Pouya

@FrgttnDeer For example, I'm on point a and i wanna go to point a. I have two ways: to stay where i am or go around and come back where i was. @robdl I heard many teachers say than true meditation is just being rather than doing. But the problem is than I actually don't know how to be.

See... i just sit down and try to let go. I just don't know how to let go. Leo says try dmt or other substences but in this part of my life I just really can't (I'm 17, not independent yet) Maybe i should work on relaxing my body-mind complex first. I think this is too straight. Maybe instead of staying in my place i should go a full circle and come back here again.

Thank you people for your advice I think I got much more information that I should have practiced. Even tho I feel bad about these, at least I learned something.

I've been following actualized.org for several months and I realized something really important. I use Leo's information as excuse for running away from myself and facing it. Although that information can really help me, but after i watched addictions, distraction and self deception videos, it hit me like a truck. That i am a piece of shit, addicted to RB6 (a really distructive video game), not studying for my highschool and the big exam i have in 2020 for getting in a university, wasting time on spiritual topics for mental mastubation, not even meditating more that 10 mins and 2 days in a row, feeding myself with more and more information, assuming i know things by believing what Leo says and others say, always feeling stuck and mad and frustrated, not even starting to self inquire for even 2 days in a row, playing victim, blaming others, staying away from video games and my phone but getting absolutely fucked by my emotions, being a little ignorant dumbass and complaining shit in this post. I only wanna tell you something. Information is worthless compaired to experience. If you want to actualize yourself, just go for your direct experience. Information gets toxic after a while. And Leo, I was a little boy who was chasing my tail without knowing it, but now after months I do even the worse but i am aware of it. Not knowing that you don't know is much better that knowing you don't know. Sorry for my bad language, i needed a relief.

I am the only reason that I am in this state. I tell myself what I could forget about all this shit and just be unaware, then I realize I'm fooling myself to not become aware of myself.

I want to start a stable meditation habit and i have tried both techniques for few times but i couldn't stick with them for more than 3 4 days, just because I haven't defined a specific time and location for my practices. I've been reading about vipassana meditation and i looks more "formal" and structured so maybe i can develop a meditation habit with vipassana easier. Also my goal is not to just relax or to clear my mind.I want to raise awareness and maybe one day let the Enlightenment occur. I was thinking about starting small with vipassana and gradually increasing the time meditating everyday untill i reach to more that 45 mins. Then i would start doing self inquiry little by little after some mins of vipassana. Because when i did self inquiry few times it was really difficult and frustrating at the beginning only because I wasn't calm and present enough. So maybe some vipassana before self inquiry can help. Do you think that sticking with one technique is better or first getting used to one then adding the other technique is a better option? What do you think about my idea for starting meditation?

Vipassana is the easiest meditation technique that I've tried and the hardest was self inquiry (the first time i couldn't even do 5 mins, stopped instantly due to frustration). Maybe reading a little more about self inquiry and having a habit of meditation first can help me.

I've been into self development for 3 years and i found here and there people talking about meditation but the most powerful impact on me was Leo's Enlightenment videos and meditation guides. You're right about the stable meditation; that's why i haven't been consistent with it.

I'm following actualized.org for 3 months and since then, I'm in a deep confusion and self doubt. I'm losing my beliefs one by one and now I've watched "what is consciousness" video and i feel like what Leo talks about is idealism. I know he is a experienced individual but how come these two topics are similar when one is a human philosophy and another is a universal truth?

Thank you so much for your useful answer! I will work on a daily mindfulness habit so maybe it can help me observe my emotions and mental states like this better. Now question is if I'm doing enlightenment work, should I stop reading about philosophy or spiritual books so i don't create concepts and take someone else's word as truth?