I asked myself when my individual existence began, and many revelations came to me in a very intense and personal and experiential manner. I'll just share a few here.
I started seeing my existence not just in "the one who created the stuff" but also in "the stuff that was created" in equal degree.
The thought "This is the best I could do" kept coming up over and over again, with a sense of shyness but also intense pride and joy, like the way it feels when you share your most beautiful work of art with a loved one. The tone of that statement totally lost any sense of shame or inadequacy.
I totally stopped hating and demonizing my ego, as I had been doing for the past few months, viewing it as a disability, a hindrance to my awakening. Instead realized this "mechanism", the "flawed interface" I have with which I interact with reality is the best design possible, and the very means I am using to transcend my "self" and become my "Self".
Realized every bit of "stuff" that is in my room was deliberately consciously chosen or created or designed or arranged by me. It is a perfect reflection of me, and this is ALWAYS the case, whether I am conscious of it or not. Similarly, realized the same thing about my body, how I sculpted and created it consciously, first at a macro level (I lost a huge amount of weight recently, elongated my eyelashes naturally, plumped up lips, fixed flat foot, etc) but I could intuit the same would be true at micro levels too.
Today's video about Infinite Intelligence immediately caused me to recall that day. What Leo said about me creating everything, setting it all up, then forgetting I did it really rhymed with the realizations of that day. Will share a picture of what I wrote out on my whiteboard on that day. It really was mind boggling when I realized it at first but the "isolating loneliness" transformed into total bliss. I did this much!! So there's no need for me to limit what else is possible for me going forward x)
<3
