Christian

To give you a bit of backstory, I was bullied a lot, never had a proper support system, got manipulated a lot in the past, was criticized for being my authentic self, indirectly told I was a piece of shit. And in order to function in society I've supressed this anger, fear, hurt, and apathy for the past decade. I can't get angry at people for some reason. Every time I have an intention to express anger I experience a very intense resistance. So that feeds into the whole problem because I am an easy target and people around me see that and use that to their advantage. But one positive aspect of this is that I use this anger to accomplish my goals and I've kind of developed this paradigm which is me vs the world. I believe the world is a place where people are assholes who are "out to get me" and that inspires me to be this arrogant over-achiever. I've used this emotion of anger to get good grades, I'm using it now to build a meditation habit and its been going great as I've done it now for 50 days in a row now. So should I keep this anger? I really want to because it is a powerful tool, but I just feel like it is incongruent. It's probably negative motivation, but oh boy is it effective! I've never been more motivated to change and I sort of want to use the anger constructively to keep achieving my goals. But I can't see far here. I am unaware of the long term consequences and would like your feedback. Am I on the right track?

There is no self to be hurt lol. Now, I'm just being a total jerk and I love it lol. But to be honest @Nahm I think it's the right thing to do and I have a lot of reasons why I am angry at this very moment. It does not mean I get into a fist fight, but I acknowledge it, use it and accept it for what it is. I was in suppression-mode for 5-10 years and that was a lot worse. It fucked with my confidence and my self awareness, but now it's getting better slowly but surely

What you are describing here is the yo-yo effect resulting from negative motivation. You hit rock bottom --> want to change --> then when the change happens you loose motivation because the problem has been solved. I'd say you should stop relying on motivation as your only tool -- especially negative motivation. What you need more in my opinion is proper habits. Habits once established do not require that much motivation to keep up and that is why habits are so powerful. You just want to have a basic level of motivation -- positive and or negative -- to insert the habits until they start functioning automatically.

No self means -- as far as I know -- means that the ego (self) is an illusion. It does not exist as an object in reality. You can verify this for yourself in direct experience. Just ask: where is the self? You should notice you cannot find it simply because it never existed in the first place. Ever! But then again, there is a true self. The true self is totally different from the ego. The best representation I can give is that it is nothing and everything simultaneously. But you can only see the true self once that ego is broken down. Stories and representations are like pointers to the true self, but not the actual thing. The true self can only be experienced, not intellectualized.

If you want to eliminate these negative habits I reccomend you do the following: 1) list out possible reading you might fail to drop these habits 2) list these potential causes of failure in a systematic order with the most likely respons to fail at the top and the least at the bottom. 3) Brainstorm practical solutions to overcome each potential reason for failure. 3) implement the solutions to at least the top 3 most likely causes. That's wheere you will get the most bank for your buck. This is basically the pre-mortem technique that Leo has talked about. It can be very effective when done right. Good luck

It's cool to see I am not alone here. Maybe the me vs the world frame is just a bunch of BS since there are others who have it similar. But hey, it works for now, and it gets me going. And I do believe the anger will go away at some point just like it did for you. It might just take a while because there is so much. It's like my shadow is finally creeping back up, scary but fascinating.

The motivation I have is really a combination. It's both negative and positive. They can coexist. But, the negative motivation has definetly been strong recently. And I know that the yo-yo effect can greatly decrease my over all motivation long term. That's why I use it the negative motivation to make habits. For habits, I don't need motivation really. I don't need a lot of motivation to go brush my teeth or shower for example

Who knows? Maybe it is, maybe not. Can't really tell right now... But I will continue to meditate regardless and I intuit what you are saying probably is right. Thanks @Shin

Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore. Sorry, I couldn't resist But seriously, let it go. Stop thinking about it. Realize that problems are created by you and sometimes all you can do is let them go. Clearly in your situation, that is the case because you can't go back and change it. Fact is you lost your file and you now need to let it go. If you can't let it go, accept that and try again and again until something clicks.

Maybe it helps to think of it like this; a person who has not smoked for 4 years will be off smoking, yes, but he will still very subtlely have a temptation to smoke. That temptation never turns to zero, but over time it becomes less and less. The same thing applies to beliefs meaning: If you have some limiting beliefs about yourself, if you replace them, they will not totally go away, but you will still move away from them in a sense. The limiting beliefs can also resurface, but that does not matter if you are conscious of it as it happens and you know how to shift your focus

The meditation technique is not really that important. There are dozens of techniques out there, but everyone be about them damn techniques main. The most IMPORTANT thing is the fudging habit man. You should care about meditating every day. Do all that can be done each day as Brandon Carter would put it. Don't get too concerned with the nitty-gritty details man. Who cares about them? Only the ego and the ego is full of shit..

I agree with that notion, but I also think it should come from the right place. I find from my own life that sometimes I use being as a distraction from taking action or doing and I feel guilty. It is always lurking in the background and maybe that is a sign that being is not the most important thing right now. I can never really be truly present because it is like escapism for me at this point. But that's because I do not have a promising career, meaningful relationships, emotional control, etc. I am still working on that at a beginner/intermediate level. But sure, if a person has all that; good career, relationships, confidence, basic needs covered, if they ignore enlightenment and become success-junkies then yea, they will not be at their peak potential. Tony Robbins is an example of that...

I also see many people who are not into self development who are growing at a rapid rate. I think it is because they may be more engaged with real life than self-help junkies typically are. They are essentially taking action and getting shit done whilst picking up lessons from first hand experience. And the advice that comes from this can be more powerful than any self help book for living your life well in a practical way in my opinion.

Liberation is a bi-product of enlightenment and a desire for the ego, yes. But my theory is that from its perspective, it believes that liberation means ending suffering for it and not taking the ego itself out of the whole equation so to say. It still wants to exist, but without the suffering of delusion. But therein lies the whole dilemma An ego cannot exist without suffering as the two both are sides of the same coin. But in order to eliminate the ego, the ego needs to be convinced that there are certain benefits to eliminating it. That is why convincing the ego of the importance of enlightenment is so important for it to even begin the journey. The ego does not engage in activities that from its limited perspective does not benefit it. That is why you will not move to a cave in India unless you believe it has some profound meaning, right? Otherwise, what would be the point from the ego's perspective?

I think it is very common and it should be anticipated. With meditation, when you get your enlightenment moments, of course your ego will resist. Why would it not. It has to surrender and the ego hates it. The ego is all about me, me, me and it wants to feel a sense of meaning and existence. So when you meditate and undermine these needs of the ego, of course it will get furious. It does not want "you" to see it for what it really is. That will kill the illusion it is founded upon and ruin the whole structure of the ego. Keep going - you are doing great!

I really want to change my identity. I have low self esteem and lack assertiveness, humor, ability to love, be kind, etc. And I would absolutely love to embody these qualities in the future to come. But I feel that my knowledge regarding identity level change is lacking and I do not feel competent that I can change my identity. And another problem is that my identity is largely limiting my ability to be successful because I probably have lots of conditioning and limiting beliefs that need to be unwired or replaced. In the past, I've tried to change my identity, but with little success because I always keep falling back into my old paradigm. It is like a never-ending cycle that I almost can't control. That is how it feels at times, but I was wondering if any of you have successfully created an identity change. Could you share the process? What did you go through? What is your experience with identity-level change? Any tips or input would be greatly appreciated

Well, it depends on where you are at in your life. Are you a beginner? Have you not got your basic needs for safety, sex, security, relationships, financial stability covered? If so, start there. Then, you can work your way up to real self actualization work which involves self transcendence or enlightenment. But on the other hand, if you have all that stuff figured out, then maybe doing some enlightenment related personal development work from the get go would be ideal for you. It all depends on the context of where you are in life and where you are in life and where you wanna end up

I agree with @Saarah Maybe your way of studying --method -- was not for you. I know from personal experience that just taking notes and just doing study is not enough. If I just take notes and study that way, I forget what I had learned a week or two later. But I know how to correct that. What I did was I studied through active recall and I can confidently say it works. It is basically a method where you actively try to recall the information you have just learned rather than reading over your notes again and again or just reading the textbook. That is passive learning where as active recall is active learning. It is more engaged. You can do it by asking yourself questions based on what you study and then recall the same information later in intervals where the time between each interval expands gradually over time. Check out the forgetting curve -- it will make you more clear on when to do active recall and help you apply the method. You can thank me later

From my perspective, these are all high quality values especially because of what they mean for you. Props to you! But like in every context, there is always room for improvement. And who knows, maybe your list of values will change drastically in 5 years. If you decide to change values, it is important that you take into account what your intuition/higher self is telling you. Values are supposed to give you a sense of direction and the only way you can get your values wrong is if they are inauthentic to you. But if your current values are authentically in alignment with your true self, by all means keep them!

@kuwaynej I trust that the things he are telling me about enlightenment, relationships, life purpose, and what habits I should implement are mostly true. Firstly, I trust in his enlightenment videos because I have had a 1st hand experience into what enlightenment is on a deeper level and he describes what I saw in a precise and structured way. I trust in his the majority of his relationship advice mostly because I've reflected on what he says especially in regards to being co-dependent, needy, and what it takes to get good at relationships. And I've seen the principles function in real life. I've seen that if you are needy, people are repelled and that abundance and non-neediness attracts people. That humor and authentic confidence makes you magnetic. But, I know I could be wrong and my skepticism goes so deep that I am skeptical of my own skepticism too. I do not care about authority; I want the truth and if what Leo says is clearly misaligned with my direct experience, I will adjust my model of the world accordingly.

I see personal development like this little fucking chunk of gold sticking out from the mine I was LUCKY to find. And when I dig into that gold and see that it is a gold mine and tell others: "Hey, look!" Here it is, guys, I found the holy grail, they just stand and state like: That is great for you, I just don't get it or say, that's just your view. It's utterly absurd and I just feel like that's it. That was your chance

God is nothingness The success principles by Jack Canfield Mastery by Georg Leonard The big leap Psycho cybernetics

Well, as you are describing your situation, you say you have a loving family, good friends and a job at a restaurant. That is good, but you say your dating life is non-existant which I can imagine is frustrering. According to Maslow's hierachy of needs, it seems like you have your basic needs for food, shelter, friendships and security covered. That means you lack intimate relationships and self actualization and you say your biggest sticking point is comfort, but on the other hand you have lots of free time since you only work 3-days per week. This is good because you have a lot of free time to build your life. But that free time will be wasted if not used wisely. And you need to tackle this issue of comfort. I think really that you really have to be kind of serious here. Take a serious attitude toward your life and when you want to make a change, but a thought strikes that wants you to go back to comfort, you have to exert will power. The deciding factor in your life is the moment inbetween stimulus and response. Be the captain of your own ship and steer your life with self discipline and consistency every day. I hope you can see what I mean on an emotional level here -- this issue is centralized around your emotions so pay close attention to them. Good luck

First off dude, stop overthinking this scenario. You are thinking way too much and I believe it is your thoughts that are really fucking you up here. You say you have issues with socializing, you feel like you are not ready for a job, you feel like a failure, etc. That is normal - I feel that way too sometimes, but you gotta realize that these thoughts are not helping you. They are just slowing you down and getting you stuck even more because from that place, it is hard to take action. You need to stop thinking so much and take small steps to gain mindfulness over the situation. Certainly, you will benefit from starting beginning to meditate. Get at least 20 minutes daily without exception. Meditation builds awareness within you and it gets you in touch with your emotions and you need that to make high quality decisions in your life. You need to understand what these feelings/thoughts are existentially and you have to deal with them in a constructive manner. Stop building up this story of you being this weak, lazy, unmotivated slob and construct a positive outlook on the future. I myself have autism which is basically a diagnosis that makes it hard for me to socialize and meet new people. I have encountered a lot of hardship in my life like: My parents got a divorce, my brother is a narcissist, I have low self esteem, I feel inadequate, I feel like I am obligated to certain things like getting straight A's, I worry about now finding a girlfriend, I feel like an outsider, I feel invisible. So you are not alone. We all have it hard in our own way. But there are two ways you can really think about it; one way is: Because of x,y,z I am a failure, bla, bla, bla and I wont change. It is their fault (basically being the victim). Or you could say: Wouldn't it be pretty cool to prove all those fucking people wrong. Those people that hated me and treated me like shit? Wouldn't it be cool to be confident, to have a life purpose, to be ripped, to have awareness, to read books, to have a healthy and energetic body. Focus on that vision of the future. What has happened has happened. You cannot change the past, BUT you can only change the future. 2016 was a shit year for me, but in 2017, I will crush it. You have to have at least some faith. Hope dies last for me and I hope it does for you too :''

I think motivational videos are counter produktive if you are dependent upon them for your motivation. In my personal life, I have watched a few motivational videos. Some are great, they can really uplift my state, but they are not really sustainable. The state usually fades away within a day or two and I am back to baseline. What I think would be a better approach is to construct a compelling vision for the future and simultaneously embrace the fact that SELF DISCIPLINE is all you really need to stay consistent. There will be times when you won't feel like it and that is when you gotta be mentally strong enough to keep going. Having failed to build habits really helps too because you learn more about your own tendencies and weaknesses. Those failures make you more prepared for the next time you try to make a positive change.