denydritz

Accepting doesn't mean accepting where we are right now. I believe accepting means accepting the best version possible. Depression can be a signal that there is a deep problem you need to resolve, and as long as that problem remains unresolved, you will feel depressed. Like others say, binge eating is only a symptom, and if you treat it, it may come back later down the road. Perhaps the correct term isn't accepting, but acknowledging. We need to acknowledge where we are before we can move forward. Maybe you can acknowledge that you are here in your current phase in life and you can take footsteps to go to where you think is a better place.

I agree with the response here: thinking that other people are "unconscious" isn't a conscious way of thinking ha ha. Like you, there are times when I feel I can help another person. But I find out that unless they ask me for help directly, there's nothing I can do to help them. Even if I had the perfect, correct solution and gave it to them on a plate, they still wouldn't acknowledge or appreciate it. In other words, they can only be conscious on their own, and we can help them when they're ready. I think you're on the right path.

I want to say that protesting is not "good." My mentor says to either "build or beg." I think of protesting as "begging", that is: we don't have the power to make the change, therefore we demand it, like a person begging. If we have the power, we simply "build". I suppose if you don't approve of slaughterhouse killings, then build an alternative solution so superior that no one will not use it. Of course, that's a long road to take and requires considerable resources. A protest is more instant, and perhaps gratifying?

I agree that contemplating and thinking are important. We're not educated to think correctly, and it leads us to errors in thinking. As you say, anyone can do various activities to develop their self but not make any progress even after a few years. This can happen when we define progress as doing activities, when instead it's building understanding. When we understand the path we need to take to grow as a person, then we start to do the work that makes us grow forward without going backward. Maybe we want instant results and aren't patient to go through the process of growing our selves. We try one technique and when it doesn't work as fast as we want it to, we jump to another technique and repeat the cycle until we lose faith in self actualization.

Agree, making a living from investments means you need to invest a large sum. Most "safe" investments have a low return, meaning you need a big sum to make a decent living. Risky investments have higher returns so you can put it less money but risk losing most or all of it. Technically, investing in anything means we are investors, but not necessarily "accredited investors." Besides that, investing is a method to preserve wealth, not to generate wealth. Generating wealth comes from business.

"We believe most easily what we desire most earnestly." - Stephen Covey I support the idea that IF he wants to believe it, then you can't change his mind. Maybe it would be best to allocate your resources not to think how to speak to him but how to reduce his role or significance in your life, if possible? Maybe try to think about what is he trying to prove or validate about himself by believing these far right ideas? In my country, there is a heated political situation, and it is making proponents of both sides "predictably irrational." There are times when I want to try and make them see that both sides have good and bad points, but then I realize that people buy what they believe.

My resolution is to build an understanding of the path that leads to happiness and good for everyone. I think that habits and systems are "layer two" solutions, while "layer one" is building clarity, vision, and purpose. I have a habit system I can put in place, but based on my previous performance, it seems I'm still lacking a stable foundation. Therefore, from now on I am going to focus on building that foundation, while applying habits and systems as necessary (but not a priority).

I second this opinion. The question isn't "Am I good enough?" but "Will people buy what I sell?" If people don't buy, it isn't related to your sense of worth. Simply change your product (or your price) and offer it again.

Well, losing an arm is a physical experience and has both mental and physical effects. There could be some clinical issues that are related to "phantom pain" and feeling regret that the accident happened. If it's clinical, then surely you need to consult an expert. If the regret is limited to an emotional feeling, then it's because we have "past goals." I learned this from my mentor who says that we regret or feel guilty or ashamed about the past because we have goals that we want to happen in the past, at that particular time. In your example, the goal is to "be productive while I was young so I don't end up being 30 and having a messy life." Obviously, past goals are impossible, because the time period has already ended. Knowing that past goals are useless, personally I can dissolve any feeling of regret I had about the past. The path that happened (and is happening) is always the path that happens. There is no other path, and comparing to another path that doesn't exist only makes you suffer (like Leo says). In your example, you can be productive starting now. It would be bad to not be productive because you wanted to be productive in the past, and you can't because it's a past goal.

I agree, our brain follows the pattern it already knows. Processing new information is exhausting. Going to the same restaurant for several years in a row isn't a "bad" thing that we need to break. It can be seen as a family tradition, a place that has memories and sentimental value. Unless, your parents absolutely reject any idea of going to a new place and even violently resist, then maybe that's showing signs of some psychological habit or trauma. About the lottery winner, that's a mindset problem. Since they got their money easily, they don't appreciate it much and spend it frivolously. A person who got a million dollars by building and selling a company would have a different mindset, even though they have the same amount of money. Breaking out of old psychological patterns I think it's easy, when we want to do it. If we want to break out, it means we are aware we have old patterns that keep us stuck. Awareness is the first step and after that it's a matter of following new habit building techniques. What's difficult is if we want other people to break out of their old habits.

Agree, reading the post also made me feel that the two of you are more than just "friends." There is definitely a male/female dynamic there and perhaps some issues related to past experiences, in terms of romantic relationships. Of course, if there were such an issue, bringing it to the surface would require some work and perhaps include some risk ... It's very brave of you to let go of the friendship that you have, even if there seems to be something that needs disclosure. I don't think your experience is an issue of "like people attracts like people," because you want to grow while he is showing resistance to growing. The safe option is to cut him out from your life and find a new friend or group of friends that share the same vision; or you could take the risk and try to find out what is truly wrong with him, and help him resolve it ... ... though helping people who don't ask for help verbally can cause problems. Plus, you're still growing too, and may not be "strong enough" to help him, yet. Maybe a 'reset' is necessary, where you don't see each other for long enough that you change and become better persons.

Nice advice @VioletFlame I agree that focusing on one goal at a time is effective (similar to multitasking, where there is no such as thing as multitasking ha ha). Adding images over time is a technique I've heard from other people, including my coach. I've been taught that thinking in scenarios, instead of only images, is even more effective to attract what we want in life. Instead of visualizing a certain amount of money, visualize what will happen after we get that money, because money is only a means to reach our goal.

Congratulations on your revelation, @Viking I want to add that low self-esteem is a symptom by itself. Esteem is related to your self image, or how you see your self. If you say you are resistant towards doing certain tasks, like studying or reading, because you feel you're not good at it, it means you are defending your fragile self image. *By 'you', I don't mean you individually, but a general 'you' to address myself and those who are reading this post. Protecting our self image requires us to only follow the activities that confirm we are likeable, such as tasks that make us look and feel smart. It can become a rewarding trap, that is it makes us feel good and like we are on the right path, but it actually doesn't lead anywhere because it doesn't necessarily make us grow beyond who we already are. Realizing that you have self-esteem issues is a step in the right direction, but I think there is a deeper issue that is signaled by your level of esteem. A question I would ask myself is, "Why is it important that I protect my self image, or only do tasks that protect my self-esteem?"

Taking what other people think about you, your words, your actions, or a certain topic is not bad per se. It's information that can be useful and valuable if you use it to build your understanding about what's important, and also to build better lines of communication. But if what other people think impact you in a 'negative' way that distracts you from your goal or reduces your momentum, I learn that it's an effect of having an 'image goal'. We have an image of our self we want to shape in the eyes of other people, usually slightly different images for different people. We also have an image of our self we want to shape in our own mind. These two images, plus our actual goal that we want to reach, often don't have the same 'vector' or direction it's heading, and therefore create friction and conflict when they don't match. We can get 'lucky' and have all three goals align. We are lucky if merely two goals align (our actual goal and our image goal). But there is no need for these goals to align. We only need to work on understanding our actual goal. Any image goal is 'arbitrary' because it's based on the evaluation of whether other people like us or not, and whether we think we are likeable or not. When we can see that our image goal takes us away from our actual goal, we can begin to dissolve it so it doesn't affect us anymore.

What is the vision you see when you close your eyes? If you can share that, I think it can give an insight as to why it doesn't ignite your passion anymore. Also, do your previous ambitions of school goals and career goals come from your personal choice or do you 'copy' it from other people? Talking about arbitrary success and ambition, I learn that most of our goals in life are based on what we see from people around us. It's one of the reasons why choosing the shape of our goal can not ignite passion because it is based on 'genetic and social instructions' and not from our own construction/building of understanding the world and what needs to be done to achieve maximum net happiness.

I find a repeating pattern that many members here see 'making a living' and 'living your passion' as being separate. I wonder why? You can build a safe foundation and build your dreams at the same time. You only feel that you can't when you see your foundation and your dreams as being separate, when in fact they stem from the same root. Your dream is actually to express that root emotion that gives shape to your dreams. Many people focus on looking at the shape of their dreams, not the root of it, if that makes sense. Once you look at the root cause of your dreams, you'll see that you can live it out anywhere, anytime, with anyone, in any occupation, and you can get that satisfaction of living life to the fullest, and not feel like you're wasting your youth because everything you do comes from the root of your dreams. Cheers!

The problem may be because you see your desired skill set as being separate skills. The way I see it is that they flow from each other, meaning you develop one will automatically develop the other. Leading is speaking, speaking is sharing what you know, sharing what you know is leading. That said, I believe your ONE thing isn't the shape or WHAT you do, but WHY you do it. Why do you love singing, and why do you want to be a leader? It sounds to me that your ONE thing is related with getting in front of people, perhaps inspiring them or connecting with them in a unique way?

How about making a digital copy of your 'uncensored' vision board, and storing it on your computer? It won't be as constantly visible as a board pinned to your wall, but you can keep the full version discreetly if you are propelled to do so. On another note, your shyness is getting in the way of attracting what you want. Pin the photo of an attractive girl with the realization that your family or friends will laugh at it or think you're immature, but don't be affected by that because you know they don't understand yet. Explain to them that the photo is a 'placeholder', and that want you truly want is a loving relationship with an attractive woman. They might be able to help you. In my case, when I was searching for a partner, I told my friends about it. One of them actually hooked me up with a very gorgeous girl (but we didn't have any chemistry whatsoever lol). That's an example of how showing up and saying what you want actually opens up the path to attracting it in your life, providing that you can dissolve feeling shy or embarrassed. Cheers!

Hi Abdul, I want to ask WHY do you want to impact students? I think if you can understand WHY you want to do that, instead of WHAT you want to do (impact students), you can align your career with your life purpose easily. My guess is that you love helping people grow to become better people?

Yes, I agree with the majority sentiment in this thread. It's not our job or right to value a person's life, and I believe we don't have the skill or the capability to 'calculate', even without accuracy, the value of a person's life. I say all life is equal. If you say that a person's life is worth less because he is a criminal, you are thinking within a certain frame with very minimal data (one data point that states 'this man is a criminal'). If you want to 'value' a person's life, you would need every single bit of data throughout his life and the interactions he/she has/had/will have with other people and the effect of those interactions compared to the condition where he/she didn't/doesn't/won't have those interactions. Mathematically it's impossible. But we are creatures of emotional judgment.

I agree with this comment. Discover your vision, and works towards it, so that, by default, you don't play video games - not because you avoid it, not because you restrain yourself from it, but simply because you haven't played yet because you're flowing in your work. It's not a matter of not playing video games. It's a matter of understanding the correct path that leads to the results you want. You could work on your business two hours a day and make a huge profit, if you understand the correct path. Playing video games an hour a day won't make you feel bad feelings if you know you are on the correct path.

Hey @MM1988 Do you mean that you have difficulty 'allowing emotions' as a cathartic process to let them go? I'm not sure about what process would be the best for you, but right now, I'm starting to learn that emotions aren't necessary. I learn that emotions are reactions to events that happen around us, and these emotions depend on arbitrary norms, standards, and expectations that we have. For example, frustration is when something we didn't expect gets in the way of our goal. If that something is a person, then we feel anger. Neither anger or frustration is necessary for us to reach our goal - we can reach our goal perfectly without needing to feel any certain emotions (we only need to understand the correct path to take). Sadness and depression aren't necessary either. It seems you may be feeling emotions towards not being able to feel emotions, which can lead to a dangerous and ineffective negative loop, right? If you can understand that emotions aren't necessary (though they aren't 'bad' either), I think you can dissolve the obstacle that is getting in the way of what's best for you. Cheers!

Hi TheDon Do you feel anxiety when you do any visualization exercise or only when you visualize speaking in front of a crowd? In the case that you feel anxiety when thinking about speaking in public, I find that anxious feeling comes from the fear of being rejected and hurting our 'self image'. If you can let go of the need to look good while speaking in public, and have only one goal of saying your message regardless the response, then the anxiety will dissolve. Cheers!

Hi @Cortex Why do you want to be a child again? Do you feel like a child when you achieve pleasures and achieve amazing things? It's great that you do achieve pleasures and amazing things, but I'm curious why you want to be a child again? What did you experience as a child that you don't experience as an adult?

Hello Rashad, I'm thinking that one point that contributes to your issue gaining work is your consideration that you are a 'humble' person. You say that you take 'meager work' and 'often do very poorly.' Why do you take the meager work in the first place if you describe the experience as 'poorly'? I find that we often have two goals at the same time: one is the goal we want to reach (such as getting work), the other is the goal of the self image we want to construct while achieving the first goal (in this case, I want to get work AND I want to appear humble). Maybe the work that is lucrative, safe and worthy of your abilities requires you to not be humble? Is it important for you to maintain this humility? In my experience, it doesn't matter. When we are truly humble, we don't think we're humble, we just do what we do as normal behavior (and other people might see it as humility, but we don't have the goal of making other people see us that way). When I want work, I do what it takes. If it means showing up in a big way and asserting the talents I have in a flattering way, then that is what it takes. Cheers!