationship between physical body sensations and my visual field? What if I don't exist? What if I can't locate myself because I am "empty" or without form or attribute? What if I'm addicted to looking only for objects or perceptions, but my true nature is neither of those? What if I'm just an idea? What if my entire paradigm of physical reality is just an idea? Could my body and brain just be ideas? Is any physical object actually permanent according to direct experience? What distinguishes one object from another? Do boundaries between things really exist, or are they ideas? What would happen if I stopped distinguishing existence from non-existence?

So about 14 hours ago, after some serious self inquiry and focus, I realised this. And yeah, I'm still speechless by this, I mean I'm looking at it right now and it's so damn good. The illusion is literally picture perfect, I know for sure that if I hadn't been hyper focussed last night I would have never noticed this.. maybe not until I eventually took a psychedelic at some point in time. Reality is psychedelic. I don't know any other way to put this. It's not physical, it's not made out of material with substances and everything. The substance is psychedelic, it's mind stuff.. literally, what you see is what you get. My own hand felt so foreign and surreal to the point where this actually started to freak me out. It still kinda does with the difference being that I'm no longer relaxed as I was yesterday. My visual field is definitely psychedelic there's no doubt about that. And, it's both awesome and freaky at the same time, I am freaked out just as much as I'm in awe. Something that I'm constantly getting from this is that there's no such thing as hallucinating, or either there no such thing or we're constantly hallucinating, but that's false because there's no one here to hallucinate, no brain or mind to hallucinate. Reality is just unreal, it's a good optical illusion, I guess that's one way to put, it's the greatest optical illusion. There aren't any eyes seeing this, there's no such thing as seeing. Wow, it's really good, like I'm blown away right now. I want to start exploring this, I mean I've already started, I mean I really just want to take it in. It's incredible. I'm just... I'm speechless by this, I didn't know focusing could achieve this. I'm really out of words. And I literally mean reality is psychedelic, in case this can get misinterpreted. I don't mean this figuratively, I'm not speaking in metaphors, I mean this shit we call reality with all it's visual stuff and space and darkness, it's all literally psychedelic. I use the word psychedelic because it captures the substance of reality, it's not matter or your elements of the periodic table. It's literally not physical at all, it's consciousness I guess. And it's all one thing, it's the same thing. It's good, it's really good. I feel like, not only am I staring into a painting, I'm also in the canvas while being the canvas itself. And it's under constant morph. It's a shape shifter, that's what it is. Realising something like this is just.. I don't know, I'm sincerely out of words. And it took some hard core focusing, it really didn't come easy, you have to look at it whole if one wants to see this. It's just amazing. Reality is psychedelic, wow. It feels like my life has just been one big trip, pretty absurd when I consider the fact that I've never even done psychedelics yet. Reality is some psychedelic shit, hmm

Fuck! Reality is some psychedelic shit! WTF

I believe/feel that I am this very subtle, more subtle than thought but also very much proactive, ‘desire-longing-will’, and that this is what drives the thinking activity, my actions and everything else. I am the pure energy of want . Try to get a sense that who you presently believe you are is actually an experience, and that this experience is no different than the experience of a lamp or a tree or a coffee table Okay, so right now there's an action (typing and reading) appearing, it is driven by what I believe to be me: desire-longing-will. Is this no different than the experience of this phone? This is very hard for me to do. The problem is that I can't sense this me, I just know it intuitively. I can't explain it. Okay, is the experience of this intuition no different than the experience of this phone? No, both experiences are equally present. But then what is experiencing this? If you're the one experiencing stuff, then how come you believe you are an experience? Well, is all that there is just experience? If the answer is yes then it makes zero sense that I am a specific part (intuition) of experience and the rest of it is not me. If the answer is no then what else is there besides experience? Maybe experience is not just experience, maybe I'm limiting what is actually present by conceptualising it as experience. If that's the case then what is experience? Well, one thing for a is that it's here, something is here, it is present - it is presence/being. Okay so it's Being itself, let's just call it Being. Only thing missing is the knower of this Being. Okay, let's assume that it knows itself. But then the question ‘how is this assumption known?’ arises. What is known? If known is an experience then how can an experience know Being? Okay, maybe to say there's knowing is to go too far, maybe all there is is Being and there's no knowing at all. But then this would mean that there's nothing going on here, by definition it's all meaningless in a practical sense. This doesn't mean anything? This is can't be. If Being is all there is then there's nothing here but Being. But no.. if Being is all there is then right now there's nothing here. Wait, what is here? What is nothing? What is now? All this shouldn't mean anything and yet it somehow does. Literally, sense - comprehension - reasoning, nothing should mean anything. Being shouldn't mean anything. If Being is all there is then by definition there is nothing. What is Being? It's this right.. it's ising. Alright, then what is ising? Jesus Christ, all this chaos from trying to get a sense of who I am What is ising? To even say that it there's nothing ising is to go too far, but also - there is no going to far or not going too far. There can't be anything but this, but no.. nothing can be said about this. So then nothing is being said, yes. Nothing is being said right now! Nothing is happening right now! This doesn't mean anything! There is no thing to mean a thing. WTF is this?!! What the hell am I?! It's not fucking intuition or fucking desire-longing-will, what the fuck is that?! Shit, I'm actually... It's not logical. It's as if everything is a ghost, there's something here that can't be here but yet.. it exists - or does it? WTF!! There is no such thing as existence! Damnit, I'm freaking out. This is some freaky shit! It would have been better if there was consciousness of this at all, like no thing was going on, but damnit it... What is this What the fuck is this

Excercise #6 Sit comfortably and quietly, still your mind, and become aware of direct experience. Notice that objects do not actually exist. What is an object really? In actuality, all you have are ever-changing sensations. Not objects. An object implies a static thing, but there are no static things in direct experience. Notice that anything you might call a "thing" is changing every second. Notice that anything you might call a "thing" is actually just a series of sensations. And all sensations are subtly vibrating and morphing all the time. Notice that when you blink your eyes, whatever "object" you were looking at, literally disappears. Notice this literally means: "that lamp you were looking at ceased to exist for a second." Notice how the mind actively fudges direct experience to create the illusion of static, persistent objects, but that in fact there are no objects. Every time you blink your eyes, the entire visual world disappears. Become deeply conscious of this until your old paradigm of a static physical reality starts to break down. Notice also that you as an object also do not exist.

Excercise #3 Sit comfortably and quietly, still your mind, and become aware of direct experience. Although it may seem like "you" are sitting there and "seeing" objects or "feeling" sensations, this is an illusion. How can one phenomena in the phenomenal field be perceiving another? How can one phenomena in the phenomenal field be above another? How can one phenomena in the phenomenal field be primary while another is secondary? It may feel like the sensations which make up "your body" are primary while the objects outside the body are secondary. But is this really true? Take a close look! How can one sensation or phenomena "see" or "feel" another sensation? It may feel like the sensations which make up "your mind" are primary while objects and sensations outside the mind are secondary. But is this really true? That a close look! How can one sensation called "a thought" see or feel another sensation such as an object in your visual field? Notice that ALL sensations are on exactly the same level. No sensation is superior. There is no hierarchy! It's a perfect democracy. Notice that thought sensations do not reign above visual sensations or body feeling sensations. If all sensations are exactly level, how come you think or feel that "your body" or "your mind" is perceiving everything else, as though it were at the top of a hierarchy? How can one sensation perceive another sensation when they are exactly level? Become deeply conscious that no sensation perceives any other.

It feels like forever Growing up, although surrounded by the belief and experiences of clinical death, I've never felt like I would someday die. Ever. I remember at some point I realized this, that I don't feel like I'm going to die, and I myself also found it weird because when I'd ask others if they felt like someday they would die - their answer was a sure yes. It feels that way, they would tell me. Maybe it's because I didn't really understand what death meant, or perhaps I'd understood perfectly but just didn't buy into it. No, of course I bought it, otherwise what was I afraid of all these years. And yet, when I sat down and asked myself if it felt like I was going to die - the answer, or the feeling, would always be a sure no. This was before I'd gotten introduced to spirituality and metaphysics, I knew nothing about consciousness and nonduality and so on. I was just doing stuff unconsciously, always in my head, the only place where I was free to question anything I wished to question. And sure enough, one day I questioned death. Right now I'm having mixed feelings about whether or not I'm going to die, maybe it's because I'm no longer sure which part is I and which part isn't I. Was I sure when I was growing up? I don't know. But I was sure about how I felt about death. It's not that dying was not a reality, it's that my death didn't feel like a reality. It just didn't feel like I would someday die. It felt like I would be here forever, it even felt like I'd been here forever. Not as this body though or identity though, it just felt like whatever was happening would be happening forever. I don't know, it was never something that I had made sense of. It does feel like whatever is happening now will be going on forever, but this doesn't count because I now do have an idea of what is going on. But as a kid, not known anything about consciousness, not even once did it feel like I would someday die. And now that I actually think about it, I had associated the central part of me, all this without knowing it, with consciousness. I felt it. My connection with the screen of reality was uncountable. But I never processed this mentally like the way I'm doing now. It was just pure feeling. Maybe I had already knew the truth, maybe I was already familiarised with eternity. It's crazy now that I actually think about it. Everyone I had ever asked, from my peers to adults, they all told me that it felt like they would someday die. As a teen, I was even more specific with my question, I told them not to think about it and just tell me how it felt - does it feel like you're going to die? Yes, the answer would always be yes. Why wasn't it yes for me though? Did I know something that these people didn't know? Or was it the other way around, did they know something that I didn't know? What was it that I didn't know up until my very late teens? I was so confused by this, but in the end I just dropped it and let it go. This feeling of eternity would be mine alone. It's crazy, I never felt like I was going to die someday. And now, from all the consciousness work I've been doing for the past year and six months, I know that this will never end.

Something either is the case or isn't the case. versus Everything is one and the same thing. Is ‘meaning’ inevitable or can one see through it, and maybe not get carried away in relative truths? How?

@Meta-Man I relate to the journalist more. How does one not want anything? I'd also be perplexed if someone told me this, and probably laugh out of pure disbelief. “You don't want anything?!” Lol But okay, if that's the case then that's the case.

Thanks for sharing. Wow, mind opening stuff.

What is “true self”? This can't be communicated. What is “projections, ideas, beliefs and so forth”? It's a state of consciousness. What is “state” and “consciousness”? State is condition. Consciousness cannot be communicated. What is “state of consciousness”? It's an idea. What is the nature for ideas? They are like models that represent what is actual to help make sense of actuality. What is “models” and “actuality”? Accurate thought-stories. What is “accurate”? An alignment with actuality. What is “actuality”? An idea What is “idea”? A belief What is “belief”? The accepting of thoughts as actuality. What does the “accepting”? Acceptance is an appearance. What is “appearance”? Ultimately it's presence What is “presence”? It can't be communicated. What is “It can't be communicated.”? Ultimately, it's also presence. What is “Ultimate” about it? Nothing can get behind presence. How is this so? It just is so. What knows all this? Is it true that nothing can get behind presence? Yes What knows this? Knowing is an appearance. Nothing can be known. Is this truth? Truth is also an appearance. What is “Truth is also an appearance.” Thought What is thought? Presence What is presence? It can't be communicated. How is this so? It just is. Is that known? No What is it? What is “true self”? What is does the “discovering”? What is “doing”? What is “What is?”?

I don't understand. You say this like there's something to lose, doesn't love continue to be love, this very infinite moment is love. How can you say there's a cost when all there ever truly is is freedom? But okay, let's see.

@Nahm yes, I'll only question “break down” what appears to be until there is nothing known that can be broken down any further. In that unknowingness I'll dwell. Thank you again

Alright, then I'll merely breathe and accept. I surrender to whatever appears to be so. Whatever the case may be I accept it as it is, known or unknown, let it be.

Yes. It is about time.

Actuality vs. Appearance thread

Appearance vs. Actuality thread they don't combine in their distinctiveness, but they do combine in their mere presence alone - thus it's all One. Is this what you meant by ‘breaking down’ ? I suspect you are thinking and arriving at a conceptual explanation. Anyway, to be more specific: it's not duality/polarity, so to say, that I have a problem with. I can accept duality as part of Truth. Can you though? Is “part” thought, perception, or feeling? It's the trying to understand it, trying to justify or judge it, trying to find a cause and relation, trying to know what things mean.. it's that part that I want to see through. Right on. Is that thought, perception or feeling? Break it down. Why do certain experiences have to be more or less special than others? Are they? Is that thought, perception or feeling? How is an experience separate from another experience? Why do I judge violence as primitive and judge affection as loving? Are you really doing that, or is that a thought you’re believing? Is violence thought, perception or feeling? What about judgement? Affection? Love? There’s no marathon. All answers are in direct experience, prior to the starting gun firing. I mean I get that ultimately there's nobody there doing any ‘judging’ but yet.. there is an appearance of it being so. Am I making sense? Who’s claiming there’s nobody there? Is nobody thought, perception, feeling? What about, ‘there’? What about “it”? What is “making sense”? Who is anything making sense to if there is nobody? Who is being asked if there is nobody? *Thought, perception, feeling. This is not me saying that I want to stop something from happening, I have no will to stop anything. What / who can say “I have no will” ? What is will? What is a separate thing which could or could not be stopped? *Thought, perception, feeling! What I'm trying to see through is the very thing that I'm doing now: judging the appearance of a me ‘judging’ an appearance. Why can't I just accept this energy of prejudice and discrimination like ignorant people would? “Ignorant people” ?! ? Thought, perception, feeling!!!!!!!! To them, being biased doesn't mean anything to them and so they do it with ease. Them?? ??‍♂️ Thought, perception, feeing! Again, I'm not saying that I want to be biased and ignorant. Forgive me, language is such a barrier here. I'm saying why should it matter if I am or not? “Matter”? ? Thought, perception, feeling! At the end, those who believe they are not making things about themselves are , in reality, doing just that. If I feel the spirit of grace fall upon me then I just want to give out of feeling that very energy of grace, without believing that I am being generous and good. Then inspect direct experience thoroughly and transcendent paradox. Leave the kiddie pool Alice. ⬇️ ?? I tried my best to communicate this. I don't know if it appears to you that I'm making sense or not. Hopefully, I am. Thought, perception, feeling. ♥️??

@zeroISinfinity Creation = Love?

@Nahm don't know either. I'm just glad you were finally direct. ?

@Nahm ?

It is what it is. Whatever it is.

Maybe, I would have to conceptualize it anyway in order for me to communicate it to you. Otherwise I just could have said that there's nothing to combine and no one to combine anything, and that would be the end. I don't know, it's just what appears to be in the present moment. Things appear distinctive and I am at peace with that, it's just the way it is. Okay, but does it really matter what it is. I mean is there correct answer to this? Whether I say it's a thought or a perception, I don't see how it's going to affect the apparent. But if I must answer this question then it's both thought and perception: thought because there's a making sense out of it, perception because it's what seeing (despite it being projection). Feeling has nothing to do with it. Okay, I think it's best to define perception for just for context sake. I don't really know or experience perception, so some clarity on that would be nice. Also with experience. To me that's just an appearance from actuality. But no, nothing is separate, it just appears that way. Okay, I'll look at this. It appears that I really am though, even if this appearance it based on thought. Unless what you're saying is that appearance is based on belief, then yes.. I'll look at this. Are you saying that ultimately there's nothing but thought, perception and feeling? ? ?? Are you a thought, perception, feeling? ??? I'm going to start calling you “ThoughtPerceptionAndFeeling” ?