LordFall

Not his wife his girlfriend that he’s been dating for 8 months, as in the standard honeymoon relationship. That’s one level that trickles down to every aspect of their relationship. He won’t feel understood and seen, they’ll have different goals and long term vision for their lives , they’ll value different aspect of communication, etc. It’s basically the difference between finding your best friend vs some chill person that accepts you. It’s not a small detail, to me that would be like a 60% miss-match. I didn't date them long term but I have two FWBs that were comfortable and loving when I hung out with them for a few months. To me that's the start of abundance. If you do your pick up journey properly you should have that in abundance. There is something to be said about being more in appreciation and lowering your threshold for stimulation but I wouldn't conflate that with having low dating experience and standards. We are blessed to be living in times where we can explore dating more abundantly than pretty much any of our ancestors, I wouldn't default to settling for the first woman that accepts you as being a wise answer.

Makes sense. Have you tried dating since then? I'd be curious how your new re-centering affected that process

Right but you didn’t answer my question why don’t you think you deserve a 10/10 partner? It is because you know you are slacking on your dating and social development and thus probably can’t attract one so you should be thankful for what you get? Not trying to be rude I think it’s a helpful dichotomie to investigate I have spent a lot of years working on my dating life to fit my standards and the people that don’t from what I’m seeing are getting predictably mediocre results. It's not something to be ashamed about but I would seriously advice working on it and fixing it so you feel confident in the world's abundance in that aspect.

I’m committed to levelling up—both professionally and socially as well as fixing my emotional and communication issues. I’m also building a fun, abundant lifestyle to invite high-standard partners into. I don't think people with high standards are shallow; I'd say it's actually a sign of depth and maturity. People that haven't worked on themselves tend to have shallow criteria and low standards.

@Asayake Out of 10 what quality of partner do you think you deserve? If you answer anything other than 10 you're low self-esteem or lazy in my books. It makes a lot of these situations easy to diagnose. Person is settling -> doesn't understand how to become more attractive/believe that that they can't become more attractive/their subconscious runs an equation that they're not willing to put enough energy to improve themselves Only really 3 options If you're not looking to maximize your love life, what exactly are you optimizing for? If your core strategy in life isn't about self-actualizing your relationships and purpose, you're just default-optimizing for comfort and derping through life.

I mean the historical version is just an extreme example of class warfare. Need more capital -> Go invade a foreign land -> Kill and enslave the men -> Take their women You can argue it's still what's happening today just with lower stakes. I think a harem is a really great idea and setup. You're motivated to work hard as a man and you get femininine women that revolve around you and live with you. I'm working on scaling my business to have the cashflow to support a polycule by myself. I think having your women with with you on your business is the peak possible lifestyle.

I argued for greater compatibility, you're straw manning my point by saying it was mostly about short term pleasure and adventure. Having a lot of sex and FWBs for example is a way to learn more about what you want but not the only way. The reason I posted my posts as an clear archetype is so basically give a theory for Pattrick to identify with. If he was not a new traveller and been in Indonesia for 10 years already and had been with different women during that time then he could easily diagnose that my advice doesn't make sense and he's having another issue than just being for the first time in a dating market that's favourable to him. > The problem is the intellectual gap. Her English is limited, though improving, and she has little natural interest in introspection, personal development, or complex ideas. I could get intellectual stimulation from friends, but it still hurts that I cannot share that part of myself with the person I would spend most of my life with. I worry that, over time, I would feel deeply lonely inside the relationship. In my experience in the dating that miss-match in MBTI types would produce a result similar to what OP described. To me I've had that experience myself plenty of times as an INTP where people either completely zone out of my ideas and I have to bring it back to something they said to get their entertainment, some people who like discussing ideas at length and some people who are willing to entertain ideas up to a point. I don't think I could myself be able to live in a relationship with a person of the first type and the 2nd type perhaps in a polyamorous setup where I'm in abundance so I they don't have to entertain my ideas they can see the result and the 3rd type would be main primary partner potential in a hierarchal polyamorous setup or for a monogamous paradigm a good compatibility pairing. The pushback against leaving often comes from a scarcity mindset in my experience. There are reasons to fight for commitment but at the end of the honeymoon phase with the symptoms OP described it seems like a clear next and explore what's out there more instead of doubling down. A doubling down case for me would be like you have dated a lot and know what you want and have found it but there are slight incompatibilities like you live in different countries and it seems like it would be an inconvenience to move for her but she has a good reason to stay like close with family and wants their help in raising your future kids and you know she's what you're looking for because you have dated similar types and she fits all the boxes apart from a sacrifice that you are okay with making if you introspect on it.

Cool thanks for sharing. It sounds like a great event format. Will you try it again?

@Patrick_9931 Thanks for the update. No shame in getting hooked on love even if it's based out of comfort more than growth. The good part is that the upside in this hero's journey is potentially endless. What women have to offer you as a man is basically unlimited and now that you've experienced this perhaps you'll experience with other forms of relationships. For myself I'm also still exploring my options and will give polyamory a go soon. Will be also starting a world tour starting in January this year hopefully and seeing what the world and the women in it have to offer. I would give social circle game a go if I were you, it's how you find women that are highly compatible with you and fit specific niches and interests so for me I like business, finance and game design and I've hosted my first fashion show event last year that was probably one of the best days of my life. I host photoshoots and group diners as well. It's important to try different types to see what you like. I've met some really cool women over the past couple of years and the quality I tend to be able to attract seems to only be going up. https://www.instagram.com/stories/highlights/18036783041423983/

Obviously have authentic hobbies but getting girls is a legitimate hobby and pursuit. Women are interwoven to our world so tighly that figuring them out teaches you most of what you need to learn about reality. Plenty of things I wouldn't partake in if there were no reward of women and status involved. It's like Disney World bro, dudes take their kids and girl to Disney World not because they would go by themselves but because it makes for a cool combined experience for all involved.

It's true. I like mature women and milfs a lot but a lot of popular culture seems to be against older women. Mimetic desire is an interesting phenomenon, it talks about how we get most of our desires from other people either due to validation seeking, wanting status or I mean even in a self-exploration way it's a pretty valid way to figure out stuff through other people. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mimetic_theory Relativity is really a complex thing.

@Jirh Also keep in mind looksmatching which basically makes you attracted to people you think you have a chance with. Your ego doesn’t like to lust after someone they don’t think they can get especially if you haven’t gotten past rejection anxiety.

I want to pivot to online consulting services and have a few high ticket clients instead of working with people locally. I had one client that basically funded my lifestyle for a year while in Calgary so if I can replicate that online with a few more I’ll be set.

Watching his newest video right now For me it's hitting me hard how I need to get my finances in order and finally become financially independent now that I'm 31. I thought I would've made it a long time ago. Not a lot of people that I know ended up becoming successful let alone particularly happy. This stuff is hard, stage orange is no joke.

@Jordan of the Shire Do you mind sharing with us what's happened since you left that relationship? Were you not able to find other people that you were more aligned with?

Here are my ideas 1) In general at around the 9 month mark is when the honeymoon phase of a relationship ends and people tend to see each other accurately. You can feel free to try harder when it gets hard but if you're having core incompatibilities it's gonna be hard to move past that. This is why I offered the MBTI idea so OP can literally test himself and see if his personality and his partner are more or less compatibles and decide if he wants to move forward as he fishes. There are other frameworks like the big 5 where trait openness compatibility is also important in partners. 2) Usually people that don't have a lot of options have a scarcity mindset. I've detailed one archetype that OP could fall into i.e. OP being a western dude who wasn't particularly successful in his dating life in the west moving to Indonesia and then hitched himself with the first could he could. That is an assumption that can be wrong but seems like it fits in the profile in my experience. We can't really go further than this in our assumptions before OP gives me more detail. 3) It would make sense that people with not a lot of abundance that are in scarcity would he more heavily skew towards trying to make something work that's not incompatible because they have low standards. That seems harsh but that's how abundance works in any competitive market. If you have not a low of job offers you're gonna accept something that's not as great as someone who has many other offers that can afford to be pickier in his or her decisions. You never made a point that contradicts this you just said that you think being risk adverse would make this decision difficult. I've explained why this mindset is not optimal in my view and consistent with someone with in a position of scarcity as opposed to being wise.

@Schizophonia I hope you're now gonna make this hinge account ASAP. There is a funny parallel that I read in Cal Newport's book so good they can't ignore you where when you're about to break free of the wage slavery of 9-5 there will be a random force like your boss clamping down on you to make it more difficult. God seems to present us with resistance when we are about to level up to test if we really want to become more powerful or abundant or if we are not ready yet.

I don't understand your comment. Yes to have valid points you need to be able to defend them when people present an alternative paradigm with reasoning as to where the blindspots in your viewpoint might be. Otherwise you can be satisfied with having low quality opinions that lead to a low quality life but why on earth would that be your goal on a self-development forum?

I wouldn't be ashamed in that as long as you speak basic english people will get it. Plenty of popular content creators that are english second language. Xqc for example is a french canadian speaker that jumbles english at times but it makes his brand more unique.

You're right there are many fascets to inceldom; I like how identified risk aversion as part of it. Incel just means involuntarily celibate or having a hard time attracting partners. @Patrick_9931 should elaborate more on his dating history and life so we have more to go on, I made a few leaps of assumptions but I believe I'm mostly correct. If he has already explored all options possible in his dating journey and this is the best he's found and is perhaps temporarily satisfied that's would be one scenario but doesn't sound like it to me. As I've said though it's common for western dudes to go to an easier dating market and finally find a woman that accepts them for who they are and fall in love. This is not a high level relationship, its just what happens when your purchasing power encounters a viable market to put it in business terms. If going to Indonesia is the first time he's found abundant dating success then dating one of the first girls that's compatible with him is a predictable mistake. He is like at level 2 of the self-development dating journey; exploring new environments outside of your comfort zone. It's the same concept as the hero's journey. Giving up before really exploring the potential you have in attraction as a man would be a waste IMO. He should do it ethically and break it off with this girl so he can spend multiple years achieving that potential. Settling down before you have multiple of your dream women that want to date you is a predictable pattern. Part of being a high value man is taking the necessary risks to actualize your full potential. Thus why women really like musicians and free spirits that have broken free of the boring 9-5, it shows you being a successful risk taker. They don't particularly like unsuccessful risk takers like homeless men so part of it is having a realistic and viable strategy to accomplish this quest. Being able to attract high quality women is a pretty mapped out thing though I wouldn't qualify it as particularly high risk unless he's getting old but even you can freeze your sperm so there's no real risk involved.

Fair enough bro. Just remember the conversation we had on the other thread where you decided to sacrifice your abundance for the sake of talking to this one girl who is now not giving you much attention. This is a very common pattern. In my experience the best course of option is to develop more abundance. Both with other women but with your life as a whole. No shame in this, notice how a lot of people on this forum are coping in their lack of abundance by inventing rules why this common principle doesn't apply to them. Obtaining abundance is very hard by definition, inventing reasons why you're above the process is much easier. "I'm not doing well financially but it's not because I suck at business it's because Trump is a corrupt piece of shit!" "I don't get hot women but it's not because I don't have much value to offer them it's because they're shallow!"

I don't think God created us to be mindless beings or slave. I think perhaps true beauty comes from the co-creation process of life. If you aren't the co-owner of reality then you won't have much power or interest in helping it move towards the better as you will embrace your state of weakness and pray for God to solve all your problems.

Do you have experience in pickup and levelling up your social life or are you more of an incel? No shame just genuinely asking on your dating experience. This seems like extreme scarcity based mindset. There are so many intellectual women that also are very loving and caring. If you haven't met any it seems easy for me to see a blind spot in your recommendation. If OP is in his mid to late 30s and tired of dating then I would tend to lean more your way but if he's in his 20s or early 30s and just starting to explore the world then that seems like scarcity based settling to me.

Awesome, I think you have the right idea exploring the world while you're young. I will follow in your footsteps hopefully starting this winter, I've been meaning to become a digital nomad for the past few years and I'm gonna work hard on making it happen. South america particularly appeals to me but I'd like to checkout China as well, please update us on your travels! I think become a man(or woman) of the world is incredibly important and I meet many people even here in Canada that have never left the country. Quite a sad life if you ask me.

Strange indeed. You've had a date in person right? How did that go @Hojo I don't really think tech billionaires are a good example of what women go for these days but guys that offer status, fun and protection against the dullness of life are the new top of the male pyramid I would say.