Hi guys!
it's a great pleasure for me to find so many like minded people here and this is actually my very first thread on a Forum, so thx for reading and sharing your opinions!!
I am a little lost right now...
I am 29 and currently working as a musician..i mostly make money from teaching and playing a few gigs here and there. I am able to survive without really working a lot and i have quit some time for all the self-actualization stuff (meditation, practicing etc).
So far i gained happiness by going out, drinking, chasing girls and sex, practicing guitar, playing gigs, traveling and chasing my goals. I have to say that this way of living can be quit some fun, but in the end it always feels a little empty.
My biggest dream was, to be a great musician and to have a lot of money, a great relationship, a nice flat etc.
As i grow mentally and spiritually, many questions come up and i am very confused on which way to go.
I feel this huge Potential inside of me, that is screaming and wanting to come on the surface, but with my lifestyle(getting wasted on the weekend) it was impossible to stay focused and to do the amount of work that i need to really achieve my goals, spiritually and personally. I also discover that all my goals so far were quit ego driven and i kind of want to let go of that ego!...
My intuition seems to guide me towards enlightenment, but i am so not ready to let go of all my dreams. As i do my work,and my consciousness is rising i feel that i am drifting away from all my friends and family. Its like there is nothing i can talk to my friends anymore, as soon as i start a conversation that is actually interesting for me, they just either don't understand or make fun of me.
I kind of know that i probably have to change out some friends, but i really like them. i would love to support them and help them with their lives, but this ques seems impossible.
I stopped drinking and going out know and even though it feels like i am doing the right thing, i never felt so lonely and lost. i still have this very strong sex drive that wants to push me out and chase for girls, but deep inside i know that all this chasing is just a waste of energy which would be better invested into my spiritual progress.
so what shall i do is the question.... shall i go on pursuing my Dreams and chase money, success and a great relationship, which in the end will not lead to lasting happiness anyway?
or shall i radically go for the enlightenment path?
thank you for reading
Kind regards
- Andy
