denydritz

Hi @Alexop You don't need a certification, but having one will provide 'social proof' your potential clients see so they see your 'legitimacy'. There are free life coaching courses that have certification upon completion of the course (for a fee). I found one that costs around US$150 for a certificate. If you want to build an online life coaching business, maybe the legal requirement is a disclaimer that you're not a certified professional, expert, or therapist, and that you're sharing your knowledge for educational purposes. Cheers.

Hi @The Don I recently read an article that says we overestimate how much other people pay attention to us. The experiment was for someone to wear an embarrassing shirt and walk into an office. The person thought at least half of the room would notice the shirt, but it turns out less than a quarter noticed it. When you feel self-conscious, think that other people are self-conscious too. They pay attention, but they don't pay that much attention (not as much as we think or like). I had a friend who did an experiment: he didn't shower, didn't comb his hair, wore worn out clothes, went to a mall and chatted up random girls, and none of the girls noticed his 'messiness'. I have disabled friends that can't speak right (they are deaf and can only mumble). But as long as they feel good about themselves, I notice other people feel good around them. So it could be that feeling self-conscious is an over reaction based on over expectation, a result of misunderstanding our environment, and missing the fact that other people are too distracted with their own thoughts to really notice anything weird about us. Cheers.

My classic favorite: "Every day and in every way, I'm getting better and better." - Emile Coue

Hi @Pernani I think we enjoy doing activities that confirm that we are likeable. I learn that our brain has a goal to like itself. I agree that we do activities that we are good at, because it makes us feel likeable (maybe we get praise from other people). We may do something we're not good at (yet), because we like the challenge, and we will feel very likeable if we can win the challenge. We do meaningful activities and derive value from them to become likeable too, in my opinion. Even acts of 'selflessness' is in our self interest, so that we can like ourselves (and perhaps the guilty pleasure of secretly feeling like we are better than other people). We follow social conditioning to receive approval and praise from other people, which is a form of likeability. I'm still thinking on this topic, but that is my current thoughts. Cheers!

Hi @kieranperez It sounds like you are frustrated because you have expectations? You say that exercises like affirmations and visualizations are 'horse shit' and a waste of time, why is that? It seems to me that your main block is that you have an expectation that you should already be at some level of success at this point in your life, and you feel very bad that you're not there yet. I recently learned that we sometimes have goals we want to happen in the past. But these goals didn't happen, and haven't happened, but we become tied and attached to them. An example would be that "I should be married by now" or "I should have this amount of income by now." Unfortunately, we can't change the past, so if we are still attached to these past goals, we only become more frustrated. Is it possible that you feel no amount of exercise or calming down can bring any good because you want it to already have happened in the past? "I shouldn't be having this emotional meltdown by now." Cheers.

I begin with awareness. I use an exercise called the participant and the observer where I look at myself living and acting according to my beliefs. Then I continue with examining the layers of my belief or why I do what I do. I keep asking why until I come at an answer that I use as the temporary reason (because I can dig deeper in the future and find another layer of reason beneath it). If I can find a reason why I have a belief that's ineffective (perhaps related to an experience in the past), then I often experience spontaneous remission: the belief immediately dissolves once I identify it.

Hi @kingroboto I read that this behavior can be called domain dependence. When you're in your private domain, you make progress with your inner game. You build your new habits, and be a new person. But when you are in your 'previous life' domain, you can regress back to the 'persona' you are/were in that domain. If you can maintain your new 'self' in the old domain, then you're still domain dependent. I'm still domain dependent too, especially when I'm with my family. Since I'm the youngest child, I tend to be silent and not active. In different domains, I can show up and become a leader, but in my family domain, I'm still the 'smallest one.' It takes a risk to bring your new self to old domains, because the inertia of your old self is very powerful. Not to mention that your friends may find the new you 'weird', and makes you want to go back to your old self and old habits. The most effective way is to make new friends that support your new self, but not everyone wants to reduce time with their old friends. If your old friends don't support the new you, or if they can't join to become a new them, then it's your call to choose which one is more important. Cheers!

Hi @CroMagna I'm not sure how your values connect with working from home? I mean, you can live according to your values and work outside of home, in almost any profession I can think of. Even in show business, your top 10 values can be applied satisfyingly. If you want to work from home, assuming you understand your passion, then the first step is to see what problem you can solve? I learn that a good business idea is not to 'choose' a business, but see what business we're already doing, by finding what people already ask or need from us. What do people already ask you help for? Cheers!

Hi @Butters I agree that intuition can go wrong (and will go wrong if you follow it enough times). Of course, our minds have a defense mechanism that may make us think our intuition isn't wrong when it is. I agree with Erlend that intuition is based on heuristics (the knowledge we've accumulated). It uses some assumptions to make quick decisions (or 'in the moment' as you say), but those assumptions can contain error that affect the decision we make. That said, sometimes our intuition is correct. But I would rather follow clear and correct thinking without assumptions, than follow intuition. Cheers!

Hi @The Don My mentor tells me that frustration happens when what happens isn't the same as what we expected. When we want a result, but some external condition blocks our expected path, then we experience frustration (if it's a person blocking our path, then we experience anger). What result do you expect from reading books? What scenario did you have in mind when you wanted to start reading them? Maybe you had an expectation that you would read it and understand it well and quickly, but it's not happening that way, so you feel frustrated? Or maybe you expect you 'should' already know what you read and feel frustrated that you have to learn to understand it? Cheers

Hi @ULFBERHT I think that we are 100% responsible for our actions, and other people are 100% responsible for their actions. I don't think we are responsible for what results happen (such as equipment failure), since we can't control the outcome directly (because sometimes even when we take all necessary steps, machines still fail). Your co-workers are also responsible for their actions, so if a 'collective' error occurs, then there's no need to feel bad. The correct response I think is to be curious and figure out what went wrong and how it can improve. You don't mention anything about your boss or employer blaming you, so I hope nothing along the lines of that happened. Cheers!

You sleep as long as you need to, no more and no less I agree with my friend who says that when we wake up naturally from our sleep, even if it's only been a few hours, then that is the natural amount our body needs to rest. But when it happens to me, it's still very early in the morning, so I go back to sleep lol Cheers!

Hi @Durka_Durka I think we do a lot of things at once, by default. I don't think you can do only one thing for a length of time, for example meditate for an entire day, and keep doing it until you feel you are good at it (if that makes sense). From the activities you write, it seems you can do all of them in a sequence and not have to choose one over the other. Regarding tasks, it's better to do one thing until it's finished. For example, I make websites. I can make one website at a time, or multiple website at a time. But I found that making multiple sites at a time take away the momentum, so I prefer to build one website at time until it makes a sustainable profit. Cheers!

How much you need to work on your self depends on where you want to go and when you want to get there. I don't think there is a 'time quota' we need to fill to say that we have worked on our self enough today. You might say that we are always working on our self (assuming that we have self awareness and are actively actualizing our self). Being a medical student is working on your self, since you learn how to absorb information and retain it, communicate with other people, concentrate your mental power, and practice compassion when treating patients, right?

I agree that thinking we are worthless can cause us to fall into emotional and mental traps. At least, for bad actors, we aren't worthless because our body parts are worth a price, right? Unless, what you mean by 'worthless' is returning to a state of being open to new ideas, and letting go of attachment to our perceived 'self'. Then that is a 'good' process. Cheers!

I learn that feeling hopeless comes from assuming we're helpless. But we're not helpless because there's always something we can do. I believe there's never a reason to feel hopeless or sad. We either be grateful for the result, or start asking the right questions, and build from there. Cheers!

I vote for deep, meaningful connection. You mention about feeling lonely. Maybe the loneliness comes from lack of being able to express your true, best self in a meaningful, reciprocal relationship. Although that type of connection can come from family or friends, a romantic/sexual relationship is different, because she is your partner, and is undertaking the same risks as you are in the relationship. There are parts of our identity that only come to the surface when we are in a romantic/sexual relationship, and maybe that part of you wants to express itself? @B_Naz

@pluto Yeah that is a nice, slightly concerning, image It's interesting that experiencing suffering leads us to self-actualization. I think there is 'external' suffering (caused by abuse, trauma, etc) and 'internal' suffering (not reaching dreams, feeling lack of passion, etc). I don't have external suffering but I do have internal suffering, and it's what lead me to find this forum. I want to say that people who are drawn to self-actualization are perhaps more 'self reflective' (the Melancholic type personality). Other people who are not as self-reflective (such as the Sanguine type personality) don't give much thought about learning self-actualization, though that doesn't mean they are not self actualized (if that makes sense). We in this forum are doing intentional self-actualization, but I believe other people are doing their own form of 'unintentional' actualization. Cheers!

That's an interesting way to manage your time and priorities @Soulbass . I have a sort of time division system, but I find myself more often not using it and going with the flow of the day. There have been times in my life where a structure was effective, but there are other time when I find that having a degree of freedom is effective. I like that you keep a journal. I keep a journal too but mine is strictly words (no pictures, memorabilia, just thoughts and questions). It's a nice way to see how far I've gone or if I'm still circling around the same spot. Right now I'm focusing on building an understanding of how the mind works before I follow again a time division technique to manage my energy. Cheers!

I would say the motivation of accumulating money will only get you so far. There is a research that states that our happiness doesn't increase after we reach a threshold of $50,000 per year income (it only grows very marginally with a large increase in income). The activities you describe don't always require money. There are ways you can go rock climbing, rafting, kayaking, without a large expense but you will need to be very friendly with people (even people you just meet). Money may not be your ultimate tool if you want a variety of experience. It sounds that your passion isn't the activities themselves, but adventure, or experiencing new experiences. If adventure is your passion, then there are many ways to experience adventure without spending a fortune, right? Cheers!

Hi @littleBIG, I think there is only ONE way to get rich and that is to help other people solve their problems. What you write in the list is various forms that aim to help people solve problems, right? The more people you help, the more rich you become. It's called the Law of Affection: if you affect a million people, then you can become a millionaire. But if you're asking about specific forms to get rich (as in business systems), then what I see isn't on your list yet is becoming a persona (celebrity). A celebrity can affect the lives of millions of people. Even if you become a minor celebrity, you can still make quite a healthy income (such as being a famous YouTube persona on fashion, gaming, entertainment, even self-help), depending on how many 'subscribers' you have. Cheers!

Hi @Hello from Russia, I don't know if I can say I've found my life purpose. I feel I have a 'draft' of it, but I feel it can grow and I can understand it better. I don't think life purpose is WHAT we do (what occupation, profession, or project we're pursuing). I think life purpose is WHY we do what we do. The book that helped me see this is Simon Sinek's "Start With Why". I found that my life purpose is to "help people get the best results using the least resources possible". I have natural strength in analysis (I learned about this after taking a test), so I analyze what is the most efficient path towards reaching a goal. The WHAT of my WHY can take any form. For example, I once worked as a musician, but I don't call music my life purpose. I focused on being a songwriter because that's where I believe I can do the least effort to gain the maximum impact (touching other people's lives through music). And the lyrics that I write emphasize being happy by focusing on what's important (to do the least effort possible). Cheers!

Hi Hero, I would suggest simply to talk to as many girls as possible, especially ones that interest you romantically. Being anxious or nervous when talking to a girl is a case of not interacting enough with the opposite sex (in my experience), in terms of romance. You may interact with a lot of girls but you strictly see them as friends and nothing more, so when you interact with someone whom you see as a potential partner, you lack the experience. The fear is not real as nobody can guess what she is thinking. And if her behavior does offend you, then there is always the next girl who is equally amazing and doesn't offend or scare you (although you may need to talk to many girls before you find one that clicks with you). Don't overthink anything. I would suggest to simply not think about anything until the next interaction happens (online or face to face) and take it from there. Cheers!

Hi John, I am currently learning about arbitrary goals. It seems we easily fall into the trap of setting arbitrary goals (such as $XXX,XXX per year income). I feel that any dream that has a form may be an arbitrary goal (one that doesn't have a solid reason WHY we should reach that goal). On the other hand, setting abstract goals may not give us the measurable milestones that we need. I am still learning about how to find the right framework to set goals that aren't arbitrary but have measurable actions I can take. I agree that when we wake up excited about what we are going to do today, then we have a worthy goal. Thanks for the post! Cheers!

Sorry for the double post, there was an error while typing and I couldn't type anything in the previous post. When I do visualization, I don't always picture what I want my life to be. I visualize or affirm the person that I am (in present tense) and how I am to other people. I feel that visualizing or affirming not about material possessions or future achievements, but about our present character is more rewarding than imagining a future life. For example, rather than visualizing about having a million dollars, I visualize and affirm that "I am a wealthy and successful businessman who servers other people and helps them solve their problems." When I visualize like this, helping other people isn't something hard for me to believe because I can do that today, right now. If you have difficulty believing that your visualization or affirmation practice will change your life, maybe you can try focusing on visualizing the character that you are (the best person you can possibly be). You can do that instantly. Cheers!